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Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

#15075987
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43864) - you deserved it (4013)

On 02/22/2011 at 7:25am - misc - by no name -

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

#15075025
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17788) - you deserved it (9803)

On 02/22/2011 at 3:38am - love - by just great... -

Today, I had to fake fall down the stairs so my mom would stop texting and actually pay attention to what I was saying. FML

#15074279
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23305) - you deserved it (12343)

On 02/22/2011 at 2:07am - misc - by anonymous -

Today, a neighbor called the cops on me and my friends because we were "starting a fire" in the backyard. We were using a barbecue. FML

#15070074
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22951) - you deserved it (1923)

On 02/21/2011 at 9:21pm - misc - by EpicFailTime -

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

#15062819
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27161) - you deserved it (5097)

On 02/21/2011 at 6:43am - misc - by Karl -

Today, I had an hour-long massage, meditated for while and was finally feeling good. Then I had to call an ambulance for my idiot father who had managed to get alcohol poisoning. FML

#15062503
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21690) - you deserved it (2544)

On 02/21/2011 at 5:22am - misc - by meme71 -

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

#15059457
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33250) - you deserved it (12119)

On 02/21/2011 at 12:01am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

#15025975
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31848) - you deserved it (3011)

On 02/18/2011 at 8:06am - work - by sickly -

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

#15025129
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8415) - you deserved it (37760)

On 02/18/2011 at 4:33am - work - by Username -

Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML

#15024724
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28332) - you deserved it (4803)

On 02/18/2011 at 2:55am - misc - by Austyn -

Today, I came home to a lease violation and a $220 fine after a routine pest control visit. The violation: my single beta fish in a small bowl. FML

#15023779
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22837) - you deserved it (3975)

On 02/18/2011 at 12:19am - animals - by Username -

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

#15021227
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25265) - you deserved it (6858)

On 02/17/2011 at 10:02pm - misc - by justmyluck? -

Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML

#15012596
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32704) - you deserved it (3642)

On 02/17/2011 at 3:08am - health - by clashgurl8449 -



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