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The Best of the Worst #14

We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble, we're moulding insanity into something pure and beautiful. Something like that. We have to justify taking the piss out of these submissions, one way or another, so art for art's sake it'll be. Anyway, let's get on with it. 

For those of you who have no idea what this is all about: we get sent thousands of FMLs per day. We only publish a few, because most are rejected for being rubbish. And that's putting it mildly. But then there's those which are… let's say, a bit odd. This compendium is our way of thanking those brave souls who have put finger to keyboard to send us in their thoughts, aspirations and insanity. If you can work out what all of these submissions mean, well, that's amazing. Check out this month's selection. 

 

The sweet smell of success

Today, I realized that I haven’t left the house for a week because I can’t stop farting for more than five minutes. FML

Big bird

I was walking down the stairs and a big juicy person squelched my body so good it is juice all over and it was making me so juicy had to extract the juice with a turkey baster soon after they took out turkey baster and they basted my turkey with itnot to sound so incredibly juicing in good
 

Make it sew

Today,My mom told me I had syphilis so she sewed my vaginas together! FmL
 

No logo

Today, my dad who hates commercials sang the logo of one of them. He said “Ace is the place where the helpful hardware home.” he said “home” at the last second, BUT THATS NOTTTT THE RIGHT LOGO. FHL and FML P.S FHL is fuck his life
 

Balls to Picasso

Today, today some grabbed my balls and ran I said I paid 2.00 for those I bet u were thinking that it was my real balls

Boobs

Today, my cousin asked where babies come from. I said they were from oobies. She asked what “oobies” were. I said it was a pink pumpkin. She missed heard me and started screaming out, babies are from BOOBIES! My Aunty looked horrified
 

No, we didn't

?????????????????????????bet you didn’t know about emoticons
 

Herbert

everyone thinks I’m a women, But really, I’m a man and my real name is Herbert.
 

Yoda

Today, fml since yours is sooo fucked up drink a beer and get the fucked over it
 

Solo career

Today,it’s so hard to go to sleep for me but I want to solo! Bad but I can’t??
 

That's it for this month. We'll be back in June with a some more of the same, because there's a whole bunch of them in stock. If you enjoyed reading these, you can try and spot some more by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. Oh, and as usual, these are all compiled from the website/app since the start, so don't bother trying to send in "weird" FMLs to try and get published here: we can tell. See you next month!

 

Bonus track: Sometimes, an FML can also tell a story of a man's triumph over the elements, over nature. Silver linings, and all that.

So do we sometimes

Today, i got hard from reading these….FML

#1519 - About FMyLife - On 05/20/2015 at 10:47am by Alan - 91 comments

Top comments

  • If you've been affected by any of the articles shown here please contact our hotline at:
    [email protected]

    #2 - On 05/20/2015 at 11:54am by notcarwyn

    See in context

  • Can't wait for the day when I get squelched so good

    #6 - On 05/20/2015 at 12:05pm by rinzler806

    See in context

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