FMLs submitted from

Today, my family decided to break tradition and wake up at midnight to open presents. I didn't find out until I went downstairs to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and found wrapping paper and empty boxes everywhere. FML

by imahater07 / 12/25/2015 at 1:28am / Miscellaneous

Today, after 6 years, two raises and a promotion, thanks to student loans I make less disposable income than I did when I first started this job. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2015 at 3:52pm / Money

Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML

by lolmyfduplife / 12/24/2015 at 1:10am / Animals

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2015 at 6:26pm / Love

Today, I went to see Star Wars with my brother. The entire time he talked about how scientifically inaccurate and improbable the entire movie was. FML

by sister of an angry nerd / 12/23/2015 at 1:09am / Geek

Today, my now ex-fiancée confessed that "our" child is most likely actually hers and my father's. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2015 at 3:25am / Kids

Today, a total stranger asked me to marry him while we were waiting for the bus. I turned him down. He then pulled a knife on me, grabbed my purse and ran. FML

by tryingtostealmyheart / 12/19/2015 at 2:12am / Transportation

Today, I was kayaking with my friend. We figured it'd be awesome if I jumped from my kayak straight into his. Sounded good in theory. One flipped kayak, a pair of lost glasses and a humiliating swim back to shore later, I'm starting to think it wasn't the best idea. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2015 at 12:44am / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why my history grade is so low: the kid in front of me takes my homework, writes his name on it, and passes it off as his own. FML

by Tejanoswhy / 12/18/2015 at 1:16pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to someone in my class who Gandhi really was and that he was not a fictional goblin. FML

by anon / 12/17/2015 at 1:45pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister finally came home from the hospital with my new baby nephew. When I got a chance to hold him, my mother mentioned that he looked a lot like me when I was a baby. My sister started crying. FML

Today, I went for a much needed relaxing massage. As I lay down, the renovation works in the next building started up. FML

by BangBangBzzz / 12/15/2015 at 5:01pm / Miscellaneous

Today, while out hiking with my girlfriend, she thought it would be funny to push me down a small hill. It turned out there was a 16 foot drop at the end of it, and now my leg is in a cast. FML

by sparkus / 12/15/2015 at 10:15am / Health