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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

#18404759
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35466) - you deserved it (2605)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:00pm - misc - by Aaron -

Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML

#18374674
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10466) - you deserved it (35683)

On 11/28/2011 at 10:31am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

#18344763
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34551) - you deserved it (2686)

On 11/25/2011 at 5:24am - animals - by crimsoncon -

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

#18329759
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35014) - you deserved it (6040)

On 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm - health - by chunkymonkey (woman) -

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

#18329214
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30241) - you deserved it (2870)

On 11/23/2011 at 5:53pm - work - by anon -

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

#18327184
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33964) - you deserved it (6765)

On 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm - kids - by G. Briones -

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

#18321705
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31704) - you deserved it (11441)

On 11/22/2011 at 10:21pm - health - by thunderthighs644 (woman) -

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

#18320267
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33948) - you deserved it (5660)

On 11/22/2011 at 8:00pm - intimacy - by Gabriela -

Today, my mom used "happy Thanksgiving break" and "we sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

#18318800
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28525) - you deserved it (2289)

On 11/22/2011 at 5:36pm - misc - by laststand11 -

Today, I got hit in the face at a dodge-ball tournament. My entire mouth was bloody. The sad thing is, I wasn't even playing. FML

#18316587
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28947) - you deserved it (3170)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:53pm - health - by haileyjunkin -

Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML

#18295282
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25648) - you deserved it (3925)

On 11/20/2011 at 2:37am - misc - by NoThanksGrandma (woman) -

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

#18275233
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13784) - you deserved it (29492)

On 11/17/2011 at 7:19pm - misc - by that guy -

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

#18120236
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29207) - you deserved it (3901)

On 10/31/2011 at 11:07am - misc - by spacemanspiff78 (man) -



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