Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

#15000344
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23628) - you deserved it (36225)

On 02/16/2011 at 7:56am - misc - by rhartnett11 -

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

#14998091
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15690) - you deserved it (37324)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:55am - misc - by Jade -

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

#14998029
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45953) - you deserved it (3674)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

#14989370
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12068) - you deserved it (38571)

On 02/15/2011 at 10:30am - love - by Dj sMoZ! -

Today, I was in my car and stopped at a red light. A homeless woman then started to throw rocks at my car for no apparent reason. I drive a convertible. FML

#14987191
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27485) - you deserved it (4464)

On 02/15/2011 at 5:21am - misc - by nakcba -

Today, whilst nibbling on my husband's ear, I swallowed a lump of his earwax. FML

#14986533
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37916) - you deserved it (21964)

On 02/15/2011 at 3:34am - intimacy - by Emily Salt -

Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML

#14985221
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9211) - you deserved it (31895)

On 02/15/2011 at 1:25am - misc - by a fatty -

Today, I was posted with a very lonely gate-guard. From the second I arrived, I had to listen to him drone on and on, and now I know his entire life story. I was there for four hours. FML

#14932572
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17379) - you deserved it (3629)

On 02/11/2011 at 4:54am - work - by anonymous -

Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML

#14932385
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34884) - you deserved it (5517)

On 02/11/2011 at 4:02am - animals - by Jen -

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

#14932173
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28524) - you deserved it (3520)

On 02/11/2011 at 3:27am - work - by alliwantisabandaid -

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

#14930837
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8414) - you deserved it (72078)

On 02/11/2011 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Zibby -

Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML

#14920871
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30963) - you deserved it (2209)

On 02/10/2011 at 9:55am - work - by theothercassie -

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

#14919566
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54357) - you deserved it (7758)

On 02/10/2011 at 5:58am - animals - by flattened -



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