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The FML break-up

"I don't love you anymore, but I can give you hate instead if you like" this, is a situation that can go both ways. First, your most beloved one has just miserably dumped you via text message on your birthday, love becomes sadness, then inevitably hate, even if it takes one little minute or one big decade, hate goes with your break-up. Secondly, your partner is nothing but a drag, and even if it's only been two days that you've been trying to contact him or her, you keep getting the answering machine, so a text is the obvious solution. And then, even if it only takes a minute, or a decade, your ex starts to hate you, and congratulations, you're now the bad guy. Yes, break-up are way to rough to handle, who could possibly have invented something like that? We personally think it's the Pussycat Dolls, so they can sing sad sad stories about break-ups, and while they “hate this part right here”, we hate this song right here. GG. Let's go back to break-ups and what they make us do, and to talk, and laugh, about it, Tystarr, our artist for the day honors us all by his presence!

 

Tystarr
is 20; he lives in Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York. He is an independent graphic designer, meaning that he lives in front, with and for a computer. We love Tystarr’s way of thinking, when we ask him why he's working as a graphic designer, his response his simple: he loves crafting imagery that you don't see everyday. “It's a cool thing when you can have other people see what originally existed only in your mind. I have some big plans for the future. There is this vault of characters I can't wait to release and my hope for them is to be as popular and mainstream as Superman, Mickey Mouse and The Simpsons. They're not just household names, but pop icons that are a part of our culture. My life goal is to go down in history as someone who not only contributed yet helped shaped this rich culture of colorful characters.



Today's artist’s story is not a common one, as living in the gritty ghetto projects of Brooklyn is kind of rough. His mom passed when he was young, his father skipped town and started a new family when he was just a kid, his grandfather passed away a couple of years ago because due to cancer and his uncle, who took care of him after his grandfather, passed away soon after. He even grew up without knowing he had an older brother until he was 13. With this kind of environment, his escape has always been cartoons and comics. Ever since he was little, watching Looney Tunes with his grandfather, he wanted to recreate the magic he saw on screen and in the "Sunday funnies" in his local newspapers.  That interest sparked a flame that engulfed him into the comic book world and look at him now, being featured on Fmylife… Oh, and did we mention he also got shot on his own block?



His website was created in 2004, as an excuse to draw and vent out some of his frustrations at the world through art (plus he could practice his art and if it came out not-so-good, his excuse would be, "it's just a little comic, nothing serious"). Another reason is that Tystarr wanted to entertain the world through doing illustrations. Reading is cool but everyone gravitates to pictures a lot more nowadays. Besides his web comic, 'Twisted Comix' he owns a graphic design business called 'Tystarr Productions'. It’s a one-man show featuring Tystarr handling web designs, logo designs and album covers for underground music artists. He also works on a teen magazine, as a designer, for ‘Lipglossmagazine’, which is going into print next year, so girls keep an eye out for it!

 

Now here are the last questions: why did our host choose this FML and why did he decide to send an illustration?
“I asked to do an illustrated Fmylife months ago and never chose one. I asked again and surprisingly they still wanted me to draw one out so I took a peek at the homepage and saw this sad story about a girl throwing her boyfriend's necklace out the window but the twist was that the necklace belonged to his deceased grandmother. That was so wrong and funny to me that I just had to do it and because I had to pick one...quick! And why wouldn't I? This site is genius and original I'm totally excited to even be a part of this!  Hope you liked it because a lot of blood, sweat and tears were put into this, not to mention time!"

 

 

We do like it Ty' ! Great job!

Twisted Comix is this way: http://www.twistedcomix.com/
While Lipgloss Magazine is here: http://www.lipglossmagazine.com/

 

Far away from bad Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn bad movie, have you heard Adam Lambert’s miracle song? Yes/No? In any case, if you want to be next published artist send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with Alice, our cute resident witch, who will tell you what you have to do!

#234 - Illustrated FML - On 10/23/2009 at 1:41pm by FML Team - 20 comments

Original Posters adding more to their stories!

Today, I was out for a nice walk and saw a man being attacked by a large crowd. Instinctively I ran to help him. I pushed one "thug" off him and that little time allowed him to escape. I later found out the man I saved had just keyed someone's car and they had intervened. Guess whose car. FML
Submitted on 10/18/2009 at 12:35pm by Helpy from Ohio, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"1.My car got keyed. 2. I still have morals and actually help people. I'm not afraid to stand for what I believe in. 3. It was a spur of the moment descion. I thought by the time the police came he could be seriously injured."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

 

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML
Submitted on 10/14/2009 at 4:19pm by LasagnaRawks from Hertford, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"In these situations I freeze and sorta go ooops, and I dont know what to do. I couldn't think of an excuse. He's sorta avoided me since, he doesn't think it's cute :/"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

 

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML
Submitted on 10/13/2009 at 1:28pm by cheeraio92 from Havering, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"In fact i broke the window pane in a door. so i reached in and unlocked the door, letting myslef in."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML
Submitted on 10/02/2009 at 5:31pm by Rae from Texas, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Allow me to clarify; I didn't work in an office. I worked at an therapeutic equestrian center training new horses. There was no IT team."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I walked into my brother's house to see him unshaven and still in pyjamas eating ice-cream straight from the tub. I said jokingly, "You're lucky you have your wife, no one else could love you." His wife had just told him she was leaving him for her orthodontist. FML
Submitted on 10/01/2009 at 9:19am by FootInMouth from Victoria, Australia

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Me and my brothers joke around like that all the time, we're close enough to mess with each other and not let it bother us. And his wife (uhm, soon to be ex), I always thought, was one of the sweetest people in the world, so I never expected this. Yus, my foot is firmly in my mouth, and Imma leave it there a while so I don't say anything else stupid any time soon -.-"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML
Submitted on 09/30/2009 at 9:36am by failfailfail from London, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"The reason they were looking directly at me, not up at the wall. We were in an auditorium and i was seated high up at the back. Yes, I am paranoid, very paranoid. But I have a reason for that okay. Just leave off abit. The reason I knew the time without looking at the clock, I wear a watch."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, my boyfriend found out that he has kidney failure. He was feeling sick for a few weeks and I had told him to drink lots of fluids and eat vegetables. Apparently that is really bad for kidney patients. I was killing him with water and spinach salads. FML
Submitted on 09/27/2009 at 2:33pm by Raven3434 from Washington, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Just to put it out there, he had complete kidney failure. He is now on dialysis. His kidneys are toast and he needs a transplant. Apparently it was caused by years of high blood pressure. His kidneys were in trouble before we even met. And I had been encouraging him to go to the doctor. He had seen a few doctors, but nobody diagnosed him until his lungs were full of fluid.
He can't drink too much fluid because he can't get rid of it without dialysis. He cant eat too many fruits or vegetables because he can't process out the extra phosphate and potassium. He also has to limit his sodium, but that wasn't part of my original post. Just wanted to clarify things."

Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, waiting for the bus, this creepy guy in the terminal kept staring at me. Feeling creeped out, I started walking, knowing I could pick up the bus down the street. When the bus drove up, it was almost completely full and the only open seat was next to the creepy dude from the bus station. FML
Submitted on 09/25/2009 at 11:54pm by WhyMe from New Jersey, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Well, for starters, I'm 99% sure this dude was staring at me because we were standing alone in the annex of the bus terminal, and every time I looked up from my book, he was staring. Secondly, it was almost midnight and this was the same terminal my boyfriend was held up at gunpoint outside of less than a year ago, so I was already on edge. Third, I didn't sit down. Because the creepy fuck smiled at me when I got on the bus! I stood. But the fact that the only open seat was next to him seemed worth mentioning in context."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I pulled a bee off of my friend's dog because we were worried he could be allergic. Of course I got stung, and of course the dog wasn't allergic. Turns out I am. FML
Submitted on 09/25/2009 at 9:09am by boomstick from New York, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"The dog did get stung. Now I know he is not allergic and I am. Whatever it was was clinging to the dog and stinging it. I don't know if it was caught in his fur or what, but it was certainly not flying away. Yes, it stung me when I yanked it off. I was too concerned with getting it away from the dog to squint at it and make sure I was grabbing *~the front part of the body~*"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I was going shopping with a friend. I got up to get off the train and landed on my ass. Not only had I walked into the metal bar, I'd broken my $800 glasses, and the train doors had closed, with my friend on the other side of the doors. FML
Submitted on 09/24/2009 at 6:06am by b. from New South Wales, Australia

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"My glasses are like, $850, and thats for a normal frame in aus (which costs $250 at my local optometrist), plus multi focal transition lenses, with an uneven prescription in each eye, especially because i have serious eye problems and need to have them specially crafted."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, a injured guest stopped at the front desk of the hotel and raved about my kindness and 'commitment to customer service'. He told my boss about how I'd gone to the ice machine and personally delivered a bag of ice for his injured knee. Guess who got written up for leaving the front desk? FML
Submitted on 09/23/2009 at 10:01pm by Anonymous from Michigan, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"For the record I work Night Audit, it was 5:50am. The poor man requested a 6:45am wake up call so he could attend his conference. There was no one else available to help the guest. During training two months ago I'd been told 'Customer Service' was 'everything'. Strangely I thought I was doing the right thing. Especially considering one of my official duties is to leave the desk to deliver folio's (bill's) to be placed under the doors of departing guests. As for the 'grammar police' I said 'a injured guest' rather than 'an injured guest' to indicate an individual person, rather than imply I had multiple injured people staying at the hotel were I work."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML
Submitted on 09/18/2009 at 3:23pm by oh_its_true from Pennsylvania, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"To those who think she made it up to get out of the date...i initially thought the same thing too. So i said "listen, you dont have to make up some crappy story like you are on Jerry Springer. I am old enough to be told the truth." So then she started crying. Loudly. Which made everyone look at me like I was some jerk for making her cry. She then tells me its all true and she doesnt know what to do. I tell her maybe jail will straighten her man out and get him straight. I got up and walked out, passing the waitress who was on her way to our table with our drinks (to be fair, she ordered a coke)...i tossed around $40 on the tray and hit the door running. i later remembered that i left my gloves on the table..."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

 

Today, I was waiting for a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decided to have a 3 minute (desperately needed) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely covered me. He was driving away looking at me in the mirror laughing. FML
Submitted on 09/18/2009 at 1:24pm by calamityjosie from Reading, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"1). If I didn't run after the parcel it would have been sent back to the depot (in Bristol!) And would have gone back to America after 1day there! I would have had to pay extortionate posting for it to come back again! 2). Was being picked up at 8 - so yes I absolutely did have to have a shower! 3). If you'd been waiting all day getting restless would you not panic, given that you wouldn't expect out of a 13 hour slot - the parcel comes during the three minute shower you need?! And yes, it is my own stupidity - that's why it's funny, that I clearly have absolutely no common sense...hence the FML!"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML
Submitted on 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm by RahiYeah09 from California, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"I didn't have room to mention that I broke up with their son so I could date his best friend... Our Walmart's 'Intamacy' section is on a back wall. The aisles that are in front of it are for shampoo and soap. That's why they saw me. Today my ex texted me and asked me why I needed two boxes since 'I don't like sex' I thought to myself.. 'No, I just didn't like sex with you.'"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

 

To be continued...

#230 - About FMyLife - On 10/21/2009 at 8:07am by FML Team - 0 comments

Parenting FML

How can we start this article? We already talked about cops, candies, not-so-well-placed piercings, what does today's illustration feature besides immature parents? Oh, we got it: immature parents! Have you ever caught your parents doing something so childish you wanted… you needed to punish them? It could be a lot of things unfortunately, seeing them vacuously fighting, hearing one of them singing The Mamas and Papas in your yard, teaching them for the millionth time how to start their computers… sometimes it's obnoxious to see them grow even more childish with a total disregard for the continual appearance of wrinkles, while we get older. Benjamin Button style. And to talk about this strange phenomenon, we now introduce our artist of the day, please, everybody welcome Evan Diaz!

Evan is 22, he lives near Houston in Texas with his wife Janette. He works as a 3D artist and animator at a production studio in downtown Houston, where he spends his day working on special effects on blue screens, as well as a lot of fancy 3D things.Plus, Evan is currently illustrating a childrens' book series and is a member of the web comic collective The Noir Project Press, where you'll find great artists creating great comics. Yeah, that's cool

Evan went to school near Orlando, Florida, where he graduated with a degree in 3D animation a few years back. After doing some freelance VFX (side note: visual effects) work, he was quickly hired as an animator at the company he is currently working for. Earlier this year, he finally took the first steps toward his dream of being a bonafide cartoonist when he launched his web comic in March called Pajama Forest.
He originally created it as a run of the mill text blog (which you can still find somewhere on the internet if you look hard enough), but he started to draw comics with it and enjoyed it so much, he focused more and more on that aspect, and eventually the web comic was born.

"-Okay Evan, here are our last questions before we let you go back to playing WoW, why did you choose this FML story?
-It was short and sweet, and I really liked the idea of a middle aged man having such an awful day that he *needed* candy so terribly bad that he would resort to stealing it (that's how I imagined the story playing out anyway..)
- And why did you decided to send an illustration for FML?
-My pal Philippa Rice did one recently and inspired me to do one as well !"

 

Well, actually it inspired our artist to do four of them, as the first tests weren't conclusive, and he needed (and wanted!) to draw a fresh new one that worked!

 

click this preview!

And it does! Thank you Evan for your participation... mmmmh candies...

 

Evan's blog is this way: http://pajamaforest.com/
The Noir project is this way: http://tnppress.com/

 

And now here's a little instruction manual on how to be our next published artist: send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with our lovely Alice who will tell you what you have to do!

#228 - Illustrated FML - On 10/16/2009 at 3:35pm by FML Team - 12 comments

FML won't stop until it hits the spot

OH GOD YES, DON'T STOP reading this article, it's not because it's short that it's not good, the most important thing being of course the taste. And today we have a new kind of flavor, a mix a between maple syrup, elk and snow, because we're visiting a Northern artist. No, not Kansas, a little bit more in the North. Not Hannah Montana either, again, a little bit more in the North. Exactly, we're crossing the border to visit Canada for the first time! It's kind of surprising to see that Canadian people are not like South Park describes them, but we're still okay. Even though we're feeling a little cold. Luckily, today's artist opened her doors to welcome us in. We're also welcoming her on FML though, so it’s a perfect arrangement. Please, everybody, welcome Jessa Rempel!


Jessa is 16 years old, and not only is she our youngest ever participant, but she's our first Canadian artist too! It's in Vancouver that she's spending her last year in high school before she enters the wild world of capitalism, unemployment and under-the-desk professional training. Hopefully, she'll reach her dream, which is to work in animation. Passionate about art, she started by drawing actual objects when she was just a little kid. Our little maple syrup is slowly but surely making her place in the DA community. She doesn't own a web comic, but her humor is great enough to make us want to have her in the illustration section!


You're right, Jessa is a little bit young to have a biography as long as Berlusconi's nose, that's why we'll keep it short, displaying her simple but effective drawings, and repeating that she's on her way to be a web comic star… wait and see, my friends!



Time to say goodbye to Jessa, Pamela Anderson, Celine Dion and Keanu Reeves, but before here are our last questions: why did our today's artist choose this story and why did she choose to participate in FML?

"I always come across strange people like the Fat Lady, and I LOVE drawing creepy expressions. Character design is always great too; I have a lot of fun with things like this. As soon as I found out about FML I fell in love, and when the comic section appeared I fainted. How could something so great get so much better?”




click on this preview !

 

Actually we don't know, it's kind of a miracle... Vanity besides, we thank you Jessa for your orgasmic illustration and we would like to thank Becky who colorize it !

 

Jessa's DA is here: http://jessathegreat.deviantart.com/

 

And now here's a little instruction manual on how to be our next published artist: send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings.

#222 - Illustrated FML - On 10/09/2009 at 7:34am by FML Team - 12 comments

My cardboard FML

Hello everybody! We hope that you had a great week and that you're all ready for today's new illustration. As some of you may have noticed, yesterday we received Kevin Nealon who helped us select his favorite FML stories of the day. As the illustration section is also a huge fan of his, we didn't content ourselves with having just an artist today, we actually wanted to make distinguished jokes that we could put in our one-crew-show, if we had one. Of course, we weren't able to do it ourselves, that why we're welcoming with a great pleasure or host for today, Philippa Rice!

Philippa is 23, and for the first time, we crossed the Atlantic Ocean to find an artist living in North London, United Kingdom. It makes us want a cup of Hugh Grant and a tea autograph, or the other way around, either way is fine. She did A-levels in art and design at school, even if she was encouraged to do a degree in fine art, our artist of the day decided to go for Animation instead, because it seemed like more fun. At the moment, Philippa is between jobs. Since graduating in 2007, she has worked in a few different short term and part time jobs. She hasn't tried to get a job in animation because she wanted to carry on with that on her own rather than animating someone else's characters. As she says, it's a difficult time for employment at the moment, so instead of trying too hard to find a full time job, she has been creating work for herself with freelance illustration, and selling her comic books online and at craft fairs. And we can do nothing but encourage her, because her productions are amazing.


My Cardboard Life started almost a year ago now. It's a webcomic updated on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It's made out of actual cardboard and paper which she cuts out with her own cute little hands. You may ask yourself whether it's expensive to make. Actually we did too, but Philippa assures us that it's not. All the cardboard is recycled from old packaging; a lot of the paper is also recycled scrap paper. But she does buy a lot of glue however.

Originally, the idea was to create a children's picture book about recycling. Philippa moved into a new home, and had all this cardboard around from flat-pack furniture. She came up with the character Cardboard Colin and some other characters like Plastic Pete, Tin Tim, Paper Pauline etc... She never finished the picture book and she left the idea alone for several months before she decided to give Cardboard Colin another chance and make him into a webcomic. Cardboard Colin and Paper Pauline were the only characters to stay on board; even the recycling theme was dropped. My Cardboard Life is mainly about the friendship between Colin and Pauline now: Colin is naive and a bit childish, and Pauline takes advantage of this and is often cruel to him. But you know it’s like Wilson and House, we can wonder if love is not behind all this…


By visiting her blog, we discovered that MCL was one project amongst many others. Not only Philippa can handle an entirely hand-made webcomic (as does Becky that we met last week) but she also does illustrations, postcards, posters and even plush!
 “I learnt to crochet about six months ago, and my house is riddled with plush toys that I keep making. My Boyfriend complains every time I make a new one, but then he doesn't like it when I sell them either because he gets attached."
Another thing Philippa has been working on is a series of art-zines called Intricate Dwellings, which are made up of detailed drawings of landscapes, where Philippa hides little items for people to find, like the latest level of Waldo, except that Intricate Dwellings is harder and cuter.

 

“-Why did you choose this FML Philippa?
-I liked the fact that it was a bit mysterious. What was the ex-girlfriend so cross about? Did he deserve it or not, and what was the actual damage caused? Also, it gave me the opportunity to buy a bag of peanuts and eat most of them.
-Did you eat the bat too? Mh never mind, last question, why did you decide to send an illustration for FML?
-The FML stories are so addictive to read. I especially like the embarrassing ones. Cardboard Colin has a lot of FML moments too. I guess I must be a fan of misery and misfortune.”

 

At least your illustration is not made of misery! Thank you Philippa for your contribution, we'll send you all of our cardboard so you can continue your amazing job for the next few years!


My Cardboard Life webcomic is here: http://mycardboardlife.com

Philippa’s blog where you’ll find other things that she’s doing (including a shop corner! Go crazy!): http://thejuzzard.blogspot.com

 

And now here's a little instruction manual on how to be our next published artist: send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings.

#218 - Illustrated FML - On 10/01/2009 at 5:26pm by FML Team - 11 comments


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