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The Best of the Worst #25

Hi everyone. July just flew by and we didn't have time to cobble together a Best of the Worst, due to various events and vacations here and there, so here's August's edition. It's jam-packed with the same bunch of weird and wonderful loons that write FMLs to us in the vain hope that… well, we don't really know what they expected us to do with this shit. So, let's get on with it.  

For the people who have never seen this section of FML before: we get sent lots of FMLs, each day, all day. We only publish a few due to the fact that a lot are not very good, copies of old FMLs or just plain old crap. Amongst those, we also get sent very weird stories, if you can call them stories. That's what we post in this column. This is a collection of the best of the worst FMLs that people have sent in. Have a look at this month's selection.
 

Ted's brother 

Today, my mom called ken nugent cause she got in a car acciedent . One call that’s all my butt ! Six calls that’s all !?

No offense

Today i was at school and this random kid walks up and says “yo can a nigga barrow a french frie” and my first thought wasn’t that he said the word the N word it was how is a nigga going to barrow a french frie nigga is u going to give it back. (not tryin to affend anyone) FML?


Smell this

Today, when I was going to work a homelis person said can u smell my foot for me and i i said u are a disgusting then he said I need a home so I gave him a tonnes then he sat down and said smell it FML?


Can you hear the drums, Fernando?

Today, I was having sex with my latino when my white boyfriend called to tell me an unknown male called the house looking for me. Apparently he sounded “black”. It was my mother… She is racist. Fml?


Quick

Today, my friend told me what a quickening was. its when your dad ejects his poo into the toilet. and you hold hands together and you smell the fumes while they stick to the roof of your mouth. i asked my dad to do it with me, he said yeah. after, i told my friend and he said i didnt have to do it.

 


Unreal

Today was thorpe worst.i got up a six,when I turned my head there was a stripper in my bed.i told my boyfrienf WTF.he said “I love you!”.i said unreal.he said wanna have sex.i was like whatever so I went for it.the next thing you know he left me for that fucking stripper.?


Don't stop

Today,my mind has become addicted to scratching my balls to the point that there is no skin on half of my scrotum. i’m trying everything I can think of to stop but I cannot stop. FML?

I'm so random!!

Today, I loved my dog like any other day. There’s nothing bad about that. I’m just random.?


Needless to say

Today, I cut the tip of my penis on a tuna can, let’s just say my girlfriend has a tuna fetish needless to say I ended things fml.?


Inception

Today, my dad had a dream to turn the world upside down. I said u can’t. Then said shut the fuck up. I can dream cant I. Then I said m. L. Already dreamt of that dream. He screamed you asshole. U fuckin bitch whore.?


That's it for this month. We'll hopefully be back next month for some more weird FMLs, because there's plenty more in our backlog. You can probably see some yourself live while they are sent in by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird ramblings to try and get them published in here, it won't work. We can spot the phonies. Take care!
 

 

Bonus track: This person thinks that FML is promoting… something foul. Well, maybe we are.
 

You evil bastards

I don’t use FML. Do you want me to just put the word ‘F***’ My Life? Because that’s basically what you’re promoting.?

#1604 - About FMyLife - On 08/10/2016 at 6:04am by Alan - 39 comments

Top comments

  • You just know the one about the stripper in the bed is fake. Nobody ever gets up at fucking six.

    Oh, sorry. I shouldn't promote that word. Let me bleep it.

    Nobody ever gets up at fucking ***

    #4 - On 08/10/2016 at 12:30pm by Baustigt

    See in context

  • These are what you show English majors if you want to mentally scar them for life.

    #2 - On 08/10/2016 at 12:17pm by Welshite

    See in context

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