FMLs submitted from

Today, my doctor told me I have tennis elbow in both arms. I don't play tennis, I just have way too much free time. FML

by tomuchtime / 06/02/2011 at 4:46am / Intimacy

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2011 at 12:17am / Miscellaneous

Today, the sewers in my town became overloaded. My basement is now filled with other people's poo. FML

by L / 06/01/2011 at 4:40pm / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was driving to work, I glanced in my rear view mirror to see an old man behind me using binoculars to see in front of him since we were stuck in a huge traffic jam. He rear ended me. FML

by trafficfail / 06/01/2011 at 12:43pm / Transportation

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML

by Loveandpoetry / 05/31/2011 at 5:12pm / Love

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded with, "That's nice. You know what I love? Chicken wings. Let's go get some." Apparently, he doesn't remember I'm a vegetarian either. FML

by veggiepower11028 / 05/31/2011 at 8:02am / Love

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2011 at 7:21am / Intimacy

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

by Username / 05/26/2011 at 10:39pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

by oh dang /: / 05/25/2011 at 7:34am / Work

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML

by katie / 05/25/2011 at 4:23am / Intimacy

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

by kylie b / 05/25/2011 at 2:41am / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

by StupidApple / 05/24/2011 at 8:02pm / Kids

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

by BurnedByAWaiter / 05/24/2011 at 9:59am / Miscellaneous