Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Blog main page | RSS feed | All posts

Illustrated FML (265) - About FMyLife (35) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (14) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

Cendres's illustrated FML

Hello everyone! It’s Saturday once again, so let’s delve into the murky world of illustrated FMLs and see what we can come up with. If you’re a Harry Potter fan, this will be right up your street as well. This week we’re crossing over with our VDM counterparts and welcoming a French artist called Sandre Lepile, AKA Cendres.

He’s 36 and lives in Angoulême, in the middle of France, a town famous for its Cartoon festival as well as being the place where the strawberry was invented in 1987. So, who is this guy? “I’m a journalist at the Daily Planet, specializing in culture: movies, expositions, novels, comics. But I like to be served coffee and croissants, I’ve been told that I do it rather splendidly, with a soupçon of arrogance.”

His school days were particularly terrible, so bad in fact that “if you mention them three times in front of a mirror, they appear in order to brutally murder you.”

His current projects include filling his blog with other 120 notes about the world of Harry Potter, but as he’s superstitious, he won’t let on about anything else he might have planned for the future.

So, we haven’t learned very much about Cendres. Maybe the standardized questionnaire that we’ve got here at FML will reveal some vital information. Here we go:

Cats or dogs?

I had written some sexual innuendo, but my wife found it very vulgar and demanded that I change it. I can only obey her upturned eyebrow, dilated nostrils and reproachful look, and answer seriously: both.

What are the latest things you enjoyed at the movies, in books, in music and comics?

At the movies, I recommend a French movie: Le Prénom (the Surname). It’s funny, intelligent and rare.

In music, unfortunately, I have bad listening ears and my choices may make yours bleed.

In literature, go back to a good old classic and read Prelude to Foundation by Isaac Asimov.

In comic books, of course you must read the latest one by Piratesourcil and Joueur du Grenier.

Who are the main artists you enjoy and whose blogs you visit regularly?

Piratesourcil, because as well as being a talented, he’s a nice guy.

Paka, because his tetchiness makes us want to latch on to him, and as a result, it makes him even tetchier.

Schmoll, because he likes to throw himself into huge graphic challenges.

Ben Dessy, because you just have to check out his blog to love him.

Tell us what you like in life, your passions, pastimes, vices, and little everyday pleasures.

To relax, between my work, my family life and drawing at night, I like sleeping. A lot. It’s quite a rare pleasure, but a very nice one. As for vices, I don’t have any, obviously.

Can you tell us a crap joke? Possible joker: if you don’t have a joke, you can tell us your biggest FML.

I have two jokes! Maybe you’ve heard them before, well, we’ll see.

The first one:

If after you got really drunk one night your wife makes you breakfast, massages your feet and lets you watch TV while she does the housework, it’s not because you’re still drunk, it’s because the day before, coming home, you got the wrong house.

The second one:

A guy wakes up at home, after a drunken night out. His wife has made him breakfast in bed, toast, a flower in a glass and all the trimmings. Surprised, the guy asks her why he’s getting so much attention. She says, “Well, last night, you came home so drunk that you destroyed the table in the living room, broke three vases and then crashed out in the bed with your clothes still on. I was furious, and when I tried to take your pants off to put you to bed, you shouted at me, “Don’t touch me bitch, I’m married!”

Do you have a phobia? If so, what is it?

I’m really afraid that Harry Potter fans will recognize me in the street and will savagely beat the crap out of me for what I dared to do to the saga.

To finish off, ask yourself a question that you would’ve liked to have been asked and then choose whether or not to reply.

I would’ve asked: Between 1 and 10, where do you see yourself physically? And I’d probably answer: 10. But all this is hypothetical, of course. We will never know.

 

Now, to see Cendres's illustrated FML, click here.

 

So, there we go, another illustrated FML is in the can. Thanks to Cendres for taking part, we had a lot of fun. Now it’s time to say goodbye for this week. Next week we’ll be recognizing the power of cats that can paint and then probably crying over the end of Breaking Bad.

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1408 - Illustrated FML - On 09/24/2013 at 3:48am by The FML Team - 21 comments

Kat Gesiriech's illustrated FML

Hey hey hey! It's Saturday, which usually means no school or work today, and of course it means a brand new illustration brought to you by our one and only... Kat Gesiriech! Maybe you know her already, her kawaii-super Disney princess made a good impression on the world wide web lately. Well, she's not just really talented with kawaii drawings, she'll also blow your mind with her amazing sense of light. Let's get the chance to know her, shall we? 

 

 

-What are your name, surname and nickname? Why did you choose this nickname?
-Name’s Kathryn Gesiriech, but Kat for short. The very boring explanation is because I like cats a whole lot.

-How old are you? 

-The wide-eyed and tender age of 23.

-Where do you live? 

-Las Vegas, NV. I promise that it’s nowhere near as interesting as it sounds, and is a bit of a sinkhole for artists looking to break from the "Sin City" mold.

-What's your job? 

-I’m in the job-seeking business, as it were, while I finish up the last semester to complete my English degree. I worked as a writing consultant (fancy tutor) a few months ago.

-What's your journey?

While writing has always been a great passion of mine, I’ve been drawing for just as long. I’d go on to say that my journey hasn't really even begun, because I have so much more to learn and experience (being primarily self-taught, aside from a few high school courses). Putting my stuff online has definitely been a great encouragement, and I only hope to improve upon my skills in the upcoming years. Rather than looking at what I've done so far, I like to think more about the future, and what my journey will eventually become. So long as I'm actively creating and contributing to visual art in some way, I'll be a lucky duck indeed.

 


-What are your inspirations?
-I take inspirations from a lot of places. I've always loved Western style comics, so I definitely read a lot of those-- mostly DC, although I'm always looking for new titles. Anything with a lot of color and intricate detail, or simply just the mood and style I'd someday love to incorporate into my own work. Artists like Tim Sale, Dave McKean and Brian Azzarello all capture this vibrancy to their work I aspire to. Outside of comics, I really admire Kelly Bastow (Moosekleenex on devianart) and Sallamari Rantala (fushii on deviantart). I definitely recommend checking both of them out, if you haven't already!

-Which webcomics do you read? 

-I’ve always enjoyed Liz Prince Power and Lackadaisy. They all have very different styles and reasons for reading them, but I've never limited myself to any genre niche.

-Tell me more about your website (why did you create it, etc.) and/or the creations you're selling?

I don’t have any super-awesome-official websites, just a tumblr and deviantart because I don’t take myself very seriously. In the near future I'd definitely love to develop a serious portfolio and maybe shove up my own website, but for now I'm just having fun and doing something that I love. I've recently placed a few prints up for sale on Society6, but I guess you could call my internet presence in the construction phase. Bear with me.

 


-How do you work?
-Lately I’ve been pushing myself to work digitally so I can learn my way around different programs, although I predominantly work in a very old version of Photoshop and SAI. Every once in a while I’ll sketch and ink traditionally, and if I’m feeling really wild I’ll yank out the old oil paints.

-Why did you choose this FML story? 

-I wanted to draw a Stormtrooper crying, and I can relate much more to nerdy FML's.

-Thank you Kat for taking part!

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Kat's website: http://darkkitteh.deviantart.com/

 

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1406 - Illustrated FML - On 09/19/2013 at 1:02pm by Alice - 4 comments

FML's Family Portraits

Inspiration for a blog article can come from all sorts of places. For instance, someone sent us a link to these pictures on Reddit:


Source

We’re not sure if the person who took them was thinking of us, but we’d like to think that we’re the ONLY FML IN THE UNIVERSE. Yes, we invented FML. We created everything. Backrubs? We thought of that. Rhubarb crumble? That was us. You know that white stuff angry people get in the corners of their mouths? We invented that so we could giggle at them to make them even angrier. OK, so we didn’t invent the helicopter, but we could’ve, honest. We’re THAT smart (not counting the time we advised Miley Cyrus to twerk her bony ass at Robin Thicke in public. It was a JOKE, Miley, you weren’t supposed to actually do it.).


Anyway, back to the pictures. Whether we like it or not, we can’t choose our family. Well, you can on the Sims, which is probably what makes the game so popular. No longer does your Dad have to be the guy who stands in the front yard in nothing but graying boxer-shorts and sandals waiting for the postman to deliver his latest copy of 'Guns and Trucks Monthly'.

On FML, we could almost create a whole new category called 'Family' due to the amount of stories we receive about them, whether it's parents being heavy-handed, kids being pains in the buttocks or just the general malaise of family life in the 21st century.

Today, I somehow managed to trap myself in a mosquito net. My dad "rescued" me by calling the whole family in and making a big show of cutting me out of it with his hunting knife. I'm never going to hear the end of this shit. FML

Today, I found out that I'm the creepy uncle of the family. FML

Sounds bad, huh? Being eyed with suspicion by the people who are supposed to be the closest to you; I’ve felt like that a lot of the time, but then again I’m single, I don’t have kids, I don’t plan on changing any of that, and I like to party (albeit in a mild-manned, very English sort of way). In a lot of family reunions, beyond a certain age, that’s ground for immediate dismissal. You’re an outcast. It doesn't matter that cousin what’s-her-name is cheating on her husband with a guy from work who chews gravel, or that Uncle thingy has been married three times and his kids are morons who steal hubcaps from moving cars; not adhering to the ‘ideal’ of marriage and the ‘nuclear family’ is somehow worse than standing up at a family gathering and showing your swollen genitals,  claiming that you caught something rubbing your knob against the neighbour’s dog. Not that I’ve ever done that. Or ever done this:

Today, I was chatting online with several relatives, discussing our family reunion. Bored out of my mind, I clicked to rename the conversation to "Boring shit with almost dead people." I didn't know it'd rename it for everyone. FML

What’s great about families is that they’re never embarrassing. Oh, the ‘never’ is ironic, for those who don’t ‘do’ irony. They’re not always embarrassing, but they can be a great source of shame, from the 'I was a fat ugly baby' pictures shown to a new girlfriend/boyfriend to this sort of thing:

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML

Families are also a great source of strife, hatred and tension, because most people can’t be bothered to get along. A lot of the hate is kept hidden, but if you dare to take a peek behind the curtain, you’ll soon see what people really think of each other and what is actually going on beneath the smiles and cucumber sandwiches:

Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

And of course, your mum and dad. As Philip Larkin wrote in his famous poem ‘This be the verse’:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

On FML, they do stuff like this:

Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

We could go on; the list of grievances is endless. Here at FML, we’re all inclusive, all encompassing: no matter what creed or colour you are, we’re just a bunch of like-minded individuals, a huge collection of slightly annoyed people. You could call us your family, your big, dysfunctional, badly dressed, halitosis-infected, clumsy, misguided family. And we love you for it. See at the next reunion; bring some of your famous-for-being-awful potato salad.

#1405 - Ramblings - On 09/17/2013 at 4:20am by Alan - 23 comments

Nicolas Rix's illustrated FML

Hellooooo everybody! (I'd always dreamt of making that sort of entrance, it makes me feel like a rockstar. Mh. Anyway.) I hope you had an amazing week because today we're hosting an amazing artist. Maybe, dear readers, you're wondering how I pick out all of the Saturday artists. Well, it's very simple, and I'll sum it up in one word:  Zelda. Of course it's like, the best game EVER. So, when I'm lost on DeviantArt or Behance and that I find myself faced with a Zelda fan art, well, I have no choice but to contact the owner of the piece. That's how our artist of the day got here, thanks to this beautiful picture :

 

 

-What are your name, surname and nickname? Why did you choose this nickname?
-Nicolas Rix. Some people call me Nic or Nic Rix.

-How old are you?
-32 years old.

-Where do you live?
-Cape Town, South Africa

-What's your job?
-I'm an illustrator and designer for digital campaigns. Been doing that most of my life.

-What's your journey?
-Since I can remember, I've been drawing. Seldom a day went by when I was not drawing. From a young age I collected comic books, mostly DC and Marvel then in Highschool Image comics came about. My father is a draftsmen so there was never a shortage of art supplies at home. I don't come from an artistic family, so everything I've learned has been from comics and cartoons. I got my first computer with photoshop back in 1999 and since then I started designing things and coloring my artwork once I got my hands on a scanner. Yeh, the dinosaurs were also alive at this time. I never studied art or went to college or university, just went straight into a job. Got a job as a flash animator, then became a web designer/ coder. I then worked as a web marketer, then moved back to web design, illustration, animation and coding on a freelance basis. Few years later I worked as a penciler for a local comic book which was released in a monthly magazine, that lasted about a year. Then I worked for an immigration company that was based in the UK where I was a web designer and coder. Everyone got retrenched when the UK economy went bad. Since then I've been an illustrator and designer for the digital industry.

 

 


-That's an inspiring story! Speaking of which, what are your inspirations?
-
There's too many artists to name, but there are a few staple artists I follow for inspiration. Sam Bosma, Tomer Hanuka (his color choices are amazing), Pascal Campion (Color and story), Fabian Mense, Studio Ghibli Movies, Disney & Dreamsworks Concept artists, Victoria Ying, Mike Mignola (Amazing storyteller)... There's more I just can't remember them all. I find lots of new artists every day that inspire me and I learn new things and try to incorporate it into my art. Games and movies inspire me as well, although I don't get to play or watch movies as much as I used to.

-Do you read webcomics? If so, which ones?
-I can't say I read a lot of comics in general. Web comics, I did read the Abominable Charles Christopher for a while, and I've had a look at a few other random web comics. I spend more time drawing than actually reading comics.

-What can you tell us about your website?
-Let's see. Why does anyone create a website with their art on it? It's the first place I started when marketing my artwork, but I use many other platforms to market my art. I have a Tumblr, dribbble account, facebook fan page, deviantart, linkedin, behance and I sell my prints on various sites. I'm still in the process of revamping my website so it works on various devices. So hopefully when people check out my website it will work on smartphones and tablets. It's not the most important thing to have, but there's no point in having it if no one knows about it, so you still have to get out there and tell people about your work.

 



 

-How do you work?
-I work completely digitally. I've had a Wacom tablet for the about 8 or 9 years now. I use photoshop and nothing else. I've created and found various brushes that I like. Helps me work faster. I keep a few sketch books for ideas, and I have multiple list making apps on hand so I never forget an idea. Very few of them make it to final. I have even more unfinished sketches in photoshop that I yet to be completed. Once I find an idea I like, I sketch out multiple thumbnails and do color keys before I decide whether I want to finish it or not. I always find the reference for things, objects, people, places that will help me with the piece.

-Aaaaah no, last question! Why did you choose this FML story?
-I guess I've had my fair share of experiences with annoying kids. I don't have my own, nor do I have younger siblings. I do have a balcony of my apartment looking out onto a small public park that is frequently inhabited by screaming children and barking dogs. I channeled those moments as well as holidays spent with other annoying kids. I could relate to the plight of this person's FML story. I thought it was pretty funny and tragic at the same time. I had first thought to do a comic strip, because I'd seen a lot of strips on FML, but I thought I'd try and encompass one moment of that terrible holiday that was to come.

 

-And you got that FML face perfectly. Thanks Nicolas for taking part!

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Nicolas's website: http://www.nicolasrix.com/

 

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1404 - Illustrated FML - On 09/10/2013 at 1:55am by Alice - 11 comments

Rem Broo's illustrated FML

Hello everyone! I hope you had an amazing week because today we're welcoming an amazing artist. The comic we're publishing today was made a month ago, during the hot, reassuring summer, but we kept it, we took good care of it, and we thought you'd like it when the terrible S would be back on track. I mean September, of course. Don't worry, our artist of the day knows just how to make you feel better. Thanks to his comic, we're travelling straight to US Route 66, somewhere between laughter and awesomeness.

 

 

-What are your name, surname and nickname? 
-I'm Remus Brezeanu, but my comic pen name is Rem Broo. I had to come up with a nickname since here in Germany a lot of people can barely say my name, specifically my family name and I don't think in America, where my comics' target market is, it would be any different so I used a simplified version of my name.
 

-So, you live in Germany but you're not German? Where do you come from?
-
I'm originally from Romania and I moved to Berlin in 2008 (and yes, I still don't speak the language).


-Why did you move to Germany then? And don't tell me it's only because of the beer.
-
Surprisingly, since I've moved here, I drink more wine than before. Anyway, the story is quite complex. Back in the days, me, my girlfriend at that time, and a bunch of friends, wanted to move out of Bucharest, the capital of Romania and we wanted to move to another city. After a while we ended up in Berlin... Maybe we had too much beer on the night we decided to do so. We were a group of guys willing to start an animation studio and Berlin seemed fun and cheap. But the animation studio was never realised, and from the bunch of guys just me and my ex-girlfriend survived here. So now I'm stuck in this great city.

 

 

-That's quite an interesting story. What do you do for a living?
-When the animation studio became just a dream, I found myself into a new city, without knowing the language, or anybody around... And bills to pay! So I did what I do best: comics. Even thought it's not easy money. And while cumulating a lot of debts with friends and the bank, I managed to improve my drawing skills and to learn by myself what comics actually are. 

 

-But you don't work alone, right?
-I do the drawing and the colours too but I prefer to have a scriptwriter to pay me for drawing their idea. Luke Herr is one of the scriptwriters I've worked with. The reason I've thanked him in the comic is that he helped me to improve the dialogue. Together we worked on a webcomic called Sociafist, but I've never finished the third issue. Other projects came along and I decided to put Socialfist on hiatus. I also think that during the time I started the webcomic, my drawing skills become better and better, and I felt like the graphic style in Socialfist doesn't represent me anymore. Then I met James Asmus and Jim Festante, the writers I worked with on "The End Times of Bram and Ben"; it was published at the beginning of this year at Image.

 

 

-How do you work?
-
I work both ways. I used to draw traditionally, but the moment my income started to get scarce, I had to find a cheaper and faster way to draw. But what I mostly do now is to use pencils traditionally, then scan it, then add digital ink and digital colours if necessary.

 

-Now, last question! I know, how sad. Why did you choose this story?
-
Initially I made a short list of 4-5 stories. And then I did what I do every time: I took refuge inside my mind and I mentally created the drawings for each story. This one specifically made me feel like it was allowing me to express myself the most, plus I found it the most hilarious. During all this creative process I've connected the cop character to one crazy character I did in "The End Times...". That's how I knew this was the story I wanted to do.

 

-And you turned it into a fantastic comic. Thank you Remus for taking part!

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Remus' website: http://rembroo.com/
Remus' Facebook fan page: https://www.facebook.com/RemBroo

 

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1402 - Illustrated FML - On 09/07/2013 at 3:39am by Alice - 11 comments


FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: