The Best of the Worst #19
And we're back in October! The clocks have changed for some of us, nights are longer and earlier and our vitamin D levels are dangerously low. What we needed was of shot in the arm of some more weird FMLs, because seasonal affective disorder is due for a comeback any time soon. We've thus trawled through the FML postbag for more strange stuff to give you guys. Here's this month's selection.
For the people who have never seen this column before: we get sent heaps of FMLs, each day, every day. We only publish a few due to the fact that a lot are similar to previous FMLs, or are simply too shitty. But we also get sent really weird stories, if you can call them that, and that's what we post here. This is a collection of the best of the worst FMLs that people have sent in to us. Check this month's selection, booyakasha.
Today,my husbband was walking down the street with his hand completely covered in melted chocolate,licking it licking it like a bafoon.
Love and marriage
so its d worst bday i ever had shudve spent it wid frendz! so my hubby promisd hell take me shopping & hell spend more tym wid me so we went out of town i waited 4 him 2 make a move(or maybe i xpected 2 much) / waited 4 him 2 surprise me. i was so pissed coz he spent 3 days gamblin &i got nuthn
Today, my little brothers goldfish died and just so happens today i also have the nastty bubbly poops, well no one told me it was in the toilet while i let loose. it looked like a proper burial to me.
Today I was caught by mother while masturbating she was curiose so she rubbed the tip with her toes I enjoyed it
Today, as I was walking down the street I saw a man walking towards me with a pram he dropped a bottle so I kindly picked it up, he took this as an opportunity to pull off my strapless dress, exposing my bare ass and boobs he then shoved his baby at my boobs saying snuggle snuggle snuggle FML
Too black, too strong
Today,I got disqualified from a watermelon eating contest because im too black. I live in south Carolina over half the people in my neighborhood are black. FML
Causation or correlation?
Today, osama bin laden was killed, he deserves it but my psn account still doesent work. fml!
A real kick in the teeth
Today I got a dentition from my gym teacher for forgetting my gym gear FML
Today, my parents found out I was gay. How? I forgot to turn the fan on in the bathroom to conceal my singing in the shower. I repeatedly went, “OONTZ OONTZ OONTZ” and said in the gayest tone possible, “Ooo, your penis is marvelous.”
Up in smoke
Today, after a failed suicide attempt, i bought my first pack of cigarettes and smoked it all. FML
That's it for this month. We'll be back in late November for some more bizarre FMLs, because there's plenty more in our drawers. You can probably see some yourself by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. As usual, these all have been collected from the website right from the very beginning, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird ramblings to try and get them published in here, it won't work. Take care!
Bonus track: Another important question.
Who is William?
Today, I cried about William being bald. I am a man who has plenty of hair. FWL