Inspiration for a blog article can come from all sorts of places. For instance, someone sent us a link to these pictures on Reddit:
We’re not sure if the person who took them was thinking of us, but we’d like to think that we’re the ONLY FML IN THE UNIVERSE. Yes, we invented FML. We created everything. Backrubs? We thought of that. Rhubarb crumble? That was us. You know that white stuff angry people get in the corners of their mouths? We invented that so we could giggle at them to make them even angrier. OK, so we didn’t invent the helicopter, but we could’ve, honest. We’re THAT smart (not counting the time we advised Miley Cyrus to twerk her bony ass at Robin Thicke in public. It was a JOKE, Miley, you weren’t supposed to actually do it.).
Anyway, back to the pictures. Whether we like it or not, we can’t choose our family. Well, you can on the Sims, which is probably what makes the game so popular. No longer does your Dad have to be the guy who stands in the front yard in nothing but graying boxer-shorts and sandals waiting for the postman to deliver his latest copy of 'Guns and Trucks Monthly'.
On FML, we could almost create a whole new category called 'Family' due to the amount of stories we receive about them, whether it's parents being heavy-handed, kids being pains in the buttocks or just the general malaise of family life in the 21st century.
Today, I somehow managed to trap myself in a mosquito net. My dad "rescued" me by calling the whole family in and making a big show of cutting me out of it with his hunting knife. I'm never going to hear the end of this shit. FML
Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML
Sounds bad, huh? Being eyed with suspicion by the people who are supposed to be the closest to you; I’ve felt like that a lot of the time, but then again I’m single, I don’t have kids, I don’t plan on changing any of that, and I like to party (albeit in a mild-manned, very English sort of way). In a lot of family reunions, beyond a certain age, that’s ground for immediate dismissal. You’re an outcast. It doesn't matter that cousin what’s-her-name is cheating on her husband with a guy from work who chews gravel, or that Uncle thingy has been married three times and his kids are morons who steal hubcaps from moving cars; not adhering to the ‘ideal’ of marriage and the ‘nuclear family’ is somehow worse than standing up at a family gathering and showing your swollen genitals, claiming that you caught something rubbing your knob against the neighbour’s dog. Not that I’ve ever done that. Or ever done this:
Today, I was chatting online with several relatives, discussing our family reunion. Bored out of my mind, I clicked to rename the conversation to "Boring shit with almost dead people." I didn't know it'd rename it for everyone. FML
What’s great about families is that they’re never embarrassing. Oh, the ‘never’ is ironic, for those who don’t ‘do’ irony. They’re not always embarrassing, but they can be a great source of shame, from the 'I was a fat ugly baby' pictures shown to a new girlfriend/boyfriend to this sort of thing:
Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML
Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML
Families are also a great source of strife, hatred and tension, because most people can’t be bothered to get along. A lot of the hate is kept hidden, but if you dare to take a peek behind the curtain, you’ll soon see what people really think of each other and what is actually going on beneath the smiles and cucumber sandwiches:
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML
And of course, your mum and dad. As Philip Larkin wrote in his famous poem ‘This be the verse’:
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
On FML, they do stuff like this:
Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML
Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML
We could go on; the list of grievances is endless. Here at FML, we’re all inclusive, all encompassing: no matter what creed or colour you are, we’re just a bunch of like-minded individuals, a huge collection of slightly annoyed people. You could call us your family, your big, dysfunctional, badly dressed, halitosis-infected, clumsy, misguided family. And we love you for it. See at the next reunion; bring some of your famous-for-being-awful potato salad.
Hello everyone! I hope you had an amazing week because today we're welcoming an amazing artist. The comic we're publishing today was made a month ago, during the hot, reassuring summer, but we kept it, we took good care of it, and we thought you'd like it when the terrible S would be back on track. I mean September, of course. Don't worry, our artist of the day knows just how to make you feel better. Thanks to his comic, we're travelling straight to US Route 66, somewhere between laughter and awesomeness.
-What are your name, surname and nickname?
-I'm Remus Brezeanu, but my comic pen name is Rem Broo. I had to come up with a nickname since here in Germany a lot of people can barely say my name, specifically my family name and I don't think in America, where my comics' target market is, it would be any different so I used a simplified version of my name.
-So, you live in Germany but you're not German? Where do you come from?
-I'm originally from Romania and I moved to Berlin in 2008 (and yes, I still don't speak the language).
-Why did you move to Germany then? And don't tell me it's only because of the beer.
-Surprisingly, since I've moved here, I drink more wine than before. Anyway, the story is quite complex. Back in the days, me, my girlfriend at that time, and a bunch of friends, wanted to move out of Bucharest, the capital of Romania and we wanted to move to another city. After a while we ended up in Berlin... Maybe we had too much beer on the night we decided to do so. We were a group of guys willing to start an animation studio and Berlin seemed fun and cheap. But the animation studio was never realised, and from the bunch of guys just me and my ex-girlfriend survived here. So now I'm stuck in this great city.
-That's quite an interesting story. What do you do for a living?
-When the animation studio became just a dream, I found myself into a new city, without knowing the language, or anybody around... And bills to pay! So I did what I do best: comics. Even thought it's not easy money. And while cumulating a lot of debts with friends and the bank, I managed to improve my drawing skills and to learn by myself what comics actually are.
-But you don't work alone, right?
-I do the drawing and the colours too but I prefer to have a scriptwriter to pay me for drawing their idea. Luke Herr is one of the scriptwriters I've worked with. The reason I've thanked him in the comic is that he helped me to improve the dialogue. Together we worked on a webcomic called Sociafist, but I've never finished the third issue. Other projects came along and I decided to put Socialfist on hiatus. I also think that during the time I started the webcomic, my drawing skills become better and better, and I felt like the graphic style in Socialfist doesn't represent me anymore. Then I met James Asmus and Jim Festante, the writers I worked with on "The End Times of Bram and Ben"; it was published at the beginning of this year at Image.
-How do you work?
-I work both ways. I used to draw traditionally, but the moment my income started to get scarce, I had to find a cheaper and faster way to draw. But what I mostly do now is to use pencils traditionally, then scan it, then add digital ink and digital colours if necessary.
-Now, last question! I know, how sad. Why did you choose this story?
-Initially I made a short list of 4-5 stories. And then I did what I do every time: I took refuge inside my mind and I mentally created the drawings for each story. This one specifically made me feel like it was allowing me to express myself the most, plus I found it the most hilarious. During all this creative process I've connected the cop character to one crazy character I did in "The End Times...". That's how I knew this was the story I wanted to do.
-And you turned it into a fantastic comic. Thank you Remus for taking part!
As you all know and feel in your bones, September has begun, which means that summertime fun is over for most of us. Here at FML we’ve been flooded by FASCINATING submissions about how “Today, I have to go back to skool. FML”. We’ve been getting quite a few of these, and it’s scary to see that the word “school” seems to be so hard to spell. If you can’t spell it, you definitely need it.
Anyway, to help with that post-vacation blues which makes a lot of us want to curl up into a ball and weep, here’s a collection of stories that have occurred during the summer. Maybe then we’ll be glad to be back to normal, everyday life, and not outside in the sunshine.
Speaking of sunshine, one thing we won’t miss is heat waves. Granted, not everyone lives in a place where they have heat waves, but then what sort of place is that? Don’t you guys have summer at all? What are you, Scottish?
Anyway, the heat usually means stripping off your clothes and wondering what your sweat glands are actually meant to do, because you don’t feel cool at all; you’re just a dripping mess of sticky confusion from the heat.
It also means that you are more exposed to these sorts of body malfunctions:
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heat wave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heat wave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML
Despite the summer being synonymous with vacations for a lot of people, some of us (yes, even here at FML) still have to work during the long, summer days. Usually taking care of other people who are on holiday:
Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML
Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML
Love usually blossoms during the spring as they say, but come summer it often goes to pot due to temptation:
Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML
Or other people’s meddling:
Today, my girlfriend and I were being driven home from a date by her mother. She's Jewish and I'm Catholic. Her mother was talking about how my girlfriend was going on a trip to Jerusalem that summer. She finished with, "And you can find a nice Jewish boy while you're there." FML
Not every vacation is fun though. The worst I can remember is eating some dodgy seafood in a campsite, then being awoken in my tent by the double threat of food poisoning and a massive storm overhead. These events led to me being huddled with all the other campers under the only stone building in the campsite, which unfortunately also contained the only showers/toilets. I had to hold in my guts, which were at a dangerously high PSI level, all the while sheltering from the wind, rain and flying tents. Awful.
Louis CK's take on family vacations is that, as a father, when he has packed his wife and kids into the car ready to leave and is walking from one side of the car to the driver's side, that short moment is his entire vacation. Family vacations can be some of the most boring and disappointing:
Today, I realized the only reason I was invited to go on vacation with my extended family was so I could babysit everyone's children while the adults go out and have fun. FML
Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML
Summer also means exposed flesh. Hey, I can’t help it if it’s hot and I want to walk around my apartment in just my flip-flops, you shouldn’t be staring through my window in the first place, pervy old lady across the street. And you can keep those rude notes you shoved through my letterbox, it’s supposed to be that size and colour.
Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML
But even after all that, we’d still like to go back on vacation. I myself dream of a full week off work on a beach, in somewhere like Tunisia or Morocco. I hear Syria is pretty cheap at the moment. Anyway, who wouldn’t like a week with an open bar and a beach? I know I do (hey boss, are you reading this?).
Let’s all look forward to our next vacation; doing so will help us put up with the daily slog of work, school, being human. As The Jam sang, “Watching the telly and thinking 'bout your holidays” is our entertainment until then.
In the meantime, we’re here to help put a smile on your face (but we don’t have an open bar at FML, you’ll have to pay for your own cocktails).
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to… Today, at work, a customer left their cell phone behind. I tried to see if there were any pictures… Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started…