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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML

#14838014
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68064) - you deserved it (6258)

On 02/04/2011 at 9:08am - intimacy - by theish -

Today, I scraped the ice off my boss's car windows and thought it'd be funny to scrape a swastika in the ice on his roof. I didn't realize until it thawed off that it scratched it into the paint. He didn't find much humor in it and is making me pay for the damage. FML

#14836415
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6332) - you deserved it (71890)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - work - by Username -

Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML

#14836412
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28428) - you deserved it (5389)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - animals - by unknown -

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

#14830455
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22522) - you deserved it (2643)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:59pm - misc - by theyreallydosmell -

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

#14830027
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36576) - you deserved it (6068)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by Embarrassed -

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

#14821107
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26283) - you deserved it (2695)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:33am - health - by Kay -

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

#14820910
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28434) - you deserved it (5779)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:17am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

#14820384
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37192) - you deserved it (21883)

On 02/02/2011 at 11:46pm - misc - by Username -

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

#14815475
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22465) - you deserved it (5571)

On 02/02/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by hehe -

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

#14808267
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34299) - you deserved it (5494)

On 02/02/2011 at 4:48am - intimacy - by fml -

Today, I was walking home from the gym. I was thinking about how proud of myself I was for losing 34 pounds when someone yelled from a car window, "Look at that fat lump!" FML

#14805618
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33918) - you deserved it (3506)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:07am - health - by notafatlump -

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

#14802825
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18631) - you deserved it (64746)

On 02/01/2011 at 9:32pm - intimacy - by seepeezy32 -

Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML

#14795725
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27927) - you deserved it (5299)

On 02/01/2011 at 10:40am - work - by Username -



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