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Illustrated FML (270) - About FMyLife (37) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (14) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

The Best of The Worst of FML

 

It's been almost 5 years since FML was launched. Yes, 5 years. I'm not going to go into how wonderful it feels to be part of this whole adventure, that would be uncharactaristically upbeat of me. Instead, I'm going to delve into the murky undercurrents of FML. The back waters. The dark side of the moon, or should I say, the backside of FML. The FMLs that we could never ever publish.

A suitable analogy for searching for FMLs to post is this: when I'm cleaning my cat's litter tray with the little spatula, sifting through the gravel to pick out the poo, I feel like the unluckiest gold miner in the world. Looking for decent FMLs is a bit like that. Some shine like gold, some just shine like... well, shit. Here's a few examples of the ones that got away. These are the Best of the Worst. Read on; don't say we didn't warn you.

 

      "Today, the Empire State Building fell on my dick. FML"

      "NO one is there in the classroom and I’m Daddy are the don’t so show off their own project management of ill send a message for my I was going TO be afraid that what you have a bed like the number I’m thinking of ill give you a million dollars in the classroom"

      "Today, I woke up and saw my husband Watching tv. He said I hate cooking. Then he told me he liked chopping me up like a potatoe. I got scared and ran to my neighbours we got married and had 14 kids then I woke up this morning to find my 14 kids chopping potatoes with my name on it I screamed. FML"

      "(Johnny Cash Voice) I see you drivin’ round town with that girl that i love, and i am like FML. I guess that the change inside of my pocket was not enough, and i am like forget you, AND.. FML. Said If i was richa, i would still be witcha. Hm, well ain’t that some sea biscuits. FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

      "Today, I had to change my Facebook status to “Don’t you hate it when your penis falls off due to a rare disease and you have to have surgery to convert your finger into a new one….” I’ve lost three fingers."

      "i ate my childs fetus last tuesday .. im no longer a grandmother FML"

      "i met this guy who similar to Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine movie version, without any beards on his face. After some sleepovers I realized that he is only after my pockets. FML"

      "Today, I Died on the toilet whilst emptying my vowels"

      "Today, my best friend stole every single hair pin I have. Tomorrow, i’m entering the World Hairpin Competition in London. FML"

      "Today the aliens who had abducted me just let me off their ship after several extensive anal probes. Then I went to the doctors because i was very constipated. the doctor gave me an X-ray that found that equipment was still in my arse. unfortunately during the surgery they cut off my penis. FML"

 

And that's just 10 of the weirdest submissions out of the millions we've had. If you enjoyed, feel free to let us know in the comments, and we might make a regular thing out of this blog article.

I'll leave you there for now, hope you are all doing OK. Remember to be excellent to each other and to brush your teeth as often as possible.

#1420 - About FMyLife - On 11/28/2013 at 9:03am by Alan - 133 comments

Adirou's Illustrated FML

Hello everyone! Days are getting shorter, the weather is getting colder. It’s once again time to check out a new illustrated FML, brought to you by our sister site VDM. Yes, we’re crossing over for this illustration, and it’s being posted on both sites! The artist we are receiving today is quite excited to be featured on our website, so we’ll get stuck in straight away.

She claims that “similarly to Superman, Batman and Spider-Man, and all the other beings who like to parade around with their underpants over their leggings,” she wants his identity to remain a secret. She goes by the handle Adirou. “All the nicknames ending in “man” were taken, and I prefer wearing thongs than briefs.”
You can check out her blog, and also her tumblr, where she answers any questions with a drawing. She also has a Facebook page, for latest news.

Her age remains unknown, we don’t know where she lives (but we do know it rains a lot). But that’s irrelevant to her art. So, what does she do in life? “Hmm, I draw, explore, laugh (a lot), eat (a lot also), play (way too much), learn, work, sleep, brush my teeth and take dumps (oh yes, of course, women let loose butterflies and sparkles, sorry). And to pay for my cat’s food, I work as a model in art workshops and also with photographers.”

She reckons that her current job is enough for now, but she draws on the side to become eventually an illustrator, and live off her art. 

Winter is coming so she’s piling on the fat, and is considering cosplaying as Chewbacca to keep warm and save money on heating. “I’ve always dreamed of making braids out of my armpit hair”.

What is her story? “To put it simply, I was top of the class if you looked at the list from the bottom. I started drawing at around 15/16 when I realized it was funny to give the teacher a blank page with a drawing on it (teenage years…). Not knowing what to do with my life, I said to myself, “I want to be exploited, work long hours for not very much, under paper work and be happy by doing a job that I like.” That’s when I realized I wanted to draw for a living, with dreams, projects and even with the idea of trying out drawing school. Then Madam Reality (who has a sense of humor and irony) shows up and kicks me up the ass and throws me off a cliff. I’m currently climbing back up.”

Her current projects include learning to draw, mastering her style and then going off to destroy the ring or becoming a Pokemon master.

Here’s the next part, the Q&A round!

Cats or Dogs?
Cats will rule the world. Meow!

What are the latest things you enjoyed in movies, music, books and comics?
The last movie I saw was Kick Ass 2, as crazy, rude and full of blood as the first one (Hit Girl <3)
In music I really like Stromae, a Belgian singer. In books, I’ve just finished “The Evolution Man or how I ate my father” by Roy Lewis, which was very George Orwellian.
In comics I’d like to mention “La petite mort” by Davy M. with its deadly humor, “Zobilenium” by Arthur de Pins. Freak’s Squeele by Florent Maudoux is breath of fresh air.

Who are the main artists you like and whose blogs you check out regularly?
A LOT, there are way too many artists that I admire (check out my blog’s page Kamoulox).

Tell us what you enjoy in life, your passions, pastimes, vices and everyday pleasures.
So… At the moment I’m playing Mirror’s Edge, Odyssey 1 and I’ve almost finished Rayman 3.
I do Roller Derbies, because playing Dance Dance Revolution wasn’t enough anymore and I like falling over and getting bruises. I’m also rewatching the Sakuras, for fun. But dubbed in French, so my eyes and ears are bleeding.

Can you tell us a crap joke? If not, tell us your biggest FML.
After drawing this FML, I wanted to cook some instant pasta, but I got my feet in the kettle. I knocked the boiling water on my foot. I burned myself in the second degree which meant that I had to sleep with my foot in a some cold water for the pain. And it really makes you want to pee during the whole night, without mentioning the pain, canes, medication and pain. Did I mention the pain?

Do you have a phobia? If so, what is it?
Death. It’s ironic because you can’t cure something that is rational and inevitable. I don’t care, when it happens, I shall return to reassure all those who are afraid.

Any last words?
Maybe I didn’t manage to write an FML but thanks to my friends and family and their support I’ve managed to illustrate one, and their unconditional love helped me along the way (I know, it’s boring, it’s sappy, I agree with you dear reader, but without these people, you wouldn’t be reading me right now).

Well, that another interview done. It’s the weekend and it’s nearly winter, so we’ll be staying at home in front of an electric fire, dreaming of our holidays. Thinking about summer and walking around the house in our underwear. Dreaming of that time when we could go a whole day without needing chemicals to get by. Until next week, remember to be nice. That’s the key to life. Be nice to each other.

 

And to see Adirou's Illustrated FML, click here.

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1419 - Illustrated FML - On 11/21/2013 at 10:46am by FMyLife - 5 comments

Alex McArdell's illustrated FML

Ah, fantastic, you're here! We hope you had a great 3D week. For 4 years now, we've been welcoming artists, illustrators, comic book writers, practically all workers of the 2D world. But today we're welcoming someone special. Alex McArdell offers us a brand new kind of illustration here on FML. Check out his amazing comic and get a chance to know him by reading this interview!

 

 

-What are your name, surname and nickname? Why did you choose this nickname?
-Alex McArdell. My nickname at university was Lex. Mostly because my name is Alex, but also because I'm kind of a Supervillain.

 

-How old are you?
-I'm 32.

 

-Where do you live?
-I live in Shrewsbury, a cute little market town in the UK

 

-What's your job?
-I'm trying to be a professional illustrator, but I've not been at it for long. I work various admin jobs in the meantime.

 

-What's your journey?
-My journey? There and back again I guess. I feel like I've been seeking my fortune like some Dickensian character for the last few years and have lived all over the UK. I come from the south of England, then moved to North Wales, then Scotland and now England again. I'm not sure where I'll end up settling.

 

 

-What are your inspirations?
-I'm inspired by so many things. Various comic artists like Simon Bisley, Jim Lee and David Mack, to name a few. I also love Art Nouveau and am trying to work it into my own style. I take a lot of inspiration from fairy tales, religious fables, spirituality, as well as film and TV. I am a total nerd for sci-fi, fantasy and cartoons.

 

-Do you read webcomics? If so, which ones?
-I regularly tune in to Questionable Content. I like watching how the art has developed over the years it's been running. I also love Cyanide and Happiness. That comic is pure genius. It's all stick figures, but the humour is fantastic. 

 

-Tell us more about your presence on the web? 
-I set up my site and blog after realising that the only way to be happy in life is to chase after your dreams, even if they're hard to achieve. So I left a steady job in a huge bank and started seriously working at being an artist. I'm still only getting started but I've got a lot of big plans for the future. I want to do graphic novels, children's illustration and of course the Holy Grail of Illustration, book covers.

 

 

-How do you work?
-I work in a blend of 3D and 2D programs on a Wacom tablet. I've spent a long time studying Zbrush the modelling program and I'm only just starting to understand how powerful it is. I spend time creating a good model, then manipulate it, colour it and light it. I'll then flatten the image and move over to photoshop where I'll paint over the image and do all the finishing touches. I keep thinking I'll pick up a real paintbrush again someday...

 

-Why did you choose this FML story?
-I'd recently done a Pokemon related image for my own amusement and I enjoyed the lightning effect. I always enjoy the chance to paint something with really extreme light, so I wanted to try it again, with a human character.

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Alex's website: http://www.behance.net/AlexMcArdell

Facebook fanpage: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Alex-Mcardell-Illustration/337659996355480

 

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1418 - Illustrated FML - On 11/16/2013 at 4:09am by Alice - 6 comments

LoboTom's illustrated FML

Hello everybody! Today we're expecting a new set of viewers: seniors. The reason? Well, just look at today's amazing illustration, brought to you by the fantastic LoboTom. We wonder how many points "FML" will get you when you play Scrabble. Let's say a zillion. That seems right.

 

 

-What are your name, surname and nickname?
-Thomas Emil Jakobsen aka LoboTom.

-Why did you choose this nickname?
-When I was 10, a friend and I were out graffitiing. I fell down, hit my head real bad and he started calling me 'lobotom'. The name stuck. 


-How old are you? 
-40. 


-Where do you live?
-Kristiansand,Norway.

-What's your job?
-Illustrator and cartoonist. 

 



-What's your journey?
-Hmmm, I'm on a constant journey into my unconscious mind trying to recreate the idolized world of childhood by drawing strange and surreal comics about suicidal teddy bears. Go figure.

-What are your inspirations?
-My daughter, movies, dreams, music, coffee. Norwegian cartoonist Christopher Nielsen, Pink Floyd, Don Martin, Peter Bagge and David Lynch.

-Do you read webcomics? 
-Sometimes. The Perry Bible Fellowship, Dry-Shave, Pandyland and Three Word Phrase, really cutting edge, dark stuff. 

 


-Tell us more about your website.
-There's little more important than an online portfolio and all the Facebook page changes was driving me nuts. I also needed a simple, self-hosted website. I am satisfied with web platform from Indexhibit.

-How do you work?
-Late, usually and never without my lava lamp turned on. I sketch and ink old school, scan and color digital. I sometimes ink with a tablet and Illustrator but it never beats the feeling of real paper for me.

-Why did you choose this FML story?
-I've had a similar experience and the FML story really made me laugh.

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Thomas's website: http://www.lobotom.no/

 

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DeviantArt. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!

#1417 - Illustrated FML - On 11/09/2013 at 5:47am by Alice - 4 comments

Looking for Member #3M

BREAKING NEWS:

WE HAVE OUR 3 MILLIONTH MEMBER!

The FML members meet up for a party on a beach

 

So, who is it? It's someone called hannahbananahann. Yes, odd name! She's actually called Hannah, she's 19 and is from the UK! She says she's studying Mathematics at University, but we have no proof of that. But then again, who would lie about something like that? Exactly. So well done Hannah, you are officially our 3 millionth member!

As we promised, member number 3,000,000 wins a prize, so Hannah will be sent two FML books just as soon as we're done with Xmas meals, and all the booze has worn off!

See you all in a few days then!

Until then, keep your eyes peeled on what's going on over here...

 

---------

 

It’s been an eventful 4-and-something years since FML was launched; some weird-looking babies were born; some famous couples split up; the whole world and his dog went bananas for One Direction while everyone turned their backs on the poor old Jonas Brothers, and Maxime, the benevolent creator of FML, has been invaded by a bunch of cats. It’s been a heck of a ride. But despite the ups and downs, we’re still here, fighting the fight for the little guy, the (wo)man in the street who has had enough of life’s lemons and who needs to fight back by throwing those lemons back at life by letting off steam on FML, spilling the beans and… OK, that’s way too many mixed metaphors. All you need to know is that we’re always here whenever you need to talk to someone about your shitty day, a bit like a trustworthy friend or an old sweater that smells vaguely of dog fur.

In any case, our user base has never ceased to grow, much to our amazement. We never expected that this whole shebang, which was initially created in our garages with sticky tape and badly painted cardboard boxes, would become so popular. We’re overjoyed to have so many of you on board; it’s like having an extended family. A weird, creepy, dysfunctional family, but a family all the same. Every day we garner new members: an odd looking uncle here, a strange cousin there. We’ve even got a randy second-cousin who likes to eat his own toenails, but we’re naming no names.

 

(the original FML book, cat not included in the prize)

 

We’re now rapidly approaching the 3 million members mark, which is so astonishing that our minds are blown. Not literally, that would be disgusting and we would have even more trouble than usual remembering where our keys are. We thought we’d mark the occasion by offering someone the chance to become the actual 3 millionth member; a bit like in the movies when someone wins a prize in a supermarket for buying a tin of cat food at the exact right moment, and pandemonium breaks loose. All that you need to do is create your own user account on FML; even without the added bonus and glory of being the 3 millionth member, the benefits of doing so are numerous, and are listed here. If you become member #3M, our system will single you out, and we will send you a book, as well as our warmest congratulations! 

If you are already a member, tell your friends and family about FML! You could be our ambassador, introducing new people to the FML experience, spreading the word. After all, we're a family united by the ability to laugh at ourselves and the crap that happens to us in our lives, maybe your nearest and dearest would benefit from taking part.

 

3131999

 

As you have probably guessed, the number above is the amount of user accounts currently on FML. Pretty obvious. If you refresh the page, you can watch the membership tally go up, so hurry if want to be the one and only! All you have to do is sign up for an account, so get cracking.

#1416 - About FMyLife - On 11/05/2013 at 10:02am by FMyLife - 165 comments


FML's blog

  • On FML, it's Halloween every day
  • As you know, we never pass up the chance to open up a light beer and plunge into the depths of the FML archive to come up with some sort of theme. Most holidays, national or otherwise, are pretty well represented.…

Friday 31 October 2014

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