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Illustrated FML (339) - About FMyLife (101) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (18) - Pictures (14) - Books (9) - Special guests (8) - Competitions (6)

The FML cookie

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome today's artist! Today is special, because the artist is maybe a he, maybe a she, maybe his name is Harry, maybe her name is Paula, the truth is that I don't know much about him or her. I think it's a ghost. At least, if he/she's a ghost, he/she was kind enough to stop haunting the old manor he/she lives in, to answer my questions. Disrespectful kids from the suburbs, take your elders for example. 




-Shoe, welcome on FML, I guess Shoe Lace is not your real name... am I right?
-Oh no no, that's just some of my Internet account names, I usually just go by "Von" in the real world.

-So are you a lady or a gentleman?
-Haha! I like to keep it a secret. Then people can only judge me by my artwork and personality.

-Such a girly answer. Or boy's. Ah, I don't know! So you'll be Lorenzo Von Matterhorn to me. How old are you?
-Very obscure! I'm 23 now.

-Where do you live?
-The south of England, where the sea is brown and unwelcoming.

-What's your job? Or are you still a student?
-Ah neither, looking for a job, quit uni a few years ago.

-In what field are you searching? Maybe there's a potential employer reading this interview, go ahead and sell yourself!
-Haha, anything really! Need the money support my artwork, I'd like to just do freelance work, I also enjoy animating, not enough to do my own stories though. I'll basically take on any field of art but with normal jobs, I'd have to choose something stimulating as I get bored very easily. Though that's not exactly selling myself! Though if anyone needs a chocolate tester, I can make time.


-Oh and if you need an assistant, I'm here to help. Tell us more about your website!
-I'm just figuring out my art style. So I'm just putting most of my work up until I can figure out what's happening. Hopefully when I do have a secure style people can go through my website and laugh at all my old work and how bad it is. The black soup though, the name, its just meant to mean anything can come out of it. Which is a good excuse for me to not restrict myself and do as I please. The making of it was pretty special though as me and my partner, Joshua, were thinking of names for it and said it at the same time, in perfect scary sync. So it had to be done.

-Partner as you're working together?
-Yes yes.


-What are your next projects then?
-I'm remaking a plush at the moment, a kind of mascot for the site, and I'm waiting for an image of mine to be published in the pictoplasma character compendium. Which is out in about 2 days I think, but that's more present, for the future? I don't know, I like to work very quickly, so when I get ideas I usually get it done within a day or two, I'm very impatient but it makes me learn quicker so I can churn out work as it were. I never really have future stuff!

-That's kind of awesome. Which webcomics do you read?
-None! Though the FML strips do keep me entertained, I'm glad I could be part of that.

-And last for not least, why did you choose this FML story?
-It seemed funniest to me, it was the one that was open-ended enough for me to draw horrifyingly, haunted biscuits. Which is always fun to draw.

-Always. Thank you Lorenzo Von Matterhorn for your participation!
-Thank you Alice Cooper for letting me!
-SHHH don't reveal my secret!






Shoe's website :

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do! 


#1261 - Illustrated FML - On 04/28/2012 at 8:30am by Alice - 1 comments

Julien Revenu's illustrated FML

Hello, you lovely people!

This week is yet again brought to you from our French website, so strap some baguettes on your arms, get the accordion out of storage and assume the mandatory position. While you do so, we’ll be off skateboarding, and then taking care of the trolls in the comments sections. So, ready to sing the French National Anthem?

Today’s artist is, as we said (keep up) from France, he’s 27, and lives in a town near the Mediterranean Sea called Montpellier. He goes by the name Julien Revenu, AKA Revenu. So, what does he get up to? “I create cartoons and educational illustrations for various community projects, associations and communication agencies. I also create humorous comics for the press. I’m currently preparing a graphic novel about the urban riots that happened in France in 2005.”

What Revenu likes the most is to tell stories. He tries to transport his readers into his world. And if he can do so via humor, it’s even better. Here at FML we totally agree. “Creating a funny situation is pretty tough. Getting people to empathize with characters in sad situations is much more simple. What I miss the most is working in a team. It happens sometimes while working on scripts, but not often enough.”

Julien Revenu has stacks of humor, and his excellent drawing style makes it even more enjoyable. He wound up with this style after travelling all over France for his education, ending up in a Decorative Art School for five years. He’s now worked solo for the past two years in a workshop in Montpellier, where he works alongside other artists.

He has many projects on the go, such as a TV show that became a series of comic strips. “It’s called Quorum, and it’s about the associative community world told with an absurd/trashy humor. You can check some of it out on my blog.” He’s also preparing a documentary about Japan, but hasn’t decided on the angle yet. “I’ll be there during the summer, where I’ll travel to the Amani Islands.” Lucky guy.

Damn, he’s now made me want to travel as well. I now suggest we move on to the second part of this interview. (Yeah, that’s what’s called a professional transition.)

So, dogs or cats?
Dogs, definitely. This subject comes up often between my significant other and me.

What did you enjoy recently in movies, music, books and cartoons?
I’ve always dreamt of being a gangster in a movie. I enjoy both of Moriarty’s albums. I loved Ken Grimwood’s book Replay, the story of a guy who relives his life a thousand times, each time changing his destiny. As for comics, I like what’s being produced in Italy at the moment. Five Thousand Kilometers by Manuele Fior for example is a mighty fine book.

Who are the main artists that you like and whose blogs you frequently check out?
Charlie Poppins for the retro touch, Lapin, whose travel cartoons are magnificent, and Wulffmorgenthaler for the Anglo-Saxon humor.

Tell us about your passions, hobbies and vices. What make you happy to be alive?
I do a lot of theatre improvisation. I love it; it’s like my own adrenaline shot. It’s a wonderful laboratory for experimenting storytelling. It takes up a lot of my time.

Do have a phobia? If so, what is it?
Not really, but I’ll borrow King Arthur’s: snakes… because they travel around on their stomachs.

To end this interview, ask yourself a question that you would have liked to been asked, and then answer it.
-Out of all these objects, guess which one.
-That one
-My pleasure.


And to see this week’s illustrated FML, please click here!


Well, there we have it, another brilliant discovery, good old Julien Revenu, off he goes. I’ll leave you with two videos, as usual. When you get two “Talking Carl’s”, an iPhone app where a guy repeats everything you say, to talk to each other, this is what happens. And the second video is so good that it needs no introduction. Bye for now!


Got talent? Wanna take part in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send an email to [email protected] and don’t forget to include a link to your blog or a few examples of your work.

#1253 - Illustrated FML - On 04/20/2012 at 2:31pm by Julien - 0 comments

Make that FML talk


Stop everything you're doing right now, there's an (almost) naked lady in today's illustration! Plus, there's a puppet AND doctors. It's the perfect illustration, made by Gemma Correll, our British artist of the day. Check out her interview!



-Gemma, welcome on board! First, what's your name, surname, nickname if you have one?
-Gemma - Correll - Bear (long story)

-(So I'm not allowed to ask you anything about it? Okay. Damn.)How old are you?
-I'm 28 years old.

-Where do you live?
-Norwich, England

-What's your job?
-I'm a freelance Illustrator - I design T-shirts and greetings cards (among other products), I draw pictures for magazines, I illustrate books - and I draw a lot of cats.

-What's your journey?
-I have drawn pictures forever, but I'm still surprised that I've made it my career.

-What are your inspirations?
-People and animals that I meet, Overheard conversations, the weather, coffee, my Pugs Mr Pickles and Bella, Books, Movies. I can be inspired by pretty much anything, to be honest. Even doing my Tax Return gave me some good ideas. Also it also made me want to kill myself.

-Do you read webcomics? If so, which ones?
-I love Kate Beaton's and Liz Prince's comics. I'm not sure if they are really "webcomics" but they are comics and they are on the internet, so I guess that will do.... and PUSHEEN. Pusheen is my favourite.

-Tell us more about your website and the creations you're selling?
-I wanted my website to be a reflection of my work and fun to use (so I hope it is). I make a lot of products, including comics, printed tote bags and badges and sell them in my online shop. I like making my own products, it's a bit different from the commissioned work that I spend most of my time doing. It feels more personal and fun.

-Aaaah, this is the last question! Even after two years I still hate this part. I don't wanna say goodbye... why did you choose this FML story?
-Gynecological stories are ALWAYS funny... aren't they?
-Yes they are! Unless you're the one with your legs open.






Gemma's website :



#1245 - Illustrated FML - On 04/11/2012 at 9:00am by Alice - 0 comments

La Gourde's illustrated FML

Hi gang! Welcome to this week’s illustrated FML! As you will find out, this week we’re all about the lovin’. Summer is just around the corner and layers of clothes are being shed. Admit it, when you’ll come across a cute girl/hot guy in the street you’ll be like this. And as for the lovin’, well, even between animals it can be quite beautiful.

So, who is the artist of the week, the person behind the illustration that will be featured all week long? Let’s get to know the person holding the pencil: she reckons herself to be “old”, but 34 is still quite young, young enough to be considered sprightly and fresh. She’s from Lille in France, and is called Maëla Cosson, AKA “La Gourde”.

What’s her story? “I ink comic strips, a job I started thanks to people I met over the Internet (yeah, because you don’t leave a guidance councilor’s office at 15 thinking, ‘Yeaaah, inking comic strips, that’s what I wanna do for a career!’) Up until that point I’d had a string of crap jobs, so I at last I had the feeling that I’d been promoted to brain surgeon or blues singer, something cool that I wasn’t embarrassed to admit to doing. And as a side project, I work on my blog where I go into details about my childhood.”

Maëla is very talented, so much so that her peers selected her to be part of the artists included in the “Blog revelations” at the Angouleme Festival. But what’s being an inker all about then? “Essentially, it’s being able to alter a page. To start with an absence of colours and make it into something quite personal, even if most of the time there’s obviously a whole bunch of constraints, and that for a lot of series, a personal touch is most often frowned upon. That’s mainly what irks me about the job, the lack of space in which to maneuver. We’re often obstructed by editors who don’t want to take any chances (authors are also the same) and most of all marketing constraints are a hindrance. It’s really frustrating. My blog serves as a place where I can let loose, I can write and draw whatever I want, however I want. The fact that it draws on something so personal makes it important to me. I can let myself flow without thinking of stuff like ‘this has to be orientated to girls, but also boys, young people, old people, rich people and pets’ (yes, I hate marketing people).”

We should also mention that La Gourde studied to become a dressmaker, and has diplomas hidden away somewhere. Without going into too many details, she says that it’s the result of a mistake made during her youth, but that being young allows you to make certain mistakes, and she has no regrets about having made them. After years of doing “f*** all”, she then had a few jobs to pay the bills, before discovering computers and the Internet. She was then introduced to inking, and her career was on its way.

She’d now like to, “work less, to be less stressed out. In 2011 I almost turned into an inking machine and I didn’t like it at all. And I’d like to work on my blog, because as time goes by, I get more and more enthusiastic about creating stuff for it.”

Now, what better way to get to know her better than with a few questions that’ll be sure to define who she is as a person.

Dogs or Cats? 
Cats, definitely. Dogs smell, take up a lot of room, need to show off all the time, come with a lot of constraints, and cherry on the cake, they BARK. Their fans will cry out, “But they’re expressing themselves!!” but I reckon that if they learnt to do it at a volume of less than 50 dB I might change my opinion of them. And the fact that they are so obliging makes them totally pathetic in my opinion… but I’m not totally disingenuous, so I’ll add that they can be useful. But I’m not a crazy cat lady; as someone who lives amongst them, I admit that they’re particularly self-interested and stubborn. But at least they DON’T BARK.

Who are the main artists that you like and whose blogs you often check out?
I check out quite a lot, so to only mention only a few of them may seem unfair. Let’s say that I the ones I always await updates from are also the most well known: (Boulet, Marion Montaigne, Guillaume Long, and Pénélope’s travels are also interesting to read, but I must be forgetting some as well…). I really like to be told stories, it’s what will make the whole difference. I have a lot of affection for the more “talkative” blogs (and when you read mine, you can understand why). I also enjoy other, less longwinded but talented artists, but I’m not going to start reeling off a huge list, which would be boring (thus avoiding you the chore of sticking a bunch of links everywhere).

What are the latest things that you enjoyed at the movies, musically and/or books/comics?
Going to the movies for me can be summed up as a more or less long period of time when you have to remain seated without being productive (and real movie theaters are awful, getting you to shell out money to get to sit next to people grazing on pop corn while kicking your seat. Great). But to answer your question, the last thing I enjoyed on my TV screen was Komodo vs. Cobra. A monument. Not to be missed, especially for the special effects. As for music, I recently discovered Band of Skulls, which I really like. I usually discover stuff after everyone else. I’m currently trying to read fantasy and science fiction after years and years of crime novels (I recommend Joe R. Lansdale’s books). The last attempt ended in a huge headache and some consternation. I’ve just finished Brent Week’s Night Angel trilogy, which I highly recommend.

Here’s the bit where you can tell us some more personal stuff, what you like from life, your hobbies, passions, vices and day to day pleasures.
If I say that I enjoy gardening, growing vegetables and flowers, and that added to that I feed birds, observe them and build them little bird houses, I’m going to seem to be a huge hippie, aren’t I? And to add to my embarrassment, I like jigsaw puzzles. Besides that, I like usual everyday stuff: reading, absolutely no action between the sheets, drinking some nice wine or beer, and eating nice things.

Do you have a crap joke to share with us?
Yeah, but it’s not crap at all. It’s a man who goes up to a policeman, with a penguin in tow.
-“Hello officer, I’ve found this penguin and I don’t know what to do with him
-You should take him to the zoo.
-That’s a great idea, thanks!
The next day, the police officer comes across the same guy, still with the penguin.
-“What happened? Didn’t you take him to the zoo?
-Yeah I did, he loved it. We’re now off to catch a movie.”

It’s the best joke in the whole world.

Do you have a phobia? If so, what is it?
I don’t think so. I used to be afraid of cars, and would cry if I were sat in front of a steering wheel. Now that I have a driver’s license, I’m cured. I don’t like cockroaches either. But I don’t get all hysterical about them.

To end the interview, ask yourself a question and then answer it.
-“Isn’t it time to go to bed?
-Yeah, it totally is!”


To check out this week’s illustrated FML, click here.


That’s us done for the week. Next week we’ll be back with something else to show you, so say tuned. But before we go, here are a few things we found on the Internet this week. Like this cat for example who thinks he’s a dog, before noticing that he’s being filmed, or this guy who has a strange reaction to a breathalyzer. See you soon!


Got talent and want to take part? Send an email to [email protected], containing a link to your blog, or some samples of your work.

#1241 - Illustrated FML - On 04/06/2012 at 9:12pm by Julien - 0 comments

April Fool's Headcase Special

Yes, that time of year is back. The 1st of April, with its good-humored japes and misleading statements aimed to confuse and trick people into believing absolutely anything. A couple of decades ago, BBC television in the UK transmitted a short documentary about “pasta trees”, in which we were shown spaghetti growing on trees, and people fell for it. These days, the tricks are more or less subtle. In France there’s a tradition of sticking fish on people, which let’s face it is a bit shit, and not that funny compared to slyly placing a piece of paper with “Kick me up the arse, I’m into that sort of thing” on someone’s back. People won’t always comply, but some will and merriment will be enjoyed all round. Aaah, April fool’s day, so good we should have it every year.

I’m not going to bore you with tricks you could get up to; we might get sued by people who are health and safety conscious (or just spoilsports who’d complain and try to sue anyone and anything if things aren’t up to their tight-assed expectations. Learn to roll with the punches, people). No, my aim for today is to go over some of the weirdly awkward submissions we have received over the years which have made many a moderator (both the in-house staff and the helpful people who use the auto-moderation system on the website) go “WTF?” Sometimes we wonder if these submitters are high, misguided or are just trying to wind us up. The tenuous link to April Fool’s day is that we are so baffled by these submissions is that when reading them we often wonder if we’ve time travelled to another dimension where every day is April Fool’s day.
Without further ado, here’s an example of what we received one day:

Today, i found OUT what shat meant. then i F my cat with my bedazzeled dildo. then i took a steamy piss in the kat box with my VaGINA. FML

See what I mean? It’s like someone threw a scrabble board against a wall and wrote down the result (which coincidentally is also how they wrote the last three seasons of Lost)
Sometimes we get submissions that are like little jokes, but they aren’t really jokes, fooling nobody:

Today, a monkey bit my weiner. Now it smells like a banana. FML

Thanks for that.
Other times we get submissions from totally disturbed people, stuff involving members of their own families and sexual encounters between them which are so odd that I don’t even want to consider posting them here. But we do get things like this:

Today, I had to get an abortion because I scewed my dog. It was a bitch. FML

Then there’s just the “stories” than make you want to face-palm in triplicate:

Today, I walked into my room to see my roommate staring intently at a snail. When she heard me, she jumped up, grabbed the snail, and shoved it into her pocket before rushing past me out of the door. She still hasn’t returned. It’s been 6 hours. I’m worried. FML

Today, while peeing, I noticed my pee smelt like mashed potatoes. I decided to drink it to see if it tasted like mashed potatoes. It didn’t. FML

I just asked my half-asleep mom if she knew which toothbrush was mine and she said no and I was like alright I’ll just brush with my hand and I started to brush with my hand and then I was thinking “WAIT WHAT IF THIS IS SOMEONE ELSE’S HAND” and I freaked out until I realized that wasn’t possible COOL.

Along the same lines we get totally absurd ones that make you lose IQ points just by reading them:

i managed to decapitate an ant by farting

Today my dick turned into a pretzel…FML.

Today, I stared at my turd long enough to realise it looked like a penguin. FML

Last night I got so drunk I fell off my dinosaur. He beat me home and ate my entire stash. Now I’ve got a T-rex in my room yaked out of his crayon….. FML.

Today, I was eating a pineapple when I realized it was really my hamster. Who has AIDS. FML

to day i found out that i have had a dildo inside my stomach since birth

jager bombs+ sauerkraut + applesauce + corn flakes= waking up with a super hairy back? Fml

 We also get stories that sort of start off like actual plausible FMLs, but then veer off into uncharted territory at the end:

Today i was hit by a car, it was being driven by some drunk babies FML

Today, I was hugging my mother, and then bubbles came out of my foot. FML.

Today, I realized I like to smell of my own eye fluid. FML

Today, I learned that Scotland is responsible for smelly farts and dried boogers. FML

A lot of them are based around sexual proclivities that make you wonder how many freaks are out there. Not so much because they actually do these things, but because they even come up with these ideas in the first place:

Today, I got aroused by watching a phone charger go into the wall. FML


I was abducted by Aliens, they wouldn’t even give me the anal probe!

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when my penis fell off and my girlfriend’s vagine blew up. I now know I should’ve paid attention in Sex Ed. FML

Today, while on meth, I brutally ripped of my penis in an attempt to kill a fly. FML

Today, I was castrated by a forklift.FML

 So there you have it. You now understand that for FML moderators, every day really is April Fool’s day. The weird and wonderful all flock to us to share their innermost thoughts and fantasies, and we have a hard time wondering why on earth they think that we’d ever publish their ramblings, or whether they’re actually trying to mess with our heads.
On another note, if these “FMLs” entertained you, don’t hesitate to join in the fun and click on our homepage’s “Moderate the FMLs” button; you never know, you might get to read some more of these wacky submissions. We’d certainly be grateful for the help separating the wheat from the chaff.
One last one before I go:

today my car keys were stolen, i found them in my brothers butthole…fml

You, my friend, have issues.
Feel free to use the comments section underneath this article to tell us your own insane April Fool's stories!

Enjoy yourselves, and be excellent to each other.

#1237 - About FMyLife - On 03/31/2012 at 11:45am by Alan/FML Team - 9 comments