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Illustrated FML (339) - About FMyLife (101) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (18) - Pictures (14) - Books (9) - Special guests (8) - Competitions (6)

FML : with or without filter!

Now we've overhauled FML and introduced new features, we reckoned it was time to make the way the website and our smartphone apps are used. To make sure that everyone can enjoy FML in the best way possible, we've added to the website a filter, which is already present on our apps. To access this filter, you must have an FML account. To create one, it's quick and simple: click on "Login" at the top right-hand corner of the page, then click on "Sign up", and follow the intructions. Once you've done all that, you'll be a proud member of an FML account. Easy peasy.

Each user can now customize their FML page.

This is for all of you who switch between the website and their smartphone app, and also to the FML purists, who are bothered by the appearance of new features. So that everyone can do whatever they like with their FML timeline, the filter can be accessed via their profile settings. Each user, purist or not, has in their settings a panel that looks like this:

It's pretty easy to use : you just have to tick the boxes which correspond to the features you want to appear in your timeline, or untick the stuff you don't want to see. Hey presto, your FML is customized!

We hope that you'll use this filter to check out stuff in an interactive way. It's a useful tool meaning that you can change what you'll see in your timeline, so don't hesitate to change things around now and again. Between regular FMLs, the Historical FMLs, the FML Photos, there's quite the selection, and that's what makes FML so interesting. Now, with or without filter, FML can be enjoyed according to your tastes!

#1589 - Illustrated FML - On 05/06/2016 at 6:07am by Alan - 11 comments

The Best of the Worst #23

It's the end of April, and what a month it's been! As a lot of you have noticed, some major changes have been made to FML. Some of you like it, some of you hate it, and the rest are wondering whether to love or hate it to look trendy. But some things never change: The Best of the Worst is here, containing stuff so odd, it wouldn't even make it to the Nearly FMLs. So, we've trawled through the old submissions, and prepared a nice selection for you.

For the people who have never seen this section of FML before: we get sent lots of FMLs, each day, every day. We only publish a few due to the fact that a lot are awful. Amongst those, we also get sent very odd stories, if you can call them stories. That's what we post in this column. This is a collection of the best of the worst FMLs that people have sent in to us. Check this month's selection!

True love 

Today, a girl took my front row seat in physics class. The bitch isn’t even hot tho, she ugly af. No tits, no ass, no face. Now Im stuck at the back of class and can’t see shit, and it’s all thx to some nose ring, bull looking ass bitch. Of course I can’t complain cuz I’m a guy. FML

Grass roots protester

Today, my wife pee beside the abu neh neh day..the grass died…F the grass L

Jeremy Kyle

so my dad thought my mom was cheating so he cheated on my mom and then my mom found out and she got mad and then threatened to file a case against him and then he left the house then he refused to support his family cuz he tryna fight my mom. the girl my dad cheating with is pregnant, with him. FML

It's Friday

Today, I caught my dad making out with a fish. FML

Mother hen

Since I separated with my baby daddy,he has never contacted me and I am glad but his mother has been on my case to solve things with her son.Dear mother hen by this reason,by reason that it looks like I am married to you..

Wave of mutilation

Nothing’s worse than being the really few people NOT picked to perform in my large bachata dance group full of youngins (decade or even 2 younger than me) who I found out just started dancing a few months ago while I’ve been dancing salsa on/off for so many years & been pretty good at it. Devastated

Dancing Queen

Today, i just watched dancemoms. I wanna cry. Damn Abby for ruining her show by replacing the girls. I miss the real dancemoms and girls.

All grown up

Well, FML I only watch from people behind those who always chicky chicky together… What I have, annoying classmate in the same team. Colleague? Hell no… What did I do wrong? Huh? Why did I deserve this? FML You said, you just haven’t grow up or graduate to real life, social **** life huh? F**yo

Lost property

Today, I was having sex with my wife. I fingered so hard I broke my finger in half. It’s still stuck up there. ????FML

That's it for this month. We'll be back next month for some more weird FMLs, because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird ramblings to try and get them published in here, it won't work. Take care!


Bonus track: Can someone translate this?

I'm so random!

Today, u feasted a dog with Gurley till pick rainbow boobs ! FML

#1586 - About FMyLife - On 04/29/2016 at 10:09am by Alan - 30 comments

Hey FML, what's all this new stuff?


A lot of you wonderful people have made a few remarks about the changes, and FML is as always a work in progress, so we’ve moved things about a bit, as per requested.

- If something isn’t working properly, try emptying your cache. Google is your friend if you don’t know how!

- The “You deserved it” button still exists. It was just absent for a short while, so don’t panic. It’s an integral part of FML, and you all seem to agree with the sentiment. We’ve just added two more choices, because sometimes the authors can’t possibly deserve it.

-We’ve changed the second default vote button. You were right to point out that “Phew, glad it wasn’t me” was too similar to “I agree, your life sucks”, so we’ve changed the default button to, “That could’ve happened to me”. But remember, as it was before, “You deserve it” will be an option on many FMLs!

-The thumbs are back and are fully functional.

-The automatic refresh has been completely deactivated.

We’re currently ironing out various bits and bobs, so if something isn’t currently working, it will be soon. Stay tuned!

Are you feeling a bit lost? Good, you're supposed to, but in a good way of course. We wanted to change things around a bit, which is what you're supposed to do after more than 7 years together. That's how you keep a loving relationship going. Because everything we've done here is our way of showing our love to you. No, really!

So, what's new pussycat? 

You've probably already noticed that we've changed the whole layout, the colors are more intense and there's a lot more going on. Don't be afraid, because it's all great stuff. No, really, it is. Even the grumpiest stick-in-the-mud will admit that there's no point moaning about the website changing, because it's for the best and you're going to love it.

New categories

Along side the ones you're already familiar with, such as Kids, Love and Health, we've added new categories: Transportation, Holidays and Geeks, as well as a spicy meta-category containing the stories that might cause extreme reactions: FML NSFW, meaning anything that's Not Safe For Work! Check these out to get a better understanding of what they're all about. And added to all that, there's some special new stuff as well. 

Special new stuff? Like what?

Nearly FMLs

This section allows you to check out the FMLs that are waiting to be moderated, and see the whole moderation process in real-time. The system is slightly more complicated than that (it's not too bad though, honestly) so we'll just let you go to the Nearly FMLs category to find out more. 

Historical FMLs

In this section, we put the spotlight on history using an FML twist. We imagine FMLs that famous people from the near to distant past could've written, if they'd had access to FML at the time, and put them into the format that you've come to know and love.

FML Photos

We take a photo, any old photo, nothing too fancy, and add a caption in a true FML style. It's fun, funny and makes things colorful. Except if the photo is in black and white.

What now then?

Go have a look at the new sections, the new features, and tell us what you think of them in the comments below. If you see something that seems missing, broken or just plain wrong, tell us. And if you think it's all absolutely fabulous, and that the whole FML team is wonderful, don't hesitate either. Welcome home!

#1584 - About FMyLife - On 04/25/2016 at 8:57am by Alan - 105 comments

S-Kro's Illustrated FML

Hello everyone. OK, it's the end of the week, and the beginning of a few days during which we can chill out for a bit. Unless you're reading this in the middle of the week, and if so, happy Wednesday! As some of you may have noticed, last week's illustration was an April Fool's type thing that I drew myself. Some of you got it, some of you didn't, and some of you were scratching your heads while looking out the window because you were confused by the funny shapes and sounds. This week, we're back to normal with a clever illustration about spiders, and with a bit of luck, we'll learn never to fear them again. Except if you live in Australia or places where spiders are Nazi tanks and can kill you just by looking at you. Check it out. 


"I was going to say something vulgar…"

Self-portrait S-Kro by S-Kro

This week, S-Kro is back amongst us for the second instalment in a series of three. He has already been on here many, many times, so you could say he's part of the family. 

His infos:

Location: The Internet
WebsiteHis blog and his Facebook page
His illustrated FML: The one with the spider


Who are you?
If anyone asks, just tell them that you don't know.

What do you do?
Well, I'm answering your questions.

Where do you come from?
The south of France.

How old are you?
36! (Yes, I've grown a year older since my last illustration for FML)

What's your favourite self-penned illustration? 
I'd have to the one explaining Star Wars scientifically, just because it's the last one I posted. Speaking of which, if anyone knows Roland Lehoucq (the astrophysicist that I quote in the comic), I'd be glad if they'd show it to him. 

Who is your favourite illustrator?
Hmmmm, there's quite few, so it's going to be tough to mention everybody. I'd say that the first that come to mind are Maëster, Coyote, Gotlib, Eric Powell, Toriyama, Todd MacFarlane, Greg Capullo, Eric Herenguel, Fabcaro, Julien Solé, Mo CDM, Monsieur le Chien…
Your passion, besides illustrating?
I discovered that science could be exciting and fun thanks to Bill Bryson's books in 2014, and I decided, at my very humble level, to launch myself into popularizing things that I understood (meaning not a lot, actually). I also read a lot of books and scientific articles during my spare time. And comic books too, obviously. 

Your favourite place in the world?
I was going to say something vulgar…

What gets on your nerves?
Loads of things. The list would be too long.

What makes you happy?
Simple things: a child's smile, my friends' laughter, the smell of a forest, the roundness of a pair of breasts… 

Who is your hero?
In the extraordinairy people sense, I'd say Nikola Tesla, Richard Feynman or Stephen Hawking, but he's crap at basketball. And to avoid being a misogynist, I'd add Marie Curie, due to two Nobel prizes and lives saved on the battlefields!

Your favourite word?
"Ornithorynque" (French for Platypus), because I know how to spell it, and because it's worth loads of points at Scrabble.

What's your favourite smell?
Freshly cut grass.

The job you wouldnt've liked to have done?
The person who has to eviscerate trouts or a worker in a factory line, because I hate repetitive tasks. 

If you had to take a book, a record, a comic book or movie on a desert island, which one would it be?
For the recoard, it would be a compilation with bands like Motörhead, Slayer, Nirvana, Bowie (yes, that's not a band, I know), Queen, Metallica, classical music (I strongly recommend the 3rd movement of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, I'm not kidding, it's really good). For the book, "A short history of nearly everything" by Bill Bryson, don't miss it. 

What would you like to sell to us this week?
I don't have anything to sell, not this week anyway…

If God exists, what would you like him to ask you after you die? 
"Hey, so is this how I created the Universe... Oh shit, I just deleted my back-up!" 

That's it for this week my friends. To the bar! To ice cubes and loose corkscrews! Until next time, feel free to write in the comments what you have planned for the weekend, what you like about life, what you like about things, who you are, anything really. I'm interested in whoever reads this column. Until the next illustration, here's a wolf cleaning its next victim, and finally some massive, friendly cats. Take care and be excellent to each other. 

What about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email to [email protected] not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your works.

#1583 - Illustrated FML - On 04/08/2016 at 9:19am by - 5 comments

Jérôme Martini's illustrated FML

Hello everyone! Here we go away for another trip through the weird world of illustrations, its highs, its lows, and strange inhabitants. Creativity is something that doesn't really know any boundaries, and this week we're welcoming someone who doesn't really know when to stop. He makes illustrations, but also writes books, creates sculptures and also makes a bit of music. We really recommend that you check out his diverse body of work. Let's check out what we've got for today!


"Can you hand me that hammer and that screwdriver? I'm sure I can get that cork out."

Self-portrait Jérôme by Martini

This week, it's Jérôme's turn to be with us for the journey. He's never been on FML before, despite my best efforts to get him on here. Too busy, it seems. 

His info:

Location: Frouzins, near Toulouse in France
Site : his Facebook page
His illustrated FML: The one with all the hair


Who are you?
A young man who lives with his wife and two small children, amongst our collection of cars and jerrycans.

What do you do?
I work for the petrochemical industry as a mercenary. But I read "What Car?" a lot.

Where do you come from?
I come from the south of France. If you've never been there, you should.

How old are you?
44, but I'm a repressed teenager.

What's your favourite self-penned illustration? 
My portrait of John Lennon:

Who is your favourite illustrator?
The guy who does the illustrations for "What Car?"
Your passion, besides illustrating?
"What Car?", my wife and kids. Good cheap wine, the one they sell in plastic bottles. 

Your favourite place in the world?
Autozone, especially the tire section. I love the smell.

What gets on your nerves?
Traffic jams. Sundays, because in my area, the car shops are closed.

What makes you happy?
A good tyre pressure. And a good hose pressure. And a good tap pressure, especially if beer is coming out of it.

Who is your hero?
Obama. Or those Top Gear guys. 

Your favourite word?
Tire. Or Tyre, depends on where you're spelling it.

What's your favourite smell?
Brand-new tyres..

The job you wouldnt've liked to have done?

If you had to take a book, a record, a comic book or movie on a desert island, which one would it be?
"What Car?"

What would you like to sell to us this week?
At the moment, I'm selling nothing because I'm a misunderstood artist.

If God exists, what would you like him to ask you after you die? 
"Hurry, we've just received a batch of new Michelin 165R15s! Wanna try them out?"

That's it for this week. Thanks Jérôme for dropping by at last, and thanks for your wonderful illustration! Some might say we went too far with regards to experimentalisation this week, but sometimes we have to try to attract new markets, new audiences. If you enjoyed the illustrations, leave us a nice comment below, especially if you want to see more illustrations like it. Or even if you didn't like it. In any case, until next time, here's the FML team when it's time to clock off, and here's a bit of magic before the weekend. Be excellent to each other, and take care! 

What about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email to [email protected] not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your works.

#1582 - Illustrated FML - On 04/01/2016 at 5:37am by Alan - 5 comments