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Illustrated FML (264) - About FMyLife (35) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (14) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

FML takes the pony

Yeehaa folks! Today, you're our guest in FML Ranch. There's Mama in the kitchen makin' marmalade, old uncle Jessy in his rocking chair playin' the harmonica and droolin', and Ennis and Jack are lookin' after the sheep. And making out. We hope you're not afraid to get dirty 'cause it's time to take care of the animals, the horse's hoofs won't get cleaned by themselves, we need to remove the crap from the turkey's head, and who's goin' to blow-dry the pigs if we don't do it? Yes, taking care of animals and farms is very difficult. But it could be also funny. That's why our lovely artist is here today, everybody please welcome Melanie Matthews!


Melanie is 22 and lives in Melbourne, Australia. She's been drawing for a long time time, she always knew she wanted to be an artist of some kind. She drew and painted until high school, and then it became more of a side thing when she took up playing music. She learnt the double bass and the cello at school, played in all the school bands and orchestras, and formed a small jazz band with some of her friends. They played in various venues, pubs and private parties all around Melbourne and with their school they travelled the state and even went to New Zealand to play. But high school ended and then they all went their separate ways, and so Melanie started drawing and painting again. She likes, and still likes, music but during this years she realized it wasn’t what she was truly passionate about. She studied a few primaries things: Multimedia, Design and Fine Art, but she never really felt at home doing any of those. One day a teacher said to her that she should be doing Illustration. So, she's been studying Illustration for the last couple of years and she is now just about to finish.

As her initial goal was to finish her studies and then work towards writing and illustrating children’s books, she's pretty happy, for now. She has learned a lot about the industry in the last couple of months, going to publishers and showing her portfolio. She's currently drawing up some concept sketches for a great little story, plus, she thinks there isn’t a big market for the type of artwork she likes to do in the children’s book industry. They don’t like retro very much (side note: dummies!). So now she is looking at other avenues like advertising and editorial illustration to get her started.
But for now, she is studying full time, earning her Diploma of Arts: Illustration. With only 3 weeks of classes to go, she will be finishing up soon and beginning her fabulous, fun-filled journey to becoming a full time freelance illustrator and designer. Currently she is working on a few private commissions, some branding/logo projects, some concepts/roughs for a children’s book, and a bunch of school assignments.

Guess what? Melanie loooves drawing and loooves creating fun characters, she loves to be creative. She even has a sort of playful approach to making art: she enjoys experimenting with colours and textures and she likes trying different things. Her sketchbook is her playground (side note: that's so cool to be abble to say that). She also likes to write little fun things about characters; mostly animals because they are the most fun. One day she would absolutely loves to just make books full of her own stories and illustrations. She has one brewing at the moment about tigers and how they like to brush their teeth, and she's also slowly working on an animal alphabet book, they are mostly inspired by Roald Dahl and Graeme Base, two of her idols, but seriously, two of our idols.

 



Melanie is kind of a newbie concerning the blog stuff, her blog is about 8 or 9 months old. It’s a little archive of her personal art journey as well as being a place to share her news and works in progress. The Bookish Owl name came to her when she had to type something in the ‘blog name’ bit, and she was browsing through some of her DeviantArt comments. One user commented on an owl drawing that she did and said that it looked very bookish. ‘The Bookish Owl’. That’ll do, she thought. And that’s how the Bookish Owl came to be.


And now here's some more informations about and by Melanie that we can't seem to let go! "I like jazz and indie rock music, and I like to read and write silly poems about animals. I also really love food. The gods blessed me with a teeny weeny figure that allows me to wolf down cupcakes and hamburgers without getting much heavier. It’s just awesome. What else? Oh I play videogames, a lot! Probably too much. Lately I’ve been to busy for them though! DOH!"

Now here are the two lastquestions before we let Melanie goes studying how tigers brush their teeth again, even if we really liked her presence here: why did she choose this FML and why did she decided to send an illustration for FML?
"I liked it because it’s one of those moments that sounds as though it could be in a cartoon. It sounds pretty horrific, really – being kicked by a horse, I mean – but I found the story behind it hilarious. I’ve visited many horse trainers in my life (my family writes software for the horse racing industry) and this story just reminded me of all the awful things I’ve heard about people being injured by horses. It’s always horrible and NEVER something to be laughed at.
But I laughed at this one. (sorry!)
I wanted to try something different, and then I noticed an email in my inbox from a while ago that I’d completely missed! Oops! Anyway, I read through it and it sounded like a good opportunity to do just that. The site is also really great and I probably spend way too much time reading some of the stories, they make me laugh out loud and I can’t stop at just one!
"

 

 

It's a great illustration Melanie, thank you very much!

 

Melanie's DA is here: http://peridott.deviantart.com/

 

That's it folks, time to say goodbye, we'll meet next saturday with as specials guests... zombies! Yami.

Remember, if you want to be next published artist send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with our cowgirl Alice who will tell you what you have to do!

#245 - Illustrated FML - On 11/10/2009 at 11:47am by FML Team - 9 comments

Sprawling FML

Slurp squish squish! Splash slurp-burp squish snort? Squi-sh slarp slurp shush, blurt. Blurt splash. Eek squis slurb strul snort slarp, shush. Slip haap eew squi ubb, twii. Slom urp slap swift, slup! Slup! Awss blupr squash splif, snort ? Snort slurp eek squish. Strul boow, squish Daniel Simon, slurp turp No Reason! (As today is the first time that we have an octopus-monster in the traditional Saturday illustration, we took some liberties and let the octopus write the introduction. There's nothing more to add, here's Daniel’s interview.)


Daniel is 29. He split his time between the beautiful city of Toronto, and the vast wilderness of his imagination where, he confesses, he walks into things a lot. And as Daniel is a freelance graphic designer, it's pretty good to have imagination (and energy, and patience, and culture...). But especially energy, as living thanks thank to our creations is much more difficult that we thought. Daniel is trying to break into illustration with Children's Books, Cartoons and some other comic related content, even if that means to do grunt studio work for Marketing and Advertising Agencies, Web Design and a smattering of other graphics related work for now. He also recently got approached to work on Graphic User Interfaces as a design consultant for a Business application developer. Yes, he's kind of a Jack-of-all-Trades when it comes to graphics, and gosh, what a great TV shows it was.


Our artist grew up drawing. As soon as he was able to comprehend and grasp objects that would make marks on other objects, he was drawing. He was terrible at it too. But he got better, he distinctly remember having a love of Superman and Spiderman when he was younger, and he started out by tracing the covers of his favorite comics, repetitively. Eventually he graduated to mimicry, trying to emulate the shapes and styles of things he liked. Magazine ads, Comic covers, porn he found under his parents bed, whatever captured his interest. His middle school art teacher recommended that he applied for a Regional Arts High School, so he did, and easily got in. He spent the next five years painting, drawing and learning all about art and it's techniques. But after that much art, he got pretty sick of it, as I'd been pretty much creating new work every day for five years. He stopped drawing almost entirely, and applied to an English Major Program at York University in Toronto intending to become a teacher. He's a pretty big reader, and he excelled in English. So, he figured teaching literature would be a good fit. Turns out, he hates Virginia Woolf. Enough so, that midway through his second semester, he grabbed all my old art, walked over the Fine Arts building and asked them if he could transfer. The professor who reviewed his work looked at it for a long time, looked at him and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this now, but you're in. I'll see at the start of next semester." Which he didn't, because Daniel didn't have to take his class.



It turned out to be the greatest decision of his life. He got back into art, and learned new ways to conceptualize, and took classes on the side for New Media, Advertising, and Design. About the same time, he discovered Adobe Illustrator, having already worked with Photoshop in high school to do Photo-Editing. He spent a lot of time teaching himself how to use the programs, choosing to stay up late and work on websites and digital art, just for kicks. He got hooked in with some startup companies, and by fourth year he was balancing a full time job as a Media Professional designing template websites and being a full time student, which is where he learned to keep odd work hours.

In 2006, after reading through the entire archives of PVP, Penny-Arcade and Ctrl+Alt+Del and a few others, he decided he wanted to go lowbrow with his work. One sunny day on the dock at his parent’s cottage, he proposed the idea of starting a web comic with his best friend, Jeff Moss. It took some convincing, and some fisticuffs, but he finally managed to strangle out a couple of strips out of him, and so No Reason was born. 

Daniel loves drawing. Man, we feel like we say this every single week. We do in fact. It's pretty pleasant to work with happy artists! Any way he loves typography and package design. Remember that every time you buy a toilet roll or a Rolex watch, a designer created by his little hand the packaging and the typography to make you want this product, it's a communicative work that Daniel really likes: "I love creating things that communicate and engage people. I like that things I create affect people, which is one of my philosophies about art. I believe that real fine art is art that interacts and engages its audience."

At least, his "to do" list is enormous. He's currently working on his website and on top of that he has two client websites he's working on. Add to the list two different Children’s books (with two different authors), a short graphic story, and a few pitches for Cartoons, and you're just scratching the surface. He also has some scribbled notes about writing a book.


"-You sure do have a long list of things to do! Here are our last questions Daniel and we'll release you after, why did you choose this FML and why did you decided to send an illustration for FML?
-I had a hard time choosing one, and ultimately, Alice (you [me]) made the decision. When I wrote in inquiring about doing one, Chris Hallbeck's was held up as the gold standard, which I completely agree with as being one of the best illustrated FML's. The phrase 'Take it one step further' was used, so  I combed through the archives looking for just the right one. My only real parameters were 'Something vague enough to be taken to a weird place.' I found five or seven that fit the bill [we believe there's a lot more ..] , and bouncing the idea back and forth with Alice produced this one as the winner. I'm pretty happy about this one too. I love drawing monsters.
I've been reading FML for a few months. It's one of my time-wasters when I'm procrastinating. I'd been fighting the urge to steal some of them for scripts for comics, when I noticed Zach Weiners Illustrated FML. Then I didn't think about it for a while. Then I thought about it again. Then I was bored at a job and decided: I should do one too
."

 

click on this preview !


Brilliant idea, we love it Daniel, you should be bored at work more often !



Daniel's portofolio is right here: http://www.march1studios.com
No Reason webcomic is overthere: http://noreasoncomics.com/


Bulp slash squish stub? Slarp slurp urp eew alice@fmylife.com slish oow boow slurp!*
*If you want to be next published artist send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with Alice, who has 8 tentacles, who will tell you what you have to do!

#241 - Illustrated FML - On 11/05/2009 at 6:11pm by FML Team - 7 comments

FML face to Facebook

FML sent You a friend request. You and FML are now friends. FML posted something on your wall "Hey You! Long time no see! Whassup? It's Saturday, there's a new illustration for You, check it out!" FML poked you. FML’s new status is "Jeremy Sorese is our artist for the day". You like this. Jeremy Sorese commented on FML's status: "Here it goes guys!"


Jeremy is 21 years old, he grew up in Northern Virginia with both of his parents who work for the government; and he has no clue as to what they do for a living. He's currently at the Savannah College of Art and Design in Savannah, GA, where he's studying sequential art, hoping to be able to do children's books, illustrations, graphic novels, etc. once he graduates. Most of his friends are researching genetics, doing cancer research or studying law. He draws comics. And thank god he does.

 

Comics are his new found love, but he dabbles in sculptures and painting, such as the few pieces he did for the APW gallery back in September. He really loves drawing, plain and simple, and can't see himself doing anything else. Period. Jeremy's style reminds us of Art Spiegelman and Daniel Clowes, in other words, we love his style. Dark, incisive but always with a touch of empathy. He's a traditionalist; he inks with a brush, crow quill on normal Bristol, and also does some gouache illustration and paper sculptures.

 

Right now, Jeremy is working on a small little story for an anthology put out by Oni about Roller Derby girls, written by actual Roller Derby girls. After that, he's starting a longer story for his senior project through school.

Our artist started his live journal a few years ago, while he was in high-school and had no clue about how to create a website but now that he's in the process of becoming an adult, having a website is one of his major priorities. Oh right, Jeremy also has a Flickr account, but let's say it's because it's taking him a lot of time and energy to become a grown-up man.


Little anecdotes about Jeremy, which make him a real catch, ladies: he loves cooking vegetarian food, old movies singing in a baritone while doing the dishes, and narrating what his roommate is doing in song to annoy her. He also loves trying to fix his bike and understanding how it works, or why it doesn’t. When he was working on the sculptures for the APW gallery this summer, using wood glue, spackle, and hammering planks of wood and drilling, he realized that he secretly enjoy being extremely handy. So if anyone needs strong hands and an oiled muscular body to take care of a piping issue, you know who you need to call.


"-Here is our last question Jeremy, why did you choose this particular FML story?
-I chose this FML because the idea of hand lettering a Facebook page seemed so ridiculous I had to do it!"

(Click on this preview !)

 

Ridiculous BUT funny, we love it Jeremy, thank you very much!

 

His Flickr is here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeremy_sorese/
And Livejournal is overthere: http://derbyartist.livejournal.com/

 

If you want to be next published artist send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with Alice, who is on Facebook, who will tell you what you have to do!

#236 - Illustrated FML - On 10/30/2009 at 6:03am by FML Team - 8 comments

The FML break-up

"I don't love you anymore, but I can give you hate instead if you like" this, is a situation that can go both ways. First, your most beloved one has just miserably dumped you via text message on your birthday, love becomes sadness, then inevitably hate, even if it takes one little minute or one big decade, hate goes with your break-up. Secondly, your partner is nothing but a drag, and even if it's only been two days that you've been trying to contact him or her, you keep getting the answering machine, so a text is the obvious solution. And then, even if it only takes a minute, or a decade, your ex starts to hate you, and congratulations, you're now the bad guy. Yes, break-up are way to rough to handle, who could possibly have invented something like that? We personally think it's the Pussycat Dolls, so they can sing sad sad stories about break-ups, and while they “hate this part right here”, we hate this song right here. GG. Let's go back to break-ups and what they make us do, and to talk, and laugh, about it, Tystarr, our artist for the day honors us all by his presence!

 

Tystarr
is 20; he lives in Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York. He is an independent graphic designer, meaning that he lives in front, with and for a computer. We love Tystarr’s way of thinking, when we ask him why he's working as a graphic designer, his response his simple: he loves crafting imagery that you don't see everyday. “It's a cool thing when you can have other people see what originally existed only in your mind. I have some big plans for the future. There is this vault of characters I can't wait to release and my hope for them is to be as popular and mainstream as Superman, Mickey Mouse and The Simpsons. They're not just household names, but pop icons that are a part of our culture. My life goal is to go down in history as someone who not only contributed yet helped shaped this rich culture of colorful characters.



Today's artist’s story is not a common one, as living in the gritty ghetto projects of Brooklyn is kind of rough. His mom passed when he was young, his father skipped town and started a new family when he was just a kid, his grandfather passed away a couple of years ago because due to cancer and his uncle, who took care of him after his grandfather, passed away soon after. He even grew up without knowing he had an older brother until he was 13. With this kind of environment, his escape has always been cartoons and comics. Ever since he was little, watching Looney Tunes with his grandfather, he wanted to recreate the magic he saw on screen and in the "Sunday funnies" in his local newspapers.  That interest sparked a flame that engulfed him into the comic book world and look at him now, being featured on Fmylife… Oh, and did we mention he also got shot on his own block?



His website was created in 2004, as an excuse to draw and vent out some of his frustrations at the world through art (plus he could practice his art and if it came out not-so-good, his excuse would be, "it's just a little comic, nothing serious"). Another reason is that Tystarr wanted to entertain the world through doing illustrations. Reading is cool but everyone gravitates to pictures a lot more nowadays. Besides his web comic, 'Twisted Comix' he owns a graphic design business called 'Tystarr Productions'. It’s a one-man show featuring Tystarr handling web designs, logo designs and album covers for underground music artists. He also works on a teen magazine, as a designer, for ‘Lipglossmagazine’, which is going into print next year, so girls keep an eye out for it!

 

Now here are the last questions: why did our host choose this FML and why did he decide to send an illustration?
“I asked to do an illustrated Fmylife months ago and never chose one. I asked again and surprisingly they still wanted me to draw one out so I took a peek at the homepage and saw this sad story about a girl throwing her boyfriend's necklace out the window but the twist was that the necklace belonged to his deceased grandmother. That was so wrong and funny to me that I just had to do it and because I had to pick one...quick! And why wouldn't I? This site is genius and original I'm totally excited to even be a part of this!  Hope you liked it because a lot of blood, sweat and tears were put into this, not to mention time!"

 

 

We do like it Ty' ! Great job!

Twisted Comix is this way: http://www.twistedcomix.com/
While Lipgloss Magazine is here: http://www.lipglossmagazine.com/

 

Far away from bad Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn bad movie, have you heard Adam Lambert’s miracle song? Yes/No? In any case, if you want to be next published artist send an email to alice@fmylife.com which starts with a hello and ends with a goodbye, including your name, age, and a link to your website/blog. If you don't have one, attach some of your drawings. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with Alice, our cute resident witch, who will tell you what you have to do!

#234 - Illustrated FML - On 10/23/2009 at 1:41pm by FML Team - 20 comments

Original Posters adding more to their stories!

Today, I was out for a nice walk and saw a man being attacked by a large crowd. Instinctively I ran to help him. I pushed one "thug" off him and that little time allowed him to escape. I later found out the man I saved had just keyed someone's car and they had intervened. Guess whose car. FML
Submitted on 10/18/2009 at 12:35pm by Helpy from Ohio, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"1.My car got keyed. 2. I still have morals and actually help people. I'm not afraid to stand for what I believe in. 3. It was a spur of the moment descion. I thought by the time the police came he could be seriously injured."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

 

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML
Submitted on 10/14/2009 at 4:19pm by LasagnaRawks from Hertford, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"In these situations I freeze and sorta go ooops, and I dont know what to do. I couldn't think of an excuse. He's sorta avoided me since, he doesn't think it's cute :/"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

 

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML
Submitted on 10/13/2009 at 1:28pm by cheeraio92 from Havering, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"In fact i broke the window pane in a door. so i reached in and unlocked the door, letting myslef in."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I was fired for not attending a mandatory meeting. I confronted my boss and told her I never heard anything about it, she told me that daily reminders had been sent out via email for weeks. She then discovered that she failed to enter my email address in the system. I was still fired. FML
Submitted on 10/02/2009 at 5:31pm by Rae from Texas, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Allow me to clarify; I didn't work in an office. I worked at an therapeutic equestrian center training new horses. There was no IT team."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I walked into my brother's house to see him unshaven and still in pyjamas eating ice-cream straight from the tub. I said jokingly, "You're lucky you have your wife, no one else could love you." His wife had just told him she was leaving him for her orthodontist. FML
Submitted on 10/01/2009 at 9:19am by FootInMouth from Victoria, Australia

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Me and my brothers joke around like that all the time, we're close enough to mess with each other and not let it bother us. And his wife (uhm, soon to be ex), I always thought, was one of the sweetest people in the world, so I never expected this. Yus, my foot is firmly in my mouth, and Imma leave it there a while so I don't say anything else stupid any time soon -.-"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML
Submitted on 09/30/2009 at 9:36am by failfailfail from London, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"The reason they were looking directly at me, not up at the wall. We were in an auditorium and i was seated high up at the back. Yes, I am paranoid, very paranoid. But I have a reason for that okay. Just leave off abit. The reason I knew the time without looking at the clock, I wear a watch."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, my boyfriend found out that he has kidney failure. He was feeling sick for a few weeks and I had told him to drink lots of fluids and eat vegetables. Apparently that is really bad for kidney patients. I was killing him with water and spinach salads. FML
Submitted on 09/27/2009 at 2:33pm by Raven3434 from Washington, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Just to put it out there, he had complete kidney failure. He is now on dialysis. His kidneys are toast and he needs a transplant. Apparently it was caused by years of high blood pressure. His kidneys were in trouble before we even met. And I had been encouraging him to go to the doctor. He had seen a few doctors, but nobody diagnosed him until his lungs were full of fluid.
He can't drink too much fluid because he can't get rid of it without dialysis. He cant eat too many fruits or vegetables because he can't process out the extra phosphate and potassium. He also has to limit his sodium, but that wasn't part of my original post. Just wanted to clarify things."

Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, waiting for the bus, this creepy guy in the terminal kept staring at me. Feeling creeped out, I started walking, knowing I could pick up the bus down the street. When the bus drove up, it was almost completely full and the only open seat was next to the creepy dude from the bus station. FML
Submitted on 09/25/2009 at 11:54pm by WhyMe from New Jersey, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"Well, for starters, I'm 99% sure this dude was staring at me because we were standing alone in the annex of the bus terminal, and every time I looked up from my book, he was staring. Secondly, it was almost midnight and this was the same terminal my boyfriend was held up at gunpoint outside of less than a year ago, so I was already on edge. Third, I didn't sit down. Because the creepy fuck smiled at me when I got on the bus! I stood. But the fact that the only open seat was next to him seemed worth mentioning in context."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I pulled a bee off of my friend's dog because we were worried he could be allergic. Of course I got stung, and of course the dog wasn't allergic. Turns out I am. FML
Submitted on 09/25/2009 at 9:09am by boomstick from New York, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"The dog did get stung. Now I know he is not allergic and I am. Whatever it was was clinging to the dog and stinging it. I don't know if it was caught in his fur or what, but it was certainly not flying away. Yes, it stung me when I yanked it off. I was too concerned with getting it away from the dog to squint at it and make sure I was grabbing *~the front part of the body~*"
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I was going shopping with a friend. I got up to get off the train and landed on my ass. Not only had I walked into the metal bar, I'd broken my $800 glasses, and the train doors had closed, with my friend on the other side of the doors. FML
Submitted on 09/24/2009 at 6:06am by b. from New South Wales, Australia

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"My glasses are like, $850, and thats for a normal frame in aus (which costs $250 at my local optometrist), plus multi focal transition lenses, with an uneven prescription in each eye, especially because i have serious eye problems and need to have them specially crafted."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, a injured guest stopped at the front desk of the hotel and raved about my kindness and 'commitment to customer service'. He told my boss about how I'd gone to the ice machine and personally delivered a bag of ice for his injured knee. Guess who got written up for leaving the front desk? FML
Submitted on 09/23/2009 at 10:01pm by Anonymous from Michigan, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"For the record I work Night Audit, it was 5:50am. The poor man requested a 6:45am wake up call so he could attend his conference. There was no one else available to help the guest. During training two months ago I'd been told 'Customer Service' was 'everything'. Strangely I thought I was doing the right thing. Especially considering one of my official duties is to leave the desk to deliver folio's (bill's) to be placed under the doors of departing guests. As for the 'grammar police' I said 'a injured guest' rather than 'an injured guest' to indicate an individual person, rather than imply I had multiple injured people staying at the hotel were I work."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster


Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML
Submitted on 09/18/2009 at 3:23pm by oh_its_true from Pennsylvania, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"To those who think she made it up to get out of the date...i initially thought the same thing too. So i said "listen, you dont have to make up some crappy story like you are on Jerry Springer. I am old enough to be told the truth." So then she started crying. Loudly. Which made everyone look at me like I was some jerk for making her cry. She then tells me its all true and she doesnt know what to do. I tell her maybe jail will straighten her man out and get him straight. I got up and walked out, passing the waitress who was on her way to our table with our drinks (to be fair, she ordered a coke)...i tossed around $40 on the tray and hit the door running. i later remembered that i left my gloves on the table..."
Link to the FML - Send a private message to the Original Poster

 

Today, I was waiting for a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decided to have a 3 minute (desperately needed) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely covered me. He was driving away looking at me in the mirror laughing. FML
Submitted on 09/18/2009 at 1:24pm by calamityjosie from Reading, United Kingdom

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"1). If I didn't run after the parcel it would have been sent back to the depot (in Bristol!) And would have gone back to America after 1day there! I would have had to pay extortionate posting for it to come back again! 2). Was being picked up at 8 - so yes I absolutely did have to have a shower! 3). If you'd been waiting all day getting restless would you not panic, given that you wouldn't expect out of a 13 hour slot - the parcel comes during the three minute shower you need?! And yes, it is my own stupidity - that's why it's funny, that I clearly have absolutely no common sense...hence the FML!"
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Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML
Submitted on 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm by RahiYeah09 from California, United States

Follow-up information from the Original Poster, taken from the comments section:
"I didn't have room to mention that I broke up with their son so I could date his best friend... Our Walmart's 'Intamacy' section is on a back wall. The aisles that are in front of it are for shampoo and soap. That's why they saw me. Today my ex texted me and asked me why I needed two boxes since 'I don't like sex' I thought to myself.. 'No, I just didn't like sex with you.'"
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To be continued...

#230 - About FMyLife - On 10/21/2009 at 8:07am by FML Team - 0 comments


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