Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Blog main page | RSS feed | All posts

Illustrated FML (269) - About FMyLife (36) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (14) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

FML's Post-Summertime Blues

As you all know and feel in your bones, September has begun, which means that summertime fun is over for most of us. Here at FML we’ve been flooded by FASCINATING submissions about how “Today, I have to go back to skool. FML”. We’ve been getting quite a few of these, and it’s scary to see that the word “school” seems to be so hard to spell. If you can’t spell it, you definitely need it.

Anyway, to help with that post-vacation blues which makes a lot of us want to curl up into a ball and weep, here’s a collection of stories that have occurred during the summer. Maybe then we’ll be glad to be back to normal, everyday life, and not outside in the sunshine.

Speaking of sunshine, one thing we won’t miss is heat waves. Granted, not everyone lives in a place where they have heat waves, but then what sort of place is that? Don’t you guys have summer at all? What are you, Scottish?

Anyway, the heat usually means stripping off your clothes and wondering what your sweat glands are actually meant to do, because you don’t feel cool at all; you’re just a dripping mess of sticky confusion from the heat.

It also means that you are more exposed to these sorts of body malfunctions:

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heat wave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML 

Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heat wave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML

Despite the summer being synonymous with vacations for a lot of people, some of us (yes, even here at FML) still have to work during the long, summer days. Usually taking care of other people who are on holiday:

 

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML

Love usually blossoms during the spring as they say, but come summer it often goes to pot due to temptation:

Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML

 

Or other people’s meddling:

Today, my girlfriend and I were being driven home from a date by her mother. She's Jewish and I'm Catholic. Her mother was talking about how my girlfriend was going on a trip to Jerusalem that summer. She finished with, "And you can find a nice Jewish boy while you're there." FML

 

Not every vacation is fun though. The worst I can remember is eating some dodgy seafood in a campsite, then being awoken in my tent by the double threat of food poisoning and a massive storm overhead. These events led to me being huddled with all the other campers under the only stone building in the campsite, which unfortunately also contained the only showers/toilets. I had to hold in my guts, which were at a dangerously high PSI level, all the while sheltering from the wind, rain and flying tents. Awful.

Louis CK's take on family vacations is that, as a father, when he has packed his wife and kids into the car ready to leave and is walking from one side of the car to the driver's side, that short moment is his entire vacation. Family vacations can be some of the most boring and disappointing:

Today, I realized the only reason I was invited to go on vacation with my extended family was so I could babysit everyone's children while the adults go out and have fun. FML

Today, none of my 500 Facebook friends responded to my status about "who wants to hang out during summer holidays?" I created an imaginary person on a different account to respond and ask me to hang out with him. I had a conversation on my status, with myself. FML

Summer also means exposed flesh. Hey, I can’t help it if it’s hot and I want to walk around my apartment in just my flip-flops, you shouldn’t be staring through my window in the first place, pervy old lady across the street. And you can keep those rude notes you shoved through my letterbox, it’s supposed to be that size and colour.

Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML

 

But even after all that, we’d still like to go back on vacation. I myself dream of a full week off work on a beach, in somewhere like Tunisia or Morocco. I hear Syria is pretty cheap at the moment. Anyway, who wouldn’t like a week with an open bar and a beach? I know I do (hey boss, are you reading this?).

Let’s all look forward to our next vacation; doing so will help us put up with the daily slog of work, school, being human. As The Jam sang, “Watching the telly and thinking 'bout your holidays” is our entertainment until then.

In the meantime, we’re here to help put a smile on your face (but we don’t have an open bar at FML, you’ll have to pay for your own cocktails).

#1403 - Ramblings - On 09/04/2013 at 12:58pm by Alan - 9 comments

Krista Nicholson's illustrated FML

Good morning everybody!... Good morning everybody!... I SAID GOOD MORNING FOR CHRIST'S SA- oh hi, you can hear me now. I'm sorry for yelling at you dear readers but with your headphones on, I was sure you weren't listening. That's actually a theme that our artist of the day understands pretty well. Headphones are the best (the worst?) when it comes to awkward moments. But for now, let's interview the wonderful Krista.

 

-What are your name, surname and nickname? 
-My full name is Krista Nicholson (soon to be Krista Marie Staggs) and I'm known as Kuitsuku everywhere online. Kuitsuku was the name of the first character I created for a website way back in high school. They ended up not wanting her so I made the unique yellow dog a symbol of my websites, and eventually adapted the name to my username. 
 

-How old are you?
- I'm currently 24! I started my websites back in 2002 when I was 13. (side note: we aged really suddenly)

-Where do you live?
-I recently moved a little bit outside of Orlando, FL, but I spend most of my free time in the city. I went to school at UCF and never wanted to leave. My home town is so spread out that my morning bus rides were 40 minutes long, after walking half a mile to my bus stop.

-What's your job?
-I'm a graphic designer and animator on the side, which always keeps things new and interesting. My degree is in animation, but my first job out of college was for graphic design in the apparel printing world and I've excelled so much that its easy and fun now. I went from knowing nothing about merchandise to being able to separate files for screen printing and creating character programs for theme parks. My true love is the iPad/iPhone games I draw and animate for on my free time as well, such as Ollie Goes and Tea Story.

-What's your journey? 
-My journey is to inspire and work on projects that inspire others. I have met such wonderful people in my field so far and the opportunities keep expanding with every new project I work on. Ultimately my goal was to be a storyboard artist, and I would still love to, but the possibilities are endless!

-What are your inspirations?
-A lot of my inspiration comes from some of my favorite Disney artists such as Glen Keane, and old classics like Vilppu. I could spend an entire day looking at concept art for animated films and cartoon shows.

-Do you read webcomics? If so, which ones?
-I stay up to date with Cat Vs. Human because cats are just awesome.

-Tell us more about your website(s)?
-I have a line of different websites actually! Suta-Raito, which is my oldest site at 10+ years, was known back in the day for its Pokemon Graphics and multiple drawings boards. I made it before Google images existed and there were very little image sources for unique poses, so I decided to draw my own. Thankfully the graphics got better over time! Now I focus on Sutaro.com, which holds my portfolio, sketch folders, and silliness.



 

-How do you work?
-At home I work in an office with lots of natural light, a blanket, and some tea. Occasionally I'll have either a cat or a skunk in my lap. We recently painted what we call our 'art room' (my home office) so the walls are green and turquoise with paintings and cork boards everywhere. There are some shadow boxes hanging up with my most treasured designs that I made for Disney, Six Flags and Cedar Fair.

-Why did you choose this FML story?
-
I chose this FML story because I remembered reading it years ago in college when I first came across FML. I was so excited to have the opportunity of drawing one of the old stories that made me laugh so much!
 

-Thank you for taking part Krista!

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Krista's website: http://www.sutaro.com/

 

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1401 - Illustrated FML - On 08/29/2013 at 12:56am by Alice - 10 comments

Vivilablonde's illustrated FML

Back to the future! That's today's artist's promise. She brings us a brand new art concept that we love here at FML. Usually, we welcome artists that have their own creative worlds, but this time it's different. This time, and thanks to Vivilablonde, the artist is coming to your world. Her particularity is to draw anyone who'd like to have a portrait of their own... when they were 15. Maybe some of you, dear readers, are not that far from this wonderful age, but for the rest of us, it's a blast from the past (and in illustration format). Let's get the chance to know Vivilablonde!

-What are your name, surname and nickname? 
-Hi, my name is Virginie R. but nobody calls me Virginie, not even my boyfriend. My nickname is Vivilablonde, because of my previous job, where I was vivi for everybody and I was "the blonde" too. So when I decided to become an illustrator, I chose that obvious and tender nickname.


-How old are you?
-I'm 39.

-Where do you live?
-I live in Paris, France.

-What's your job?
-I'm an illustrator.

 



 

-What's your journey?
-Well, when I was 16 I wanted to be a painter but I didn't have confidence in me at all (I've made progress so far but I'm still working on it) so I decided to become a graphic designer, which has allowed me for about 12 years to work in different places like press, advertising, publishing world… And in 2008 I decided time had come to make my passion a job.

-Do you read webcomics?
-Not really, unfortunately, I prefer printed ones. You see, my grandparents and my mother were booksellers so I easily inherited the taste of paper and books from them.


-Tell us more about your online experience.
-I have a blog, where I post publications and sketches, mostly from my trips. But a month ago, I created a Tumblr which really means a lot to me, where I draw people — that I know or not – at the age of 15, according to their written memories. It's based on the idea that everybody thinks he's king of fashion at 15, although when you look back, you're just as moved as you are terrified. It's a participative Tumblr but if you want a special picture, you can order it too, my prices are unbeatable!

-How do you work?
-I sketch with a blue pencil, then I ink my drawing in black, I scan it and I colorize it on Photoshop (however, a Cintiq tablet is on my wish list). For my daily sketches, I only use a black marker.

-Why did you choose this FML story?
-I chose it because it's sad and funny. I'm not a bad person but I think "you have to laugh or else you'll cry".

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Vivilablonde's website: http://vivilablonde.blogspot.fr/

 

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1400 - Illustrated FML - On 08/22/2013 at 8:08am by Alice - 3 comments

C-Cil's Illustrated FML

Saturday is upon us once again, and that can only mean one thing. Yes, a hangover from Friday night. To soothe the pain of your throbbing brain, we’ve got a nice new illustrated FML for you to check out. It’s always nice to have something to stare at while your head is spinning like a top.

This week we’re crossing over from our French counterparts, and welcoming Cécile Appert, AKA C-CIL. She hails from a costal town where seagulls will steal your sandwiches on the beach as soon as look at you, and where she works as a freelance graphics designer. She specializes in illustration and character design, especially for website games. She’s also working on space elevators, allowing the rest of us to travel from planet to planet in record time. She spends most of her time in a green jumpsuit, escorted by a cat dressed as a fox.

Like many of us, she enjoys that moment in life when a project comes together, watching an idea evolve. But more than that, she likes to make people smile or laugh with a drawing. It’s what keeps her going. What’s missing in her life? “A pistachio nut distributor, a Cintiq tablet and a pet possum.”

Her latest news: “I’m currently working on comics similar to the one I created to illustrate this story. I use everyday stories that happen to me or that I hear about, and I try to make gags into in a few frames. I have recurring characters that I use if the story is universal; otherwise I create personalized comics with the actual characters if required. I also create avatars on 5euros.com.”
Her future projects involve making the pile of drawings on her desk and floor even bigger.

As for this article, we’ll now move on to the next part, which includes questions, answers and wasabi peas.

Cats or dogs?
Cats. The day they rise up and form an army, I don’t want to be on the opposing side. We’ll all be turned into .gifs!
And I must be honest; their ever-changing moods inspire me, as well as make me feel sympathy for them. Oh, and another thing (The League of Cats pays me to look after their image): Watching a cat doing something, or nothing at all especially, is one of the most relaxing things in the world!

What are the latest things you enjoyed at the movies, in music and in comics?
My current favorite comic book is Blacksad. Juanjo Guamido’s dynamic drawing is great. The characters are really expressive and the colors are superb. I have to force myself not to pore over each page for 15 minutes.
Musically, I love “Radioactive” by Imagine Dragons, “Clair de Lune” by Flight Facilities (feat. Christine Hoberg) and “Little Numbers” by BOY. But my biggest recent musical crush is Nightmare and The Cat, a band as good as their name suggests.
I haven’t had many movie interests recently, but I’m real TV show addict. At the moment I’m really into Community and I can’t wait to see the new Dexter episodes.

Who are the artists that you like and whose blogs you visit regularly?
It’s tempting to make a list as long as the number of characters in the books by Tolkien or George R. R. Martin, but I’m going to try to keep calm and mention the few that spring to mind: Tim Burton, Ted Naifeh, David Lanham, Bobby Chiu, Jen Zee… I like to keep in touch with what Yohan Sacré and Bruno Mota are up to. They have a very rich and personal world. When I see their work, I feel like drawing.

Tell us what you like in life, your passions, your pastimes, your vices, your everyday pleasures.
All roads bring me back to illustrating. But when I stray from it, I go rollerblading (to catch the seagull that stole my sandwich).

Tell us a crap joke. Possible Joker: if you don’t have a joke, you can tell us your biggest FML.
It’s not really a joke but it’s something that Phil (Bill Murray) says in “Groundhog Day” when he wants to get rid of someone he used to know. It’s short but it always makes me laugh.
Ned: So what are you doing for dinner?
Phil: Umm... something else.

Do you have a phobia? If so, what is it?
My biggest fear is that one day they might remove the Tanoshi Wasabi Pea Crackers from supermarket shelves. In second place… spiders. I’m one of those people who will run for an hour in a room with a glass and a piece of paper in their hands to try and capture the beast without touching it. Usually, my encounter with the spider will begin at night and we will part an hour later in the street, in pajamas (the spider will be wearing pajamas too, hence my fear). We’re both alive, we both laugh about the past and we split on good terms… until the next panic attack.

However, if I see a spider eating a wasabi pea cracker, it cancels out both fears. Pure logic.

To finish up, ask yourself a question you would’ve liked to have been asked, then it’s up to you whether or not to answer it.
-Would you like some more cake?
-With pleasure! I’m glad you asked. 

 

Click here to see C-CIL's Illustrated FML

 

Who doesn't want more cake? We want cake. And with that craving firmly in mind and body we end another illustrated FML article. We hope you have a nice week, try to stay out of trouble and as always be excellent to each other. We’re off to check out the latest footwear that people have thrown by the railway track, always a pleasure, and maybe listen to the new album by The Fall which is well good. See you next Saturday!

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1399 - Illustrated FML - On 08/16/2013 at 5:53am by Alan - 6 comments

Claire Roe's illustrated FML

Hello beloved readers, how was your week? Mine was pretty awesome. Actually, this whole month is awesome. After welcoming crazy talented artists, well, today we're welcoming an amazing crazy talented artist. I know, same old, same old right? I'm sorry, I never get enough when it comes to good laughs and beautiful drawings. And I'm pretty sure you don't get enough either. Read today's interview and be amazed by the wonderful ...

 

 

- Hi everybody, my name is Claire Roe! Sadly no middle names or nicknames. I've always wanted a nickname, but I guess nothing stuck.


-How old are you?
- I am 21.


-Where do you live?
- At the moment, I live in a little village in Fife, Scotland.


-What's your job?
- I am fresh out of Duncan of Jordanstone College of Art, so I am on the hunt for work.


-What's your journey?
- My journey? Not too much to tell there. I went to art college to study animation, and they have this great little comic book module there where I rekindled my love for comics. I got a job with the BBC creating comic panels for one of their kids shows about superhumans, then ended up spending more time focusing on comics at university than animation. Now I really just want to focus on expanding my skill set to one day get a job in that industry.

-What are your inspirations?
- I take inspiration from lots of things, from music to books to art. Sean Gordon Murphy and Rafael Albuquerque are my absolute favourite artists, and they inspire me to keep pushing.


-Do you read webcomics? If so, which ones?
- I haven't stuck to any particular webcomics over the years, I tend to forget about them after a while. But at the moment, I enjoy reading NIMONA by Noelle Stevenson.


-Tell us more about your website?
- I don't have a proper website, I should probably get on that. BUT I do have a blog, which I created to keep track of my art. And also tumblr, because tumblr is addictive.

-How do you work?
- Most of the time I draw straight in to photoshop, sketching then building up from that. But other times I like to get a break and go traditional, pencil and paper and ink, which yields better results most of the time but I find to be much more time consuming. So it depends on how I'm feeling.


-Why did you choose this FML story?
- This one caught my eye when I read it, I liked the irony of the story. Then for some reason the talking horse came into my head. So I figured this would be a good a time as any to learn how to draw horses.

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Claire's website: http://claire-roe.blogspot.fr/

 

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1398 - Illustrated FML - On 08/09/2013 at 2:54am by Alice - 7 comments


FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: