The Best of the Worst #17
It's here! Yep, time once more to delve into the darkest corners of the FML postbag and check out the stuff that never would've seen the light of day, had we not had a vicious streak in our brains. It's still going strong, month after month, and it was even mention by President Obama during a speech at… OK, alright. Anyway, let's get down to business. It may be summertime, but that doesn't mean we should dilly-dally and get lazy now. On with the show!
For the people who are new to FML and this column: we get sent tonnes of FMLs every day. We only publish a few because most are tediously mundane, as those of you who help out in the moderation page will all agree. Then there are those that we receive which are from a different planet altogether. This is a collection of some of the best of the worst FMLs that people have sent in to FML. Let's have a closer look.
get this, my girl ni wer just foolin around inbed,got me all worked u,kissing my ear she whisper asked me if she could “lick my lollipop”, i say yes, she then looks down at my “tent” and says not tonight im quite tired lays down n falls asleep.i was so hard but couldnt jackit dueto myarm b broke FML
Today, me and my friend adam went for a walk to fas mart to buy some drinks. As we walked down the side of the road, adam stood five feet infront of me as i spoted a black, yello striped snake. I Jumped back screaming OH SH!T While adam almost stepped on it i screamed SNAKE and he screamed sh!t.FML
Today, in 7-11, I went to the case that held the donuts. I got an erection. FML
Hard times II
today i found out i was a porn star when a guy aproched me and told me how much he loved my work of corse i was confused cause i work for mcdonalds well it turns out my boy freind has been tapeing us doing it for over a year now.fml!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Over the top
OKAY MY BOYFRIN RAPED ME IN THE BUTT WITH A KNIVES SO MY MOM TRIED TO CLEAN IT OUT! SHE PUT IN 3 WHOLE GALLONS OF BLEACH AN IT HURT SO BAYUDDDDD! NOW I AM PICKING OFF THE SCABS AND THERE IS A GREEN SLIME COME OUT!
Deal or no deal?
Today I found out that the boy I liked likes meback so I went up to him and asked to deal he looked at me like if I was crazy. Then I heard my friend who told me that he like me snicker. I turned to her and she said April Fools and we are in May…..
Fear of girls
Today i was looking at some pictures on facebook of these girls , and i notice how they all are wearing tiny little dresses and their asses are fucking hanging out i almost puked , it was freaking discusting ! and then it hits me this is why ALL guys think girls are skanks …ugggh FML
Today,i found out i cant donate plazma cuz they put the machine on high and i passed out and started to have a seizer so they ban me
Take a punt
Today, i had to take a massive dump, it was the size of a football. But my anus was too small. So i spent 4 hours at the hospital. FML
Today, i regained my site and realised for the past 3 weeks i have been hooking up with my dog. FML
That's it for August. We'll be back next month with a some more atrocious grammar and spelling, because there's plenty more in the FML vaults. You can probably see some yourself by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. As usual, these are all collected from the website since its inception, so don't bother trying to send in your own weird FMLs to try and get them published here, it won't work. See you next month !
Bonus track: People cannot write things, or even use their brains to make up a story that seems possible. A lot of what we receive is straight to /r/ThatHappened territory, and we never never publish something that seems way too implausible. But this one, well, it's on the fence. Or is it?
Beware of fakes
Today, I met Mariah Carey. I paid $150.00 to have her sign a photo. After an hour I remembered Mariah Carey is pregnant, and most likely on bed rest. The Mariah I met was not pregnant. I paid $150.00 to have an impersonator to sign a picture. FML