Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

#19878308
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8864) - you deserved it (24619)

On 07/01/2012 at 10:51pm - misc - by Misky (man) -

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

#19877341
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33395) - you deserved it (4813)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

#19877317
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20062) - you deserved it (2065)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:03pm - misc - by plzdontclapme -

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

#19875787
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26570) - you deserved it (5601)

On 07/01/2012 at 12:00pm - kids - by grrr1234 -

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

#19875784
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8417) - you deserved it (26283)

On 07/01/2012 at 11:59am - animals - by mommabuser -

Today, my boyfriend decided to start an argument and storm off the train we were on. Two stops later, ticket inspectors hopped on the train. He had our tickets. FML

#19874685
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22638) - you deserved it (2923)

On 07/01/2012 at 3:07am - misc - by rinala -

Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't let him sleep on my pillow, but he snores too. FML

#19874038
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17248) - you deserved it (4698)

On 07/01/2012 at 12:30am - animals - by emi -

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

#19873995
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30897) - you deserved it (2150)

On 07/01/2012 at 12:22am - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

#19873262
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33521) - you deserved it (10097)

On 06/30/2012 at 9:35pm - intimacy - by say my name -

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

#19873141
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18535) - you deserved it (2130)

On 06/30/2012 at 9:00pm - misc - by pissed off -

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. In an ambulance. On the way to the hospital after being T-boned at an intersection. FML

#19873048
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37497) - you deserved it (1734)

On 06/30/2012 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

#19870672
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52355) - you deserved it (2432)

On 06/30/2012 at 8:48am - health - by Jobby (woman) -

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

#19870376
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32707) - you deserved it (5301)

On 06/30/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous -



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: