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Illustrated FML (337) - About FMyLife (94) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (18) - Books (9) - Special guests (8) - Pictures (8) - Competitions (6)

Tania's illustrated FML

Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused Courtney Love to get stuck in the crossfire, resulting in some amusing tweets. To say that the taxi drivers are mental is an understatement. They've been kidnapping Uber drivers in broad daylight, filming themselves while doing it, because they reckon that Uber Pop is illegal. But kidnapping isn't, huh? Anyway, a lot of shitty things have been going down, but we'd rather be aware of what's been going down and not be like some commenters on FML and refuse to keep in touch with the world around them, avoiding newspapers and news outlets in general, because, "It's too depressing". These people vote. Scary. Anyway, to lighten the mood, this week's illustration is about cakes and babies. Intrigued? Read on.


"My phobia? Those toilets you have to squat over, and squids. If a squid comes out of the hole, it's twice the points."

Self-portrait Tania par Tania


Tania isn't a nickname. She says that she "gave nicknames up the day that MSN died." I can understand that. I underwent the same process a few years before, when I stopped driving around with a CB in my car. For the younger readers, I mean a Citizen Band radio, which allowed people to talk to each other, mostly truckers. We all had stupid nicknames, like Smokey and the Bandit. But not anymore.

Her info:
Age: 26 
Location: Lyon, France
Website : La minute papillon
Her illustrated FML: The one with the cake

Tania had sent us a very nice message via a carrier pigeon. OK, she actually sent us a nice e-mail, but we do hope that someday, we will receive a message via carrier pigeon, or via smoke signals. Erm, maybe not smoke signals, because an illustration sent via smoke signals would probably be way too experimental for our tastes. I digress. Tania's works and sense or humour were so in step with our tastes that we said yes straight away. Sometimes, it's really easy to say yes to an illustrator's offer, when all the conditions are obviously reunited in a way that we know that the artwork will be good. We want more like it, send us your stuff! So, what does Tania do then? "I'm a web writer for an agency that specialises in SEO. My parents think I work for Google. Maybe that's what I told them to avoid a long, fruitless, 4-hour conversation. It used to be music that widened the generation gap, but I get the impression that IT jobs are doing the same sort of thing nowadays. My old man can make an Airbus A320 work, from A to Z, but he's flummoxed by a 4-in-1 remote control, and gets me to program it for him. Or he's just lazy and doesn't want to learn new stuff since he's retired.

What do you enjoy in your line of work? "I like the constant variety. In one day I can just as well write about the legends of Brittany than about the oil crisis. That, along with the friendly colleagues with the crap sense of humour and the free coffee make my days pretty fun. As for illustration, I like being able to give life to anything that pops into my head. A TV show host disguised as a pineapple, a surfing stool, everything can exist. And, in all modesty, what I also love, is making my friends laugh, even though they suspect me of taking drugs." Creative people are often suspected of taking all sorts of things, but it's often justified. I should know.  

As for projects and news, there's not much going on. "Absolutely no news, but sometimes I post articles on my blog. However, be around in 2050, something heavy is going to be unleashed." As for her projects? "Pokemon Master." OK. Sounds realistic. 

What did you do at school and stuff? "I got a high school diploma with a literature specialisation, with a good grade, which made my mother happy. I then looked for something easy to do, which required the least effort, so I ended up doing English studies, all while working at McDonald's for 2 years to finance my student parties and my driver's licence. I found my calling doing a journalism masters, which open the doors to local press and the fishing contests all around my area. After a few months in a newsroom, I set up camp in a web agency in Lyon where I'm enjoying life." 

What made you want to draw? What inspires you "I've always scribbled, but the works of Zep inspire me, and I really like what he does, his hyper-expressive characters and his attention to detail. Other than that, in my health report, when I was 3, the paediatrician wrote "excellent graphics". I probably drew the best square and circle of his career, but still, I guess it directly influenced my vocation."

What are your pleasures and/or vices? "Dinosaurs (except Stegosaurus, they're losers), driving alone at night, licking the covers of apple sauce pots, losing my phone and finding it in the fridge, going to Brussels, a place I fell in love with during a 4-month internship, drinking coffee until the point of no return where I start to hear colours, folk music, season 3 to 16 of The Simpsons."

Do you have a personal FML to share? "Today, feeling amiable, I clear the table, and take away a pile of glasses. Result: 2 hours in the ER and 4 stitches in my left ring finger. FML. The legendary clumsiness of left-handed people is mainly due to me, without wanting to brag." Left-handed people are weird. I've always said so. Sorry, I'm a right-handed bigot.

To finish the article, can you give some advice to anyone starting out in illustration? "I don't think of myself as an illustration pro, but if I had one piece of advice to give, it would be 'Keep going as long as you are enjoying yourself, and if you have a cat, please be away that the felt-tip pens that have mysteriously disappeared are probably under the fridge. Or in its litter tray.'" As a cat owner, I can only vouch for that piece of advice.

Right, that'll do for this week. JI want to thank Tania for her illustration, her kindness and her sense of humour. This is all very important. Oh, and her reactivity. I'm not saying that these are rare qualities amongst our guests, but I like it when a plan comes together. Well anyway, it's Friday, time to relax, put on a Tindersticks song, take the cats for a walk and have a few beers. As always, be excellent to each other and see you next week. 

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1526 - Illustrated FML - On 06/26/2015 at 6:25am by Alan - 8 comments

The Best of the Worst #15

We hadn't forgotten! You can stop sending your e-mails asking when we were going to post the Best of the Worst article, it's finally here. It's the June edition, and it's #15 of our compilation of weird and wonderful submissions. Time to have another good laugh at the people who seem to have a tenuous grasp of reality. Here we go!

For the few newbies who have no idea what the concept is: we get sent thousands of FMLs every day. We only publish a handful because most are shite. Well, to be fair, most are mediocre, but then there are those which are batshit insane. This is a collection of some of the best of the shittiest FMLs that people have actually sent in via the submit-your-FML box. People actually wrote these. No, really, they really did. Check them out.

Turned on cubist 

Today, i thought it was cool that i had procrastinated from doing my english project the previous day. I thought about it and then I realized how dumb it was that for my prorastinating, I was solving a rubix cube for 3 hours and masturbating with bubble wrap. FML.

Wheelchair blues

This morning i woke up and realized… I am Stephen Hawking… FML Who does Christopher Reeves wish he could be? Christopher Walkin!


Today I finally reached some sort of island. I have my cellphone and a granola bar. FML.


my phsyciatrist for 5 years gave me vicadin hen gave up on me i was 6 years old

Love is…

Today I got dumped for another guy that she youst to like she was just using me to make him jelious FML


Today, I saw a person a few feet ahead of me I assumed was dressed in the Chick-fil-A cow costume. Trying to be funny, I yelled several times, “EAT MORE CHICKEN!” Then, the costumed cow turned around. Turns out it wasn’t the Chick-fil-A cow at all, but a muslim woman dressed in a spotted burka. FML

James H.

Today, the lead singer from metalica gave me an autograph the when i left the cosert i got juped by 5 guys no my arm is broken possibly a cuncusion and i have no autotograph. Fuck my life!!!!!!!!

Keep on truckin'

I went on a date with this girl who I seriously thaught was the one. Before we left a resturaunt I went to the b-room and gave her the keys to my car. When I came out I saw her deeply making out with this fat trucker! Tonge and everything! ON THE HOOD OF MY CAR! I set off my car alarm and wentinside

Butt bomb

Today I shoved a fire cracker up my anus…. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to pretend to lite it…. He did…. Now i’m in the hospital wit a blown up ass



That's it for June. We'll be back next month with a some more of these, because there's quite a few of them in stock. If you enjoyed them, you can probably see others by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. As usual, these are all collected from the website since its launch, so don't bother trying to send in daft FMLs to try and get them published here, it won't work. See you !


Bonus track: People take not being published very seriously, like this person did. Subsequently, we get sent this sort of thing.

Not the knees

This site sucks. I came up with way better stuff, than the junk posted here. But mine wasn’t published. To the jerks who hit “No”, I hope you scrape your knees.

#1525 - About FMyLife - On 06/24/2015 at 4:06am by Alan - 74 comments

Flopom's illustrated FML

Hi gang, how's it going? The weekend has finally arrived and we finally collectively breathe a sigh of relief as we unbutton our tight, sta-prest trousers to go run barefoot round the garden. We've spent all week with our noses to the grindstone, or studying things, or taking exams, all of which will of be absolutely no importance since the sun at the middle of our universe will one day implode, and everything will be cold, dead and as sad as a Zach Braff movie on a wet Sunday afternoon. But it's not going to happen before at least next week, so let's go nuts and have fun while we can. But try and make your parents proud, get some diplomas. The whole FML team supports you in your endeavours. We'll be here, waiting for you to send your stories in about how you messed up your oral exams or other failures. Anyway, time for this week's illustrated FML, which has nothing to do with exams, but I couldn't think of a transition. Here we go!


"My drawing isn't perfect, that's for sure. The world we're living in isn't either. Whatever happens, I'm going to strive to change all that for the better."

Self-portrait Flopom' by Florian


Flopom' is a talented lad. Finally, after a shedload of talented young ladies. Whether or not the week's illustrator is a girl or a boy is irrelevant, but it seems that sometimes the choice of the FML and the drawing style is different according to the artist's gender. And we like a bit of variety on FML.

His info:
Age: 20 "I think…"
Location: "Vernon, in Normandy, by I work in Rouen and soon in Paris."
His website: Flopom's blog
His illustrated FML: The one with the nose

I'd contacted Flopom' via a forum called Case Libre. We got talking over a bottle of vodka, which led to a dance floor in Paris and some rather nice… Erm, no, that's not what happened at all. The Case Libre part is true, though. Go check it out, it's in French mainly, but I'm guessing that English is spoken by most people on there.
Flopom' is a "Graphic Designer (or advertising illustrator, whichever one you want)." Yet another one amongst us! When are we going to get a zookeeper?

What do you enjoy about what you do? "Being able to put my creativity at brands' service. When you're an advertising graphics designer, you have to do things that people like, but that the client and their "target audience" like. You have to wrack your brains, find good ideas quickly and convince people. Each project is in fact a challenge and it's what I like the most about this job, on top of the creative side, which to me is the most important." Creative, schreative. You need time to be creative. Flopom' lacks time to properly work on comics. Which is why we're here. 

So, what's your current news, or projects? "At the moment I'm working for ad and photography agency in Rouen, which creates communication campaigns for big motorcycle brands. Within the agency, we launched last September Aris'In, a magazine which highlights various talents. It's a sort of creative laboratory where we experiment various things and we go over atypical subjects and news items, based more on pictures than text. It's free and available online here." As for his projects, he's given us a bullet-point list: 
- Create a small comic book series; I'm writing the story in the train as we speak… 
- I had a short film project, but that's also on stand bye. 
- Keep on working with the Aris’In team, who are really great!
- Why not join a big ad agency in Paris? 

Where did you go to school? "I went to kindergarten in Vernon, then primary school in Saint-Pierre-la-Garenne, the middle school in Aubevoye, then high school in Gaillon… and now you can visit Normandy! On a more serious note, I'm currently finishing my second year of a Media and internet studies in Elbeuf (don't visit that place, it's a dump), and next year I'm going to the MJM Graphic Design in Paris (*so happy!*)." Normandy is a really nice place. It really is. I'm saying this under threat of violence by several friends who are from there, and who will do my kneecaps in if I suggest anything else. 

What made you want to draw? What inspires you? "I'm find inspiration in everything around me: movies, advertising, television, books, everyday life, in the subway… And if there's anyone who made me want to start making comic books, it's Stan Silas (Norman's Life, Biguden). I've been following him since his beginnings and it's incredible to see his style evolve in a short space of time, despite the fact that he's self-taught. He's passionate, readable and very nice to talk to at book signings!"

Speaking of which, are there any other artists whose blogs you check out regularly? "Due to lack of time, I actually rarely check out blogs. I subscribe to their Facebook pages because everything turns up at the same time and the same place. I follow Silver's news, I love his style, Raoul Paoli too, and I'm forgetting a lot of them…" I do that all the time when I go shopping and I've forgotten to take a shopping list, I totally forget what I'd come to buy. Does that happen to you too? Tell me about it in the comments (no, really, you don't have you, I'm having a laugh). 

What are your pleasures in life and stuff? "Drawing, advertising, creativity, silly jokes, photography, gardens, M&M's, walking around Rouen, the Seine, moaning, having a laugh, talking, meeting non-boring people… I like a little bit of everything and I'm satisfied by simple things." How about things at the movies, music, etc.? "Movies: it's not the "latest" things but I like Tim Burton's  movies, as well as Hitchcock's and Besson's. Musically, I discovered Feu ! Chatterton and it's quite good. Books: I've always been told to read other things than comic books. I never listened. TV shows: I never miss an episode of Desperate Housewives. Each character has a specific personality, that thing that makes them them. There's murders and stuff but it's funny and thrilling. In comics: Hold Up - journal of a robber by Raoul Paoli, Zombillenium by Arthur De Pins and Biguden by Stan Silas. I tried The Little Death but it didn't do it for me… I liked GungHo's graphics, I ordered it online but they still haven't sent it to me!" He doesn't miss an episode of Desperate Housewives? What year is it in Normandy? 

To finish off, have you got a personal FML to tell us? "My hamster got eaten by an own when I was on a weekend break. It managed to get into the house via a small duct, landed near the cage, my hamster came near and CRUNCH, no more hamster! - FML." RIP in peace as the idiots who don't understand what RIP means say. Not cool. Weirdly, he's afraid of mice and stuff: "I hate mice and other creatures like them. Last summer, on the way back from a firework display, I stumbled in the dark into something soft and it screamed. It appeared to be a rat. EWWW!" Rats, mice and hamsters are the same, or is it me? 

OK then, let's close the shop for this week. Thanks Flopom' for your illustration and your good mood. We need more people who are in a good mood. It took a while to publish this illustrated FML, but we did it! I'll leave you with my friends in the yard and a surprise guest. Oh and let's listen to some music to chill out for a bit, we need to chill out. Next week, we'll be visited by the ghost of Roger Waters of Pink Floyd who will be telling us all about his favourite cheeses. Until then, be excellent to each other. See ya!

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1524 - Illustrated FML - On 06/19/2015 at 10:00am by Alan - 7 comments

Xianyou's illustrated FML

The illustrated FMLs, a well established institution that's been designated by UNESCO as a world heritage site. The whole world is envious of our column. Often imitated, never beaten. A bit like the works of Claude Monet or sausage meat. This week, we're travelling to Japan, via France. And we'll be looking at the world in monochrome for a change, something we rarely do. Some people won't like this, but as the film-maker Jacques Tati said, "Too many colours distract the spectator". These days, you'd think that it's more likely that smartphones and the omnipresent superinformation highway would be doing the distracting, but I haven't done a deep sociological study to confirm or deny what I just said. So for the people grumbling about black and white, hush. Quiet. Accept change. Right, let's crack on. 


"Is this supposed to be the bit where I confess things? OK... might as well get down to it then! *unravels a 10 kilometre-long parchment*"

Self-portrait Xianyou by Fanny


Xianyou is a young lady that also goes by the very amusing French name of Fanny. No giggling at the back. She explains her nickname: "People often ask me where my nickname comes from, but when I tell them, that it was a badly-spelt Xiaoyu from Tekken that I wrote when signing up to my first chatrooms, weirdly, people get this odd look on their faces. And I've also heard from Google Maps that Xianyou is also a district in China." Her nickname is Xianyou, so I'll call her that for the rest of the article.

Her info:
Age: 21
Location: Gouzon, France
Website: Xianyou's Blog
Her illustrated FML: The one with the list

Xianyou made the initial mistake of sending us a fully formed illustration, even though we always ask people to contact us before starting work on them. Then we took a look at it and decided to post it anyway. The illustration style is different to what we usually get sent, and my grand-father always used to say that a change is as good as a rest, before he would change into women's clothes and sit down in front of the TV. So here it is ! And what does Xianyou do ? "A bit of everything, really. I sleep, I eat, I draw, all the while going through a ton of mangas and comic books, giving out catfood to my cat, and studying for my exams!" Ah, cats, faithful working companions. I say that, but mine destroyed one of my hard drives by knocking it off a coffee table. It was fried, all data lost. Thanks, cat. 

What do you enjoy about what you do? "I love to draw and experiment with new techniques, all while working on possible stories for forthcoming gags, it's a real release! What I'd need... I'd say some better hardware (Hey! Tony Stark! Wanna lend me some of your hardware?)" Tony Stark? I know that guy, I saw him last night down the pub, he didn't seem like the kind of guy who'd lend you anything. Then again, he was drunk on scrumpy and was amusing himself by throwing peanuts at some guy's head who was trying to play pinball. Hmmm. It might not've been Tony Stark after all.

Do you have any news, or projects to tell us about? "Summer holidays, what else! I'm going to spread my toes out in the air and spend my time doing what I love the most! Mangaaaaa, I've got you under my skin..." And what about your projects? "I've got several projects on the go (that I'm keeping tightly to myself), all while keeping the dream alive that I'll one day publish manga I'm working on, on this lovely spring day!" OK, you'll have to come back and tell us more about it at a later date then! 

What was school like for you? How did you get to where you are now? "At school, I'm right in the middle of my exams to become an accounting assistant for small businesses (I've just got one more oral exam to go) so I'm impatiently waiting for the results! If all goes well, I'll carry on my studies by doing a professional diploma in home automation and autonomy. As for work, I'm very open, I like new experiences, and one of the ones I'm most proud of is my collaboration with Midam and his team for story work for some of the "Game Over" and "Kid Paddle" albums (via the crowdsourcing concept)! I learnt a lot from this experience." Croudsourcing is very popular at the moment but I'm a bit ambivalent about it. Give me money to make something is a strange concept. On a similar note, Uwe Boll's recent meltdown about not reaching his goal is very funny.

What inspired you to start drawing? "I've been drawing since I was little. I created little comics to amuse myself, all about spy stories or magic, but when I get them out of the cupboard, I feel like bashing my head against a wall. What I mean is, I didn't draw all that well, my characters even had a tendency to be cross-eyed, not to mention the rest, ouch! I really learnt how to draw when I was about 14 or 15, all while trying to create my own style. I was drawn towards mangas because I appreciate the lines and structures, I even had a real revelation when I read one for the first time (even though, at first, I read it backwards because I didn't know it was supposed to be read from back to front)! In fact, most of my gags are contained within 4 squares, because it's a format that is found in a lot of Japanese newspapers. I thought it was a great way to illustrate a blog."

Do you have a personal FML to tell us ? "Sleeping is good. Waking up is even better. In the future, it'll avoid waking up in the school bus, meaning at the driver's house when he's finished his shift (and almost giving him a heart attack when he thought he was alone and he heard my voice from behind him say, "Where are we?"!. And my parents had a good old laugh when I called them to come and get me, 20 kilometres away from our house. Fantastic."  

What are your pleasures or vices in life? "I love everything to do with Japan! Aahhh! I really want to visit the country one day... I'm learning the language from books! I'm also a fan of mangas, katanas (I'm starting to own quite a collection), candy, cats... what? What do you mean mine is too fat? I just love to overindulge my Joey, that's all. He's my powerful anti-stress ball! My ideal day? Spending it laying on the couch, with a pack of chocolate treats, doing nothing besides watching the entire X-Files series... A vice? The coffee break, with some little biscuits not far away.' If I don't get my afternoon expresso, I can bite. Speaking of biting, I hate being woken up before I've decide to do so. At the moment I'm in a foul mood. Those who've tried it can attest, unfortunately. But I don't require a lot to be happy. Usually, I'm the sort of person who's always in a good mood, and I look at life in a positive way." I should take her lead, because I'm usually the grumpy one. What do you mean you can tell from my blog posts?! Cheeky.

If you had to give advice to someone starting out, what would that be? "You need a lot of motivation and don't despair in the beginning, because the more you draw, the better you get! I always hang my latest creations on the wall, so that I can immediately see my progress, which to me is very encouraging." I do the same sort of thing with the dead bugs my cat brings to me. No, it's not weird, it's art. 

That's it for this week. Many thanks to Xianyou/Fanny for her illustration and contagious enthusiasm, it's a pleasure to read. To play us out, here's a band named after her favourite country, but is not from her favourite country : the brilliant Ghosts by Japan. Next week we'll be having… I don't know yet. Want to illustrate an FML for next week? Send in something as instructed below, I'll get back to you. Until then, be excellent to each other and may your God go with you.

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1523 - Illustrated FML - On 06/12/2015 at 4:32am by Alan - 2 comments

FML's Question Time #3 : Sports scandals and FIFAllibality

Let's do this again, it was fun last time. Here's another attempt at giving everyone a chance to give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. It's not a really controversial subject like post-natal abortions or why there are still TV shows with laughter tracks on them, but still, we want to hear what you have to say about this month's topic, since it's something that a lot of us have an opinion about.

To sum up the idea behind this column:  we'll be asking you a question every month or so, and all you'll have to do is give your opinion, back it up with facts, stories or something you overheard while shopping in a mini mall. What we are looking for are debates, exchanges and comments. There are no limits, feel free to express yourselves. 

This month's QOTM: 

Is the recent FIFA money scandal a shock? 
What's your relationship with sports in general?

To get the ball rolling, we've asked a few people to speak their brains.

"I was shit at football at school, I hated it. I always got put in goal and I got scared every time the ball came near. HATED IT." - Darth Vador

"Sports on TV and most professional sports are just mind-numbing the bleating masses so that they have something to talk and think about other than the bleakness of their lives, and to avoid realising how the government is fucking them over. This is why there's so much money involved, to keep the people asleep. Have you got any hummus?" - my neighbour, the sociology student 

"Soccer is a British word. Stop calling football 'hand egg'. Rugby is a town, and I am Kanye." - Kanye West

You get the general idea. Tell us your worst sports-related stories. What's it like being a fan or a practitioner of your favourite sport/team. You've been to school, maybe you were shit at sports there and grew up to hate it. Or, conversely, you were a jock and were very popular thanks to sports. Give us your views, your stories, get a debate going. There's no limits on comments, so let loose. The best story will be voted by the amount of thumbs up it gets. It won't win anything. Or will it? Anyway, tell us everything, we want to hear about your life. This is FML after all.

Come on, procrastinate. It's Friday, work can wait.

#1522 - Ramblings - On 06/05/2015 at 8:33am by Alan - 74 comments