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Illustrated FML (337) - About FMyLife (94) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (18) - Books (9) - Special guests (8) - Pictures (8) - Competitions (6)

FML Pics is like FML, with pics. Duh.

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, we said that last time. But it still stands true, especially since the FML Pics app is quite the hit amongst FML users! Since it was launched, a whole bunch of you lovely people have downloaded it and uploaded quite a few pictures. That's what FML Pics is all : it's an FML app, only with pictures instead of words. This article is a chance to check out the best of what we've been sent.

So, what's been going on since FML Pics was last featured? People have been taking more and more pictures with the app, editing them, adding the FML logo, text, writing captions, voting and commenting on each other's pics… Just like the FML app. Which is not surprising, because we made both.

Last time, we had a hit parade of our favourite user submissions so far. We've created what we called the FML Pics Top 4 Best Pics! Last time, we mentioned that a Top 4 was weird. So, this time, it's still a Top 4. Because FML is weird, and wonderful. So here goes the Top 4, and each picture features the user's caption underneath.


#4: The angry note

"I had my truck dropped off today"


#3: The washing machine incident

"Down comforter ripped open in the washing machine.
On a positive note, now I can finish that chicken costume
I've been working on..."


#2: Dogs vs Furniture

"Wonder who made this mess. Definitely not
the guilty-looking dog"


#1: The pigeon

"Pigeon laid an egg in my lap"


Now, what should you do? Get the FML Pics app for your iPhone or iPad by clicking on the icon below, and join in. It's free of course, it's easy to use and we're here for any questions you may have.


We'll be posting more Top 4 pics in due time, so get snapping, you may be featured soon.

#1542 - About FMyLife - On 09/17/2015 at 9:51am by Alan - 9 comments

FML's Question Time #4: Horoscopes, science or witchcraft?

It's time once again to get argumentative. Here's belated new attempt at giving you folks a chance to give your opinion on something we pulled out of a hat. Subjects will come and go, but we'll never discuss anything too serious, like diseases or how the hell people still go to Nickelback shows. We want to hear what you have to say about the chosen topic, since it's something everyone seems to have an opinion on.

To sum up the idea behind this column:  we ask you a question every month or so, and all you'll have to do is give your opinion, back it up with facts, stories or something you overheard while getting your private parts waxed in a beauty salon run by a guy in a raincoat. What we are looking for are debates, exchanges and comments. There are no limits, feel free to express yourselves and get stuck in.

This month's QOTM: 

Can the stars and planets actually influence our life? 
Or are some of us simply gullible nitwits?

To get the ball rolling, we've asked a few people to speak their brains.

"The only astral body I'm interested in is the Death Star. It's down the mechanics' having its tires rotated at the moment, but it's still my number one star." - Darth Vador

"Did you really just ask me that? Astrology and horoscopes are so intensely bad, it's like, dude, hello, why would balls of gas in the sky have an influence on my love live. People are nuts. Did I tell you about the time I went to an ashram and learned how to read tea leaves? Now THAT'S proper science. Got any cheese?" - my neighbour, the sociology student 

"The stars don't influence me. I influence me. The stars all want me to make them a mixtape." - Kanye West

You get the general idea. Tell us how the stars that may or not be influencing us are influencing you. Have you ever believed? Do you still believe? Is the truth out there? You've seen horoscopes, maybe someone did your star chart and you were amazed how accurate it was. Give us your views, your stories, get a debate going. There's no limits on comments, so let loose. The best story will be voted by the amount of thumbs up it gets. It won't win anything. Or will it? Anyway, tell us everything, we want to hear about your life. This is FML after all.

Come on, procrastinate. Work can wait til Monday.

#1540 - About FMyLife - On 09/11/2015 at 8:06am by Alan - 88 comments

Calomiel's illustrated FML #2

The Indian summer is on its way out. The nights are getting colder. What are we going to do? I know, let's just sit around and complain! That's what most people do, isn't it? I guess there's still a bunch of places we could go to feel the heat, the stickiness of summer. Standing in the subway during rush hour. Nestling inside Chris Brown's underpants. Let's just all quit our jobs, our colleges and schools, and all move down near the Equator and set up a hippie commune, play bongos and guitars, and live in peace and beards. No one interested? Shame. Let's get to know this week's illustrator.


"Last year, I went on a big wheel at a fair. I got really nervous and had a panic attack once we started going up in the air."

Self-portrait Calomiel by Calomiel

Calomiel has already been on here. Check out the illustrated FML she made for us last time. I'm going to ask her some different questions, and use the old article as a template because I'm lazy.

Her info:
Age: 17
Website : Her blog
Her illustrated FML: The one about the Prince

OK, let's plough on into the void. Instead of crying about the fact that the summer vacation period is ending for quite a few people as we push on into September, let's talk about our vacation, and our pets. Yes, the link is rather tenous but I'm working on a budget out of the back of a van. Calomiel is still in high school (yes, I'm just as annoyed by all this youthfulness as you are, I'm cranky and old), she's probably back in school right now. 

But what did she do during the summer ? "Well, to I think about it, I didn't do much. When the summer holidays are on the horizon, I always think that I'm going to bags of time to do all sorts of things, and then I end up procrastination. I did do a few nice things though! I went down to the south of France (it was hot, it rained, that's great, right? *whistles*)." Sounds like my summer, which was OK, but cut short due to lack of funding. I asked for a raise, but I was laughed out of the office, with the explanation that it's a global economical crisis, and that I should be glad I've got a job, "damn migrant." As you may know, I'm not french but I live here, so if there's a war, I'm a hostage. 

When it comes to summer vacations, people are split into two camps, beach bums and countryside lovers. Which is Calomiel? "I'm becoming bored of the beach, after 10 years of sand glued to my body and really dirty sea water, I've had enough. I've never really been to the countryside, but it looks nice, because I like peace and quiet and I could take photos. I'd rather visit cities on holiday abroad. I don't have the time to lounge around trying to get a tan, there's so many interesting things to see in foreign countries." 

What's your weather forecast for homecoming? "I'm sure there will be downpours, tears shed be all the kids going back to school. Bright spell will appear between 6 and 7 pm in the south of France, where the inhabitants will be much more positive about life than the people in Paris, who all like to complain about everything. So the capital will be covered with dark grey clouds during the first two weeks of September." Oi, u what mate? What's your beef with people in Paris. I've been here for over two years, but I've also lived down south, and people like to complain EVERYWHERE. Especially at my parents' house when I tell them about my money issues. "Try the lottery," yells my mother, drunk on cheap beer. No, no gambling, a fools game. 

A classic question for contributors to FML: got a personal FML, but with a vacation twist? "Let me see... yes! Once, I was exiting a bus while talking to my sister. After a few metres, I turn to look at her, all while talking, and that's when I notice a guy leaving the same bus. My sister was a way back, leaving the bus a leisurely pace, leaving me to babble at a stranger. FML" OK, we'll imaging that it happened near an international bus service, not just the morning number 65 from Thornbury to Bristol. 

Let's move on to the next part of the interview. As the illustration is about a cat, let's talk pets. Do you have one? "Yes, a cat called Filou who turned ten a few months ago! It's amazing to think that he grew up with me… I can still remember his little blue eyes when he was a kitten, and I was at primary school. He's cute, but greedy!" 

What's the worst thing that's happened to you involving an animal? "When I was about 5 years old, I was bitten by a hamster (I guess) with red eyes. I thought he was cute, you know, so I stroked his head with my finger, and the little rodent bit me!" I don't know if rodent is the right word in this context. I would've said "fucker". Is Calomiel more of a dog or a cat person? I'm guessing I know the answer to this one. "I more of a cat person. Yes, they can be very annoying, leaving hairs all over my clothes, but they're so cute. I've never had a dog, so I can't really say which of the two I prefer living with, between a cat and a dog." I wouldn't recommend living between a cat and a dog; the cat will piss off the dog, the dog will try to eat the cat and get mud everywhere.

Don't you think some people overdo it with their pets? Like, putting hats on them, etc. Shouldn't there be a law against that sort of thing? "Rhaaa I'm not sure. It can be cute when pets wear little hats, just for a photo or something like that... but when a pet owner does it everyday, putting trousers and shirts and everything, it can be excessive. It's like forcing a child to dress the way WE want it to be dressed. Cats and dogs are animals, not dolls, they can't voice an opinion. A law might be a step too far. Is there that many people doing this sort of thing? I guess the powers probably would, just to make a quick buck."

What about the people who keep snakes and spiders as pets? "I guess snakes are OK (I'm not afraid of them and besides, I'm fully Slytherin!) On the other hand, I don't really get people who choose to share their home with spiders. I hate all forms of creepy-crawlies, especially the ones that move really fast. So imagine if a spider escaped it's bowl and ends up on your bed. Ew!" I can relate, I have bedbugs and cats in my apartment at the moment, I'm going round the bend. If you have any cures for bedbugs and cats, feel free to send me a PM. I'm guessing I've reached flame-thrower level as of today.

Let's talk serious business now. NIt's the 11th of September. A solemn occasion, a festive one too, because the Ethiopian New Year. Some other things happened on this date I've been told, but I'm not sure what it was all about. There's not much written down on my calendar, so I can't quite put my finger on it. It'll come back to

Now it's time for Calomiel to put on her infomercial outfit. Got anything to sell, or want to promote? "Ehm... my blog. I swear there's a bunch of interesting things to see on it. A lot. A LOT. If you'd rather have a giggle in front of a comic strip, I've also got some of those (erm, you have to be a fan of crap jokes, though). And the Golden Blog Awards are nearly upon us, so I need a maximum amount of people voting for me to reach the limelight! And I promise, you'll get virtual chocolates in return <3" Let me remind you guys that her blog is here, and that it's very good. Check it out, especially if you enjoyed the illustrations on this page, and we can all send Calomiel on holiday. Last time she said that she wanted to "travel, travel and travel. But to be able to travel, you need money. And to obtain money, you have to work. And as I'm a huge procrastinator, I'm not going to be going on a long trip any time soon." So help her blog become popular, even if it's in French and you don't have a clue what some of it's about. So RT, Fav, share, do what you got to do to make this happen! Now! Do it!


That's it for this week, Calomiel. I think I speak for everyone when I say that you're welcome back on FML whenever you want, with another illustration! Until then, let's go off on a short weekend break to have G and Ts under a fancy umbrella in the sun. If we can find the sun. Next week will be different, maybe. Be excellent to each other, and send me free stuff, especially food and booze. Thanks!

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1541 - Illustrated FML - On 09/11/2015 at 1:54am by Alan - 2 comments

RoSaCe's illustrated FML

Back to business! Yep, everyone is back from their vacation, unless you're a rich, childfree, lovin' life-type of person who doesn't go on holiday when everybody else does, and can do whatever they want, whenever they want. Lucky you. We've put our beach towels and swimming costumes into storage ready for next year, and we're settling back into our old routine. Like, for example, being depressed, "watching the telly and thinking 'bout your holidays," bad personal hygiene and remembering the annoying neighbours and their shitty music blaring at 2 am, every night. To soothe the pain and suffering brought about by not being in a camper van near a lake anymore, let's check out this week's illustrated FML. So chic! 


"I also love nice jackets, suits and shoes. It's a passion than quickly become quite expensive, so I've become the king of second hand shops!" 

Selfportrait RoSaCe by Croquis Sartoriaux

To feel like we're back in the saddle, RoSaCe has done an illustration for us. A new school year has begun, so we're overhauling the format a bit. Just a bit, though. 

His info:
Age: 32
LocationParis, France
Website: His blog
His illustrated FML: The one about Asia

We asked ourselves what the people who come to this page would like to see? There are FML members who come here to learn more about the artist of the week, and to find out who the hell created the weird-ass artwork. Others want to see the illustrations we've selected to go with the article. So, we thought it would be a good idea to add a few more drawings and stuff by the illustrator, all taken from their website or blog. How great is that? For those of you who read the words I type out while I'm sitting in my hovel under a smelly bridge, it'll be more or less the same. The jibberjabber will be kept to a minimum. There will still be a bunch of jibberjabber though, and this sentence is proving my point because I can't think of a way to end this bit, so I'll just paste in a link to a animation, click on it. But if anyone has a suggestion for these articles, and/or something you would like to see featured on here, drop us a line in the comments down below. No requests for pictures of my arse, though.

Let's move on to this week's artist, because that's what we're here for. "I work for a headhunting company." Don't get worked up and start thinking he's talking about the shrunken heads of faraway tribes in weird places like Gloucester, it's got nothing to do with all that malarkey. He helps people to find jobs, even when said people aren't actually looking for one. Yes, it does happen. And does he enjoy doing what he does? "I enjoy challenges, the relationships I have with my clients as well as the people I'm hunting down (who can also become clients too!). In my artistic world, I like having ideas and then being able to make them into an illustration that will have an impact. This comic strip for FML is a new exercise for me, I usually only draw one frame!" Oh, yep, that sort of illustration wouldn't have made it past the rigorous selection committee that we have here at FML; studies have shown that one-frame comic strips are 61% less successful than the rest. I completely made that statistic up, but that doesn't stop it from being true. 

How's the rest of your life? "My personal life revolves around the fact that I love being with my wife and kids!" I should hope so, saying the opposite would've been weird (even if I know people who say the same, and mean it). 

RoSaCe's blog is quite unusual. Based on the world of fashion, his illustrations are original and I recommend you go an check them out, especially if you like fashion, and if you're a fan of subtle humour (although a degree in French is required). He's also created advertisements for clothing companies, which allows him to mix business with pleasure. Click here to check one out. 

Let's ask the usual question, what sort of things is he up to at the moment ? "I'm sort of 'specialised' in men's fashion, so I've done quite a few adverts for various fashion brands, as well as for some websites, and for some companies who needed corporate communication items. I should also be creating a cover for novel, a very exciting project for me." That's lucky, this weekend it's the Who's Next expo in Paris, and that's bang right in the theme of this article. It's almost like I did it on purpose. OK, I've already said something like that a few weeks back about an illustration that was in tune with Japan Expo, but still, it was totally planned. Like, totally man. Yeah.

What's your story, dude? Can I call you dude? "I studied law and went to business school. I stopped working for a year so I could concentrate on my illustrations, and I'm dipping back into the job world to support my family." That's honorable, family is everything. Or is it booze? I can never remember which one is which.

What are you inspired by? Was there someone or something that made you want to start drawing? "My daily life is my main source of inspiration, my exchanges with my readers give me new ideas. As I'm very much fixated on "men's fashion", it's a very active microcosm, where I've been able to use forum culture, ie. people who post on fashion forums and the main movers and shakers in the industry (companies, brands, bloggers, clients, etc.). As for drawing, I can't really remember starting. When I was 2 years old, my parents would find me at 2 am in the living room reading comic books, so I've always been immersed in it." I was also immersed in the whole genre, but I'm still as shit as drawing as when I took over this blog section. I did consider posting an illustration of mine every week, but my characters always end up looking like extras from the Walking Dead. I don't have that magic touch, unfortunately. 

As for your projects, what's going on? "Developing new collaborations; I'd like to work for press organisations." Let's hope that this column and his illustrated FML brings him some interest from prospective clients. 

What else do you enjoy in life? What sort of pastimes do you like? "Between my job, my drawings, my wife and rugby (I've been a rugby player for over 20 years), I'm quite happy with the way I fill my days at the moment! Other than all that, I like nice jackets, suits and nice shoes. It's a passion that can become expensive quite quickly, so I've become the king of second hand shops!" His passion for clothes is in tune with his blog, he's definitely a collector, and I can only imagine what it's like in his house. It must be like Ali Baba's cavern, but a bit more dandyish. With not much in the fridge because all the cash has gone on clothes and shoes! Be careful with your money, sunshine. It's all very well being nicely dressed and stuff, but you might end up being the best-dressed homeless guy in your post code!

Who are the main artists you like and whose blogs you check out? "The master Boulet of course and Laurel, whose Californian adventures I check out all the time. I follow Monsieur le Chien (Mr Dog) whose observations are very good." Do you have any heroes? "No heroes as such, but I like the literary works of people like Jean Raspail, Jean Christophe Rufin, Dino Buzatti… In the comic book world, I really like, in no particular order, Pratt, Manara, Trillo, Lauzier, Voutch, Sempé, Faizant…"

Got a personal FML you'd like to share? "I'll spare you the stories about babies and poop and vomit everywhere. I had a job interview at 2:30 pm and my shoes were at the cobbler's. I get on my scooter wearing a suit with some flip-flops, thinking I'd put my shoes on once at the cobbler's. I get there at around 2:10 pm to find he was on a lunch break from 2 pm to 3 pm. I was on the verge of having to choose between turning up for the interview in flip-flops, or arriving properly dressed but 30 minutes late. Luckily, it all turned out fine in the end." Now, great story, but riding on a scooter is dangerous. Not because it makes driving tricky, but because if you have an accident, you might end up with skinless feet. Damn, I've turned into a boring old fart. 

That'll be it for this week. We can now go off to look for clothes, shoes and a whole new visual identity. I'm sure that RoSaCe would be happy to give you advice, or more specifically, make snide remarks about your dress sense, you badly-dressed muppet! As for me, I'll see you next week. Remember to be excellent to each other and stay safe (no flip flops on your moped, capiche?).

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1539 - Illustrated FML - On 09/04/2015 at 5:46am by Alan - 6 comments

Pauline's illustrated FML

Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget about their cheap holiday in other people's misery. But let's remember that it's also Friday, which means it's also the weekend for those of us who couldn't go off on vacation for two months, due to financial or logistical reasons. So let's plough straight into the first post-summer illustrated FML with gusto and cheese!


"What makes it worse is that I love the beach. I'm a total beach bum. If I don't get to see the sea for over a month, I become a bit crazy."

Self-portrait Pauline by POLET'


This week, Pauline is with us to help transition back from our vacation into regular life. It's the second time she's been featured on FML, so you can be less kind that the first time, but don't be too mean. 

Her info:
Age: 27 
LocationPort-la-Nouvelle, France
BlogHer blog and her website
Her illustrated FML: The one with the rubbish holiday

OK, I'll admit it, I'm currently a bit on vacation myself at the moment. Pauline had already created an illustrated FML for us all, you can check it out by clicking on this link. It was right in the aftermath of our April Fool's Day prank, you know, the really successful one that everyone loved (well, almost everyone). What, what do you mean you never saw it? Go check out this link here and have a laugh using the generator thing. It's really funny. Anyway, I digress. As I said, Pauline is back with an illustration that clearly represents the perfect vacation FML. But you guys who are reading this right now, how was your vacation? Did you get one this summer? Was it shit? Or was it dreamy. Tell us about it in the comments below, we need to know that someone got it worse than us, but also got it better. We need aspirations and inspiration! My summer was shitty, due to no money left after bad investments in bent skateboards and anti-gravity hoverboots that don't work.

What did Pauline do for the summer? "
I worked, because the brave don't get time off (and there's no vacations for those of us who couldn't afford any, period). Between my job as an illustrator and my summer job, anything related to the sun, the beach and lounging around is put back to another year, or another lifetime, when I'll be filthy rich and able to afford to say "Hey! How about I did nothing for 2 months?"" Hey, sounds like me. 

OK, so if you could've gone on holiday, where would you have gone? Recommend a destination please. "A region? How about mine, it's pretty cool. There's the sea, smooth sand, loads of cheap wine, food dripping with olive oil and if you like castles and medieval festivals, we've got that too as a bonus. Oh and we're 2 hours away from Barcelona. OK, sometimes it can get quite windy. Your hair can get quite horizontal." I can confirm all that, I know the area. Add that wind to the sand, and you get a free face peel. But it's quite a relaxed place, if you ignore the monster trucks and hard drugs. Oh, sorry, that's just my house. 

Last time, Pauline was talking about projects such as "invest herself totally in drawing to hope to release one, or several comic books. I've had a million ideas in my head for over a year. But unfortunately, I need to find the time. I also need to find the time to stop biting my fingernails and have real girl's hands, like ones belonging to girls who get manicures." So, what about this coming September, what's she got lined up? "So, this school year, I'll be working with several publishers on different projects. And to add a bit more excitement in the panties area, I'm leaving France to live abroad for a little while. I'd rather not say where, it's really super secret. You know what fans are like, you have to control your information. I'm already stalked a lot where I currently live… And I don't even know why I'm moving where I'm moving, I don't even like Guinness." Aaaaah, she's moving to Spain! No one pulls the wool over my eyes, sister!

You must have a vacation-related FML, to fit in with the theme? "Hmmm, if I think about it, my FML spreads over the whole of the summer, really. I must remind you that I live 10 minutes away from the beach, but I had to work all season in the shade and in away from the warmth. And my working days ended at 6 pm, so even hurrying myself with my beach towel, the sunlight was leaving the beach as I arrived on the sand. Which means that my skin looks like it belongs on a jellyfish. Which is nice." I live in Paris, so it's pretty much the same thing. And I made the mistake of shaving part of my beard, which meant that my skin has two shades of crap.

Speaking of which, what sort of weather can we expect over the next few days? People are interested in the weather. "I know more or less what the weather is going to be like in my new country… I think the raincoat will suit my oyster skin tone." Right, this article is becoming too dark, rainy and depressing! We need more sunshine! Quick, start the promo machine! 

So, got anything to sell? Now's your chance to promote anything you want! "Yeah! I very often illustrate articles written by my friend Marine Gasc, author of Raconte-moi L'Histoire ('Tell me the Story'). We created a bit of a buzz a few months back with the history of the clitoris. She's a lady with bags of talent and who's full of talent and incredibly funny (and beautiful without makeup as well). Tell me the Story was published in 2 tomes (for now). I'm really hoping that one day Marine Gasc's books will be added to the very closed and stuck-up circle of the school books, I swear schoolkids would fight to be able to get into a history class!" Good, many positive thoughts from all of us, hoping that the dream comes true.

To finish off, besides huge success with Marine, what can we hope for you for the rest of the year? "I'd like to rule the world. With huge breasts. And I'd like to stop waking up with shitty music stuck in my head." Huge breasts are overrated. I already have two of them, I'd like to get rid of them but that would mean stopping McDonald's, and that's not going to happen anytime soon. As for shitty music on your internal jukebox, there's not much I can do because I'm afflicted with the same neurological condition. Sometimes it's good songs, like this one by Felt (for those of you who've never heard of Felt, check 'em out quick sharp), but most of the time it's crap stuff like… No, I won't mention anyone. Pauline, I hope you find a cure, and if you do, contact me.

That's it for this week. Good luck to all of you who are going back to work on Monday. As for the rest of you, enjoy the weekend, get the last rays of sunshine and don't feel down, things could be worse. They probably could be better, but they definitely could be worse. Until next time, be excellent to each other, and check your nuts for lumps. Hugs.

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1538 - Illustrated FML - On 08/28/2015 at 6:19am by Alan - 8 comments