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Stop everything you're doing right now, there's an (almost) naked lady in today's illustration! Plus, there's a puppet AND doctors. It's the perfect illustration, made by Gemma Correll, our British artist of the day. Check out her interview!

 

 

-Gemma, welcome on board! First, what's your name, surname, nickname if you have one?
-Gemma - Correll - Bear (long story)

-(So I'm not allowed to ask you anything about it? Okay. Damn.)How old are you?
-I'm 28 years old.

-Where do you live?
-Norwich, England

-What's your job?
-I'm a freelance Illustrator - I design T-shirts and greetings cards (among other products), I draw pictures for magazines, I illustrate books - and I draw a lot of cats.

-What's your journey?
-I have drawn pictures forever, but I'm still surprised that I've made it my career.


-What are your inspirations?
-People and animals that I meet, Overheard conversations, the weather, coffee, my Pugs Mr Pickles and Bella, Books, Movies. I can be inspired by pretty much anything, to be honest. Even doing my Tax Return gave me some good ideas. Also it also made me want to kill myself.

-Do you read webcomics? If so, which ones?
-I love Kate Beaton's and Liz Prince's comics. I'm not sure if they are really "webcomics" but they are comics and they are on the internet, so I guess that will do.... and PUSHEEN. Pusheen is my favourite.


-Tell us more about your website and the creations you're selling?
-I wanted my website to be a reflection of my work and fun to use (so I hope it is). I make a lot of products, including comics, printed tote bags and badges and sell them in my online shop. I like making my own products, it's a bit different from the commissioned work that I spend most of my time doing. It feels more personal and fun.

-Aaaah, this is the last question! Even after two years I still hate this part. I don't wanna say goodbye... why did you choose this FML story?
-Gynecological stories are ALWAYS funny... aren't they?
-Yes they are! Unless you're the one with your legs open.

 

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Gemma's website : http://gemmacorrell.com/

 

 

#1245 - Illustrated FML - On 04/11/2012 at 9:00am by Alice - 0 comments

La Gourde's illustrated FML

Hi gang! Welcome to this week’s illustrated FML! As you will find out, this week we’re all about the lovin’. Summer is just around the corner and layers of clothes are being shed. Admit it, when you’ll come across a cute girl/hot guy in the street you’ll be like this. And as for the lovin’, well, even between animals it can be quite beautiful.

So, who is the artist of the week, the person behind the illustration that will be featured all week long? Let’s get to know the person holding the pencil: she reckons herself to be “old”, but 34 is still quite young, young enough to be considered sprightly and fresh. She’s from Lille in France, and is called Maëla Cosson, AKA “La Gourde”.

What’s her story? “I ink comic strips, a job I started thanks to people I met over the Internet (yeah, because you don’t leave a guidance councilor’s office at 15 thinking, ‘Yeaaah, inking comic strips, that’s what I wanna do for a career!’) Up until that point I’d had a string of crap jobs, so I at last I had the feeling that I’d been promoted to brain surgeon or blues singer, something cool that I wasn’t embarrassed to admit to doing. And as a side project, I work on my blog where I go into details about my childhood.”

Maëla is very talented, so much so that her peers selected her to be part of the artists included in the “Blog revelations” at the Angouleme Festival. But what’s being an inker all about then? “Essentially, it’s being able to alter a page. To start with an absence of colours and make it into something quite personal, even if most of the time there’s obviously a whole bunch of constraints, and that for a lot of series, a personal touch is most often frowned upon. That’s mainly what irks me about the job, the lack of space in which to maneuver. We’re often obstructed by editors who don’t want to take any chances (authors are also the same) and most of all marketing constraints are a hindrance. It’s really frustrating. My blog serves as a place where I can let loose, I can write and draw whatever I want, however I want. The fact that it draws on something so personal makes it important to me. I can let myself flow without thinking of stuff like ‘this has to be orientated to girls, but also boys, young people, old people, rich people and pets’ (yes, I hate marketing people).”

We should also mention that La Gourde studied to become a dressmaker, and has diplomas hidden away somewhere. Without going into too many details, she says that it’s the result of a mistake made during her youth, but that being young allows you to make certain mistakes, and she has no regrets about having made them. After years of doing “f*** all”, she then had a few jobs to pay the bills, before discovering computers and the Internet. She was then introduced to inking, and her career was on its way.

She’d now like to, “work less, to be less stressed out. In 2011 I almost turned into an inking machine and I didn’t like it at all. And I’d like to work on my blog, because as time goes by, I get more and more enthusiastic about creating stuff for it.”

Now, what better way to get to know her better than with a few questions that’ll be sure to define who she is as a person.

Dogs or Cats? 
Cats, definitely. Dogs smell, take up a lot of room, need to show off all the time, come with a lot of constraints, and cherry on the cake, they BARK. Their fans will cry out, “But they’re expressing themselves!!” but I reckon that if they learnt to do it at a volume of less than 50 dB I might change my opinion of them. And the fact that they are so obliging makes them totally pathetic in my opinion… but I’m not totally disingenuous, so I’ll add that they can be useful. But I’m not a crazy cat lady; as someone who lives amongst them, I admit that they’re particularly self-interested and stubborn. But at least they DON’T BARK.

Who are the main artists that you like and whose blogs you often check out?
I check out quite a lot, so to only mention only a few of them may seem unfair. Let’s say that I the ones I always await updates from are also the most well known: (Boulet, Marion Montaigne, Guillaume Long, and Pénélope’s travels are also interesting to read, but I must be forgetting some as well…). I really like to be told stories, it’s what will make the whole difference. I have a lot of affection for the more “talkative” blogs (and when you read mine, you can understand why). I also enjoy other, less longwinded but talented artists, but I’m not going to start reeling off a huge list, which would be boring (thus avoiding you the chore of sticking a bunch of links everywhere).

What are the latest things that you enjoyed at the movies, musically and/or books/comics?
Going to the movies for me can be summed up as a more or less long period of time when you have to remain seated without being productive (and real movie theaters are awful, getting you to shell out money to get to sit next to people grazing on pop corn while kicking your seat. Great). But to answer your question, the last thing I enjoyed on my TV screen was Komodo vs. Cobra. A monument. Not to be missed, especially for the special effects. As for music, I recently discovered Band of Skulls, which I really like. I usually discover stuff after everyone else. I’m currently trying to read fantasy and science fiction after years and years of crime novels (I recommend Joe R. Lansdale’s books). The last attempt ended in a huge headache and some consternation. I’ve just finished Brent Week’s Night Angel trilogy, which I highly recommend.

Here’s the bit where you can tell us some more personal stuff, what you like from life, your hobbies, passions, vices and day to day pleasures.
If I say that I enjoy gardening, growing vegetables and flowers, and that added to that I feed birds, observe them and build them little bird houses, I’m going to seem to be a huge hippie, aren’t I? And to add to my embarrassment, I like jigsaw puzzles. Besides that, I like usual everyday stuff: reading, absolutely no action between the sheets, drinking some nice wine or beer, and eating nice things.

Do you have a crap joke to share with us?
Yeah, but it’s not crap at all. It’s a man who goes up to a policeman, with a penguin in tow.
-“Hello officer, I’ve found this penguin and I don’t know what to do with him
-You should take him to the zoo.
-That’s a great idea, thanks!
The next day, the police officer comes across the same guy, still with the penguin.
-“What happened? Didn’t you take him to the zoo?
-Yeah I did, he loved it. We’re now off to catch a movie.”

It’s the best joke in the whole world.

Do you have a phobia? If so, what is it?
I don’t think so. I used to be afraid of cars, and would cry if I were sat in front of a steering wheel. Now that I have a driver’s license, I’m cured. I don’t like cockroaches either. But I don’t get all hysterical about them.

To end the interview, ask yourself a question and then answer it.
-“Isn’t it time to go to bed?
-Yeah, it totally is!”

 

To check out this week’s illustrated FML, click here.

 

That’s us done for the week. Next week we’ll be back with something else to show you, so say tuned. But before we go, here are a few things we found on the Internet this week. Like this cat for example who thinks he’s a dog, before noticing that he’s being filmed, or this guy who has a strange reaction to a breathalyzer. See you soon!

 

Got talent and want to take part? Send an email to julien@fmylife.com, containing a link to your blog, or some samples of your work.

#1241 - Illustrated FML - On 04/06/2012 at 9:12pm by Julien - 0 comments

April Fool's Headcase Special

Yes, that time of year is back. The 1st of April, with its good-humored japes and misleading statements aimed to confuse and trick people into believing absolutely anything. A couple of decades ago, BBC television in the UK transmitted a short documentary about “pasta trees”, in which we were shown spaghetti growing on trees, and people fell for it. These days, the tricks are more or less subtle. In France there’s a tradition of sticking fish on people, which let’s face it is a bit shit, and not that funny compared to slyly placing a piece of paper with “Kick me up the arse, I’m into that sort of thing” on someone’s back. People won’t always comply, but some will and merriment will be enjoyed all round. Aaah, April fool’s day, so good we should have it every year.


I’m not going to bore you with tricks you could get up to; we might get sued by people who are health and safety conscious (or just spoilsports who’d complain and try to sue anyone and anything if things aren’t up to their tight-assed expectations. Learn to roll with the punches, people). No, my aim for today is to go over some of the weirdly awkward submissions we have received over the years which have made many a moderator (both the in-house staff and the helpful people who use the auto-moderation system on the website) go “WTF?” Sometimes we wonder if these submitters are high, misguided or are just trying to wind us up. The tenuous link to April Fool’s day is that we are so baffled by these submissions is that when reading them we often wonder if we’ve time travelled to another dimension where every day is April Fool’s day.
 
Without further ado, here’s an example of what we received one day:

Today, i found OUT what shat meant. then i F my cat with my bedazzeled dildo. then i took a steamy piss in the kat box with my VaGINA. FML


See what I mean? It’s like someone threw a scrabble board against a wall and wrote down the result (which coincidentally is also how they wrote the last three seasons of Lost)
 
Sometimes we get submissions that are like little jokes, but they aren’t really jokes, fooling nobody:

Today, a monkey bit my weiner. Now it smells like a banana. FML


Thanks for that.
 
Other times we get submissions from totally disturbed people, stuff involving members of their own families and sexual encounters between them which are so odd that I don’t even want to consider posting them here. But we do get things like this:

Today, I had to get an abortion because I scewed my dog. It was a bitch. FML


Then there’s just the “stories” than make you want to face-palm in triplicate:

Today, I walked into my room to see my roommate staring intently at a snail. When she heard me, she jumped up, grabbed the snail, and shoved it into her pocket before rushing past me out of the door. She still hasn’t returned. It’s been 6 hours. I’m worried. FML


Today, while peeing, I noticed my pee smelt like mashed potatoes. I decided to drink it to see if it tasted like mashed potatoes. It didn’t. FML


I just asked my half-asleep mom if she knew which toothbrush was mine and she said no and I was like alright I’ll just brush with my hand and I started to brush with my hand and then I was thinking “WAIT WHAT IF THIS IS SOMEONE ELSE’S HAND” and I freaked out until I realized that wasn’t possible COOL.


Along the same lines we get totally absurd ones that make you lose IQ points just by reading them:

i managed to decapitate an ant by farting


Today my dick turned into a pretzel…FML.


Today, I stared at my turd long enough to realise it looked like a penguin. FML


Last night I got so drunk I fell off my dinosaur. He beat me home and ate my entire stash. Now I’ve got a T-rex in my room yaked out of his crayon….. FML.


Today, I was eating a pineapple when I realized it was really my hamster. Who has AIDS. FML


to day i found out that i have had a dildo inside my stomach since birth


jager bombs+ sauerkraut + applesauce + corn flakes= waking up with a super hairy back? Fml


 We also get stories that sort of start off like actual plausible FMLs, but then veer off into uncharted territory at the end:

Today i was hit by a car, it was being driven by some drunk babies FML

Today, I was hugging my mother, and then bubbles came out of my foot. FML.

Today, I realized I like to smell of my own eye fluid. FML

Today, I learned that Scotland is responsible for smelly farts and dried boogers. FML


A lot of them are based around sexual proclivities that make you wonder how many freaks are out there. Not so much because they actually do these things, but because they even come up with these ideas in the first place:

Today, I got aroused by watching a phone charger go into the wall. FML

 

I was abducted by Aliens, they wouldn’t even give me the anal probe!

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when my penis fell off and my girlfriend’s vagine blew up. I now know I should’ve paid attention in Sex Ed. FML


Today, while on meth, I brutally ripped of my penis in an attempt to kill a fly. FML


Today, I was castrated by a forklift.FML


 So there you have it. You now understand that for FML moderators, every day really is April Fool’s day. The weird and wonderful all flock to us to share their innermost thoughts and fantasies, and we have a hard time wondering why on earth they think that we’d ever publish their ramblings, or whether they’re actually trying to mess with our heads.
 
On another note, if these “FMLs” entertained you, don’t hesitate to join in the fun and click on our homepage’s “Moderate the FMLs” button; you never know, you might get to read some more of these wacky submissions. We’d certainly be grateful for the help separating the wheat from the chaff.
 
One last one before I go:

today my car keys were stolen, i found them in my brothers butthole…fml


You, my friend, have issues.
 
Feel free to use the comments section underneath this article to tell us your own insane April Fool's stories!

Enjoy yourselves, and be excellent to each other.

#1237 - About FMyLife - On 03/31/2012 at 11:45am by Alan/FML Team - 9 comments

The FML dream

USA, USA, USA; well, almost. Today we're not welcoming a French artist, not even an American artist, but an artist from... oh, you'll see! Are you in a hurry or something? Why can't we just sit down, have a nice cup of tea and talk about the future? Okay, I see some of you starting to fall asleep, I'll start the interview then!

 

-Idan Schneider hello, welcome to FML, introduce yourself to the audience, where do you live?
-Hey everyone! I live in suburban Tel-Aviv, Israel.

-How old are you?
-I was born the same year Star Wars was published. (The original one, not the special edition...) You do the math.

-(So you were born in year Awesome, nice). What's your job?
-My formal education is in software engineering, and up until recently I was a Product Manager in the software industry. A few weeks ago I decided that after almost a decade of non-stop work, it's time to take some time for myself, and so in a bold (stupid?) move I quit my job. On the bright side, this gives me plenty of time to do useless crap like this FML gig.

-FML vs. software engineering, what a beautiful fight. So how's life now that you quit?
-Pretty much the same, only now my life has a meaning and I can see colors again...

 



-And that is pretty helpful for an artist. Let's talk about your webcomic, C-Section, why did you create it?
-Well, I've been drawing ever since I remember myself, but I kept my art hidden in my desk drawer for most of my life. When I turned 30, I had a mini "mid-life crisis". Most people spend their mid life crisis on chasing whores getting drunk, but me, I decided to publish my art (to my wife's delight). I started a web comic without really knowing anything about web comics or blogging. C-Section comics started slow at first, but week after week it gained more and more fans. Then I published this cartoon about how iPhone, Android and Blackberry users see each other, which went insanely viral - and that gave a real boost to my readership. Ever since then my best cartoons have been published in sites such as TechCrunch, Geeks are Sexy, Make Use Of, CNET, (takes a deep breath) etc.

-What are your inspirations for this webcomic?
-Artistically-wise, as a kid I was inspired mainly by French comics - especially Asterix the Gaul (I have almost every book in the series). I also used to read a lot of Mad Magazine. Today with the internet you have access to almost any form of art out there so I can't really limit my current influences to anything particular. But if you'll ask me which three webcomics I enjoy most reading, I'd say Dilbert, SMBC and "Cyanide & Happiness". Will you ask me that?

-Yes, we can see the American influence in your drawings. But there's a question I'm DYING to ask you, and please be honest Idan, I know it's getting personal but, what are your favorite webcomics ?
-Well this interview is soooooo over! (Please don't end it, I'm sorry, I'll be good)

 

 

-You're such an artist Idan. Does living in Israel affect your creations?
-Not really, most of my cartoons are mostly about everyday topics that anyone anywhere in the world could relate to, like why your mom shouldn't be your facebook friend, or why we all hate going food shopping, or the differences between how men and women choose their underwear. In fact, most of my audience come from The States, Germany, India the UK so there's a lot of diversity here.

-What are your next projects?
-Well, I'm working full speed ahead on publishing new cartoons on C-Section Comics, so feel free to follow my cartoons on the site (www.csectioncomics.com) or on Facebook (www.facebook.com/csectioncomics). I'm also drawing personal caricatures which can be ordered at http://www.YourPersonalCartoonist.com .

-And now last question Idan! (I know, don't cry.) why did you choose this FML story?
-I wanted to reply to Mike Jacobsen. Plus it gave me a chance to draw my 3 favorite things: blondes, dogs, and blondes having sex with dogs. God, I need help. FML.
-Well, thank you for your honesty Idan, it was a great interview (and a funny way to find out that you need to see a shrink).

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Idan's webcomic :  http://www.csectioncomics.com/
#1233 - Illustrated FML - On 03/30/2012 at 1:52pm by Alice - 0 comments

R.I.P. FML

If the title got you here because you thought FML was going to shut up shop, then I'm evil. Of course, today's headline only refers to the great comic Pen Goto created for us! Speaking of today's illustration, no animals were hurt in the making of this comic, so no blubbing, okay? The little kitty is fine, he's just missing a tail now, but we all know tails are useless. Alan can confirm this. Pen Goto, here we come!

-Hello dear "Pen Goto", what's your real name?
-My real name is a mystery! I usually prefer to be called Pen.

-How old are you lovely lady?
-I'm 21.

-And where do you live? Because if you're a British citizen, you're just a middle-aged woman, and if you're from the United States, your life has only just started.
-I live in the United States.  I didn't know that about British citizens, that makes me feel young!

-Ooooh, it means I'm allowed to talk to you about alcohol, sex and drugs. And that's great because that's exactly what I'm NOT going to talk about! Are you a student?
-So I can't talk about raping the caps lock button, drinking root beer, and being addicted to the internet? Darn. Yes, I am a student.

-What are you studying?
-I am studying web design and animation. In animation I learned how to use 3ds Max, Maya, Mudbox, and Motion Capture.  And in web design I use Dreamweaver and Photoshop. I learn a lot about the programs so it's nice.

-Why did you choose animation over illustration?
-I love film and animation and I wish to pursue a career in that field.

-Neh, that answer is just too polite. We wanna know all the dirty secrets. We haven't welcomed many animators on FML, it seems like a difficult field, so, why would you choose it?
-To be honest, animating is difficult for me and I prefer to avoid it if I can. If it's 3d animation, I like to model and texture. If it's 2d, I like doing concept art and story development. It is hard work and a difficult field to get into... And my dirty secret, I just like telling a good story and presenting that story in a sequence of events.

-So, what would be your dream job?
-My dream job would be a director for an animated movie, like Miyazaki or Tim Burton.

-That's what I was going to ask, what are your inspirations?
-Miyazaki and Tim Burton. Their storytelling is full of magic and the message stays with you. You can watch their movies and hit replay all day long.

-We can see in the FML you drew that you have a dark side (Tim Burton's style). Why did you choose this story?
-It's a sad story, but the way the author wrote it is very humorous. It has that dark humor that I enjoy and it was very easily to visualize.

-And thanks to you, it's now easier for us to visualize it. Thanks for taking part.
-Thank you for having me and make sure I sound smart in this interview!

 

 

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


 

#1229 - Illustrated FML - On 03/22/2012 at 2:01pm by Alice - 4 comments


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