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Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML

#14872504
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25508) - you deserved it (3317)

On 02/06/2011 at 9:05pm - misc - by bymyself -

Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long distance relationship and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML

#14871372
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33386) - you deserved it (3280)

On 02/06/2011 at 7:58pm - love - by dumbass -

Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML

#14838014
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68270) - you deserved it (6277)

On 02/04/2011 at 9:08am - intimacy - by theish -

Today, I scraped the ice off my boss's car windows and thought it'd be funny to scrape a swastika in the ice on his roof. I didn't realize until it thawed off that it scratched it into the paint. He didn't find much humor in it and is making me pay for the damage. FML

#14836415
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6364) - you deserved it (72115)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - work - by Username -

Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML

#14836412
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28539) - you deserved it (5393)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - animals - by unknown -

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

#14830455
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23309) - you deserved it (2705)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:59pm - misc - by theyreallydosmell -

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

#14830027
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36716) - you deserved it (6080)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by Embarrassed -

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

#14821107
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27082) - you deserved it (2749)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:33am - health - by Kay -

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

#14820910
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28552) - you deserved it (5787)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:17am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

#14820384
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38333) - you deserved it (22435)

On 02/02/2011 at 11:46pm - misc - by Username -

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

#14815475
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23131) - you deserved it (5663)

On 02/02/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by hehe -

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

#14808267
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34443) - you deserved it (5505)

On 02/02/2011 at 4:48am - intimacy - by fml -

Today, I was walking home from the gym. I was thinking about how proud of myself I was for losing 34 pounds when someone yelled from a car window, "Look at that fat lump!" FML

#14805618
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34062) - you deserved it (3512)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:07am - health - by notafatlump -



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