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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

#21402940
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14896) - you deserved it (30166)

On 05/01/2015 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

#21402857
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25423) - you deserved it (2208)

On 05/01/2015 at 11:25am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, at my house party, I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. His excuse? He wanted to be better in bed for me. FML

#21402521
108 comments

Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML

#21401833
101 comments

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

#21388685
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31501) - you deserved it (9777)

On 04/06/2015 at 3:38pm - love - by rhunter17 -

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

#21386446
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24510) - you deserved it (3193)

On 04/02/2015 at 10:19am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, after days of looking for it, I finally found the ring my boyfriend gave to me. It was on my roommate's finger. FML

#21381743
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33210) - you deserved it (2568)

On 03/26/2015 at 6:16am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I heard what sounded like water against my window, and I couldn't believe it was raining in Southern California at this time of the year. I then turned to the window to see a hobo peeing on my window. FML

#21380308
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31150) - you deserved it (2435)

On 03/23/2015 at 7:19pm - misc - by jumanji (man) -

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

#21378507
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28401) - you deserved it (2269)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by ~__~ -

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

#21377531
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31000) - you deserved it (3869)

On 03/19/2015 at 1:35am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

#21376186
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31408) - you deserved it (20941)

On 03/17/2015 at 3:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

#21374140
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30783) - you deserved it (2674)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

#21371903
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37545) - you deserved it (4269)

On 03/10/2015 at 3:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -



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