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Illustrated FML (339) - About FMyLife (99) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (18) - Pictures (13) - Books (9) - Special guests (8) - Competitions (6)

The FML Pics app is an FML app with pics. Go figure.

They say that a picture is worth a boring speech. Well, it's true, especially because the FML Pics app is being downloaded all over the world! The fact that no words are necessary means that the themes are universal. Everyone can empathise with the crapness of the situations depicted. A lot of us have blown a tyre on a motorway (or freeway, depending on where you are driving); a lot of us have crashed our heads through a glass window while drunk and wearing an orange traffic cone. Oh, maybe that's just us.

As last time, the FML app has been adding to its catalogue of pics. People have been taking more and more pictures with the app, editing them, adding the FML logo, text, writing captions, voting and commenting on each other's pics… Just like the FML app, but with pictures.

Last time, we had a hit parade of our favourite user submissions so far. We've created what we called the FML Pics Top 4 Best Pics! We mentioned previously that a Top 4 was weird. So, this time, it's still a Top 4. Because FML is weird and wonderful, and we don't care what people think. So here's this month's Top 4, featuring the FML Pics user's caption underneath each photo.


#4: The waffle machine

"Oiled my waffle iron twice, and it still stuck so bad it split in half."


#3: The pre-teen stoners

"What are kids into these days?"

#2: The ultra-precise schedule

"This is not cool."


#1: The cat shit extravaganza

"This is a daily occurrence and my housemates refuse to clean up after
heir cats for a week at a time"


What can you do now? Get the FML Pics app for your iPhone or iPad by clicking on the icon below of course, and then join in. It's free of course, it's easy to use and we're here for any questions you may have about it.


We'll be posting more Top 4 pics in due time, so get snapping, you may be featured soon.

#1549 - About FMyLife - On 10/21/2015 at 4:40am by Alan - 23 comments

Auntie Bernie's Monthly Advice #2

Hello again, young whippersnappers! It's time once again to plow through your letters, wiping the sweat from my brow, all while trying to avoid waving my fists at the heavens and cussing. This whole advice column is quite the task, seeing as you people are a bunch of whining lunatics. I love you all, of course. But by golly you do go on a bit. I do love reading your letters though, they take me back to the days when I too had no hair on my crotch and I didn't know how to talk to other people. You young people certainly have it bad these days, what with all this internet business, cutting you off from the real world, keeping you away from relationships, teaching you bad habits and urban legends instead of how things actually work. Good luck with all that, then. Let's get on with it.

The basic premise of this thing: You were asked to send in your problems, whether of a romantic nature or otherwise, and I'd dole out advice like Cassius Clay used to dole out punches. Trouble is, you've sent in quite a few, so I can't cater to everyone, but I'll get to you eventually. Don't get bent out of shape if you're not featured in this month's column, you might be in next month's issue. You can always seek professional help elsewhere from the bullshit alternative medicine peddlers. Some people use magnets, but speaking of being bent out of shape, try chiropractors. They can work wonders with that great "scientific theory" they base their work on. I'll just keep talking to you, no touching.

Some chiropractors have a hard time noticing that a patient is deceased

I've looked at your messages. I did get a few more I'm so funny-type messages, but I found a few messages to use for this month, and I've written out my replies, hoping I'll be able to help to authors/sufferers. Please bear in mind that everyone featured on this page is a willing participant, and understands what they are getting into.

Cute guy you guys

Our first question of the week is from Amazebears:

"I'm currently in my first year of high school. And there is this guy that is in 2 of my classes and I think he's pretty cute and I think I may like him. How would I be able to tell him?? Please help me!!?"

A classic question, and quite tedious. First year of high school and you still haven't worked it out? What is wrong with you? Just follow him around EVERYWHERE. Never speak to him, just remain in the near distance, always staring, with a creepy smile on your face. It's a 100% guaranteed to work method to seduce someone. OF COURSE IT'S NOT. Come on, you know these things, it's in books, movies, songs and TV shows. Just talk to guy. He's a human being, just like you. If there's a spark, you'll both feel it. You just need to grow a pair of ladyballs and get on with it.


tassiatessa needs advice about a girl:

"Hello, so I have a problem. My father has been going to sex clubs with his girlfriend. I found this out by him posting on social media and having locations on. I really want to confront him about it but I don't know how. Please help."

In what way is this YOUR problem? So what if he's been going to sex clubs with his girlfriend? What is it with entitled kids thinking parents don't have sex lives and that their entire world should revolve around them? Let your dad enjoy himself! He's not dragging YOU to the sex clubs, is he? You can have a word about the social media aspect, yes. But if it doesn't really concern you, and you only stumbled upon the posts while snooping, mind your own beeswax. Kids think they invented sex, but remember, your dad fucked your mom. Your mom blew your dad. And she liked it.

Scripted reality

Another long question, this time from an Anon:

"Dear Auntie Bernie,
I really need help with my social skills. I've always been shy, it's always very awkward to talk to someone I don't deeply know, even with my family. I always feel like I'm on a play where everyone else knows the script but me. 
Can you please advice me??"

I used to be like you, then I realized I was wasting my time. One day, Yellowstone is going to blow, or a huge meteorite is going to slam into the planet, or both, and all life on Earth will die out. Which will be a relief, and sort of a last laugh on all the religious nuts. So if you consider that it could happen any time, pretend it's happening next week and live your life as if there were no actual consequences other than gleaning pleasure from the moment. Shyness is bullcrap. It's no fun and it's your ego being a pain in the ass. People that you are trying to talk to are just as nervous as you are in social situations, but some of us are better at hiding it than others. Forget the script, that's the worst thing you could imagine going on. It's quite the opposite, because there is no script, you get to make it up as you go along. Don't let other people write the script for you. Be an actor, not a spectator. Or something to that effect.


A classic from invadermaythe1st

"Hey Aunt Bernie!
I was curious to know if you could help me out? See, I'm a 16 year old, trying to sell my art. About 100 people have bought it, but only for a small fee. I was wondering if you had any clue on how to get my art more out there?
Thanks! xxx?"

The brilliant Josie Long said, "If your main concern in life is making a huge amounts of money, I automatically assume that there's something wrong with you sexually." Art should be considered art for its own sake. Why on earth would you consider it a career choice, something from which you derive an income? You are sullying the good name of art. Unless your art is making birthday cards or something marketable. You should be proud of what you are creating first and foremost, not trying to sell yourself like some cheap hooker on the Vegas strip. Not that I'd know anything about that, of course. Don't go looking for fame and fortune through your art, just work at your art and the rest will follow. That's what I told Max Hardcore anyway.

The posse

Last question from qwertycode, who is feeling left out

"hey auntie Bernie! so, I have this friend that's like a really good friend; she accepts me for all my flaws and she is fun to talk to and she's like the only person that understands me. I could talk to her about almost anything. however, this year she's become friends with her own art posse and that's fine but she ditches me to hang out with them. not in a rude way, more of a, "I'm gonna talk to them for a bit" way. right now we aren't really speaking because she's always surrounded by other people and doesn't make room to spend time with me. Usually I would let this slide and make new friends but she's really the only person that I can talk to about a lot of things, and I feel like I'm bottling up my emotions because I don't have anyone to talk to about it anymore. my parents and I can never communicate with each other without ending in frustration and I've tried talking to my other friends but they just don't understand or know how to empathize with me. and I'd feel uncomfortable talking face to face about my issues with some random "trusted" adult. advice?"

Yes, I think you summed it up perfectly in the first sentence when you said "I have this friend that's LIKE a really good friend." She's like a friend, but not really one. People grow apart, they move on, they leave you. Dogs don't do that, they stay loyal. This person has found a new bunch of assholes she wants to impress, sounds like typical college bullshit to me. Just stop hanging around these clowns and find some new people to enjoy time with. They seem to be too far up each others' asses to notice you anyway. What's their problem? Fuck those guys, and fuck your selfish friend. She'll be back once college is over, but you'll have moved on by then. Enjoy life, college is fun, don't let the bastards grind you down!

There, that'll do for this month. As I've said, if you wrote to me and you're a bit saddened to see that you weren't featured in this month's column, don't despair! You might appear next month. If you want to write to me to appear in the near future, my profile is here, or click on my message in the comments under the article. 

Who are you? Who who?

This is last part of the column: the profile pic. The people who wrote to me also have faces. I don't mean the people who cheat by using pictures stolen from Instagram accounts belonging to other people (In doubt? Google reverse image search) and claim "That's me!", I'm talking about the people who are brave (or stupid) enough to put their real face on FML, and who have agreed to appear here.

This week, we're taking a look at johnrdz3. This guy certainly seems to think he's something else. I can't work out if he's doing this ironically or not. I hope so. I really hope it's a parody. Why else would he be taking a picture in a mirror and staring at himself in his phone? People who do that really need so time away from mirrors and phones. Why do they do it? Look into the mirror at the phone, for fuck's sake, it's not that complicated to understand! And what's with the pink bow tie and jacket? Is he in a barbershop quartet or has his mom remarried and the wedding has a bad taste theme? The jacket over the shoulder has a sort of Tony Bennett charm, but that's thrown off by the shower head in the background, which looks like it might go off at any point. And no, you can't be a model now, unless it's a model in a shop window displaying shitty suits for cheap weddings. That pink has made my eyes sort. It looks like that stuff you drink when your stomach feels bad. The raised eyebrow should only be attempted if puberty is over, and the jury isn't sure in this case. So all in all, A for effort, but come and see me in 10 years time, sweetie.






That's my second monthly column over with. I hope you liked it. Or hated it. Either way, come back next month, maybe you'll be featured if you've written to me. Maybe just write if you want to be featured as the profile picture person. Makes no difference. In any case, don't hesitate to write to me if you need help seeing the light and/or need advice on how to lead your love life. I'll try and help out, in my own special way. Take care, young twits of FML.

Auntie Bernie is dressed by Bénédicte of Bloutouf

#1548 - Special guests - On 10/16/2015 at 12:25am by Auntie Bernie - 16 comments

Scarlatine's illustrated FML

Are your abs well-toned and look like you’re made of metal? Feel like a machine ready to take whatever the crossfit fad can throw at you? Do you scream, ”Bro, do you Even lift?" at people during arguments? As you may have gathered, this week, we are interested in the phenomenon of unrealistic standards imposed by the patriarchy that wants to keep the masses docile by imposing cognitive dissonance, pushing everyone one the one hand to consume more, gorging ourselves to try and be happy, while on the other hand falsifying evidence via the media that happiness is accessible only to those who have achieved a normative and arbitrary “perfect” physical perfection, unattainable to most of us. Hmm, don’t know what came over me there. Wrong meeting. All of that jibberjabber to say what? This week, we’re talking sports! Let’s go!


"My favourite biscuits, which are so addictive, are the Baiocchi by Barilla, filled with cocoa paste. It’s impossible to stop eating them."

Self-portrait Géraldine by Scarlatine

This week, we’re returning to France. It is under the name Scarlatine that Geraldine is known and works, and I will continue to call her Scarlatine throughout the article because it's fun and because I like infectious diseases, Scarlatine being the French name for Scarlet Fever.

Her info:
Age: "You're not supposed to ask me that"
Location: Clermont Ferrand, France
Websites: Her blog and her Facebook page
Her illustrated FML: The one with the abs 

Let's go for a stroll through the scarlet and gold universe. I say that because the disease that bears the same name is caught vie the Staphylococcus aureus bacterium, the aureus part meaning golden. OK, maybe I shouldn’t attempt latin-based puns, or puns at all for that matter. All that needs to be said is that Scarlatine’s talent is undeniable, and her style is quite infectious ... OK, I'll stop with the jokes about her name, I'm sure she's called like that in honour of the artistic side of her feverish passion. There, we'll say that. It was me who had contacted her after finding on her blog during a drunken night on the internet, looking... oh, that was when I stalking my exes on Facebook. What I meant to say was, in the context of my job for FML, I often visit illustration blogs at random, and I offer the artists I like to take part in this blog. Scarlatine said yes to my offer, although it took several months for her contact me. I don’t blame her, for the work she has done is great, looks good and will resonate with many of us. Yes, fitness is a concern for many people, because societal codes and standards, blah.

Who is Scarlatine and what does she for a living? "A lot of drawing. I teach children as a teacher of Plastic Arts (since 15 years) at high school and middle school with students of various ages. I make illustrations and paint the rest of the time. I observe my surroundings to find a lot of funny anecdotes and gags to be able to recreate the illustrations from them." A school teacher. Hmmm, it will interest our young friends who read us in their thousands, scratching their acne and who think that teachers are boring adults who have nothing to do with their lives than take the piss. Hey, yeah youths, teachers can ALSO illustrate FMLs, Booyakasha.

What do you enjoy in all of this? “I like the idea of ??being able to get up in the morning and tell myself that I make a living drawing when others do more “rational” jobs. What I'm missing? Bonus lives in order to have more time to get to grips with all my projects and work on other areas (graphics, sculpture, video editing, writing, etc.). I somehow put aside painting, to the detriment of illustrations, which take up 70% of my time, and I would like to get back to it. To see my paintings, which have absolutely nothing to do with my illustrations, click here. In short, to have more time, one lifetime isn't enough!”

Where do you come from, as in schooling and stuff? "I have a Masters in Plastic Arts and I’m an arts teacher as Job 1, and an illustrator as Job 2. I still prefer the illustrator job, it’s a lot quieter.” Arts teacher, OK, all right, they’re probably less hated that history teachers or math teachers. The arts teachers, in my mind, they’re the ones who had good records, had Sonic Youth t-shirts, and you felt that if you pushed it a bit, you could end up smoking a joint with them while discussing Cubist-period Picasso or Alan Vega albums. Where do you like to create your drawings? "I should answer my large Scandinavian table in my luminous livingroom that’s dedicated to my work, but the reality is quite different. I’m rather sprawled on my sofa, the computer on my knees, feet on the messy table in front of the TV with some cookies. (Much less glamorous!)" No no, it's perfect as an image of pure creativity!

What are your plans for the future? "A book of personal illustrations. It has already been offered to me but I’m taking my time. I’m collecting stories for the moment. I thinking a lot about the content instead of rushing, even if the proposals are attractive." This is the best solution. It’s not all knowing how to draw, the content must be funny, interesting, and it has to have a story. So we will wait around a bit for the collection.

What are your inspirations, is there someone, an event or something that made you want to start drawing? "My high school art teacher, Ms. Bedel! She sometimes left students alone in class, for a moment, and they remained calm, caught up in their subjects. She never raised her voice, she knew how to earn respect. I thought it was remarkable. She was the teacher who gave meaning to my life at that time. From that moment, I wanted to become a plastic arts teacher. A way to exercise my passion, having the security of a job that gives me free time and thus lets me draw." So,do you have heroes in your life like her? "My father. It was he who gave me the drawing virus. He draws very well and can do all sorts of things. I thought he had magical powers when I was little and I watched him draw. I was fascinated by his ability to tell stories and bring something out from a simple white page. I think subconsciously I wanted to have the same power too... He taught me the basics. I was fortunate to have openminded parents, who then encouraged me on this not always reassuring journey. They are my first heroes."

Tell us what you love in life, your passions, your hobbies, your vices, your little pleasures of everyday life? "Painting, drawing, collecting beautiful beaches with my lover, eating, sleeping, playing the drums, seeing my family, decorating my apartment, traveling, reading..." This is a good start. And your musical tastes, literary and comic-esque, what d’you recommend at the moment? “Movies: I don’t go very often, but I loved Ozon's latest film," A new friend" with Romain Duris and Anaïs Demoustier. Music: ??My latest discovery, the otherworldly artist Papillon Paravel. His lyrics and melodies are just sublime. Someone that needs to believed in. Books: To be read once in your life: "If This Is a Man" by Primo Levi, a testimony recounting his experience surviving a concentration camp. A slap in the face that will not leave you indifferent. TV shows: True Detective, Dexter, Six Feet Under, Mr Robot. Comics: Manara for the drawings, and sensuality of heroines.” And artists whose blogs you check out? "Voutch, Margaux Motin, Penelope Bagieux, Diglee, Hudrisier Cécile, Claire Wendling."

A personal FML perhaps? Perhaps my first day as a teacher in a new school. I arrived on a scooter in the teachers’ parking lot when suddenly someone challenged me and said that students were not allowed to park there ... FML!” An FML classic, a teacher who gets mistaken for a student. It’s rarely the other way round.

And finally, do you have any advice for new artists? "I think I would give the same advice I give to my students or those who want to make illustrating their profession, namely:

- Draw every day so you don’t lose your touch.
- Observe and draw from reality.
- Create a blog to publicise your creations, and show your work regularly.
- Dare to go lookingfor people, without waiting for them to come knock on your door.
- Avoid working on your couch, find a dedicated place. "

I see, do what I say, not what I do!

I think that’ll do for this week! We warmly thank Scarlatine for taking part, she was great. So, it’s Friday and as you’re reading this article, if it is indeed Friday, the day this is released, I’m now in England with my grandma, who is 97 years old. You don’t give two hoots about that information, but I'm quite happy to go see her. I leave you with the most mediocre slide in the world and an old song. Kisses!

And how about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email on [email protected], not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your work.

#1547 - Illustrated FML - On 10/05/2015 at 4:34pm by Alan - 5 comments

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their thighs, it's the real thing. Not the corporate-sponsored, over-produced kind. Anyhoo, this week we've been fighting against our inner demons while revisiting our record collections, and celebrating the return of New Order with a cracking new album. This week's illustration will make you want to travel back in time to New York City and hang out with Talking Head, Lou Reed and Iggy Pop, or maybe watch re-runs of Starsky and Hutch. Who knows? Anyway, that's enough Generation X nostalgia, let's get on with the interview. 


"One of my favorite restaurants is Rai Rai Ken in the East Village. I love going there during happy hour to eat pork buns and gyoza while listening to the J-Pop they always play."

Self portrait G.E. by G.E. Gallas

G. E Gallas. I don't know what the G and the E stand for, but I'm pretty sure we can find out what her full name is somehow. Or just guess. General Electric? Probably not. 

Her info:
Age: 27
Location: Washington, D.C./Gaithersburg, Maryland
Website: Her blog
Her illustrated FML: The one with time-travel

This week's artist is quite arty. I don't mean that our other illustrators are boorish yobs, I mean she has this American Gothic, NYC art school quality about her work. Does that make any sense? Probably not. I can imagine her listening to the wonderful Velvet Underground in a tiny NYC apartment, typing out a short story about a man who learns how to see though walls, but who loses a pair of shoes each time he does it. Hmmm. I'm not making much sense today, I really need to cut down on the bootleg cheese. G.E. contacted us a while back, and as you can see, her work is quite striking. It's pretty rare for an American artist to contact us, so we said yes. She'd already set her heart on the FML, so we were away to the races, up and running, well chuffed. Let's find out more about this mysterious person and what she does.

So, what do you do for a living? "I’m a freelance writer and illustrator! My illustrations are featured in the young adult title Scared Stiff: Everything You Need to Know About 50 Famous Phobias by Sara Latta and the non-profit self-help book Do More Good. Better. by Steve Scheier. Moreover, I’m a graphic novelist working on a series called The Poet and the Flea about the poet-painter William Blake. While working on The Flea, I’ve become a self-taught Blake scholar and have spoken upon invitation to The Blake Society (London), Yale University School of Drama, and Germanna College (Virginia). As you can see, I’m very interdisciplinary!" Ah, William Blake. Most famous amongst bad music lovers for the band the Doors taking their name from one of his texts ("the doors of perception"), but also a great inspiration to many. I live by the notion that "the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom". I've not yet reached wisdom, but by jove I'm enjoying the road.

Where do you come from, school-wise and studies and all that? "I am a graduate of New York University: Gallatin School of Individualized Study, where I created my own major: a cross-cultural study of storytelling within film, literature, graphic novels, etc. I’ve been studying Japanese language and culture for over 10 years and spent my junior year abroad in Tokyo, Japan. I’ve interned at the Cannes International Film Festival as well as Zest Books, a young adult nonfiction publishing company in San Francisco. This year, I volunteered at BookExpo America in Manhattan and attended New York University’s Summer Publishing Institute." Quite well traveled then. And you've been over to France, home of FML and VDM (the mothership). Some of you might not know this, but FML is originally French, and is run in France. So stop sending us e-mails about the US constitution and US laws, they don't apply to your "right" to "the freedom of speech" to post comments calling strangers on the internet "whores" and "sluts". The Cannes Film Festival is quite the blast over here, you must have enjoyed yourself!

What are your plans, work-wise or personally (if we can go there)? "For the anniversary of William Blake’s death, I was interviewed by the new blog Glommable (you can check it out by clicking on this link). I will be exhibiting for a third time in a row this September at SPX (Small Press Expo) in Bethesda, Maryland." And what sort of ambitions do you have for the future? "As I mentioned before, my current project is the three-volume graphic novel The Poet and the Flea about William Blake. The script for all three volumes is complete and I’m almost finished illustrating the first volume, which I’ve very excited about. The graphic novel's main antagonist, The Ghost of a Flea, originates from a miniature painting by Blake of a muscular and menacing creature that is said to have haunted him. I have so much fun working on this project because I try to incorporate Blake’s unique style into my own and there are so many interesting characters, costumes, angels, demons, and cityscapes to draw."

What is your inspiration, is there someone, event or something that made you want to start drawing? "I’ve been telling stories through words and images for as long as I can remember. My mom’s an abstract artist and my dad (a lawyer) is very artistic, so they’ve always been very supportive. During elementary and middle school, my biggest inspirations were Edward Gorey, Hergé, and Ai Yazawa, all of whom inform my work even now. I’ve saved many of my old sketchbooks, and it’s wonderful to take them out on occasion and see how far I’ve come." Any heroes you'd care to mention? "Joseph Campbell! I often joke that his The Hero with a Thousand Faces is my bible. For those unfamiliar, Campbell’s masterpiece is about the universal hero’s journey, which I use in my own writing as a formula or foundation for storytelling. Campbell has been an inspiration to me since high school and was an important fixture in my self-designed major." 

You chose an FML containing the glorious Ramones. What sort of things are you into? "My taste in music is very eclectic, so one minute I’m listening to the Japanese jazzy rock song “Kamisama, Hotokesama”(God, Nor Buddha) by singer-songwriter Sheena Ringo and the next I’m listening to Verdi’s aria “Di quella pira” sung by the German tenor Jonas Kaufmann. I’m a huge movie buff, so asking me my favorite movie is a very tough question to answer. But my all-time favorite film is The Manchurian Candidate (1962) starring Frank Sinatra, Angela Lansbury, and Laurence Harvey. It’s the kind of movie you can watch a hundred times and notice something new and exciting every time. I just finished reading all 650-some pages of Earthly Powers by Anthony Burgess (who wrote A Clockwork Orange). It’s actually my mom’s favorite book — she’s read it at least three times. I was completely blown away by it! As for television, I can’t say enough good things about Hannibal and am so sad that it was canceled. Right now, they’re into the Red Dragon plot line and I get such a kick out of all the Blake references. And comics: I’m thoroughly enjoying the deluxe anniversary edition of Tove Jansson’s Moomin, the famous Finnish troll that looks more like a hippopotamus."

What do you enjoy in life besides all that? "One of my favorite pastimes is visiting museums! Since I grew up just outside of D.C., I was constantly visiting museums with my family or on school field trips. While in New York this summer, I tried to go to a different museum every weekend. I really enjoyed the new John Singer Sargent exhibit at the Met and the Lewis Carroll exhibit celebrating 150 years of Alice in Wonderlandat the Morgan Library. A few years ago, I was in London for about 4 days and visited the Victoria and Albert, Tate, and British Museum. I’d love to go back to London in the near future to continue exploring their amazing museums." Well, if you're even in Paris, give us a call, we'll show you round the place.

That'll do for this week! Thank you G.E. for your extensive replies and your excellent work. And your great taste. The Ramones rule. Next week, we'll be back with another installment in our quest for the ultimate illustrated FML. In the meantime, enjoy the beginning of the third world war that seems to be taking place at the moment, check out some horrible people getting their comeuppance, and be excellent to each other. See ya!

And how about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email on [email protected], not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your work.

#1546 - Illustrated FML - On 10/02/2015 at 4:34am by Alan - 6 comments

Kim Chaing's Illustrated FML

Last week it was Auntie Bernie’s explosive return, with her grenade-like advice. We’re returning to normal programming this week, with something softer, namely a very cute illustration. It will be like this from now on, one Friday per month will be booked for Auntie Bernie to do her thing, with other Fridays set as usual. It’ll allow me to take a break, and rummage the net looking for new artists to offer you on here. Well, anyway, how are you guys? Here in the FML offices, we can feel the autumn cold coming on, to the point where we’ve put on our sweaters and Peruvian hats. It's so depressing, I’ve resorted to trying to cheer myself up by pigging out on chocolate stuff and going to chat with the girl who works at the baker’s across the street, because I have a huge crush on her. Will she know one day? Who knows. Come on, let's go check out the artist of the week, with sun in our hearts and a smile on our arses.


"I'm terrified of heights. Which doesn't stop me from living on the 14th floor of an apartment building, surprisingly."

Self portrait Kim by Salayanara

Kim is also called Salayanara. It’s hard to say out loud, or type without looking at an example, so I'll call her Kim. Because I'm lazy.

Her info:
Age: 39
Location: Paris
Website: Her blog
Her illustrated VDM: The one with the coconut

We're venturing into the wonderful world of Kim. Let's talk directly to her. She sent us a mail in the middle of July, when it was hot and we were sweating profusely in our boxer shorts (well I was, I don't know if Kim wears boxer shorts) and I could straight away feel her determination to feature on FML. I had a look at her blog, I threw my hands up in the air I shrieked my shriek of joy: "SPLISH SPLASH I WAS TAKING A BATH!" So she started creating her artwork, after we agreed on the story she was going illustrate. Well, I'm not going to explain how it all works. If you're an illustrator and you want to know how all this happens, write to the address below and take part.

So, what does Kim for a living? "Currently I'm looking for a job as graphic designer / web designer, having worked for almost 9 years in a video games company. Meanwhile, I take care of my little boy who is eight months old, I play video games, and of course I draw! " Yes, so you do nothing, you lounge around, says the right-wing side of my brain. "It's easy to find work," it says. "There's jobs everywhere, you just have to look." OK, I'll return to reality. If professionals are in the area and want to offer her a job because they like her works, they shouldn't hesitate to contact her! 

What do you like about this job? "I like to be able to do a bit of everything, even though drawing is mostly a hobby for me. What I miss, however, is time! You know, taking care for a baby full time isn't easy, even though I love my little fella! Luckily, I still manage to draw between two diaper changes." Is there something missing that would make you happy? "Oh, what I miss is a built-in fan for my graphics tablet. When it's hot, and that was especially true this summer, I can no longer draw, otherwise I run the risk of ending up baked by the heat of my gear. Yep, we all our problems." I guess it could be good for fried eggs, or shrimp 'a la plancha', right?

Tell us your news! "I've only just took up comics again, the last time I did them was in college, that's how it long ago it dates! I'm currently taking part in a comics contest, it's the first time you can read a story of which I'm the author on the net because this is my first finished project. When I think of it, I'm a little moved." The story is here, in French though. Yeah, in college I spent my time boozing and playing  "Wonderwall" on the guitar to try to impress Maïder A., ??a brown-eyed Basque girl who had dark eyes and... Maïder, if you read this, know that... no, nothing.

Where do you come from, school-wise and studies and all that? "A literary diploma in my pocket, I then studied visual arts at the Paris 8 University, because I couldn't go to a cartoon school (too expensive and too far away). I then turned away from the artistic career path, working in customer service, before moving to a famous publisher of video games, then giving in my resignation last year to try my luck in an area that I feel most at home: webdesign." That's beautiful, giving up everything to get started in pursuit of her passion. I tell myself that one day I would like to give up everything to open a fishing store or a bar full of whores, but I have to find financing first.

What are your plans, because you have recently changed your plans? "For a start, find work, because I must! And then do more comics. I have tons of projects that ended up gathering dust over the years, and I want them to see the light of day for real." Indeed, getting job is the first step. As I said above, if an artistic director or a professional person likes what they sees, they shouldn't hesitate to go through us, or contact her directly. At VDM, we like to make people happy! We're not necessarily about rotten stories.

What is your inspiration, is there someone, event or something that made you want to start drawing? "I was about 4 or 5 years old when I wanted to make drawings in a more concrete way: I was at a friend of my parents' at the time, and I saw two big girls, a dozen years old, draw in a corner. I was so overwhelmed by what they were doing, it made me want to do the same. Ever since I've never stopped drawing, even if I've not made a career out of it yet." Ah but it will happen! I wish I could be a musician, but I'm far from the musical talent you are at drawing. I try, I sometimes play in concert with a small band, but hey, I'm not as technically proficient as I should be. There's no reason that your talent doesn't turn into petro-dollars soon.

Tell us what you love in life, your passions, your hobbies, your vices, your little pleasures of everyday life? "Video games are my second passion, I've played ever since I was a kid. Even though in recent years I've played less, I remain attached to certain MMORPGs like World of Warcraft or Ragnarok Online, Otherwise I love cooking, and as I like to eat well, the two belong together, haha." I share the latter passion, but in terms of cooking, it's catastrophic. So I'll invite myself over to set myself down at the table, okay? Because, well, that I do know how to do, turning up to stuff myself, empty the bar and run off. And your latest favourites in film, music, books, TV series and / or comics? Stuff to recommend us? "I'm not a film buff, and indeed outside my PC, I'm not into either screens, however I'm obviously a fan of comics and manga. My big current fave is "Bride Stories" by Kaoru Mori." Well, not much going on then, eh? So I'll say I saw Morrissey in Paris. That's all. And it appears that a girl released an album called "Poparoïd". POPAROÏD! Preposterous. 

Well, and what's the most FML thing that happened to you? "Ah well some time ago I read an FML that happened exactly the same to me as the author, I had used mouthwash without diluting the product as shown in the leaflet, I shed tears before realising that I should have read it better. Besides that, my life is unfortunately not as thrilling to the point of making an FML out of it (and I tried)." I admit that events rarely happen where I've thought, "Hey, that would make a good FML," and yet I work here. That may be why, fear of rejection.

And finally, do you have any advice for new artists? "Big question! I would say that for beginners, it's best to start by learning the basics. When we start, maybe we tempted to reproduce the drawings of an artist we admire (I started like that too) except that we don't always learn very well in this way, and that quickly ends up reaching its limits. Not to mention it also runs the risk of repeating the mistakes of the artist that you're copy. Now this is a bit daunting and not very sexy, drawing from actual models to understand the structure of objects, and shapes and observe and learn the theory from books or tutorials, this is the best school for me. And of course, draw every day, if that's for 5 minutes, no matter what you draw. But most important, it's still the motivation and discipline. Without that, there's no progress."

OK, let's fold up our sketchbooks for this week! Kim, thank you for letting us feast on your talent and your patience. Next week, we get the daughter of the King's henchmen. But before that, we will have a fun weekend celebrating Natacha's birthday (no, not the flight attendant, the other one) and then we will dance to funky-ass music to forget death and we will meet up again within a week. OK? If possible, call your parents. Do it now, believe me. Be excellent to each other and don't be a cunt.

And what about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email on [email protected], not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your work.

#1545 - Illustrated FML - On 09/25/2015 at 11:02am by Alan - 5 comments