FML's Survival Kit #1
Here at FML, we're slaves to consumerism, always looking for the next item to fill the void inside us all. Buying stuff makes us feel good and the haunting inevitability of death seems less daunting. Anyway, here's the stuff that we liked this week!
Our team is really into gadgets, games and weird objects of all sorts. This new column will allow you to find out what sort of things we like, what makes us giggle enough to buy, but will also give you some ideas for gifts, either for yourself or someone special. Check 'em out.
They DO exist, I saw it on TV
"This week, me, my wife and the kids felt like getting all dressed up. I chose the mermaid costume because I've always been fascinated by fish. And I do believe mermaids exist. Just because there's no proof that they don't doesn't mean that they aren't a few here and there. That movie with Daryl Hannah and Tom Hanks wasn't a documentary but I'm pretty sure that something like that did happen."
We don't need no education
"I like great literature, like, loads. I read whenever I can, especially on the can. There haven't been any Twilight books recently and I was searching through my brother's room out of boredom when I came across this book by Bill Bryson. You NEED this book. I learned so many things while reading it that they couldn't fit inside my brain, they all fell out, and now I'm back to reading cereal boxes."
Drinking is fun
"Look at that! It's half a pint glass! You turn it one way and it looks like you're drinking a pint, but in fact, you're drinking a half! How great is that? Plus, you don't need to pee so much, because a pint is way too much for my bladder. Anyway, get this for the alcoholic in your life as a way to tell them to slow down!"
"Meow. For people who have cats, or should I say, are owned by cats, get this fantastically amusing toy for them. It'll keep them busy way better than an Ingmar Bergman DVD or a dead spider. It's so easy to use that even the dumbest cat will understand how to use it (thinking of you, bro)."
Our house, in the middle of our street
"As a girl, I often have the flu. OK, maybe there's no actual scientific link between the two, but I use a lot of tissues. This little house uses tissues to simulate smoke. It's the perfect gift for your favorite masturbator."
Anyway, here's Wonderwall
"My main goal in life is to pick up chicks. Sorry, women. Yes, plural. I read in a lifestyle magazine that women like musicians, so I bought this Ukulele to learn how to play songs that melt hearts and underwear. It hasn't worked so far, but I'm learning how to play some Mariah Carey songs, so I should be A-OK."
Catapult your emotions
"When you feel the need to throw something at someone across the office, don't. It could get you into trouble with HR. Just set up this baby and use it only when the situation absolutely requires it. Like when… No, I'll bide my time."
That's it for this week. See you next week, same place, same time for some new and cool stuff we've seen floating around the internet!