The Best of the Worst #14
We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble, we're moulding insanity into something pure and beautiful. Something like that. We have to justify taking the piss out of these submissions, one way or another, so art for art's sake it'll be. Anyway, let's get on with it.
For those of you who have no idea what this is all about: we get sent thousands of FMLs per day. We only publish a few, because most are rejected for being rubbish. And that's putting it mildly. But then there's those which are… let's say, a bit odd. This compendium is our way of thanking those brave souls who have put finger to keyboard to send us in their thoughts, aspirations and insanity. If you can work out what all of these submissions mean, well, that's amazing. Check out this month's selection.
The sweet smell of success
Today, I realized that I haven’t left the house for a week because I can’t stop farting for more than five minutes. FML
I was walking down the stairs and a big juicy person squelched my body so good it is juice all over and it was making me so juicy had to extract the juice with a turkey baster soon after they took out turkey baster and they basted my turkey with itnot to sound so incredibly juicing in good
Make it sew
Today,My mom told me I had syphilis so she sewed my vaginas together! FmL
Today, my dad who hates commercials sang the logo of one of them. He said “Ace is the place where the helpful hardware home.” he said “home” at the last second, BUT THATS NOTTTT THE RIGHT LOGO. FHL and FML P.S FHL is fuck his life
Balls to Picasso
Today, today some grabbed my balls and ran I said I paid 2.00 for those I bet u were thinking that it was my real balls
Today, my cousin asked where babies come from. I said they were from oobies. She asked what “oobies” were. I said it was a pink pumpkin. She missed heard me and started screaming out, babies are from BOOBIES! My Aunty looked horrified
No, we didn't
?????????????????????????bet you didn’t know about emoticons
everyone thinks I’m a women, But really, I’m a man and my real name is Herbert.
Today, fml since yours is sooo fucked up drink a beer and get the fucked over it
Today,it’s so hard to go to sleep for me but I want to solo! Bad but I can’t??
That's it for this month. We'll be back in June with a some more of the same, because there's a whole bunch of them in stock. If you enjoyed reading these, you can try and spot some more by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. Oh, and as usual, these are all compiled from the website/app since the start, so don't bother trying to send in "weird" FMLs to try and get published here: we can tell. See you next month!
Bonus track: Sometimes, an FML can also tell a story of a man's triumph over the elements, over nature. Silver linings, and all that.
So do we sometimes
Today, i got hard from reading these….FML