Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, in the middle of my haircut, the hairdresser went into labor. They never finished cutting it. FML

#21347835
75 comments

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

#21346702
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23806) - you deserved it (1899)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

#21343418
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30718) - you deserved it (2134)

On 01/24/2015 at 12:24pm - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

#21341383
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29385) - you deserved it (3669)

On 01/21/2015 at 12:34am - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML

#21340454
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35709) - you deserved it (5022)

On 01/19/2015 at 6:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML

#21339329
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39005) - you deserved it (2660)

On 01/18/2015 at 1:29am - intimacy - by virginwhore (woman) -

Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML

#21337080
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28688) - you deserved it (1783)

On 01/14/2015 at 5:04pm - misc - by Skazzy3 (man) -

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

#21334934
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28770) - you deserved it (2341)

On 01/11/2015 at 3:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I finally noticed after months of having the same cover photo on several websites, that it looks like I have a bushel of armpit hair due to a shadow. FML

#21331000
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25699) - you deserved it (4526)

On 01/04/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by pits (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

#21330063
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26843) - you deserved it (8908)

On 01/03/2015 at 12:53pm - health - by ko (woman) -

Today, I was playing what became an extremely intense game of hide-and-seek with my best friend's sister. I finally found the perfect place, so I slid down into the bath and began to cover myself. She popped up out of nowhere and said, "FOUND YOU!" I got so scared that I punched her in the face. FML

#21325704
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28696) - you deserved it (7176)

On 12/28/2014 at 4:07am - kids - by angryman -

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

#21321099
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32875) - you deserved it (3055)

On 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm - money - by financially_wreckd (man) -



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