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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I made it my life goal to own a towel heater. FML

#16262012
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8728) - you deserved it (23851)

On 05/20/2011 at 12:43am - misc - by Ahlph -

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

#16256468
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35188) - you deserved it (2976)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:32pm - health - by blue. -

Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML

#16251176
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9769) - you deserved it (72188)

On 05/19/2011 at 11:13am - work - by Username -

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

#16248002
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11141) - you deserved it (62941)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -

Today, I offered to drive my girlfriend's grandpa to the doctor. I thus learned my girlfriend's grandfather has a colostomy bag when it burst all over the inside of my truck. FML

#16247260
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32101) - you deserved it (2845)

On 05/19/2011 at 12:27am - misc - by John -

Today, at work, somebody stole my sunglasses. Fed up with the constant theft in my office, I stormed up to my boss, as he had long ago promised to catch the thief. He listened patiently to my rant before pointing out that my sunglasses were on my head. FML

#16235775
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10188) - you deserved it (41719)

On 05/18/2011 at 9:08am - work - by Red-cheeked -

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

#16232451
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38844) - you deserved it (5609)

On 05/18/2011 at 12:13am - love - by me -

Today, I threw a surprise birthday party for my 3 year old. There was music, snacks and lots of toys. My 3 year old is a cat. FML

#16231154
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13347) - you deserved it (45645)

On 05/17/2011 at 11:04pm - animals - by kaileigh10 -

Today, my friends were making fun of my clumsiness. I replied that I was not clumsy, and to prove it I was going to go the whole day without messing up. As I said this, I tripped over an extension cord and hit my head on a desk. FML

#16219785
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27648) - you deserved it (10455)

On 05/17/2011 at 9:05am - misc - by SexyQueen0905 -

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
441 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37045) - you deserved it (10086)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, I updated my facebook status as "lost all contacts, need numbers". My mom commented saying "her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends". Her comment got 32 likes. FML

#16216405
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44141) - you deserved it (7873)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Username -

Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

#16215643
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26495) - you deserved it (5512)

On 05/16/2011 at 11:26pm - misc - by t -

Today, our cable, internet, and home phone got shut off because my mother-in-law decided that since we are moving, it was easier to not pay the bill rather than close the account. We're not moving for another month and the account was under my name. FML

#16204645
116 comments


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