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Illustrated FML (282) - About FMyLife (43) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (15) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

Jul's Illustrated FML

Hello there! I’m glad to be here to greet you once more. I was just at the zoo with Paris Hilton checking out the kangaroos when suddenly… Well, I’ll let you work that one out.

I’ve now got a guest to introduce. He’s 30 years old, he’s from France and he’s called Julien Rocca, AKA Jul, Forza Pedro or officially Forza Jul for the upcoming comic books in the stores. A young man then, but what does he do? “I sleep a lot, or I play with my games consoles. I like making little cartoons, I like playing video games, and I like making music… I just miss the peacefulness that I can’t find in Paris, but I’m soon going to fix that by leaving the capital next year.”

His latest news is “a lot of things” he says. “A big new game. I’d even say my first ‘real’ video game called Finding Teddy! It’s coming out on iPhone and PC. As for comics, the blog is on stand-by because of work. Even if I haven’t announced it officially yet, the first Tapeworm Boy volume should appear in 2013, and that’s great.”

Great news then, achieved through many years of hard work. “I started work quite young. I liked school, high school, all that, but I needed money! I did all sorts of things, I worked in a bookstore, salesman, even metalwork for the aviation business. Then when I’d had enough, I became a graphics designer for a games company, and then opened my own company with a friend. This is where I still am, and that’s fine by me.”

Project wise, games, comic books, music (an album to be listened to!) and a collection of pixel art illustrations. Jul also takes part when he wants to the Strip Science project. “I have projects all the time, the only problem is finding the time.” Come on man, having too much work is never a problem. Right, next.

Dogs or cats?
Cats, no contest. Even though I must admit I love Chihuahuas, you can’t really say that they’re dogs, they look odd.

The last things you liked at the movies, in music, books and comics?
In music, it’s Disasterpiece (a composer for many games, such as FEZ), with whom I’m working for Finding Teddy. Movie-wise, The Avengers. For books, I’d say Pandora by Peter F. Hamilton. As for comics… I don’t read that many, but I’ve been rediscovering the Calvin & Hobbes ones recently, they never get old.

Who are the main artists you like and whose blogs you visit regularly?
All my crew, Jean Paul Pognon, Jibé, Antoine, Pierrot, Luchie, Louna, Dragib, Tristan and his blog Autostrip… All my friends. After which, I visit whenever I think to do so which isn’t often.

Tell us what you enjoy in life, your passions, pastimes, vices, everyday pleasures.
Besides gaming, music, comics and drawing… I’d say science, ancient cultures and civilizations. I really like insects, the way they operate, everything that concerns animals… Boring things really. 
As for everyday pleasures… I love getting to work, when I make my coffee and I check out my emails or the latest news on the Internet. When I’m at home with my family in front of the TV, under a blanket. And finally, I really enjoy annoying my nearest and dearest and my cat.

Can you tell us a terrible joke? Possible joker: if you don’t have a joke, you can tell us your worst FML.
A joke I heard in a Gamerside podcast: “What do you call three gay guys fucking? The one in the middle’s birthday.”

As for an FML: During a new year’s eve, I went home sick because of too much booze + a big sticky cake. In the subway, there was a woman in front of me and I threw up a big shit-brown thing on her feet. She ran away screaming a big disgusted “aaaaaaaah.” I was so embarrassed I got off at a stop that wasn’t mine; I threw up again in a trashcan, and then waited for AN HOUR for another train (it was at night). When I got home, I went to bed still in my clothes. The next morning, my grandmother knocked on my apartment door for coffee. When I opened the door, she said; “Oh you’ve been up to no good again, haven’t you?” I still had vomit on my shoes.

Do you have a phobia? If so, what it is?
Water, in large quantities, is synonymous with death. Which means I can’t swim.

 

And to see this week’s FML, click here.

 

Not bad, huh? I’ll leave you with some videos, first off with this one that I didn’t want you to miss (even if you’ve maybe seen or heard it today). There are also the solid dependable morons and their stupid ideas to make us laugh, as demonstrated here. Have a nice week, weekend, and see you next Saturday!

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do! 

#1327 - Illustrated FML - On 10/05/2012 at 6:30am by Julien - 2 comments

The FML friend request

Goooooooooooooodmorning! So how was your wall this week? Full of not-so-private messages? Yeah, us too. As you already saw, today's comic is all about Facebook. And before you ask, the illustrations we publish are made weeks before their publication, so no need to call Fox News too tell them it's a conspiracy. Sow, our artist of the day, and I have NOTHING to do with it. If we wanted to mess with Facebook, we would have created a fantastic tool that would automatically change any pictures of booze with kitties. Then you could be friends with your mom or your boss without suffering the consequences. But that's a whole other story. Let's get to the interview shall we.

 

 

-What are your name, surname and nickame? 
-I am Sow Ay, I don't like saying my real name since many people really think my name is Sow, so I won't spoil it. 

-And why did you choose this nickname?
-Sow Ay because "So Why".

-How old are you?
-I'm 21 ( but people usually think I'm 16.) 

-Where do you live?
-I live in France, but I'm thinking of moving to the UK.

-What do you dor for a living? 
-At the moment, I'm a graphic designer, but after my fixed-term contract I'll see..

 

 

-What's your journey? 
-After my A level, it was kind of chaos, I couldn't find a public school which would accept me so I did as I could, internships, little jobs, workshops, short graphic design training, imaginary friends and worlds. And working by myself on many projects and collaborations on spacegeek.fr and my blog.

-What are your inspirations? 
-Hmm.. My inspiration comes from all and nothing... I spend a lot of time on the internet watching many things, TV shows, comics, listening to music, reading some blogs, reading some stupid and useless news. I have to admit that I love trolling some stupid girlies (we call them "kikoolol" in French) on facebook, which are the subject of some of the notes on my blog. And listening to music again and again. I like thinking of new worlds and atmospheres with music in my ears... My inspiration is very extensive and I would like my creative universe to be extensive too.

-Do you read webcomics ? If so, which ones?
-If I follow paper comics instead of author on the internet, is it okay ? I still like having the real comics in my hands. The webcomics I read are especially short comics.

 

-Tell us more about your website?
-My blog is a place in which I show many of my works, many different projects, share some funny stuff (real or not). It is a part of my world. I am the manager and my characters are helping me. But my projects are not only there, I am actually wondering what I am gonna do of with projects... I don't even know where I will be in 2 weeks! There are many ideas in my mind, comics, music, some weird atmospheres I would like to make happen. I don't know at all what the result will be... But I want it to be really HUGE... Just Wait and See... So much progress to make... (Damn, I'm going on about my life, I hate that!)

-Ah, last question before we let you go eat Camembert again. Why did you choose this FML story? 
-Maybe it's my facebook addict side... It also reminds me a stupid anecdote, I asked a dude who he was on facebook (he had one of my works as a cover picture), and 2 months afterwards, I finally understood by seeing his name that it was my father... FML!

 

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Sow's website, and yes, it's in English Sow-Ay


If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do! 

 

 

#1326 - Illustrated FML - On 09/27/2012 at 1:43pm by Alice - 6 comments

FML's Awkward Bodies

 
     Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
 
     No matter how old we are, we all go through phases in our lives when our bodies let us down. We droop, we smell, we break, we sprain, we trip over ourselves, gases seep out when we least expect them to, nature calls when we clearly want to be left alone, our nerves make us sweat, bumble, mumble, blurt, spurt and fumble. We want to do our best, but out bodies wont let us, our minds and our organs are constantly fighting a battle, and our minds are losing big time. The brillant Louis C.K. said of his first sexual encounter with a girl, “As soon as she touched my dick, I came and started farting.” You can imagine that on FML we have a large selection of this sort of occurrence, so if you’ve ever felt like taking your body back to the shop to exchange for a better model, or just hoping for an upgrade, read on because you’re not alone.


 
     Sometimes, we’re just hapless victims, illness has taken over our bodies, we’ve been prescribed some sort of voodoo medication, or we’ve just had shitty luck.
 
     Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML
 
     Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML
 
     Today, after a particularly difficult late night workout at the gym, I decided to shower in the locker room. I must have passed out, because I later woke up naked, surrounded by police after someone called to report a dead body in the shower. FML
 
     Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML


     Other times, it’s our entire fault, brought on by drinking and eating too much, being an idiot and generally behaving like a total numpty.
 
     Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML
 
     Today, I had a hard time taking a dump. Before flushing, I noticed two pennies and a dime incrusted in my turd. It seems that yesterday, while drunk, I swallowed some change. FML
 
     Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML


 
     Many body issues are age-specific.
 
     Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML
 
     Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML
 
     Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML
 
     Today, I was with my 6th grade class. During recess, we were talking about growing up and getting older. I said that one day, they'd start to look like me. Two of my students started crying. FML
 
 
     Some of us wish to improve ourselves; we strive for success and try our hardest to make our bodies work properly. Or at least without them creaking so much. But it doesn’t always work out like in the movies, where the training sessions are a 30-second clip set to a rousing power ballad. In real life it’s 30 minutes set to the sound of your heart popping out of your ears and sweat pooling in your crotch.
 
     Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig. FML
 
     Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML
 
     Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML


 
     But we have to admit that most of us, me included, are just out of shape. Our bodies are run down, and are in dire need of a jump-start, a new fitness regime. Or not. You can just let it slide, sit back and accept that you’re lazy and carefree. Who wants to be one of those lycra-clad people in the gym anyway? They look like pod-people training to become humans and take us over.
 
     Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
 
     Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML
 
     Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML
 
 
     There are many more categories and FMLs that could’ve been included, and I’m guessing that while reading this you probably thought of that time that you did that thing that still makes you groan with shame. But now you know that we’ve all been there, done that and got the mental scars to prove it. When I remember something really embarrassing that I’ve said or done in the past, no matter how long ago, I do actually make a noise, almost like sticking my fingers in my ears and going “lalalalala” as if I’m trying to consciously erase the memory from my mind. It never works; these things still haunt me, especially at 3:15am for some reason.

     Anyway, here’s to our bodies enabling us to enjoy many more embarrassing, shameful and awkward moments, without them we wouldn’t know what feeling good would feel like.

#1325 - Ramblings - On 09/25/2012 at 3:45am by Alan - 4 comments

TWOFLAG's Illustrated FML

Hello my turkeys! What? Turkeys are cute! When they wiggle their little legs, going GOBBLE GOBBLE, they’re worth all the kittens in the worlds. AT THE VERY LEAST. Before I start this article, I’m going to finish my Batman yoghurt and then move this TV which is in the way. OK, I’ll stop messing around. Especially since we’ve got a guest waiting.

A guest who doesn’t want his real identity to be revealed to the general public (probably a KGB secret agent) so we’ll call him by his pseudonym, TWOFLAG (an English sounding pseudonym to disguise his Russian identity, classic). He’s 31 years old, lives “near Strasbourg in France” and he says that he’s unemployed but is starting up as an independent graphics designer-illustrator. If that doesn’t support the conspiracy theory, I don’t know what will.

In any case, to be able to express his artistic side, to create and amuse people, what he needs are “contracts and money”. This immediately becomes a bit more believable. His latest news? “Not much… And how are you?” Well, we’re OK, dear TWOFLAG. Your latest news is taking part in this illustrated FML. That’s not too bad for a start!

His education was “a bit chaotic”; he did some training in sales but didn’t get his high school diploma as he didn’t like what he was doing. He then went on to do little jobs here and there, after which he trained to use Illustrator. This led to a first job as a production technician in advertising (all sorts of placards), then a second job as a production manager, still in advertising. Since then he’s now still looking for a job, so he’s set up his own company. “And here I am!” 

Any projects then? “I’m working on a book for children, about a cute (or sort of cute) dog. We’re waiting for feedback from publishers to finalize (or not) the project.”

OK, let’s move on the next part of our spy’s… erm, guest’s interview. I really had to drag it out of him.

Cats or dogs?
I love both, but I have a soft spot for cats.

What have you enjoyed recently at the movies, in music, books and comicbooks?
At the movies, The Avengers, which I really loved. Music: Gotye, which was a gift for my mom to start with but which I ended up liking. Books, books… Books? Hard to pick just one… Ok then, let’s say The Goon, a great series by Eric Powell.

Who are the main artists you like and whose blogs that you visit regularly?
On the Internet, I visit few blogs really, I go through flick-r or fotolog a bit, the café-salé forum, and random illustrators sites… Or I play free games like fourmizzzz… And VDM at least once a week.

Tell us what you enjoy in life, your passions, pastimes, vices and everyday pleasures.
Friends, eating, sleeping, doing nothing much, lazing around and napping.

Tell us a crap joke. Possible joker, you can tell us a personal FML.
Two drunks are propping up a bar, and one says to the other: "How much does a gas weigh?"
The other says "A gas? Well… A gas is a bit like air… It doesn’t weigh anything…"
The first guy then says "OK then… I must’ve shit myself."

Do you have a phobia? If so, what is it?
Spiders and heights.

To finish off, ask yourself a question you would’ve liked to have been asked and then reply if you want to.
What is Spongebob Squarepant’s point of view of pathogenesis of the hermaphrodite squid or oriental Moldavia in an underwater volcanic setting?
-> Only Spongebob Squarepant can answer that question.

 

To see this week’s illustrated FML, click here.


Thanks for reading, and see you next week! But first, here are some videos! You know that I like to show you what the Internet can come up with regarding parodies, so first watch the NONONONO cat video. Then watch this. Bye!

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with het, and she will tell you what you have to do!

#1324 - Illustrated FML - On 09/21/2012 at 8:12pm by Julien - 0 comments

Who's your FML daddy?

WE ARE. 
Good morning everybody! Enough with "creepy faces" (yeah, we heard your pain) and zombies because love (and s.e.x) is back on FML, thanks to the brand new artist that we're featuring today. Kevin isn't the type of artist we usually welcome, his story is one of the most inspirational that we've ever been told. Have you heard about the "minus times a minus equals a plus" thing? Well, that's what today is all about. Kevin, it's your time to shine!

 

 

-What's your name?
-My name is Kevin Lee!

-How old are you?
-I just turned 23-years-old a few weeks ago


-Where do you live?
-I live in Red Bluff, California in the USA.

-What's your job?
-Part intern at a networking/IT company, part freelance graphic designer, and former student saving up cash to go back.

-What's your journey?
-I actually wasn't born with a pen in one hand and a sketchbook in another. In fact, until I was 18-years-old I could hardly draw stick figures passably. I have a disease called Osteogenesis Imperfecta, known mainly for our brittle bones, severe scoliosis is something more worrying for us. I ended up having a spinal fusion surgery where it was actually a bit touch and go at some points, but ended up OK. Recovery for spinal fusion surgeries, at least for people with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, takes at least one year before you're in a somewhat manageable state pain wise... One goes a bit crazy when they're bed ridden for nearly 12 months, so you really need to find something to keep your mind stimulated. I grew bored of the videogames and books I had, so one day (a few weeks after my surgery) I grabbed a pencil and paper and started doodling. Eventually I'd look up a video on youtube on how to draw certain things, then I began ordering books on anatomy, started emulating cartoons I admired for many years, and after a couple months I started to get... better. That's really an incredible feeling, and you grow addicted to it. I love learning something new, improving something I struggled with, and eventually I started drawing stuff that OTHER people liked. Now that was a remarkable feeling too, somebody actually admiring something I created. Almost exactly 5 years later, here I am.

 



-What are your inspirations?
-Most people seem to believe that if they don't start drawing by the time they're 12 years old, it's too late. I felt that way too, and only really devoted my time to drawing when I discovered Questionable Content. Jeph Jacques started drawing that comic in his early 20's, and just going through the archives you could see him improve dramatically. It was the motivation I needed to actually study art as a learned skill rather than dismiss it as something you're born with.

-Do you read webcomics?
-I read a lot of webcomics: Wigu, Dr. McNinja, Over Compensating, VG Cats, Girls with Slingshots, Penny-Arcade, CAD, Trenches, Questionable Content, Misfile, Amazing Super Powers, SMBC, XKCD, Buttersafe, Scandinavia and the World, Wasted Talent, and of course my webcomic Driving Nowhere!

-Ah, speaking of Driving Nowhere, tell us more about it.
-Driving Nowhere is kind of an auto-bio comic, though I'm starting to drift away from that into more 'general comedy' stuff. My life isn't that interesting! I made the site after drawing these comics for myself and needing a place to host them. I'm not currently selling anything, but I'll definitely have some prints available soon...ish! Stickers, t-shirts, coffee mugs, and all that fun stuff may happen later someday.

-Why did you choose this FML story ?
-After going through all the submissions I was given, I instantly knew how I wanted to draw this one. Plus it's a hilarious FML submission on its own, so the humor could have carried it even if the comic turned out bad!

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Kevin's webcomic :  www.drivingnowhere.com


If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do! 

 

#1323 - Illustrated FML - On 09/14/2012 at 1:22pm by Alice - 1 comments


Ronald Grandpey's illustrated FML

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