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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

#20598583
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28913) - you deserved it (35516)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:51am - money - by Anonymous -

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

#20592535
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43981) - you deserved it (5374)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:32am - misc - by do your own ironing (woman) -

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

#20580301
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32709) - you deserved it (5311)

On 04/08/2013 at 4:30am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, my washing machine broke down, within its warranty. I asked my neighbour if she could open the door for the mechanic while I was at work; she agreed. When I came home, I had a bill for 80 bucks for not opening the door. Her reason? She was busy watching her favorite TV show. FML

#20573502
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35745) - you deserved it (4956)

On 04/03/2013 at 5:40pm - money - by Jack -

Today, my sister gave my laptop away and dumped a pile of her hamster's turds on my bed. All of this because I flushed the toilet while she was in the shower last night. FML

#20573279
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43099) - you deserved it (6442)

On 04/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by poop (man) -

Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML

#20565029
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39963) - you deserved it (3459)

On 03/29/2013 at 4:23am - work - by CoolStoryBro -

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

#20563419
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43128) - you deserved it (24176)

On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

#20562925
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10238) - you deserved it (72125)

On 03/27/2013 at 9:02pm - misc - by Hahamaster333 -

Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML

#20548229
168 comments

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

#20547294
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30953) - you deserved it (52760)

On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

#20539190
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9887) - you deserved it (49056)

On 03/11/2013 at 3:43am - misc - by PeeLeg (woman) -

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47723) - you deserved it (4580)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

#20515797
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12294) - you deserved it (40113)

On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -



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