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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

#21355411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33772) - you deserved it (1707)

On 02/13/2015 at 3:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

#21352870
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23725) - you deserved it (9174)

On 02/09/2015 at 5:58pm - work - by tirf -

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

#21352119
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43432) - you deserved it (2941)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

#21349710
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33666) - you deserved it (2955)

On 02/04/2015 at 2:28pm - work - by fxck (woman) -

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

#21349104
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27702) - you deserved it (1868)

On 02/03/2015 at 3:45pm - kids - by burned -

Today, in the middle of my haircut, the hairdresser went into labor. They never finished cutting it. FML

#21347835
76 comments

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

#21346702
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23647) - you deserved it (1895)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

#21343418
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29865) - you deserved it (1952)

On 01/24/2015 at 12:24pm - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

#21341383
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29367) - you deserved it (3666)

On 01/21/2015 at 12:34am - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML

#21340454
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35686) - you deserved it (4742)

On 01/19/2015 at 6:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML

#21339329
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38796) - you deserved it (2624)

On 01/18/2015 at 1:29am - intimacy - by virginwhore (woman) -

Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML

#21337080
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28616) - you deserved it (1781)

On 01/14/2015 at 5:04pm - misc - by Skazzy3 (man) -



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