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Illustrated FML (262) - About FMyLife (34) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (13) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

The usual FML cheat

So, last week we were all Norwegian and stuff and it felt pretty good, according to Doortje and Edvard Munch. Oh yes Edvard just loves FML. Come on, where do you think he got the inspiration for "The Scream" from? That's such an FML face.
Anyway, today we're going Dutch.

-Who are you ?
-My full name is Oskar van Velden

-Where are you from?
-I'm from Dordrecht, a town nearby Rotterdam in the Netherlands

-How old are you?
-I passed the 30 benchmark last November ;)

-Wasn't it too hard?
-Nah... when you are young, you think 30 is so old... but it's true what they say... 'you are as old as you feel'. And i still feel like I'm mid-20 ... so that's the best age.


-At least, you are honest enough! Now what's your story?
-That's a bit longer than the answer above... but OK...
-(Of course, you have 30years to tell us about)
- Hm hm! Let's start. When I was just a little boy, I wanted to become a comic artist. I drew daily, but when I got older, I came in touch with computers and at some point I found more pleasure in playing games and programming on the computer... instead of drawing comics. Eventually it became my work and I started to miss the drawing and comic creating part of my life. So a couple of years ago I decided I wanted to try to follow that childhood dream I had... in becoming a comic artist for a living. I just had to start my own webcomic to push myself further. And so at the beginning of 2010 I started my own webcomic, Mojo. And ever since I've been drawing and creating comics every week. And still loving it. My biggest inspiration is Bill Watterson with Calvin & Hobbes. Really, that guy is amazing and I'd give my left leg to be as good as he is/was. His writing was amazing, the world he created is stunning and his drawings were so simple, but so clear. (The End)

 

-(Credits roll) What's your job now?
-I'm still working in the computers business I work as a Flash Developer at an interactive online advertisement company. To make things easier, I work as a programmer, I create Flash websites.
-Oh! So you're the guy who creates awful websites full of music and animations that sometimes take hours to load?
-Hhm, oooh! If I do my job right you can skip the music enjoy the animations and the loading is all done in the background, while you enjoy the rest.I know how people feel about Flash websites, but they are way better than 10 years ago... !

-Great, we can continue this interview.
-*phew*
-What are your projects?
-Currently I'm completely focused on maintaining the webcomic. I'm also in the progress of updating the website, adding some more pages, I'm working on a how-it's-made page, where I show how I create the webcomic. The thing is that my webcomic isn't generating any money (yet). And another project is my newborn son, Tobias. He's now 2 months old and a lot of my spare time is going to him.

 

-Does he read FML?
-I read the stories to him every night before going to bed... the problem is that he's too young for most of the stories so I filter out the ones which are rated R.... which are almost all the stories...
-You're the greatest dad ever, now record him while he's dancing in front of a Beyonce's movie-clip or laughing because you're tearing papers up or even after the he visited the dentist, post it on youtube, end up with millions of views and he'll become the greatest son ever.
-I don't think I want to force him into such stardom. let him discover the world step by step by himself.
-(That's not what they did http://www.davidafterdentist.com/ ...)

-What makes you laugh?
-The best laughs I've had were about funny absurd moments... or word jokes. Sometimes they were so silly or you had to be there to understand. That really makes me laugh, being creative with words. Or jokes which are totally absurd. For instance my fellow comic creator and FML illustrator, Dan Long. He sometimes has such an absurd kind of humor, really makes me chuckle.
-~♥Dan Long♥~ ! (Yes, forget about the Biebs, Dan's lock is in the place). And now last question! Why did you choose this FML?
-I really enjoyed how the boyfriend was all naive and thought his girlfriend had cheated on him as well. I could just imagine how he felt... and how she felt after that. It just made me laugh instantly... like a lot of FMLs. And of course I love maths!
-Of course, you're a programmer. A flash programmer. *shiver*

 

 CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 

Well that was fun, for real this time! Thank you very much for both the interview and the comic Oskar, may the force be with you.

 

Oskar's website: http://www.mojocomic.com/

 


If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with her, and she'll tell you what you have to do!

#914 - Illustrated FML - On 04/30/2011 at 12:29pm by Alice - 2 comments

FML video: FML's pillow talk

 

Here's another FML video from our friends at 10secondtraumas.com. Enjoy!

 

 

"Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML"

10secondtraumas.com is first of all three girls: Anna Akana ("Anna Banana", who barks all the time but doesn’t bite – producer, writer, actress), Deidre Devlin (graduated from USC with a degree in screenwriting - also an actress - her ultimate dream is to nab a tampon commercial), and Alexis Dickey (the third actress - more commonly referred to as "Dickey", you can guess why). There’s also Shaun Jones (DP and occasional guest star for 10ST - since he knows how to shoot guns, and because of his camera skills, the girls have to approve everything he says).

 

#926 - Videos - On 04/28/2011 at 7:43am by The FML Team - 171 comments

FML’s video traumas

We’ve come across a team of unsuspecting geniuses. They write, direct, produce and star in a series of 10-second videos under the name 10secondtraumas.com. They’re just starting out, but they are full of promise, and seem to be as prolific and productive as a bunch of rabbits on energy drinks.

When they offered to make clips based on FML stories, we told them, “Why not, let’s give it a shot…” but when we finally clapped eyes on the quality of their work, we jumped up and down, exclaiming stuff like “Yay! That’s ace! Keep going! Have our babies!” They do their shoots on Sundays, and we imagine that they all have day jobs, so we have to wonder when they find the time to sleep… They’ll probably be able to sleep later, when fame knocks at their door, because we can guarantee that these bunnies will soon be famous. 



Who are these nutcases? 

10secondtraumas.com is first of all three girls: Anna Akana ("Anna Banana", who barks all the time but doesn’t bite – producer, writer, actress), Deidre Devlin (graduated from USC with a degree in screenwriting - also an actress - her ultimate dream is to nab a tampon commercial), and Alexis Dickey (the third actress - more commonly referred to as "Dickey", you can guess why).

There’s also Shaun Jones (DP and occasional guest star for 10ST - since he knows how to shoot guns, and because of his camera skills, the girls have to approve everything he says).

Around them is a team of talented actors and movie technicians who view shootings in the same way others paint, thinking more in terms of having fun before considering commercializing their work: they’ve thus understood how to quickly get better at what they are passionate about. 

Oh yeah, below is how these crazy people organize their workload (it made us laugh, it’s a bit like the FML team trying to decide which one of us is going to get the beers).



Don’t hold back on your comments, give them some encouragement; it may be thanks to you that they hit the big time soon.

#920 - Videos - On 04/22/2011 at 5:13am by Didi - 165 comments

Fjord My Life

It's cold, it's far far away and it's a country which serves Reinsdyrsteik, roasted reindeer. This is not a joke. 
Yes! Today we're visiting Norway and which is so cool, not only because the boys and girls are awesomely blond, but because FML has never welcomed a Norwegian artist before. Or a blond artist either. Now that's done, let's enjoy the view of the fjord while interviewing Simon.

 

 

-God morgen Simon, please present yourself to the FML audience
-Simon Gustavsson

-How old are you?
-17

 

-Oh (that's cute) you're pretty young, aren't you shocked by some of the stories you read on FML?
-Yeah haha! No, not really! I'm kinda used to the internet so that's not anything I worry too much about. Though I think there's a bit too much stuff on the "intimacy" section...

 

- That's odd to hear from a teenager. So, Norway, how coldool, but where do you live exactly?
-On a little island called Nøtterøy.


-Oh right. (This interview was done on Skype, and I'd never heard how the "ø" is supposed to sound, so let's ask Simon so we can actually learn something today) By the way, how are you supposed to read the stroked "o" ?
-It's kind of a mix between o and e. It's pronounced like the u in "sure"

 

-What do you do for a living?
-Yeah I'm a student, so I've got no full time job, but I do some freelancing in my spare time! And by freelancing I mean mostly iOS design: icons, UI...

 

 

-What's your story?
-I've always kind of like drawing and also painting, but it never got into something. about 3-4 years ago I started with photoshop, and from there on I kinda tried out all kinds of different stuff. And last year I got invited to a site called dribbble.com which gave me a boost with design and particularly iO. So basically the freelancing I got going today I can thank dribbble for!

 

-Tell us more about this website.
-It's an invite based site (you need to get an invite from one of the members) mainly for designers and illustrators where you can show off a 400x300px screenshot of "what you are working on". It's basically a giant pile of awesome creatives showing off high quality icons, illustrations, UI and logos. And of course, that's where I got my inspiration to start with these things from.

 

-That's a great concept. So what are your next projects?
-Well I'm about to design a full iPhone/iPad game with UI and everything! And some other iOS stuff that I'm not allowed to talk about...

 

-If it involves pigs and birds, you'll be our hero. Just saying.
-Haha yeah!

 

-Now tell us more about your own website
-lookatsimon.com is simply my portfolio, where I showcase my latest creations! And that's mostly icons and iOS stuff!

 

-What inspires you?
-Other peoples work! may it be icons, design, photography or animation, things that looks good makes me want to create stuff!

 

 

-What makes you laugh the most?
-Probably internet memes haha! Or being with funny/creative friends really

 

-And one last question before I let you do Norwegian stuff again: why did you choose this story?
-Because I wanted a story with people that have weird facial expressions, plus illustrating sexual stuff isn't something I prefer illustrating.

 

-That's pretty uncommon for an artist.. In any case, thank you a lot Simon for your great comic!
-Ahah yeah maybe. My pleasure! Now I can go take a shower. I mean, not in a naughty way. But take it as you want!

 

...
You just get us Simon.

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML


HERE: http://lookatsimon.com/

AND HERE: http://dribbble.com/

GOGOGO !

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send me an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#913 - Illustrated FML - On 04/14/2011 at 9:50am by Alice - 4 comments

How To Bag A Geek

Ladies, sometimes in life you need to lower your expectations. You're close to (or already in) your thirties; your hormones are screaming out, you're ready to procreate, and yet you're still single? You need a man.

Once you're in this particular age group, you need to stop deluding yourself. You'll have to pick someone from one of two categories:

- the damaged, who's just realized after a 7 year relationship with his high-school sweetheart that she was cheating on him all along with his best friend. Which sucks. He's lost all faith in love and will soon start collecting rifles or develop Klismaphilia.

- the geek. However, I'm not talking about guys with an iPhone, who kick ass at Plants vs Zombies (they're just naive hipsters). I'm talking about a real geek, with a scraggly mess of hair, poor home-furnishing organised around network cables and RAM strips, and who - his mother excluded - talks to two girls a month, and that's when it's time to grab some food like frozen pizza/coke/noodles at the convenience store. The single and rather cute geek is a relatively untapped resource and somewhat neglected, so GO FOR IT GALS.

I won't go over the benefits of having a geek as a boyfriend and father, nor how to get one; it's all been done before. Instead, I'll give you a surefire guide on how to bag one of these shy boys and get him to do the previously implausible: try to hit on you in a clumsy but cute way.

              illustration by @toadscroack

 

1. Intro: using the network to get your net (to) work

You're used to using your skills on regular guys, and you don't go in for the kill until you've found out as much as you can about your target via Facebook. Unfortunately, the geek may have a rebellious streak (he may be really into being a private and untraceable fellow), and may not have signed up for an account. Your target nevertheless surely runs a blog, or has a Twitter account. Between two notes/rants on downloading regulations, or his last discovery on 4chan, you might find some precious information on him, his tastes, or his "world", as they'd say on American Idol.

2. Talk to me nerdy

You'll score big by talking to him. Remember: what's rare is priceless. But be careful, mistakes are easy to make. The geek values intelligence, even if he doesn't have much himself. He tends to put every girl into the same category: "mammal whose main activity is manicures, shopping, food, interior design, candy-pink themes, culture, Dan Brown and Twilight." Avoid these subjects. For the subjects that matter, check out the footnote. Don't forget to be funny. Geeks have a sense of humor too.

3. Be fully aware of geek culture

As you may know, there is a geek culture. Believe it or not, these people have read a lot in their lives, which might be difficult to believe due to the time they spend on their computers. Luckily for you, this likely took place when they were teenagers and had the time to do so, and these key books are still barely out of reach. After reading the first chapter of Foundation (Asimov), The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams, thin and cheap) or Dune, you'll be able to get to the fabled "someone I can talk to" status. One sort of nail polish is enough; let me remind you that the goal here is to create the conditions for inseminating intercourse, not talk all night. An afternoon in your local library will do it. If you don't have a library nearby, tell him that your favorite books when you were 12 were part of a thrilling fantasy adventure saga in which YOU are the hero.

4. Now play

Realize that geeks are just kids in adult bodies. In my opinion, a quality geek uses a PC, but let me remind you that you are looking for motherhood here. Don't be too picky, and just be content with someone who likes his games if need be, especially if he's a bit hot. It would be a good idea to get some facts about his equipment and memorise some key names. Especially some battle games that you can play together. Picture this: "So you have a X-Box? D'you think you’ll kick my ass at Soul Calibur?" Followed by a giggle and it’s in da pocket.

5. Mind your appearance

Just a small reminder: the geek is a shy and sensitive being. On the other hand, he's got used to the idea of ending up a long-term bachelor, or with a fat and hairy girl. So, you need to be feminine, but at the same time accessible. Choose between the low-cut top and the skirt, and forget about excessive makeup. Be the girl next door; fresh and smiley. No matter what, you'll never be as hot as Seung Mina.

6. Have a chainmail

The chainmail reveals two things. First, maybe once, you were been involved in a LARP (Live Action Role Playing, a kind of fancy-dress gathering of geeks), then you're ready to fight against a zombie attack. In other words, you’re ready to rumble AND you have strong practical sense, meaning you're the perfect woman, worth propagating his genetic heritage.

7. Use Sed to get him to concede

A perfect way to communicate with a geek is via IM. I'll give you my secret weapon, which is like catnip to any geek (a real one, the kind who writes code). It's sed. One day, eventually, you'll make a typing error. Instead of rectifying immediately like normal people do, just type this:

s/[word to replace]/[replacement word]/

It doesn't seem like much - any first grader can do it - but the effect is just pure magic. In practice it looks like this:

>Tenfloril: I love pizza. What's your fav meal?

>Ursula78: I could kill for peking fuck

>Ursula78: s/fuck/duck/

>Tenfloril: BUT

>Tenfloril: BUT

>Tenfloril: BUT

>Tenfloril: Marry me.

The Digital Economy State Secretary and the Population Explosion Ministry sponsored this post. If it's a girl, you can call her Hillary.

 

Article taken from our friend Megaconnard's (Big Bastard) wonderful website!

#891 - Special guests - On 04/09/2011 at 3:25pm by Cecile Flechon, French Journalist @kamacess - 36 comments


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