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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I came home to a lease violation and a $220 fine after a routine pest control visit. The violation: my single beta fish in a small bowl. FML

#15023779
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24173) - you deserved it (4161)

On 02/18/2011 at 12:19am - animals - by Username -

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

#15021227
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27557) - you deserved it (7168)

On 02/17/2011 at 10:02pm - misc - by justmyluck? -

Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML

#15012596
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34684) - you deserved it (3793)

On 02/17/2011 at 3:08am - health - by clashgurl8449 -

Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML

#15011813
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25024) - you deserved it (3807)

On 02/17/2011 at 1:22am - health - by no more tp -

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

#15000870
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26287) - you deserved it (10652)

On 02/16/2011 at 9:26am - health - by mojolady -

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

#15000344
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23703) - you deserved it (36289)

On 02/16/2011 at 7:56am - misc - by rhartnett11 -

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

#14998091
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16139) - you deserved it (38157)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:55am - misc - by Jade -

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

#14998029
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46037) - you deserved it (3681)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

#14989370
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12094) - you deserved it (38642)

On 02/15/2011 at 10:30am - love - by Dj sMoZ! -

Today, I was in my car and stopped at a red light. A homeless woman then started to throw rocks at my car for no apparent reason. I drive a convertible. FML

#14987191
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27574) - you deserved it (4471)

On 02/15/2011 at 5:21am - misc - by nakcba -

Today, whilst nibbling on my husband's ear, I swallowed a lump of his earwax. FML

#14986533
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38801) - you deserved it (22531)

On 02/15/2011 at 3:34am - intimacy - by Emily Salt -

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

#14985221
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9244) - you deserved it (31971)

On 02/15/2011 at 1:25am - misc - by a fatty -

Today, I was posted with a very lonely gate-guard. From the second I arrived, I had to listen to him drone on and on, and now I know his entire life story. I was there for four hours. FML

#14932572
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17454) - you deserved it (3636)

On 02/11/2011 at 4:54am - work - by anonymous -



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