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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

#21371903
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34980) - you deserved it (3911)

On 03/10/2015 at 3:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

#21370976
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95) - you deserved it (3223)

On 03/09/2015 at 3:52am - love - by sadex -

Today, I didn't get the promotion I interviewed for at work. A guy who's worked here for only two months did. My supervisor's reason: she doesn't think I'm going to amount to anything. I work at Home Depot to pay my way for college. FML

#21369624
62 comments

Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

#21368266
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29159) - you deserved it (2677)

On 03/04/2015 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

#21364935
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (2358)

On 02/27/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by bobjope -

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26895) - you deserved it (12542)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML

#21362632
113 comments

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

#21361118
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32081) - you deserved it (3118)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:36pm - work - by vaylosa (woman) -

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

#21361029
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33640) - you deserved it (3853)

On 02/22/2015 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by bugger -

Today, a guy attacked me and tried to steal my bag. I tried to defend myself by biting him as hard as I could. I then woke up to my husband screaming in pain. FML

#21360466
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33016) - you deserved it (3904)

On 02/21/2015 at 3:28pm - misc - by poncho55 (woman) -

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

#21360278
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (511) - you deserved it (2710)

On 02/21/2015 at 8:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

#21359096
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28874) - you deserved it (3643)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:34am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I've been freezing in my office for days at work. When I finally complained about it to a coworker, she led me into my office, said, "Let me show you something," then pointed out the thermostat I'd never noticed was even there and turned it up with a pitying look. FML

#21358000
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14) - you deserved it (23385)

On 02/17/2015 at 12:42pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -



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