Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

#18444451
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11419) - you deserved it (43692)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

#18404759
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31476) - you deserved it (2332)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:00pm - misc - by Aaron -

Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML

#18374674
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9112) - you deserved it (32424)

On 11/28/2011 at 10:31am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

#18344763
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30652) - you deserved it (2405)

On 11/25/2011 at 5:24am - animals - by crimsoncon -

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

#18329759
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31202) - you deserved it (5537)

On 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm - health - by chunkymonkey (woman) -

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

#18329214
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26425) - you deserved it (2549)

On 11/23/2011 at 5:53pm - work - by anon -

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

#18327184
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30439) - you deserved it (6376)

On 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm - kids - by G. Briones -

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

#18321705
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28213) - you deserved it (10505)

On 11/22/2011 at 10:21pm - health - by thunderthighs644 (woman) -

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

#18320267
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30130) - you deserved it (5245)

On 11/22/2011 at 8:00pm - intimacy - by Gabriela -

Today, my mom used "happy Thanksgiving break" and "we sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

#18318800
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25072) - you deserved it (2007)

On 11/22/2011 at 5:36pm - misc - by laststand11 -

Today, I got hit in the face at a dodge-ball tournament. My entire mouth was bloody. The sad thing is, I wasn't even playing. FML

#18316587
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25314) - you deserved it (2836)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:53pm - health - by haileyjunkin -

Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML

#18295282
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22476) - you deserved it (3605)

On 11/20/2011 at 2:37am - misc - by NoThanksGrandma (woman) -

Today, I failed my driving test before even leaving the DMV parking lot. FML

#18275233
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12004) - you deserved it (26465)

On 11/17/2011 at 7:19pm - misc - by that guy -



FML's blog

  • Matteor's illustrated FML #2
  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: