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FML's Question Time #3 : Sports scandals and FIFAllibality

Let's do this again, it was fun last time. Here's another attempt at giving everyone a chance to give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. It's not a really controversial subject like post-natal abortions or why there are still TV shows with laughter tracks on them, but still, we want to hear what you have to say about this month's topic, since it's something that a lot of us have an opinion about.

To sum up the idea behind this column:  we'll be asking you a question every month or so, and all you'll have to do is give your opinion, back it up with facts, stories or something you overheard while shopping in a mini mall. What we are looking for are debates, exchanges and comments. There are no limits, feel free to express yourselves. 

This month's QOTM: 

Is the recent FIFA money scandal a shock? 
What's your relationship with sports in general?

To get the ball rolling, we've asked a few people to speak their brains.

"I was shit at football at school, I hated it. I always got put in goal and I got scared every time the ball came near. HATED IT." - Darth Vador

"Sports on TV and most professional sports are just mind-numbing the bleating masses so that they have something to talk and think about other than the bleakness of their lives, and to avoid realising how the government is fucking them over. This is why there's so much money involved, to keep the people asleep. Have you got any hummus?" - my neighbour, the sociology student 

"Soccer is a British word. Stop calling football 'hand egg'. Rugby is a town, and I am Kanye." - Kanye West

You get the general idea. Tell us your worst sports-related stories. What's it like being a fan or a practitioner of your favourite sport/team. You've been to school, maybe you were shit at sports there and grew up to hate it. Or, conversely, you were a jock and were very popular thanks to sports. Give us your views, your stories, get a debate going. There's no limits on comments, so let loose. The best story will be voted by the amount of thumbs up it gets. It won't win anything. Or will it? Anyway, tell us everything, we want to hear about your life. This is FML after all.

Come on, procrastinate. It's Friday, work can wait.

#1522 - Ramblings - On 06/05/2015 at 8:33am by Alan - 74 comments

Juliette's illustrated FML

It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week it was the Cannes Film Festival, and we weren't invited so they can knob off with their movies about things. Some high ranking members of FIFA were found to be corrupt, which seemed to surprise some people. Weird. I would trust these people to look after a potted plant, let alone run a multi-million squid enterprise involving balls. They all probably couldn't pick out a soccer ball from a line up which also included a volley ball, a rugby ball, an orange, and the metaphysical concept of impregnable circularity. Anyway, this week we're looking into kids and their relationship with overdoing things a tad when asked to adhere to simple guidelines. Here we go.


"I feel a certain frustration when someone starts to produce sounds while eating, like disgusting mastication noises, eww."

Self-portrait Juliette by Bubulle


Juliette is also known as Bubulle, which means Bubbles in French. I'm not really sure why she's called that, maybe it's got something to do with a goldfish. Or Michael Jackson's chimpanzee. Anywaaaaaay.

Her info:
Age: 15
Location: Quimper, France
Website: Her Facebook page
Her illustrated FML: The one with in the changing room

Juliette had contacted us via a nice e-mail. Once we'd checked out her work, some of which is displayed on this blog post, we reckoned she had the talent to do an illustrated FML. Then, when I received her responses to the usual questionnaire, I was amazed to find out that she's only 15 years old. It's not very often that we get to welcome someone so precocious on this part of FML, especially someone so talented. In any case, check out her Facebook page, as well as her DeviantArt account, which are both very good.

So Juliette, besides being young and talented, what else do you do? "I'm in high school, and I draw too." Ah yes, if she'd answered, "I've been a truck driver for the past 10 years", Id've been a bit suspicious.

And what do you like about what you do? "I like observing my surroundings and making something original out of it. I prefer making sketches of people passing by, and having a bit of fun with paints in Photoshop, even though I'm a bit terrible with the colours." You know what they say, pratice makes projects.

What's missing from your life? "More time to draw, definitely. And also some motivation to create prettier backgrounds." Time, time, time. Everyone seems to need more time to do things. Even me. I wouldn't mind an interne to do all my trivial stuff, like the washing up, sorting my cats in alphabetical order and giving out rage-bans to people who leave shitty comments on the illustrated FMLs. 

What's your story up until now? "For the moment I'm in high school, and then I'll be doing a scientific diploma, just to have something to fall back onto. But I have the firm intention to study movie animation afterwards!" It's nice to see someone so motivated. When I was 15, all I was interested in was video games and sniffing model airplane glue.

Do you have any other projects? "I would really like to start making a little animation, which may seem a bit silly, but for me it's a real project, seeing as takes at least a week to make a 5-second video." That's hard work. You need a lot of patience, something that I don't have. Even microwave meals tend to get me agitated if they require more than 3 minutes in the oven. 

What made you want to draw? "I've always drawn. It seems that when I was really little, I just wanted to do things better than everyone else (because of my overblown ego). And as drawing is one of the main activities of 3 to 4 year olds, I wanted to be the best at drawing. Then I carried on, influenced by my many readings of the Dragon Ball mangas. Then one day, on a drawing forum, a member posted a sort of making of Princess Mononoké. It was quite the revelation. I think it's what made me decide to make a career out of animation." 

What do you enjoy in life? "Besides drawing, I go running and I play tennis. You have to keep fit. I read a lot as well, old tales, fantasy novels, crime novels. I'm a big Sherlock Holmes fan as well. From time to time I play video games, exclusively Skyrim.I'm also trying to learn how to use Blender, a 3D modelisation program, but it's really difficult. As for music, I recently discovered Judith On Fire. It's "absurd dubstep" for those of you who enjoy weird electro music, it's very good." 

Are there blogs by other artists that you regularly check out? "There are a lot. I follow the Boucher Rouge, who is very talented and has great atmospherics (with loads of monsters and Pokémon), Dzaka, whose illustrations and comics are magnificent, Zlgm, Tom Bancroft, Will Terell, Loish, Cyril Rolando... Too many for me to mention them all." We've taken notes, that's OK. If any of those guys are reading this and want to do an illustrated FML, get in touch! 

How about a personal FML? "One day, I accidentally gave a friend a nose bleed, by giving her a hug. I'd forgotten that I had my toothbrush in my mouth, and it went straight up her nose. FML." That sounds awful, and painful. And icky. 

Do you have any final advice for people just starting out in illustrating? "Drawing naked people. To learn anatomy, there's nothing better! It's not a bad idea to read a few books about drawing as well, I think it can help a lot. And practise as much as possible!" It seems so logical, but maybe not everyone thinks to do it. As I was saying earlier, practise makes perfect sense. Or something.

Right, that's it for this week. I'm on holiday for a week, so let's celebrate by listening to some Ride albums, because they're currently on tour and their gig in Paris this week was fabulous. When they started playing this song, a little bit of wee came out of my body. Yes, music creates an emotional response in me that I can't suppress. Anyway, take care you lot, have fun and be excellent to each other.

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away


#1521 - Illustrated FML - On 05/29/2015 at 6:03am by Alan - 8 comments

JT's illustrated FML

Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live on the other side of your walls can be a total nightmare. Especially if your walls are paper-thin. Everyone can hear everyone's business, every kind of business. If one neighbour complains about another, it can quickly escalate into all-out war, with graffiti, dog turds through letter boxes and cars being set on fire. Or was that just me in my last building? Anyway, let's check out this week's artist. 


"My biggest phobia, the one that keeps me up at night in a cold sweat is one where I turn in a comic strip on time and the client likes it!"

Selfportrait JT by JT


JT is his nickname, and that's all we'll know for now. We should be able to find out what it means by poking around on his website, but let's just pretend it means Justin Timberlake.

His info:
Age: "On Jupiter, I would be 3 and a half."
Ville: "Brittany, France (but I'm Belgian)"
BlogLes planches à JT
His illustrated FML: The one with the noise

I'd contacted JT a while back. We wanted to publish some of his artwork on FML in 1978, but the internet didn't exist back then, so it was impossible. Goddamn time machines, so unreliable.

Who is JT and what does he do? "I take care of the "Fabulous and Marvellous submarine world" in Brittany and Loire county with the submarine sport federation, as well as "I dive to the west!". Even if it's not my primary function, I sometimes have to create some illustrations for our communication campaigns."

OK, but that's not all you do, is it though? "I create the comic book series called McConaughan and 2ème à gauche après Jupiter (Second to the right after Jupiter) as an amateur. I also have a book which was published by GAP."

What sort of projects have you got going? "If I do have comic book projects that I'd like to take to a publisher, I don't yet have the graphics and narrative qualities to actually pull them off yet. That's why any comments on my work are welcome!" Here on FML, the comments will fly thick and fast, and probably will be complimentary, but sometimes they can be harsh. You have been warned.

How did you get to where you are today? "I'm a diving instructor who set up his home in Brittany. My education was quite odd because to become a comics illustrator, I took lessons in… Latin and Greek! It's while reading biographies about my favourites authors that I realised that they'd all gone to the same sorts of lessons. I thing that's where I got the taste for constructing my own stories (I've got about a dozen on the go!)". We'd love to hear more about these stories, but I'm guessing they're all top secret for now.

Where did this love for drawing and illustration come from? "I get the impression that I've always wanted to draw and I can't remember a specific event that made me want to start, besides a few positive comments about my drawings at school. What I do remember is staying indoors for a whole summer trying to define my style. After which, I noticed that my primary influence was Dupa (father of Cubitus), an affinity with Greg (father of Achille Talon), Turk & DeGroot and of course Tome and Janry (for me, the king of inkers), without forgetting Darasse. In other words, the good (old)franco-belgian school. These days I'm more influenced by publishers like Makaka or Dupuis."

What's sort of biscuit would you recommend?
"I'm going to give you a recipe that's pretty nice to do: take a yoghurt (vanilla is best) and keep the empty pot. Mix a pot-full of flour, a half pot of milk, an egg, and a half-pot of sugar. Cook it all in pan. Girls go nuts for it and you can score like crazy!" Yep, definitely writing that one down somewhere.

Speaking of which, what are your everyday pleasures? "My passion is putting loads of secondary gags into a comic strop. Often, you have to zoom into it to see all the details. I suggest that you go to my blog to see the comic I did in fuller size." 

Can you tell us a personal FML? "Today, my daughter is being born. The nurses are letting me get ready in the changing room. I arrived into the birthing room, a little proud of my surgeon's outfit. My daughter was born into a burst of laughter from everyone, because I'd put a shoe cover on my head, and two bonnets on my feet. FML." I'm guessing a lot of people have made that mistake, and it's always nicer to be born into a world where people are laughing. And congratulations by the way!

That's it for this week. It's the weekend at last, so don't forget that you shouldn't drink too much, don't get into flame wars on the internet with total strangers, it doesn't mean anything, nothing means anything anymore. Stop taking life so seriously, it's just a ride, it goes up, it goes down. Enjoy the ride. Be excellent to each other and see you next week. 

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away!

#1520 - Illustrated FML - On 05/22/2015 at 8:19am by Alan - 2 comments

The Best of the Worst #14

We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble, we're moulding insanity into something pure and beautiful. Something like that. We have to justify taking the piss out of these submissions, one way or another, so art for art's sake it'll be. Anyway, let's get on with it. 

For those of you who have no idea what this is all about: we get sent thousands of FMLs per day. We only publish a few, because most are rejected for being rubbish. And that's putting it mildly. But then there's those which are… let's say, a bit odd. This compendium is our way of thanking those brave souls who have put finger to keyboard to send us in their thoughts, aspirations and insanity. If you can work out what all of these submissions mean, well, that's amazing. Check out this month's selection. 


The sweet smell of success

Today, I realized that I haven’t left the house for a week because I can’t stop farting for more than five minutes. FML

Big bird

I was walking down the stairs and a big juicy person squelched my body so good it is juice all over and it was making me so juicy had to extract the juice with a turkey baster soon after they took out turkey baster and they basted my turkey with itnot to sound so incredibly juicing in good

Make it sew

Today,My mom told me I had syphilis so she sewed my vaginas together! FmL

No logo

Today, my dad who hates commercials sang the logo of one of them. He said “Ace is the place where the helpful hardware home.” he said “home” at the last second, BUT THATS NOTTTT THE RIGHT LOGO. FHL and FML P.S FHL is fuck his life

Balls to Picasso

Today, today some grabbed my balls and ran I said I paid 2.00 for those I bet u were thinking that it was my real balls


Today, my cousin asked where babies come from. I said they were from oobies. She asked what “oobies” were. I said it was a pink pumpkin. She missed heard me and started screaming out, babies are from BOOBIES! My Aunty looked horrified

No, we didn't

?????????????????????????bet you didn’t know about emoticons


everyone thinks I’m a women, But really, I’m a man and my real name is Herbert.


Today, fml since yours is sooo fucked up drink a beer and get the fucked over it

Solo career

Today,it’s so hard to go to sleep for me but I want to solo! Bad but I can’t??

That's it for this month. We'll be back in June with a some more of the same, because there's a whole bunch of them in stock. If you enjoyed reading these, you can try and spot some more by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. Oh, and as usual, these are all compiled from the website/app since the start, so don't bother trying to send in "weird" FMLs to try and get published here: we can tell. See you next month!


Bonus track: Sometimes, an FML can also tell a story of a man's triumph over the elements, over nature. Silver linings, and all that.

So do we sometimes

Today, i got hard from reading these….FML

#1519 - About FMyLife - On 05/20/2015 at 10:47am by Alan - 82 comments

Caleb's illustrated FML

It's seems that it's a bad time to be a King. First Ben E., now B.B. We're guessing that Larry, Carole and Burger are probably a bit nervous right now. But let's not dwell on the sad events of the week, let's turn our faces to the light and the love. This week we're all about the love. Well, if you can find it out there. It's getting tough on romantics, what with everyone becoming so cynical and hardened by irony. People used to wonder, "Does he/she like me?". Now it's more a case of, "Does he/she like me or is that some sort of post-modern ironic take on liking me to satirise liking someone, I'm confused and hungry and alone and I'm not even sure who this person is anymore." This week's illustration leaves no doubt about it. We wouldn't recommend trying the technique involved, though.


"And if all else fails, I got to draw silly animals and I really can’t ask for much more than that."

Self portrait Caleb and friend by Caleb


Caleb is an actual guy from the USA. This is quite unusual because we usually get people from Europe, so we're quite pleased about having him on this week!

His info:
Age: 24
Location: California, USA
Website: Caleb's Facebook page
His illustrated FML: The one with the kiss

Caleb contacted us, which is always a good idea. We recommend that you do the same if you are as good an artist as he is. You just have to check out the artwork featured on this page to see that he's got quite the talent, so when he wrote to us, we said a massive yes after checking out his links.  

So, what does Caleb get up to besides drawing cool animals? "I just started working at my church as maintenance/cleaning this year, and everyone there has been incredibly patient and understanding as I pretend to know how to fix doors and order toilet paper. I’m very grateful!" I think that's a first, someone who works in a church on FML. I don't think they'd let us into a church, what with our blasphemous website-slash-app. What else does he do? "I’m so close to graduating from community college that I can taste it. My college has a great art and graphic design program so that’s been really helpful for the past couple of years." I'm guessing that he's always had the talent, the college just helped channel or develop it, or make it official, with a title. A talent like his will open a lot of doors, so if people out there are reading this and want to hire him, contact him via his Facebook page! Do it now! 

Where are you headed? What's your ambition in life with regards to projects and stuff? "Too many projects. I have several ideas for different comic series, some of which I’ve been working on for quite a few years now. With any luck, after I’m done with college and a little more free I’ll be able to work towards making some of those a reality. Cross your fingers for me!" Will do, and will cross any body parts we can.

Who or what made you want to start drawing? "II really can’t remember a time where I wasn't drawing! I was always big into cartoons and comics and I have vague memories of drawing things that resembled Donald Duck and Scooby Doo when I was little. I was basically locked into wanting a job in art even before I really knew what that meant. A lot of the things I liked as a kid are still big in my life today, the Disneys, the Digimons and what have you. Those were the things that got me fired up to draw and create my own characters and stories in the first place and they are the same things that inspire me to push myself today. How cool would it be to do the same thing, to inspire some kid to want to draw and make their own stories? Or what if one of my dumb comics helped someone through a rough time, taught them something or just gave them a bit of a chuckle? I think as an artist you have the potential to influence a lot of people, so even if I could just do that for a handful of people I think that would be pretty freaking cool. And if all else fails, I got to draw silly animals and I really can’t ask for much more than that." And pretty damn good ones, too. 

What are your day-to-day pleasures in life? What sort of stuff are you into? "If it wasn't clear already, I love kids’ cartoons. Those anime where the kids battle with pet monsters? I like at least half of them. The comics with the hotheaded kid that wants to become the greatest [noun] ever? Read a lot of those too. The game where you run around in clown shoes and hit things with a key? Be still, my heart. Outside of nerd stuff, I like staying up late and taking year long naps the next day, going to the beach but not actually getting into the water, and Taco Bell. I've been going through a phase of rediscovering bands that I already knew about, so I've been looping a lot of Florence + Machine, One Ok Rock and Fall Out Boy lately. Favorite movies include Guardians of the Galaxy and Wreck-It Ralph, but special shout-out to Monsters University for being a huge hit of motivation; It’s message of being happy even if life doesn't go the way you plan is one I come back to a lot. Even if I don’t hit it big with my art, if I keep working at it I can get somewhere I’ll be proud of." Hey, you're on FML, you can be proud of that. Or something. Maybe not.

Speaking of FML, do you have one of your own? "I had to open a gate for someone at work, but it had a lock on it and I had no idea what the combination was. When I told the guy I couldn't let him in, he looked at me and then calmly took the already opened lock off the gate. I basically get paid to not know how to open gates."

A final piece of advice for budding artists? "If I ever feel unsatisfied with my art or feel like I haven’t improved as much as I want to, I find it helpful to pick out an old drawing and do a quick redraw it! You’ll probably find that you've improved in some way since you drew the original, even if it’s something small." Notebooks out, everyone.

That's it for this week. Time to wind down, take a breather, go off and do something less boring than school or work instead. Kick a ferret around a field. Take a dump in the middle of a restaurant. Push a whining kid into some frozen peas in a supermarket. Life's what you make it as the excellent song by Talk Talk goes. I'll be up a tree, probably. See you next week.

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away!

#1518 - Illustrated FML - On 05/13/2015 at 5:59am by Alan - 8 comments

Mselle Risa's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

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Tuesday 24 November 2015

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