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Bénédicte's illustrated FML #2

Children are idiots. There, I've said it. OK, I'm joking. Sort of. Usually, people stare at me like I'm from another dimension when I tell them that I don't want to have kids. It's like admitting that I secretly want to push every kid I meet into a tar pit, or that I actively hate their kids. No, that's not it at all. It's just that I don't feel the actual need to reproduce. I'm not lacking anything, it's not a curse. But I can understand other people wanting to have them, and I have a lot of fun watching the kids that my friends have spawned get into all sorts of japes and accidents. They are a source of all kinds of funny stories. And on FML, we have loads of kid-related anecdotes. That's what this week's illustration is all about. 

BÉNÉDICTE'S ILLUSTRATED FML #2

"I love drawing cocks. I know, it's weird, but that's the way it is! Any sort, wooden cocks, April Fool's cocks, garden cocks, any pretext will do." 

Self-portrait Bénédicte by Bloutouf

 


This weeks sees the welcome return of another former FML artist. Well, she's returning to FML, because she's already a constant in my life, like the North Star, guiding me (usually towards sin). She's back with a new illustration, after having created one at the start of the year, which you can check out here. Hello Bénédicte !

Her info:
Age: 31
Location: Capbreton, France
Blog: Her Facebook page
Her illustrated FML: The one with the checkout lady


Bénédicte is young french MILF. Oh yes, I went there. She lives in a nice area of France, down by the ocean where all the surfers go to hang out and hang ten. She lives with her husband, their kids, their pets and her illustration workshop-type-thing called Bloutouf. Yes, it's a joke on how the french pronounce Bluetooth. She's inspired by the world around her, and I'll never get tired of the story about her son taking a dump in a fishing net. The last time she was with us, she mentioned something about making a comic book that would consist of illustrations of these real life events, but I tend not to listen to her when she comes up with grand ideas because she's often talking bollocks. But she's back on FML because it's actually happening: "I'm making a comic book about my life and my kids in particular, because they're an endless source of stupid stuff. They do more and more stupid shit as days go by. It's like they're battling to see who will come up with the worst thing to do."

That's exactly what I was saying in my intro, kids are idiots. On, no, not that bit. I said something about how it was funny to watch them do daft stuff. I invited her to come back to FML to tell us all about it, and maybe do some promotional work, get the word out. "This is why I chose to illustrate this particular FML, my son could've been behind it. I thought it would be great to illustrate it with him in the FML. Because that's him that I've drawn, and me too!"

And what's in store for her now? "I'm giving myself a year to produce more illustrations… My ideas come quicker than my illustrations. But I also have to eat, and most of my time is used for work." It may not seem like it, but Bénédicte works a lot, for lots of different clients and… OK, I'll let her tell the story. "There's a lot of them, and they're always in a hurry, but when it's time to pay me, they're not so much in a hurry all of a sudden! I'm still working for our environmentalist friends and soon I'll be working for a Moroccan youth magazine. People call me more and more often to do comics, the transition is going smoothly, and that's cool. I used to illustrate nothing but environmentalist stuff, my dream was to create comics. Now I illustrate environmentalist comics… That's some form of progress! Soon, I'll only illustrate things that make me laugh!"  Aaaah, to make a living doing what you love, that's the dream. If I could do that, I would be making money writing Facebook statuses like, "I've just eaten an apple". But there's not much money in that sort of creativity. Although, I did just write it on here, so you could say that it's the same. 

We might as well have a chat, since we know each other pretty well. What did you do during the summer? "I was like one of the Gypsy Kings in my caravan all summer. I went from beach to beach tanning my ass. I also wrote and drew a lot in my little travel notepad. I spent the time I had left drinking beers, playing pétanque and eating chistorra in Spain." We didn't even get to see each other, I was in her neck of the woods while she was away, which almost made me cry. 

Speaking of families, she has started a blog"My family and I are attempting an adventure that I'd like to illustrate all year, and it's an opportunity to unite all of my passions. I may talk a lot of bullshit all day long, but I'm very preoccupied by our environment. Everyone seems to think that it's boring, but it's not true… well, not always. This blog will allow some people to learn stuff, all the while being entertained by the humorous and committed side of the whole endeavour. Come and check it out! It'll motivate me to put more illustrations and articles online." 

Anything else to add? "Do you know that Georges Clooney 2 is about to be released? I'm a huge fan and I'm not just saying that because my friend draws it!" Ah, great news! We had Philippe Valette on VDM (our french website) a while back and we love his humour, so maybe he could come back and do another one to coincide with its release? Could you ask him, Bénédicte? And tell him I want to cuddle him? Thanks. 

There, that'll do. As you can see, the comic book's cover is ready to go. Yes, it's in french, "Histoires Vraies" means "True Stories". The title goes well with FML, because we also publish true stories; well, we try to. The fake and stolen stuff is removed as soon as it's proven that the story is bullshit. I'm only pointing this out because a lot of people ask me about this when I tell them what I do for a living, and I'm supposing that people who are reading this article might be wondering about this too. So Bénédicte and FML were made for each other, it's impossible to deny. And I'm not just saying that because she's my friend. The day the comic book is released and is on the shelves of local supermarkets, we'll ask her to come back and tell us all about how it feels to have her work in between the sausages and the cereal. And to find out whether her son has taken a dump elsewhere. As for me, I'll leave you with a song by a Swedish singer/songwriter that everyone should check out, and it's a special dedication as well. Have a great weekend and be excellent to each other. 

What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1474 - Illustrated FML - On 10/02/2014 at 11:35am by Alan - 5 comments

Gragrou's illustrated FML

One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done recently but that I completely made up has shown that if all the pictures of cats were removed from the Internet, all the computers online would shut down, unable to communicate due to a wrecked network. It would collapse like a plastic camping table being hit by a Chipotle burrito. Ancient Egyptians venerated cats like gods because they thought they were funny. This week we're taking a look at the relationship between cats and their owners, thanks to an illustrator who has captured the very essence of what it's like when people go a bit overboard. Here we go. 

GRAGROU'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"Procrastinate. Eat. Cats. Take a dump. Sleep. Geek out. Cats. Procrastinate."

Self-portrait Gragrou by Julie-Anne

 


What on Earth is that moniker all about? No but seriously, Gragrou ? What a strange name. In real life, when you meet her in the street, her name is Julie-Anne, "Not Julie. Not Anne. Not Julianne, or Juliane. Julie-Anne." So now you know, write it down somewhere.

Her info:
Age: 26 
Location: Metz, France
Blog: Her Facebook page
Her Illustrated FML: The one with the naughty pussy


Julie-Anne reminds me of someone. When I asked her what she does for a living, she replied, "Does procrastinating count? Besides that, I like putting off until tomorrow what I could be doing today." Yeah, I know, she reminds me of me. I know all about dossing about. I look like one of those people that isn't doing anything. It's an affliction, even though I'm actually like a spinning top inside my head. People just assume I'm doing fuck all, but I'm incapable of being inactive. "On a more serious note, I've just set myself up as a freelance illustrator, but I lack the self confidence to go out and find clients in a serious way. So, this means that I eat a lot of pasta." With a bit of blue cheese melted into some cream, pasta can be really great. The lack of money part sucks, though. I'm sure something will come along, just... get out there! 
 

Does she enjoy her situation in life? It certainly seems that way: "Drawing is really my whole life (I know, you probably can't tell graphically). It allows me to empty my mind (I needed to find a substitute to drugs!). What's missing from my life? Work! A job! I'm quite available for designing kittens for toilet paper for example." OK, so let's use this opportunity to send out an SOS: if anyone wants to hire Julie-Anne to draw kittens on toilet paper, or anything else on a different medium, she's available. 

So tell us Julie-Anne, where do you come from, where are you going? "Ermmmm, nothing amazing… I got a high school diploma, then I went to art school, but I didn't like it so I quit, I did a few odd jobs here and there, then I set myself up as a freelance illustrator (my life is a series of misfortunes)." Hey, the whole "my life is a series of misfortunes" is MY schtick, OK? Speaking of which, this morning I did something... No, I can't tell anyone what exactly happened, but it involves having to flee a scene due to an intense need to take a dump. TMI, I know. OK, I'll be quiet now. Let's talk about Julie-Anne's projects: "For a start, I'd really like to find a job in illustration, so that I can buy proper pasta, instead of store-brand rubbish. Then, I'd like to win the lottery so I can do nothing for the rest of my life. But to do that, I have to start by buying a ticket, I know." 

So, as you can see, she's a girl who's got ambition, a plan, she knows where she's going. Speaking of which, she's preparing something: "An exhibition (my first ever, wiiiiiiiiii) which should take place at the start of 2015. It'll be a big deal, something serious. Not pictures of me naked going apeshit while playing with my Gamecube (I'm an old-school geek, but I do have a PS3)." That's great, you'll just have to tell us where and when, because it's a bit vague for now.

When did she start drawing? "I've been drawing for too long to remember the actual thing that made me want to start, I fell into drawing when I was little. I remember that I read comics like the Smurfs and Thorgal (yes, complete opposites, I know) and that the first sentence I learned to read was "We're all going to diiiiie" from "Destination Moon", the Tintin book." And what about your inspirations? "My inspirations change from day to day, but like many bloggers, I adulate Boulet. I like Trondheim for his cynicism. Blacksad for his darkness. Calvin & Hobbes for the poetry, Don Rose for posterity. I have varied tastes, it all depends on my mood!" I can understand that, I feel the same way about music. Sometimes, I feel a bit melancholic, so I listen to some sad music, like The Cure, and other times, I want something happy and joyful, so I put a song on by... The Cure. What a band.

What about Julie-Anne's tastes, do you like The Cure? "Not long ago I saw a movie, but not in a movie theatre, called "God Bless America". Its humour was really edgy, I loved it. In music, I like Steeleye Span, an obscure band from the '60s-'70s. My boyfriend runs a record store, which helps me discover loads of new things. I recently read "Pardonne-moi" (Forgive me) by Jodi Picault, a really touching novel, but also very sad, so I'll avoid talking about it, it'll bum everyone out. As for TV shows, Black Mirror is chilling. And the latest comic book I like was "Fables Nautiques" (Nautical Fables) by Marine Blandin, a real gem!" I like the fact that Julie-Anne mentioned Black Mirror, it gives me an opportunity to mention once again Charlie Brooker, one of my favourite people ever, and a very funny guy

So, what about your own FML to finish off? "I'd saved some money to buy a new computer (mine was made in the year 1000 at least). A short while after having it, and after my best friend had gone to the trouble of getting rid of Windows 8 (let's not beat about the bush here, Windows 8 is shit), my boyfriend had the great idea of leaving the blinds on the window too low, which stopped one of my cats from getting to its bowl. So, for revenge, he pissed on the computer (the cat, not my boyfriend), who didn't take it well. But this isn't the cat's fault, it's my boyfriend's (what a daft idea to put the shutter down so low!)." So, cats don't like computers? I knew it, it goes nicely with my opening statement about cats ruling the world one day, this time by urinating on our computers. 

There, now, it's time to go off and enjoy our weekend.  Thanks Julie-Anne for your illustration. Next week it'll be the welcome return of someone who's already illustrated an FML. If she manages to get her arse into gear. Yes, she's a friend of mine, and I can talk to her in such a cavalier way because she sends me awful, insulting text messages. She's releasing a comic book soon, so she's coming back to tell us all about it. Maybe. We might have a fight between now and next week, and she won't ever get to publish anything on here ever again. So, I'll leave you with a song by a little known band called The Cure, with an apposite song called Pictures of You. See you next week, and as Bill and Ted said, be excellent to each other.

What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1473 - Illustrated FML - On 09/26/2014 at 4:44am by Alan - 6 comments

Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not advertising it, it's just that grown adults with actual mental faculties are queuing up for hours to get their hands on one of these things, even if they have a phone that works perfectly well. Why? I don't know. I shouldn't be too cynical. I was like that once. I bought a Smurf figurine. Then another. Then another. Then I had twelve of them. Then I wanted the Smurf house in the shape of a mushroom. It just never stops. Well, in my case it does, I was 10. This week's illustration is about the arrival of something you've been waiting for, but in this case it's a baby. The Apple cult members would probably put the iPhone on par with the baby, I'm not too sure. 

KORRIG'ANNE'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"My hero? My uncle's cousin's hairdressers' cousin's little brother is a great guy!" 

Self portrait Korrig'Anne by Anne

 


Korrig'Anne sounds weird to anyone living outside of France.  It sounds weird to a lot of people who live in France. It's a play on words on a demon type creature from Brittany where Anne is from (the Korrigan) and her name. Still sounds weird. 

Her info:
Age: 28 in a month
Location: Rennes, France
Blog : Korrig'Anne's blog
Her illustrated FML: The one with the dream about the baby


Anne is a mom, so maybe that's one of the reasons she chose this particular FML. Who knows? People who have kids, they've got it bad. It's supposed to be "the hardest job in the world", but thankfully, not everyone defines themselves through their progeny. So what else does Anne do besides raise kids? "After a first professional experience which lasted for 6 years and which wasn't very fulfilling (with a Tour Operator as part of reservations), life brought me towards drawing, and I started out on my own as a freelance artist this year." So, this is a brand-new career we have here. It's a good idea to come and spend some time on FML to show your work, a lot of famous people started out here. I won't name names. Oh, alright then. For example, David Duchovny and 50 Cent both started here. What does she think of her new life? "I love it! As my 4-year old daughter would say, "When I grow up, I want to do the same job as mommy, stay at home to colour". She gets it. My job is to do what I enjoy, what I like, when I like. If I'm not inspired, it's not a problem: I go for a walk, I do some cleaning, I have a nap and my inspiration will turn up later. When I put it like that, it sounds like I lounge around a lot, but I actually spend about 8 hours a day drawing (3 in the morning, 3 in the afternoon and 2 in the evening). I'm probably missing out on the "social" aspect of working in an office, but for now I'm not too bothered by it." I can fully understand this point of view. I spent 7-8 years working in an office, and now I can say that whenever I can work from home, it's the best thing ever!

What's Anne's latest news ? "Well, the second tome of the Anita Casse-Cou (Break-neck Anita) which is being written by Aurélie Desrumaux is going forward smoothly, and I'll be starting the illustrations next month. I'm currently working on a 2015 calendar with 11 other illustrators, but that's a surprise. You'll know more in October!" I wouldn't mind a free calendar actually. Yes, every week I try mentioning something to get free stuff, but it never works, I've never gotten anything from this blog, besides chlamydia. Only joking. And what about projects, what's in the pipeline? "Getting better at drawing, finding my style, knowing my software better so that my work seems more professional. Maybe release my own book one day?" 

What started her off in this line of work? "I took some time off work to have a second baby in 2012, and after that I decided to change direction, career-wise. I couldn't find what I initially enjoyed in the tourism business: art and heritage. Everything had become too much of a business. I started drawing as a form of therapy against a maternal burn-out that was starting to rear its head, I created my blog, I got my first orders and I was off." I know all about burn-outs. I've come close, but I've learnt to recognise the signs and my form of therapy is shouting, crying and rude hand gestures.

How about Anne's tastes? "The thing that I like the most recently is Caroline Simon's work. I love history, especially the renaissance era. I'm always up for Trivial Pursuit even if I lose all the time. I paint when I'm not drawing. I like taking time off in the countryside to listen to the frogs at night and the goats during the day. I'm really into TV shows, I watch a lot of them while drawing. I'm a huge fan of Game of Thrones, Rome, Spartacus, The Tudors, but also Veronica Mars and Desperate Housewives (older shows, but love watching them over and over again). I love Veronica Mars, and not just because of Kristen Bell. I swear! 

How about a personal FML to finish up? "Every time someone asks me this sort of question, I always think of the time I was about 15. I wanted to get changed at the beach, and being modest and shy, I try to find a quiet spot, between two big rocks. It's when I heard the laughs and remarks that I realised that I was giving the people on the walkway up above some sort of show. I think I still haven't gotten over it..."  

Right, that's enough for this week. Thank you Anne for your illustration and all the rest. Brittany, or Bretagne to give it its proper name, is cool, I've always thought so. I loved a girl in Brittany once. In fact, I think I loved her twice. Next week we'll be publishing a study about migrating yaks in Mongolia and... well, probably not. It'll be a surprise, like most weeks. Until then, don't forget to go out and buy a new iPhone, you know the illuminati want you to. Have a great week, a great weekend and be excellent to each other.

What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1472 - Illustrated FML - On 09/19/2014 at 8:52am by Alan - 8 comments

Matteor's illustrated FML #2

So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year is pretty sad for most people because of daylight getting shorter and stuff like that. Unless you live in the southern hemisphere. Anyway, you mustn't grumble, it's not all that bad. Some people are professional grumblers. I can be a real miserable twunt sometimes, but this week I've decided not to be, even if the subject matter is sort of along the lines of keeping things bottled in a bit too much. Let's go.

MATTEOR'S ILLUSTRATED FML #2

"It's like I'm at the beach, and I've dropped the butter in the water and... Erm, I've digressed a bit."

Self-portrait Matteor by Matthieu

 


Matteor is Matthieu (Matthew in English) and he's been here before. He already made an illustrated FML for us at the beginning of the year, and he wrote in to offer us another one. So we said yes, because we're nice. To find out who he is, you can check out the article that we posted at the time

His info:
Age: 31
Location: Cergy, France
Blog: The world of Matteor
His illustrated FML: The one about the abs


OK, of course, there's been more since the last article. Not a lot, so I'm going to explain a little bit about Matteor, but without doing a copy-and-paste job. I have to deserve my bread and water that I'm given to eat in the evenings in exchange for doing these articles. Since the last article and doing this one, I've realised that he's not called Matteo as I first thought, but Matthieu. Matteo is his son's name. Yes, he's one of those people who has chosen to reproduce. "I have two children, Matteo who is 2 and a half, and the second one Carlu (which is pronounced Carlou, very important) is almost 1)." So, why the nickname? Did the son come before the nickname, or was it the other way around? ""Matteor is my first nickname that I had on the Internet when I opened my first account on AOL (in round about 1999-2000), it was Matteo09 I think, and it was my dad who came up with it." Yes, but that doesn't explain why. The 09, is that something to do with a ZIP code? I doubt it, because he says he's from Corsica. "I go there every year for the summer holidays. I've returned well tanned." So, that means the son arrived after the nickname. This shows a real lack of imagination when it came to naming the fruit of his loins, calling his first-born after his Internet nickname. Matteo was lucky not to get the 09 stuck to his name, it would've sounded weird. 

He lives in Cergy, which is in the outskirts of Paris. There's not much to say about that. I went there once in 1995. I'm not sure I'll ever go back. What does he get up to there? "I create logos, pictograms, posters, flyers and various other creations." 

What's happened since the last time we spoke? "What could I tell you except that I worked with Piratesourcil for a few months on part of the script of the third tome of the comic book "Joueur du Grenier" (Attic Player) which came out recently." So, it's going well, if it's up to the third tome. I'm still waiting for someone to send me the first tome, I think I've deserved it after all the nice things I've said. Yeah, OK, I know, that's a lie. But sometimes I reckon it would be nice to have some sort of post box system where people could send me gifts, stuff from my many fans who... What do you mean I don't have any? I'll be quiet now, I'll let Matteo do the talking. "Recently I've started drawing portraits in Photoshop, like for example my self-portrait which is at the top of the article. I'm not smiling in it because somebody had just stolen my pellet gun. I've even removed the tears the model had cried. Yes, I was very unhappy..." A pellet gun? Is that an illustration tool, or an actual weapon? I'm not sure artists should be allowed to use weapons of any kind, I know what they're like. Be careful. 

Oh, and important announcement:  "I'm still having trouble finding a publisher for a comic book project that I've been working on for a few months on now". That was Matteor speaking, not me. I've got nothing to publish and I'm crap at drawing. He also adds : "I think I forgot to mention last time that I have a full-time job as a graphics designer in a business school." Oh, so he's a artist who works for a living, not one of these layabout artists who sponge off the state and think that... Nah, just kidding, I'm not a Republican.
 

And when he's not working in business school, what else does he get up to? What does he like? "Most of my days are spent working on my art, creating comic strips, thinking of scenarios, all while watching YouTube videos or movies from the '90s that I've already seen 900 times. I do watch more recent movies, but not as often. My favourite movie is Blade Runner. The comic books I like are the series of albums by Edika from Fluide Glacial. The humour is very left-field, so you don't have to put much effort into thinking about it, it relaxes your brain and makes you laugh... I also like the Game Over concept by Midam." Anything else to add? "My favourite dessert is lemon meringue pie." OK, I think I've got all I needed. 

Thanks Matteo, you may now go back to your family. Thanks for your contribution to this little page, and for your patience. It's really nice when someone sends in something that is clear and precise, no messing about, no to and fro about bits and bobs. Today is Friday, so we're getting ready for the weekend, I'm already in my jorts for '80s night at the Roller Disco, but maybe you who is reading this right now isn't, maybe where you are now is in the future, and it's 2078 and I've been dead for a long time, and cats have at last taken over, and this bit of text is all that is left of my passage on Earth. Oh well, never mind. I don't much care for sobriety. It's September so we're going to be listening to September Gurls by Big Star a whole bunch of times, because in September, you need Gurls. Or Boys, depending on your preference. See you next week.

What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to contact@fmylife.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1471 - Illustrated FML - On 09/11/2014 at 10:31am by Alan - 6 comments

The Best of the Worst #7

Oh yes, you've read right! It's back! I know, it's been too long now. You wouldn't believe the amount of e-mails, PMs, Tweets, Facebook messages and drunk strangers coming up to me in the street, all wanting to know when the next "Best of the Worst FMLs" was coming out. Well, it's here now, wahey! We've sifted through past submissions to find only the best of the weird stuff, all so you can feel just a little bit better about yourself. How? Well, you can just imagine actually being one of the people writing one of these things. What must it be like inside their heads? I don't really want to think about it. Anyway, here we go.

If you've never seen one of these articles, the idea is that we receive a lot of submissions every day, and in amongst the usual stuff, we can sometimes come across some very strange stuff. Badly written, poorly thought out, low-IQ drivel that beggars belief and makes you fear for the author's sanity. Anyway, I'll stop blathering on now, and let you check them out for yourself. Strap on your crash helmet. 

 

Sk8 or die

Today I was figure skating with my skating partner and we fell. She skated over my dick and cut it off. FML


Fish friends

Today i was watching my new fish and they started humping each other. Now i have 2 sexualy in love fish.FML
 

Kelis be true

Today, I had a milkshake. It did not bring all the boys to the yard. FML
 

Man's best friend

Today i woke to my dog fucking me in the ass and now im sprouting 6 nipples by the hour.FML
 

OMFG

OMFG these girls commeted pictures of me on myspace so i did the same then they got mad at me told all there friends now the whole motessori lower grade HATES ME!!!!!!!!!!!! Now all my so called friends have turned on me and everyone wants to jump me!!!!!!!!! FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Smells like...

Today, I sneezed.. It smelt like dog urine… FML
 

Purple rain

today, I thought that if I dyed my pubic hair purple I could get the clown at the local circus to have sex with me:), well when I suceededly got him in my room so we could have sex, once he saw that my pubic hair was purple he refused and said he only likes girls with orange colored pubic hair, FML
 

Hit the gym

today, i was pumping iron in the gym and this bro took my protein powder, and put it down my shorts. obviously, i started a fight. but then this hot girl walked by and i got a rock hard boner, and the guy chopped it off. the protein powder went into the wound, and grew a new penis. YAY MY LIFFFFEEEE
 

Coincidence

Today, my friend whose name coincidentally starts with a C said “fuck” to my friend whose name starts with a K. FML. And i pee’d in the pool. FML. And i sneezed in my dogs ear and gave him herpes. FML. And when i slid down the firepole i got rugburn. Actualy firepole burn. FML
 

It pours

Today I was having sex with a turkey and I ripped its chode. My parents got a divorce. I have cancer. FML

 

That's it for this month. We'll be back next month, same time, same place, same oddball people. We hope you'll be back because you enjoyed reading these, we certainly enjoyed looking out for them. FYI: these are all compiled from the website started out, so to all of you who've tried sending in weird FMLs to try and get on this page: Don't. Until next time, be excellent to each other and have a glass of water now and then.

 

 

Bonus not-really-hidden, track:

 

Get down from there

Today I figured out my dead dog is on the refrigerator more than I am. FML

#1470 - About FMyLife - On 09/09/2014 at 10:16am by Alan - 94 comments


FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

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