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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

#18329214
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27790) - you deserved it (2676)

On 11/23/2011 at 5:53pm - work - by anon -

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

#18327184
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30688) - you deserved it (6401)

On 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm - kids - by G. Briones -

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

#18321705
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28435) - you deserved it (10547)

On 11/22/2011 at 10:21pm - health - by thunderthighs644 (woman) -

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

#18320267
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32059) - you deserved it (5467)

On 11/22/2011 at 8:00pm - intimacy - by Gabriela -

Today, my mom used "happy Thanksgiving break" and "we sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

#18318800
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26902) - you deserved it (2156)

On 11/22/2011 at 5:36pm - misc - by laststand11 -

Today, I got hit in the face at a dodge-ball tournament. My entire mouth was bloody. The sad thing is, I wasn't even playing. FML

#18316587
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26165) - you deserved it (2923)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:53pm - health - by haileyjunkin -

Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML

#18295282
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23154) - you deserved it (3673)

On 11/20/2011 at 2:37am - misc - by NoThanksGrandma (woman) -

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

#18275233
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12102) - you deserved it (26613)

On 11/17/2011 at 7:19pm - misc - by that guy -

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

#18120236
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26217) - you deserved it (3519)

On 10/31/2011 at 11:07am - misc - by spacemanspiff78 (man) -

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

#18070984
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25645) - you deserved it (19806)

On 10/25/2011 at 8:42am - love - by birgz (woman) -

Today, I found out my landlord is too cheap to turn up the hot water tank enough to have a comfortable shower. There's a huge padlock on the door, she won't budge, and I'm signed in until December. FML

#17962852
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21083) - you deserved it (2037)

On 10/11/2011 at 9:05pm - misc - by frigid - (Alberta)

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

#17853519
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36117) - you deserved it (2906)

On 09/28/2011 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Sabraynay -

Today, I was working in costume at a recreation of a Confederation-era town. I had to convince a visitor that it's not, in fact, an Amish village, and we do actually leave after five. FML

#17402357
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20242) - you deserved it (2458)

On 08/08/2011 at 12:07am - work - by a-mishunderstanding -



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