FMLs submitted from

Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2011 at 10:31am / Love

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

by crimsoncon / 11/25/2011 at 5:24am / Animals

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

by chunkymonkey / 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm / Health

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

by anon / 11/23/2011 at 5:53pm / Work

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

by G. Briones / 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm / Kids

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

by thunderthighs644 / 11/22/2011 at 10:21pm / Health

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

by Gabriela / 11/22/2011 at 8:00pm / Intimacy

Today, my mom used "happy Thanksgiving break" and "we sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

by laststand11 / 11/22/2011 at 5:36pm / Transportation

Today, I got hit in the face at a dodge-ball tournament. My entire mouth was bloody. The sad thing is, I wasn't even playing. FML

by haileyjunkin / 11/22/2011 at 12:53pm / Health

Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML

by NoThanksGrandma / 11/20/2011 at 2:37am / Miscellaneous

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

by that guy / 11/17/2011 at 7:19pm / Transportation

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

by spacemanspiff78 / 10/31/2011 at 11:07am / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

by birgz / 10/25/2011 at 8:42am / Love