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Illustrated FML (274) - About FMyLife (38) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (15) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

TWOFLAG's Illustrated FML

Hello my turkeys! What? Turkeys are cute! When they wiggle their little legs, going GOBBLE GOBBLE, they’re worth all the kittens in the worlds. AT THE VERY LEAST. Before I start this article, I’m going to finish my Batman yoghurt and then move this TV which is in the way. OK, I’ll stop messing around. Especially since we’ve got a guest waiting.

A guest who doesn’t want his real identity to be revealed to the general public (probably a KGB secret agent) so we’ll call him by his pseudonym, TWOFLAG (an English sounding pseudonym to disguise his Russian identity, classic). He’s 31 years old, lives “near Strasbourg in France” and he says that he’s unemployed but is starting up as an independent graphics designer-illustrator. If that doesn’t support the conspiracy theory, I don’t know what will.

In any case, to be able to express his artistic side, to create and amuse people, what he needs are “contracts and money”. This immediately becomes a bit more believable. His latest news? “Not much… And how are you?” Well, we’re OK, dear TWOFLAG. Your latest news is taking part in this illustrated FML. That’s not too bad for a start!

His education was “a bit chaotic”; he did some training in sales but didn’t get his high school diploma as he didn’t like what he was doing. He then went on to do little jobs here and there, after which he trained to use Illustrator. This led to a first job as a production technician in advertising (all sorts of placards), then a second job as a production manager, still in advertising. Since then he’s now still looking for a job, so he’s set up his own company. “And here I am!” 

Any projects then? “I’m working on a book for children, about a cute (or sort of cute) dog. We’re waiting for feedback from publishers to finalize (or not) the project.”

OK, let’s move on the next part of our spy’s… erm, guest’s interview. I really had to drag it out of him.

Cats or dogs?
I love both, but I have a soft spot for cats.

What have you enjoyed recently at the movies, in music, books and comicbooks?
At the movies, The Avengers, which I really loved. Music: Gotye, which was a gift for my mom to start with but which I ended up liking. Books, books… Books? Hard to pick just one… Ok then, let’s say The Goon, a great series by Eric Powell.

Who are the main artists you like and whose blogs that you visit regularly?
On the Internet, I visit few blogs really, I go through flick-r or fotolog a bit, the café-salé forum, and random illustrators sites… Or I play free games like fourmizzzz… And VDM at least once a week.

Tell us what you enjoy in life, your passions, pastimes, vices and everyday pleasures.
Friends, eating, sleeping, doing nothing much, lazing around and napping.

Tell us a crap joke. Possible joker, you can tell us a personal FML.
Two drunks are propping up a bar, and one says to the other: "How much does a gas weigh?"
The other says "A gas? Well… A gas is a bit like air… It doesn’t weigh anything…"
The first guy then says "OK then… I must’ve shit myself."

Do you have a phobia? If so, what is it?
Spiders and heights.

To finish off, ask yourself a question you would’ve liked to have been asked and then reply if you want to.
What is Spongebob Squarepant’s point of view of pathogenesis of the hermaphrodite squid or oriental Moldavia in an underwater volcanic setting?
-> Only Spongebob Squarepant can answer that question.

 

To see this week’s illustrated FML, click here.


Thanks for reading, and see you next week! But first, here are some videos! You know that I like to show you what the Internet can come up with regarding parodies, so first watch the NONONONO cat video. Then watch this. Bye!

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with het, and she will tell you what you have to do!

#1324 - Illustrated FML - On 09/21/2012 at 8:12pm by Julien - 0 comments

Who's your FML daddy?

WE ARE. 
Good morning everybody! Enough with "creepy faces" (yeah, we heard your pain) and zombies because love (and s.e.x) is back on FML, thanks to the brand new artist that we're featuring today. Kevin isn't the type of artist we usually welcome, his story is one of the most inspirational that we've ever been told. Have you heard about the "minus times a minus equals a plus" thing? Well, that's what today is all about. Kevin, it's your time to shine!

 

 

-What's your name?
-My name is Kevin Lee!

-How old are you?
-I just turned 23-years-old a few weeks ago


-Where do you live?
-I live in Red Bluff, California in the USA.

-What's your job?
-Part intern at a networking/IT company, part freelance graphic designer, and former student saving up cash to go back.

-What's your journey?
-I actually wasn't born with a pen in one hand and a sketchbook in another. In fact, until I was 18-years-old I could hardly draw stick figures passably. I have a disease called Osteogenesis Imperfecta, known mainly for our brittle bones, severe scoliosis is something more worrying for us. I ended up having a spinal fusion surgery where it was actually a bit touch and go at some points, but ended up OK. Recovery for spinal fusion surgeries, at least for people with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, takes at least one year before you're in a somewhat manageable state pain wise... One goes a bit crazy when they're bed ridden for nearly 12 months, so you really need to find something to keep your mind stimulated. I grew bored of the videogames and books I had, so one day (a few weeks after my surgery) I grabbed a pencil and paper and started doodling. Eventually I'd look up a video on youtube on how to draw certain things, then I began ordering books on anatomy, started emulating cartoons I admired for many years, and after a couple months I started to get... better. That's really an incredible feeling, and you grow addicted to it. I love learning something new, improving something I struggled with, and eventually I started drawing stuff that OTHER people liked. Now that was a remarkable feeling too, somebody actually admiring something I created. Almost exactly 5 years later, here I am.

 



-What are your inspirations?
-Most people seem to believe that if they don't start drawing by the time they're 12 years old, it's too late. I felt that way too, and only really devoted my time to drawing when I discovered Questionable Content. Jeph Jacques started drawing that comic in his early 20's, and just going through the archives you could see him improve dramatically. It was the motivation I needed to actually study art as a learned skill rather than dismiss it as something you're born with.

-Do you read webcomics?
-I read a lot of webcomics: Wigu, Dr. McNinja, Over Compensating, VG Cats, Girls with Slingshots, Penny-Arcade, CAD, Trenches, Questionable Content, Misfile, Amazing Super Powers, SMBC, XKCD, Buttersafe, Scandinavia and the World, Wasted Talent, and of course my webcomic Driving Nowhere!

-Ah, speaking of Driving Nowhere, tell us more about it.
-Driving Nowhere is kind of an auto-bio comic, though I'm starting to drift away from that into more 'general comedy' stuff. My life isn't that interesting! I made the site after drawing these comics for myself and needing a place to host them. I'm not currently selling anything, but I'll definitely have some prints available soon...ish! Stickers, t-shirts, coffee mugs, and all that fun stuff may happen later someday.

-Why did you choose this FML story ?
-After going through all the submissions I was given, I instantly knew how I wanted to draw this one. Plus it's a hilarious FML submission on its own, so the humor could have carried it even if the comic turned out bad!

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Kevin's webcomic :  www.drivingnowhere.com


If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do! 

 

#1323 - Illustrated FML - On 09/14/2012 at 1:22pm by Alice - 1 comments

FML's guide to first dates

        Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

 
        Ah, dates, the dating world, meeting new people, getting to know more about people you’ve already been on a few dates with, then hoping to get lucky or at least get to first, second or if you’re really lucky third base and then a ride home. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, and it’s getting worse by the minute. "All the good ones are already taken" people say. People can be idiots like that, with their tired old clichés, but sometimes they can be right. But then again, they can also forget the FML factor that afflicts some of us. You know the ones, the unlucky souls amongst us who can’t seem to get anything right.


Not all first dates tend to go as well as this one.


        My worst first date started with one small mistake: just before leaving to meet her, I noticed that I’d missed a few whiskers while shaving, so I quickly dragged a dry razor across my cheeks, and rushed out of the front door. We met up in the rain, and made our way to the restaurant. Once inside, it became very clear that the place was hot and humid. I don’t do well in this sort of environment, and I start sweating profusely, partly from the heat and humidity, partly from nerves. Halfway through the stilted conversation, I left to go to the bathroom to freshen up and steady my nerves. Looking into the bathroom mirror, I realised that the impromptu shave had left two squarish red traces about an inch wide on each of my cheeks, making me look like a clown drawn by Picasso. I had two solutions, climb out of the bathroom window and flee into the rainy night, change my name and telephone number, or return into the dining room and pretend that I had “issues.” I did neither, and just plopped myself back at the table, admitting defeat and that I’d never see her naked.
 
        FML has a collection of similar horror stories about first dates, but also dates in general that have gone wrong. But first dates are the most stressful; you’ve met that person at the office, at school, at the supermarket, at the STD clinic, or anywhere you’ve managed to socialize. You’ve set up a date in a bar or on a park bench, and then you have to wait until it actually happens. And wait. And think of things to say. And wonder what’s going to happen. And get paranoid that you might say or do something stupid. But so many factors have to be taken into consideration. For example, first impressions are important:
 
        Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML
 
        Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML
 
        It’s also important for the person you’re on a date with to behave themselves, but it seems it’s not always the case:
 
        Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML
 
        Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML
 
        Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails, at the table, in a restaurant, on a first date. FML

        Sometimes, dates can be ruined by other people, especially family members:
 
        Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
 
        Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
 
        Today, my crush of over a year came over for me to take her on our first date. Today was also the day my drunken parents decided to dance the chicken dance in our front yard, naked. FML
 
        Of course, this shouldn’t deter us from trying again; first dates often turn into second dates, third dates, love, sex, commitment, IKEA furniture, lawns, kinky attire and much more. So, if something goes wrong, and you end up looking like a cubist clown in a sweaty restaurant, just kick back, enjoy the overpriced wine and play Boggle in your head. Maybe next time you’ll actually meet that special someone who doesn’t reach over to pull a hair from your head and use it to floss with, you’ll actually meet someone who makes you feel special, or just makes you feel yourself.
 
        No, I don't mean fiddle with your knob in public, that’s a terrible idea for a first date. I should know.

#1322 - About FMyLife - On 09/10/2012 at 3:45am by Alan/FML Team - 25 comments

Pierrotlefou's Illustrated FML

Hi there! So, back from your holidays? Back to school, back to work, got the blues? Here’s the antidote: have you seen/heard the South Korean LMFAO? He’s called PSY, he’s very well known in his homeland and he’s got over 100 million hits on Youtube with his now famous clip GANGNAM STYLE. Crazy video, a choreography your gran could do and catchy melody, it’s got it all. Stick it on, get in the mood, and carry on reading this article.

This week will prove that age is just a number because our artist is 16 years old. He’s called Pierre Caroff, alias Pierrotlefou. He lives in France and describes his life as thus: “I sleep and draw, but sometimes I do other stuff, like going to high school, going to the toilet, putting my shoes on and other more or less amusing things.” 

So, he’s funny too. “What I like to do when I draw cartoons is to evoke an emotion in the person reading. To imagine that I’m making someone laugh on the other side of France, or even making them indignant at the crapness of my work is amazing! It’s even possible that I stopped someone from committing suicide, or pushed someone to commit murder without even knowing it! Maybe it’s because of me that François Hollande became President, who knows? Anyway, I like to set off emotions in people, however small they are (the emotions, not the people).”

Pierre reckons he’s good at drawing but lacks time to do so, but will find it eventually. His main problem is “coming up with decent stories.” His wish being to get people to feel emotions, storylines are thus important. We can speculate that this will come with time, at his age, ideas are continually rushing from one thing to another.

For the time being, Pierre takes care of his blog and takes part in a fanzine called Loboto’zine, of which the next edition comes out this month. He also has another fanzine project but which is a long way away from completion. As for school, he expects to go towards graphics studies, all the while saying that it seems “far away.” Not that far, dear Pierre! Have a good school year, you and our dear readers by the way!

“My projects are to get my high school diploma first, then get a job that makes me lots of dollars, then get a big house with three swimming pools, then become king of the world, then the universe, but first my high school diploma. And as I said, I have a fanzine project, but the way I’m going about it, it seems that the first edition will appear in 2023 so…”

We’re in no hurry then. Let’s slowly move on to the next part.

Cats or dogs?
Seeing as I’ve got a dog, it would be a betrayal to say cats.

What are the latest things you enjoyed in movies, music, books and comics?
I haven’t seen many things at the movies I really liked recently, except for the last Batman movie, which was good, but not much more than that. I saw an older movie last week called “Welcome to Gattaca”, that was really excellent! I was expecting a B-movie, but wham! A masterpiece! As for comics, I’d say “The fabulous autobiographical adventures of John Relom” by Relom, of which I’m a fan, and also “Batman: the court of owls” is really good. Greg Capullo is a genius and kicks ass!

Who are the main artists you appreciate and whose blogs you visit frequently?
Most of them don’t have a blog, but those that do would be Larcenet, Boulet of course, O.Texier, Eric Salch, Obion. Others too, but these guys are really good.

Tell us what you like in life, your pastimes, vices, and little everyday pleasures.
I like cassoulet, caramel, adding a figurine to my collection or a comic book to my library, I like Uncle Scrooge, zombies, car boot sales, I like finishing a drawing, I like ugly people.

Tell us a rubbish joke. You can also tell us your own FML instead.
- Do you know the joke about the guy in the toilet? No?
- Me neither, he’d locked the door!

Do you have a phobia? If so, what is it?
Yes, a huge one. I’m very afraid of heights. This year in gym class I had to climb up something, and the teacher wouldn’t take into account the poor saps like me who had vertigo! So as a result I tried to climb like a weakling but I couldn’t help it. The mark depended on how high we managed to get. Then all of a sudden, gnrrraaahhh! It’s unfair. Is there no justice in this world?

There, that’s a bit of an FML isn’t it?

To finish off, ask yourself a question you would like to have been asked, and up to you to answer it or not.
Do you like bread?
Yes! Gnyahahahahahahahhahahaaa!

 

To see this week’s illustrated FML, click here.

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed this little presentation and the illustrated FML. We’ll go our separate ways with a video from the vaults. I don’t like dubstep, but I like the way this guy moves his body. I think you will too. See you next week!

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1321 - Illustrated FML - On 09/07/2012 at 8:13pm by Julien - 0 comments

The FML surname

Oh no, God why, we're all doomed, it's happening, AGAIN, it's here, AGAIN, let's face it dear readers, September is back. Sure, it's time for short dresses vs. knee-high socks and scarfs, but even that doesn't help. September means October, and October means November, and November doesn't mean anything but wind, runny noses, cold-but-no-snow and eventually, death. I'm not pessimistic, I'm being realistic. Summer is leaving us, without much of a warning, even worse, by text message. We all received it this morning: "It's not you, it's me, it's better that way, plus autumn is making eyes at you, he's totally into you, you'll be a great couple." Damn, how much I miss summer already. Let's warm our cold hearts by interviewing today's artist!

 

-Sooooo, what's your name, surname, nickname?
-My name is Luba Pacyga and I'm still waiting on a nickname.

-We can try to find you one right now if you want.
-I think I'll wait until I earn one somewhere!

-Too bad, "Honey bear" would suit you. How old are you?
-I do like honey. I'm 20.

-Where do you live?
-I live in Seattle, Washington

-What do you do for a living?
-I work at a hair salon: assisting, working on clients, organizing . . .

-I have to ask you: how are you hair right now?
-Right now it's still wet! It's going to be colorful and covered in glitter later because I'm going dancing tonight. Well, it's kind of a rave actually.

-So tell us more about your DA account.
I first created a deviant art account when I saw some friends using it and it looked fun. I created an Etsy account when I went on a jewelry-making rampage. I made too many pieces of jewelry (even considering upcoming holidays), so I decided to sell them. Right now, I do not have anything for sale (not for long). I have been preoccupied with other activities. Normally, I sell organ jewelry, circuit board jewelry, and chainmaille jewelry. 

-A lot of people we've welcomed on FML are willing to become full-time artists, would that be your dream too?
-That would be nice! I do like my current job, but working from home as an artist would be fun as well. Although, many artists accept commissions and I hardly ever do that. There needs to be intrinsic motivation.

-What are your next projects?
-I'm working on a chewing gum "painting." After that there will be more jewelry. I would also like to try illustrating another FML, if possible. I had a lot of fun making that thing.

 

-What's your journey ?
-An art journey? I have been making art for as long as I can remember, mostly sculptures and paintings. I started making jewelry when I was 15. This is my first comic-style art project. 

-What are your inspirations ?
-It can be anything. Maybe other people's art or feeling awake. Sometimes I just get an image in my head.

-Do you read webcomics ? If so, which ones ?
-No, not really. If I happen to see something interesting on deviant art, I will look at it. 

-Why did you choose this FML story ?
-I thought of alternative reasons for why the guy might say, "Yes, Brittany." It seemed funny to change the image of his sister from an adult that he might be having an unconventional relationship with to a kid that is not aware of what her brother is doing. The other FML stories did not give me an image like that.

 

 

And yes, Luba is making awesome jewelry that she sells right here. Get in touch with her, she'll be pleased to make you one of her creations. Also, Luba is a painter, but her paintings are not for everyone, this is why there's no images in this article. But go on and check her DA account! 

 

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 

 

Luba's DA! Warning: it's PG-17 rated!http://divulged.deviantart.com/

 

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do! 

 

 

#1318 - Illustrated FML - On 08/31/2012 at 1:57pm by Alice - 0 comments


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Friday 28 November 2014

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