FMLs submitted from

Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML

by OwMyBalls / 02/12/2012 at 1:17am / Love

Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML

by pauper / 02/08/2012 at 8:20pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got up the courage to tell my boyfriend of a year and a half that I love him. His response was to start to snore, pretending to be asleep. FML

by c / 02/08/2012 at 7:07pm / Love

Today, I was sick, so I emailed my co-workers with a list of my hours, asking if anyone would be willing to cover them for me. I only got one hour covered, and that was during a day I don't even work. FML

by Girl With a Cold / 02/08/2012 at 1:46pm / Work

Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2012 at 1:15pm / Love

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2012 at 12:45pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss's floor, and he got in. FML

by ronz / 02/08/2012 at 8:26am / Work

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2012 at 12:04am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to give my husband a tutorial on how to use jumper cables. Confused and flustered, he requested written instructions. FML

by MM / 02/02/2012 at 9:50am / Miscellaneous

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 2:35pm / Kids

Today, I came home to a furious wife and an answering machine message from a woman neither of us know claiming I got her pregnant. My wife won't believe she got the wrong number. FML

by Innocent / 01/28/2012 at 8:40am / Intimacy

Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the first time in the past four and a half years a woman has touched my package, and I had to get health issues to make it happen. FML

by BigDT / 01/28/2012 at 3:35am / Intimacy

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

by tiptoesjohnson / 01/19/2012 at 6:26pm / Miscellaneous