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Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

#21062405
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38272) - you deserved it (4280)

On 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by shanti (woman) -

Today, I walked into my house with a couple of friends and I saw my girlfriend doing laundry. I jokingly asked her if she had time to do a load of mine as well. She scoffed and said, "Yeah babe, I'll gladly do your laundry... The same day you learn to wipe properly." FML

#21058908
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22973) - you deserved it (49181)

On 02/13/2014 at 7:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

#21051812
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44487) - you deserved it (13297)

On 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm - misc - by tigerisabelle (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally received the last check from my insurance company after my house flooded 10 months ago. Tonight my house flooded again. FML

#21047933
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46663) - you deserved it (3919)

On 02/02/2014 at 6:32am - love - by itwasalongnight -

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

#21018719
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48942) - you deserved it (5846)

On 01/06/2014 at 2:17am - intimacy - by Seriously? -

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

#21011862
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38630) - you deserved it (3915)

On 12/31/2013 at 6:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I pretended to cry in front of my cat because she doesn't cuddle with me anymore. Yeah, I tried to guilt-trip my cat into loving me. FML

#21003528
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40070) - you deserved it (10496)

On 12/24/2013 at 11:53am - animals - by PityKitty (woman) -

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML

#20994372
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54086) - you deserved it (6482)

On 12/16/2013 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49072) - you deserved it (9115)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

#20978799
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49660) - you deserved it (5756)

On 12/02/2013 at 10:42pm - love - by rock'n roller (man) -

Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML

#20971993
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32937) - you deserved it (4863)

On 11/26/2013 at 11:42pm - misc - by squirts -

Today, my boss declared total bankruptcy of the company and I lost my job. The good news is my coworkers and I all received McDonald's 10%-off coupons. They expired in 2003. FML

#20963285
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43795) - you deserved it (2601)

On 11/19/2013 at 11:50am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, while on a family Disney world vacation, I saw a kid shitting on a public bathroom's floor. It was my kid. He's 10. FML

#20960450
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41409) - you deserved it (10584)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:33am - kids - by Anonymous -



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