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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML

#21388685
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29834) - you deserved it (8948)

On 04/06/2015 at 3:38pm - love - by rhunter17 -

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

#21386446
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23062) - you deserved it (2856)

On 04/02/2015 at 10:19am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, after days of looking for it, I finally found the ring my boyfriend gave to me. It was on my roommate's finger. FML

#21381743
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32275) - you deserved it (2484)

On 03/26/2015 at 6:16am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I heard what sounded like water against my window, and I couldn't believe it was raining in Southern California at this time of the year. I then turned to the window to see a hobo peeing on my window. FML

#21380308
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30007) - you deserved it (2211)

On 03/23/2015 at 7:19pm - misc - by jumanji (man) -

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

#21378507
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27311) - you deserved it (2065)

On 03/20/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by ~__~ -

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

#21377531
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29507) - you deserved it (3551)

On 03/19/2015 at 1:35am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

#21376186
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28696) - you deserved it (18332)

On 03/17/2015 at 3:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

#21374140
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29669) - you deserved it (2439)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

#21371903
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34895) - you deserved it (3904)

On 03/10/2015 at 3:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

#21370976
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81) - you deserved it (3219)

On 03/09/2015 at 3:52am - love - by sadex -

Today, I didn't get the promotion I interviewed for at work. A guy who's worked here for only two months did. My supervisor's reason: she doesn't think I'm going to amount to anything. I work at Home Depot to pay my way for college. FML

#21369624
62 comments

Today, my neighbor at my apartment building told me water from my sink was leaking into his apartment. He told me to call maintenance to fix it, but they won't help unless he calls. He refuses to, and I can't do my dishes without feeling like an asshole. FML

#21368266
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29156) - you deserved it (2676)

On 03/04/2015 at 9:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

#21364935
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25934) - you deserved it (2358)

On 02/27/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by bobjope -



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