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Today, I scraped the ice off my boss's car windows and thought it'd be funny to scrape a swastika in the ice on his roof. I didn't realize until it thawed off that it scratched it into the paint. He didn't find much humor in it and is making me pay for the damage. FML

#14836415
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6384) - you deserved it (72299)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - work - by Username -

Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML

#14836412
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28650) - you deserved it (5404)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - animals - by unknown -

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

#14830455
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23413) - you deserved it (2708)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:59pm - misc - by theyreallydosmell -

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

#14830027
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38538) - you deserved it (6292)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by Embarrassed -

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

#14821107
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27187) - you deserved it (2752)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:33am - health - by Kay -

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

#14820910
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30034) - you deserved it (5958)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:17am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

#14820384
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38620) - you deserved it (22582)

On 02/02/2011 at 11:46pm - misc - by Username -

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

#14815475
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23198) - you deserved it (5680)

On 02/02/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by hehe -

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

#14808267
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34550) - you deserved it (5513)

On 02/02/2011 at 4:48am - intimacy - by fml -

Today, I was walking home from the gym. I was thinking about how proud of myself I was for losing 34 pounds when someone yelled from a car window, "Look at that fat lump!" FML

#14805618
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35416) - you deserved it (3614)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:07am - health - by notafatlump -

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

#14802825
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18737) - you deserved it (65051)

On 02/01/2011 at 9:32pm - intimacy - by seepeezy32 -

Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML

#14795725
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29654) - you deserved it (5471)

On 02/01/2011 at 10:40am - work - by Username -

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

#14793203
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28817) - you deserved it (3685)

On 02/01/2011 at 1:37am - misc - by Stormbringer -



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