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Pauline's illustrated FML

Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget about their cheap holiday in other people's misery. But let's remember that it's also Friday, which means it's also the weekend for those of us who couldn't go off on vacation for two months, due to financial or logistical reasons. So let's plough straight into the first post-summer illustrated FML with gusto and cheese!

PAULINE'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"What makes it worse is that I love the beach. I'm a total beach bum. If I don't get to see the sea for over a month, I become a bit crazy."

Self-portrait Pauline by POLET'

 


This week, Pauline is with us to help transition back from our vacation into regular life. It's the second time she's been featured on FML, so you can be less kind that the first time, but don't be too mean. 

Her info:
Age: 27 
LocationPort-la-Nouvelle, France
BlogHer blog and her website
Her illustrated FML: The one with the rubbish holiday


OK, I'll admit it, I'm currently a bit on vacation myself at the moment. Pauline had already created an illustrated FML for us all, you can check it out by clicking on this link. It was right in the aftermath of our April Fool's Day prank, you know, the really successful one that everyone loved (well, almost everyone). What, what do you mean you never saw it? Go check out this link here and have a laugh using the generator thing. It's really funny. Anyway, I digress. As I said, Pauline is back with an illustration that clearly represents the perfect vacation FML. But you guys who are reading this right now, how was your vacation? Did you get one this summer? Was it shit? Or was it dreamy. Tell us about it in the comments below, we need to know that someone got it worse than us, but also got it better. We need aspirations and inspiration! My summer was shitty, due to no money left after bad investments in bent skateboards and anti-gravity hoverboots that don't work.

What did Pauline do for the summer? "
I worked, because the brave don't get time off (and there's no vacations for those of us who couldn't afford any, period). Between my job as an illustrator and my summer job, anything related to the sun, the beach and lounging around is put back to another year, or another lifetime, when I'll be filthy rich and able to afford to say "Hey! How about I did nothing for 2 months?"" Hey, sounds like me. 

OK, so if you could've gone on holiday, where would you have gone? Recommend a destination please. "A region? How about mine, it's pretty cool. There's the sea, smooth sand, loads of cheap wine, food dripping with olive oil and if you like castles and medieval festivals, we've got that too as a bonus. Oh and we're 2 hours away from Barcelona. OK, sometimes it can get quite windy. Your hair can get quite horizontal." I can confirm all that, I know the area. Add that wind to the sand, and you get a free face peel. But it's quite a relaxed place, if you ignore the monster trucks and hard drugs. Oh, sorry, that's just my house. 

Last time, Pauline was talking about projects such as "invest herself totally in drawing to hope to release one, or several comic books. I've had a million ideas in my head for over a year. But unfortunately, I need to find the time. I also need to find the time to stop biting my fingernails and have real girl's hands, like ones belonging to girls who get manicures." So, what about this coming September, what's she got lined up? "So, this school year, I'll be working with several publishers on different projects. And to add a bit more excitement in the panties area, I'm leaving France to live abroad for a little while. I'd rather not say where, it's really super secret. You know what fans are like, you have to control your information. I'm already stalked a lot where I currently live… And I don't even know why I'm moving where I'm moving, I don't even like Guinness." Aaaaah, she's moving to Spain! No one pulls the wool over my eyes, sister!

You must have a vacation-related FML, to fit in with the theme? "Hmmm, if I think about it, my FML spreads over the whole of the summer, really. I must remind you that I live 10 minutes away from the beach, but I had to work all season in the shade and in away from the warmth. And my working days ended at 6 pm, so even hurrying myself with my beach towel, the sunlight was leaving the beach as I arrived on the sand. Which means that my skin looks like it belongs on a jellyfish. Which is nice." I live in Paris, so it's pretty much the same thing. And I made the mistake of shaving part of my beard, which meant that my skin has two shades of crap.

Speaking of which, what sort of weather can we expect over the next few days? People are interested in the weather. "I know more or less what the weather is going to be like in my new country… I think the raincoat will suit my oyster skin tone." Right, this article is becoming too dark, rainy and depressing! We need more sunshine! Quick, start the promo machine! 

So, got anything to sell? Now's your chance to promote anything you want! "Yeah! I very often illustrate articles written by my friend Marine Gasc, author of Raconte-moi L'Histoire ('Tell me the Story'). We created a bit of a buzz a few months back with the history of the clitoris. She's a lady with bags of talent and who's full of talent and incredibly funny (and beautiful without makeup as well). Tell me the Story was published in 2 tomes (for now). I'm really hoping that one day Marine Gasc's books will be added to the very closed and stuck-up circle of the school books, I swear schoolkids would fight to be able to get into a history class!" Good, many positive thoughts from all of us, hoping that the dream comes true.

To finish off, besides huge success with Marine, what can we hope for you for the rest of the year? "I'd like to rule the world. With huge breasts. And I'd like to stop waking up with shitty music stuck in my head." Huge breasts are overrated. I already have two of them, I'd like to get rid of them but that would mean stopping McDonald's, and that's not going to happen anytime soon. As for shitty music on your internal jukebox, there's not much I can do because I'm afflicted with the same neurological condition. Sometimes it's good songs, like this one by Felt (for those of you who've never heard of Felt, check 'em out quick sharp), but most of the time it's crap stuff like… No, I won't mention anyone. Pauline, I hope you find a cure, and if you do, contact me.

That's it for this week. Good luck to all of you who are going back to work on Monday. As for the rest of you, enjoy the weekend, get the last rays of sunshine and don't feel down, things could be worse. They probably could be better, but they definitely could be worse. Until next time, be excellent to each other, and check your nuts for lumps. Hugs.

What about you? If you think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML, send us an email to [email protected] but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.

#1538 - Illustrated FML - On 08/28/2015 at 6:19am by Alan - 8 comments

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