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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a guy attacked me and tried to steal my bag. I tried to defend myself by biting him as hard as I could. I then woke up to my husband screaming in pain. FML

#21360466
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33030) - you deserved it (3906)

On 02/21/2015 at 3:28pm - misc - by poncho55 (woman) -

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

#21360278
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (683) - you deserved it (2735)

On 02/21/2015 at 8:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

#21359096
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28892) - you deserved it (3645)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:34am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I've been freezing in my office for days at work. When I finally complained about it to a coworker, she led me into my office, said, "Let me show you something," then pointed out the thermostat I'd never noticed was even there and turned it up with a pitying look. FML

#21358000
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21) - you deserved it (23419)

On 02/17/2015 at 12:42pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

#21355411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34581) - you deserved it (2006)

On 02/13/2015 at 3:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

#21352870
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23791) - you deserved it (9184)

On 02/09/2015 at 5:58pm - work - by tirf -

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

#21352119
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43573) - you deserved it (2999)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

#21349710
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33729) - you deserved it (2961)

On 02/04/2015 at 2:28pm - work - by fxck (woman) -

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

#21349104
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27754) - you deserved it (1872)

On 02/03/2015 at 3:45pm - kids - by burned -

Today, in the middle of my haircut, the hairdresser went into labor. They never finished cutting it. FML

#21347835
75 comments

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

#21346702
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24581) - you deserved it (2133)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

#21343418
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30740) - you deserved it (2135)

On 01/24/2015 at 12:24pm - work - by Anonymous -



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