FMLs submitted from

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

by mommabuser / 07/01/2012 at 11:59am / Animals

Today, my boyfriend decided to start an argument and storm off the train we were on. Two stops later, ticket inspectors hopped on the train. He had our tickets. FML

Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't let him sleep on my pillow, but he snores too. FML

by emi / 07/01/2012 at 12:30am / Animals

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 12:22am / Love

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

by say my name / 06/30/2012 at 9:35pm / Intimacy

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

by pissed off / 06/30/2012 at 9:00pm / Animals

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2012 at 8:31pm / Health

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

by Jobby / 06/30/2012 at 8:48am / Health

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2012 at 5:45am / Intimacy

Today, I was entering a guy's number into my phone, and I couldn't remember his name. Embarrassed, I tried to be sneaky and asked, "Can you spell your name for me, please?" His name is Bob. FML

by Bernadette / 06/28/2012 at 3:58pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML

by MonCoiffeurAdoré / 06/27/2012 at 10:43pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I used a red-eye removal tool on one of my photos. I quickly realised how bad my acne is when the software couldn't distinguish between my eyes and cheeks. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2012 at 4:01pm / Miscellaneous

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML