Here at FML headquarters (a basement under a pet shop), we get to read a lot of comments made after a story is published. We have to do this to make sure things don’t turn into a mud slinging match, racking up Godwin points all over the place. This is a small collection of what we’ve noticed trending amongst some users. Most comments are well thought out and reasonable, but sometimes it's all a bit WTF. This article should however start with a sort of disclaimer: this is obviously not a rant designed to have a go at some FML members. We’re just in the mood to gently mock certain recurring themes, because we’re a bit like that, mocking insolent arsecandles. So, here is a list of themes we’ve noticed in the past two or so years Fmylife has been going:
The “FIRST!!” people:
As the name suggests, they wait for FMLs to be posted just to be able to be first to post a comment. Where do they come from? Why do they do it? What’s the point? We have this Venn Diagram which probably sums it up the best:
There’s a subspecies of this sort of poster, the people who just write random things just to get to the top of the list, stuff like “ha”, short enough to just get in there. Woohoo. Well done.
They will take any chance they have to comment on some poor innocent girl’s profile picture (rarely girls hitting on guys, weirdly), usually saying really attractive things like “ur hot”. Yeah, that’s going to work. Try it out in a bar, see how far it gets you.
The Grammar Nazis
These guys do have a bunch of valid points, but attacking people for poor spelling, grammar, education and for lacking a basic understanding of the way words are usually put together in a coherent fashion is like punching bankers : it’s very satisfying on a basic human level, but doesn’t make anyone a better person. A subgroup to this lot would be the self-righteous brothers, who enjoy pointing out that no, in fact, you are wrong about that, and here's why you are wrong and that I'm right, so there, and that's obviously fake, not because I have any proof, but because it's what I believe, so I must be right about that as well.
The chatroom posse
The comments section is supposed to be about discussing the FML at hand, empathizing, or, in the case of some unmanaged anger issues, kicking someone when they’re down while cackling. But sometimes it turns into a giant chatroom, not unlike an internet youth club, where discussions about whether or not their profile pictures look either “hot” or “not”, question someone else's sexual orientation, whether their parents were blood relatives or not, or if they even know them on a personal basis, and sometimes go on a long mental journey and rehash well worn out jokes (the women/kitchen reference seems very popular, even though it's not 1975). Oh, and they often use txt language, which can be infuriating to most people with eyes.
The moral guardians
This lot are a bit odd; and we don’t really know why they’re on such a profane website as Fmylife. Usually teenage girls, but can be teenage boys, who can't get any and feel the need to lash out at a world that is doing "it" on regular basis. As soon as someone posts a story about sex or pregnancy, they will say things like “serves you right for having sex outside of marriage”. Seems a bit antiquated to us, but we respect everyone’s beliefs, no matter how anachronistic.
The theological debate society
For some reason, debates often spring up about the existence of God, the teachings of Jesus and whether some cults are a better alternative to having any money in your bank account. This is obviously a sort of regular occurrence across the entire Internet, and we try and delete this sort of thing, simply because it’s not the place to have a go at believers or non believers. We, as a team, believe in the power of song and dance, better represented by Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl”.
The obvious trolls
We’ve saved the best for last. And by “best” we mean the most annoying. Trolling is a fine art, it requires finesse, a sense of humour, and the intricate knowledge required to insert a minute and seemingly innocent comment into a discussion to start the ball rolling. But there are also the really obvious ones, no finesse, and straight in with a blunt machete; bad bad bad. Luckily, there are some astute members who can detect them straight away, defeating the purpose of the trolling mission. We are grateful for these members.
We could probably find more examples of what goes on in the FML comments section, but as comments are possible under this article, it’s up to you lot to get the last word. It’s now time to let loose and tell us what you think, and maybe tell us if you’ve spotted some other categories!