FMLs submitted from

Today, at my house party, I caught my boyfriend having sex with my best friend. His excuse? He wanted to be better in bed for me. FML

Today, my mom announced my pregnancy to the entire family via Facebook with the post, "Just went from a MILF to a GILF in one moment of unprotected sex." FML

Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

by rhunter17 / 04/06/2015 at 3:38pm / Love

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2015 at 10:19am / Love

Today, after days of looking for it, I finally found the ring my boyfriend gave to me. It was on my roommate's finger. FML

by Anonymous / 03/26/2015 at 6:16am / Love

Today, I heard what sounded like water against my window, and I couldn't believe it was raining in Southern California at this time of the year. I then turned to the window to see a hobo peeing on my window. FML

by jumanji / 03/23/2015 at 7:19pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

by ~__~ / 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm / Miscellaneous

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2015 at 1:35am / Love

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

by Anonymous / 03/17/2015 at 3:46am / Intimacy

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2015 at 11:30pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2015 at 3:11pm / Intimacy

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

by sadex / 03/09/2015 at 3:52am / Love

Today, I didn't get the promotion I interviewed for at work. A guy who's worked here for only two months did. My supervisor's reason: she doesn't think I'm going to amount to anything. I work at Home Depot to pay my way for college. FML