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Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

#16200408
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22021) - you deserved it (63575)

On 05/16/2011 at 1:40am - intimacy - by phoenix101 -

Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML

#16199219
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9719) - you deserved it (27718)

On 05/16/2011 at 12:37am - misc - by Andre -

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

#16197778
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27624) - you deserved it (5796)

On 05/15/2011 at 11:40pm - kids - by blewidstepr (woman) -

Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML

#16155788
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29387) - you deserved it (5381)

On 05/13/2011 at 8:27am - work - by Smile No More -

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

#16154731
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29837) - you deserved it (6117)

On 05/13/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by Username -

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

#16154478
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35037) - you deserved it (15124)

On 05/13/2011 at 3:20am - kids - by eenkoekje -

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

#16150933
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31821) - you deserved it (2681)

On 05/12/2011 at 10:19pm - health - by Eric -

Today, my boyfriend turned down a shower with me because he didn't want to get his hair wet. FML

#16149509
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35650) - you deserved it (5437)

On 05/12/2011 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Georgia -

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

#16141236
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20121) - you deserved it (53753)

On 05/12/2011 at 7:09am - love - by Username -

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

#16140473
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37852) - you deserved it (5338)

On 05/12/2011 at 3:54am - health - by Anonymous -

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

#16139951
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26414) - you deserved it (2732)

On 05/12/2011 at 2:17am - work - by Username -

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

#16138835
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11819) - you deserved it (24641)

On 05/12/2011 at 12:41am - animals - by Anonymous -

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

#16136460
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35813) - you deserved it (12760)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:20pm - health - by anonymous -



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