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Calomiel's illustrated FML #2

The Indian summer is on its way out. The nights are getting colder. What are we going to do? I know, let's just sit around and complain! That's what most people do, isn't it? I guess there's still a bunch of places we could go to feel the heat, the stickiness of summer. Standing in the subway during rush hour. Nestling inside Chris Brown's underpants. Let's just all quit our jobs, our colleges and schools, and all move down near the Equator and set up a hippie commune, play bongos and guitars, and live in peace and beards. No one interested? Shame. Let's get to know this week's illustrator.


"Last year, I went on a big wheel at a fair. I got really nervous and had a panic attack once we started going up in the air."

Self-portrait Calomiel by Calomiel

Calomiel has already been on here. Check out the illustrated FML she made for us last time. I'm going to ask her some different questions, and use the old article as a template because I'm lazy.

Her info:
Age: 17
Website : Her blog
Her illustrated FML: The one about the Prince

OK, let's plough on into the void. Instead of crying about the fact that the summer vacation period is ending for quite a few people as we push on into September, let's talk about our vacation, and our pets. Yes, the link is rather tenous but I'm working on a budget out of the back of a van. Calomiel is still in high school (yes, I'm just as annoyed by all this youthfulness as you are, I'm cranky and old), she's probably back in school right now. 

But what did she do during the summer ? "Well, to I think about it, I didn't do much. When the summer holidays are on the horizon, I always think that I'm going to bags of time to do all sorts of things, and then I end up procrastination. I did do a few nice things though! I went down to the south of France (it was hot, it rained, that's great, right? *whistles*)." Sounds like my summer, which was OK, but cut short due to lack of funding. I asked for a raise, but I was laughed out of the office, with the explanation that it's a global economical crisis, and that I should be glad I've got a job, "damn migrant." As you may know, I'm not french but I live here, so if there's a war, I'm a hostage. 

When it comes to summer vacations, people are split into two camps, beach bums and countryside lovers. Which is Calomiel? "I'm becoming bored of the beach, after 10 years of sand glued to my body and really dirty sea water, I've had enough. I've never really been to the countryside, but it looks nice, because I like peace and quiet and I could take photos. I'd rather visit cities on holiday abroad. I don't have the time to lounge around trying to get a tan, there's so many interesting things to see in foreign countries." 

What's your weather forecast for homecoming? "I'm sure there will be downpours, tears shed be all the kids going back to school. Bright spell will appear between 6 and 7 pm in the south of France, where the inhabitants will be much more positive about life than the people in Paris, who all like to complain about everything. So the capital will be covered with dark grey clouds during the first two weeks of September." Oi, u what mate? What's your beef with people in Paris. I've been here for over two years, but I've also lived down south, and people like to complain EVERYWHERE. Especially at my parents' house when I tell them about my money issues. "Try the lottery," yells my mother, drunk on cheap beer. No, no gambling, a fools game. 

A classic question for contributors to FML: got a personal FML, but with a vacation twist? "Let me see... yes! Once, I was exiting a bus while talking to my sister. After a few metres, I turn to look at her, all while talking, and that's when I notice a guy leaving the same bus. My sister was a way back, leaving the bus a leisurely pace, leaving me to babble at a stranger. FML" OK, we'll imaging that it happened near an international bus service, not just the morning number 65 from Thornbury to Bristol. 

Let's move on to the next part of the interview. As the illustration is about a cat, let's talk pets. Do you have one? "Yes, a cat called Filou who turned ten a few months ago! It's amazing to think that he grew up with me… I can still remember his little blue eyes when he was a kitten, and I was at primary school. He's cute, but greedy!" 

What's the worst thing that's happened to you involving an animal? "When I was about 5 years old, I was bitten by a hamster (I guess) with red eyes. I thought he was cute, you know, so I stroked his head with my finger, and the little rodent bit me!" I don't know if rodent is the right word in this context. I would've said "fucker". Is Calomiel more of a dog or a cat person? I'm guessing I know the answer to this one. "I more of a cat person. Yes, they can be very annoying, leaving hairs all over my clothes, but they're so cute. I've never had a dog, so I can't really say which of the two I prefer living with, between a cat and a dog." I wouldn't recommend living between a cat and a dog; the cat will piss off the dog, the dog will try to eat the cat and get mud everywhere.

Don't you think some people overdo it with their pets? Like, putting hats on them, etc. Shouldn't there be a law against that sort of thing? "Rhaaa I'm not sure. It can be cute when pets wear little hats, just for a photo or something like that... but when a pet owner does it everyday, putting trousers and shirts and everything, it can be excessive. It's like forcing a child to dress the way WE want it to be dressed. Cats and dogs are animals, not dolls, they can't voice an opinion. A law might be a step too far. Is there that many people doing this sort of thing? I guess the powers probably would, just to make a quick buck."

What about the people who keep snakes and spiders as pets? "I guess snakes are OK (I'm not afraid of them and besides, I'm fully Slytherin!) On the other hand, I don't really get people who choose to share their home with spiders. I hate all forms of creepy-crawlies, especially the ones that move really fast. So imagine if a spider escaped it's bowl and ends up on your bed. Ew!" I can relate, I have bedbugs and cats in my apartment at the moment, I'm going round the bend. If you have any cures for bedbugs and cats, feel free to send me a PM. I'm guessing I've reached flame-thrower level as of today.

Let's talk serious business now. NIt's the 11th of September. A solemn occasion, a festive one too, because the Ethiopian New Year. Some other things happened on this date I've been told, but I'm not sure what it was all about. There's not much written down on my calendar, so I can't quite put my finger on it. It'll come back to

Now it's time for Calomiel to put on her infomercial outfit. Got anything to sell, or want to promote? "Ehm... my blog. I swear there's a bunch of interesting things to see on it. A lot. A LOT. If you'd rather have a giggle in front of a comic strip, I've also got some of those (erm, you have to be a fan of crap jokes, though). And the Golden Blog Awards are nearly upon us, so I need a maximum amount of people voting for me to reach the limelight! And I promise, you'll get virtual chocolates in return <3" Let me remind you guys that her blog is here, and that it's very good. Check it out, especially if you enjoyed the illustrations on this page, and we can all send Calomiel on holiday. Last time she said that she wanted to "travel, travel and travel. But to be able to travel, you need money. And to obtain money, you have to work. And as I'm a huge procrastinator, I'm not going to be going on a long trip any time soon." So help her blog become popular, even if it's in French and you don't have a clue what some of it's about. So RT, Fav, share, do what you got to do to make this happen! Now! Do it!


That's it for this week, Calomiel. I think I speak for everyone when I say that you're welcome back on FML whenever you want, with another illustration! Until then, let's go off on a short weekend break to have G and Ts under a fancy umbrella in the sun. If we can find the sun. Next week will be different, maybe. Be excellent to each other, and send me free stuff, especially food and booze. Thanks!

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1541 - Illustrated FML - On 09/11/2015 at 1:54am by Alan - 2 comments

Top comments

  • I think beach vacations have been ruined for me--I've lived in Hawaii for a year now (and have two years left). I think I would be happy if I never saw a beach again. Give me cold weather and snow to vacation in!

    #1 - On 09/14/2015 at 4:04pm by MDoremis

    See in context

  • I'd much rather a happy medium close to a lake.

    #2 - On 09/15/2015 at 1:23am by trucker2

    See in context



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