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The Best of the Worst #16

Summer's here and the time is right, for Best of Worsting in the street! Yeah, alright, that doesn't mean much, but I love the Martha and the Vandellas song and so should you. Anyway, the Best of the Worst of FML is back, and it's number 16. You'd think that people would get sick of it by now, but it's become one of the most popular items on FML. Weird. It's like people enjoy taking the piss out of simple folk who can't spell, don't know simple words like "waitressing", let alone form a coherent sentence. Yes, I'm being patronising, but that's the way I roll with my gang. Let's get on with the show.

For the noobs: we get sent thousands of FMLs each and every day, whether it's Christmas Day or a regular Monday. We only publish a few because most are boring, as those of you who help out in the moderation page well know. Most are crap, then there are those which are from a different species altogether. This is a collection of some of the best of the crap FMLs that people have taken the time to write and send in to us. I wonder who they are, why they do this and what drugs they are taking (and can I have some?). Let's have a look.
 

Is there a doctor in the room? 

Today,Rock has drank himself STUPID!! He had a woman, “he just met”, who is in withdrawal from HEROIN, wanting to know if I’d “give her something”. I’m not running a methadone clinic! she’s a HEROIN JUNKIE!! He told me he brought her here because I am “a doctor.”.. Me?? No. FML
 

Turtle

Today, it’s late,I’m in my feelings. he made me look dumb. I don’t even know if he liked me and he told ppl things about me, but what. Moral of the story don’t let a senior talk to you when you’re a freshmen. These fboys??ladies go chase that paper. My love for Franklin? gets stronger? each day
 

Juicy

Today,I fell down the stairs and my mom licked the blood off of my nipples she said it tasted like ur dads juicy pustache (penismustache)
 

Whatcha gonna do?

Today,I got Fuken fired I got let go because I’m a bad boy salesman!!
 

Air freshener

Today, I was asleep in class and my teacher decides to write on my face. What did he draw? A pines. FML
 

Stand by your man

FUCK UGLY ASS CHIMPMUNK LOOKING BITCHES WHO STEAL BOYFRIENDS AND JUST YEAH…
 

I'm in love with my car

Today, when I picked my date up and walked her to my Camaro, she yelled “A Corvette!” When I patiently explained that it was a Camaro, she replied, “A cawhatto?” FML
 

Swiftian wit

Today, in the morning I was listening to the radio looking forward to the day then they announced that her royal sluttyness (Taylor Swift) is coming to Australia, totally killed my day
 

Quack

Today, my doctor informed me that the curvature of my penis was caused by “excessive masturbation during puberty”. Needless to say, he refused to shake my hand on the way out. FML

 

Basket case

I AM TURKOGLU OF THE ORLANDO MAGIC. LEBRON JAMES AKA MVP JUST SHOT A WINNING THREE OVER MY ASS!!!! AND I STILL AM WEARING MY STUPID SMIRK

That's it for July, then. We'll be back next month with a some more weirdness, because there's plenty more from where that came from. You can probably catch some more by using the aforementioned "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. As usual, these are all collected from the website since its launch, so don't bother trying to send in silly FMLs to try and get them published here, it won't work. See you next month !
 

 

Bonus track: People cannot write things, or even use their brains to make up a story that seems possible. A lot of what we receive is straight to /r/ThatHappened territory, and we never never publish something that seems way too implausible. But this one, well, it's on the fence.
 

This happens at FML, too

today my coworke..female..smiled at me and told.me to meet her at starbucks after work..and I farted and said no..she slappes me..and said she loves me

#1531 - About FMyLife - On 07/22/2015 at 5:01am by Alan - 60 comments

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