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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, is my birthday. Everyone forgot except my stalker. He rang the door bell the second it turned 12:00. FML

#15693187
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43207) - you deserved it (3665)

On 04/08/2011 at 11:03am - love - by hopeless -

Today, I stepped outside my office building for a smoke break and I witnessed a mugging so I ran over to stop it. I succeeded in getting mugged instead of the original target. I then couldn't get into my building until a coworker left an hour later. My boss was mad and still doesn't believe me. FML

#15692090
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28025) - you deserved it (5231)

On 04/08/2011 at 7:58am - work - by Fired -

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

#15691583
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36474) - you deserved it (5049)

On 04/08/2011 at 6:35am - health - by ridella -

Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML

#15689695
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14177) - you deserved it (39553)

On 04/08/2011 at 1:31am - love - by Payte -

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

#15689615
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17892) - you deserved it (75211)

On 04/08/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by failure -

Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

#15661071
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9621) - you deserved it (32902)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:19am - misc - by American idol -

Today, I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication due to the high level of stress that I experience at my job. Unfortunately, I cannot afford the medication because I do not make enough money at said job. FML

#15658999
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30446) - you deserved it (3855)

On 04/05/2011 at 11:26pm - money - by Username -

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was "Does she know?" FML

#15655514
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36855) - you deserved it (4818)

On 04/05/2011 at 8:00pm - misc - by notacreeper -

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

#15647820
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10834) - you deserved it (40341)

On 04/05/2011 at 3:47am - misc - by stairmaster -

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

#15647734
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8908) - you deserved it (51991)

On 04/05/2011 at 3:30am - work - by randa -

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to work. I received an abusive phone call from my boss saying he shouldn't have to cover my lazy ass. I was driving to cover his shift because he was too drunk to show up to work. FML

#15642936
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33299) - you deserved it (2778)

On 04/04/2011 at 10:03pm - work - by patch91 -

Today, I was watching Animal Planet while babysitting my 4 year-old niece. A really cute baby bunny came on and I called her into the room, only for her to see it get killed by a Bald Eagle. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#15632766
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32234) - you deserved it (16619)

On 04/04/2011 at 6:13am - kids - by arbiter3 -

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML

#15632605
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37141) - you deserved it (5391)

On 04/04/2011 at 5:29am - love - by terrible person -



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