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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, our cable, internet, and home phone got shut off because my mother-in-law decided that since we are moving, it was easier to not pay the bill rather than close the account. We're not moving for another month and the account was under my name. FML

#16204645
116 comments

Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML

#16204397
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18777) - you deserved it (35678)

On 05/16/2011 at 10:28am - health - by foolmetwice (woman) -

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

#16201073
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30675) - you deserved it (8305)

On 05/16/2011 at 2:26am - misc - by bugnose (woman) -

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

#16200408
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20234) - you deserved it (60835)

On 05/16/2011 at 1:40am - intimacy - by phoenix101 -

Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML

#16199219
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9635) - you deserved it (27505)

On 05/16/2011 at 12:37am - misc - by Andre -

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

#16197778
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27348) - you deserved it (5767)

On 05/15/2011 at 11:40pm - kids - by blewidstepr (woman) -

Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML

#16155788
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29130) - you deserved it (5347)

On 05/13/2011 at 8:27am - work - by Smile No More -

Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML

#16154731
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29544) - you deserved it (6096)

On 05/13/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by Username -

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

#16154478
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33141) - you deserved it (14650)

On 05/13/2011 at 3:20am - kids - by eenkoekje -

Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

#16150933
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29119) - you deserved it (2476)

On 05/12/2011 at 10:19pm - health - by Eric -

Today, my boyfriend turned down a shower with me because he didn't want to get his hair wet. FML

#16149509
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35364) - you deserved it (5400)

On 05/12/2011 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Georgia -

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

#16141236
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18653) - you deserved it (50881)

On 05/12/2011 at 7:09am - love - by Username -

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

#16140473
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36108) - you deserved it (5185)

On 05/12/2011 at 3:54am - health - by Anonymous -



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