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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the first time in the past four and a half years a woman has touched my package, and I had to get health issues to make it happen. FML

#18931517
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23426) - you deserved it (3313)

On 01/28/2012 at 3:35am - intimacy - by BigDT (man) -

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

#18855245
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6277) - you deserved it (70618)

On 01/19/2012 at 6:26pm - misc - by tiptoesjohnson -

Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML

#18854508
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34105) - you deserved it (2945) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/19/2012 at 4:59pm - misc - by elite -

Today, I found a wallet containing an ID card. I managed to track down the owner, who now is threatening to call the police if I don't return the 400 dollars that he insists were also in it. FML

#18577886
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26950) - you deserved it (1795)

On 12/22/2011 at 7:04am - misc - by JackSteely -

Today, I found out the hard way what it sounds like when you take the first letter of my first name, A, and put it with my last name, Hole. FML

#18533442
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20733) - you deserved it (3140)

On 12/17/2011 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

#18444451
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10329) - you deserved it (41025)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

#18404759
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29601) - you deserved it (2194)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:00pm - misc - by Aaron -

Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML

#18374674
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8691) - you deserved it (31355)

On 11/28/2011 at 10:31am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

#18344763
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28255) - you deserved it (2220)

On 11/25/2011 at 5:24am - animals - by crimsoncon -

Today, my boyfriend used a laser pointer to show me where I needed to lose weight. FML

#18329759
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25960) - you deserved it (4170)

On 11/23/2011 at 6:54pm - health - by chunkymonkey (woman) -

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

#18329214
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24855) - you deserved it (2394)

On 11/23/2011 at 5:53pm - work - by anon -

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

#18327184
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27503) - you deserved it (6032)

On 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm - kids - by G. Briones -

Today, while jogging, I heard an odd clapping sound over the sound of my iPod. I stopped running, and the sound stopped. This continued for an hour before I realized the slapping sound was my thighs slapping together violently. FML

#18321705
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23202) - you deserved it (8224)

On 11/22/2011 at 10:21pm - health - by thunderthighs644 (woman) -



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