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The Best of the Worst #13

Yep, it's back, finally. We couldn't post another instalment of the Best of the Worst too soon after our April Fool's prank, you guys needed some time to recover from the onslaught of bad spelling and general nonsensical FMLs. But now, it's time to check out some more weird and wonderful submissions from the FML postbag. This time, unlike April Fool's, they're not computer generated mistakes and grammatical blunders, this was all written by actual people. If you can call this sort of thing "writing". Anyway, that's enough jibber-jabber; time for the weirdness to be let loose.

For those of you who are new to this: we get sent FMLs every day. Thousands. We only publish a handful, most are rejected for being plain. But then there's the tiny percent which are downright weird. This monthly collection is our way of saluting the people who dare to go to the outer limits of sanity, because we don't really know what they expect to achieve from sending these… things in to FML. Anyway, check out this month's batch. 

 

Modern romance

Today,my off got to drink and was trying to fuk me and she smiled like fish on top of that this shit is sick and going to get mad at me cause she stand like that flm

Get a room

Today, I finally realised why my friend’s fountain pen kept clogging. The ink I use (blue-black colour) contains an otherwise highly corrosive substance that would, in any higher amount, completely destroy the pen. This went on for weeks. Now I’m afraid the rust won’t ever come out. EVER. FML
 

Warren

Today, as I was driving this morning I ran over a squirrel and as I stop to see if it was going to be ok, it got back up and started to attack me, now I have rabbits. FML
 

Prince drives 4 U

Today, while carpooling with a Coworker to our office, he began to rant on about how my underwear are always purple. I block him out until I hit a lady crossing the street, who just so happened to be wearing purple underwear. FML
 

That's out of the window

Today, I found out that the girl of my dreams like blacks guys. And only black doors:( fml

The annoying kids you know

In the hall my friend and i were holding pinkys (thats just what we do we are wierdos) and we do this thing were we yell wooooooooooooooooooo and swing our arms backwards . so our friend victoria joins in and we do it and catherine falls right on her ass loooooooooool fuck her life
 

Misery doesn't love company

Ok, well im a misanthropist and i found out this girl i like loves guys who dont trust anyone, so i tell her that im a misanthropist, not realizing that she was really a blonde and didnt know what it meant but now her gay guy friend cant stop texting me asking if i want to chill or sleep over FML…
 

Taking care of buisineaes

Today, Internet Cable Electricity goes out 2ice n I have 2 buisineaes that I was working so I put my fist through 3 glass windows Fml to hell no one has a worse life than mine
 

Thanks, dartboy

Today, I shoot darts at a dart board to see if I’ll have a good day. I missed all 3 darts and my uncle passed away from lung cancer. FML
 

Anger issues

Im 11 and i read alot of fmls and one day i come across an fml that says blah blah blah blah i hate 5th graders! i say ugg whatever they are an a** licking ball sack mother fu***** co*k b!tch haha punk a** b!tch!!! FML
 

That's it for April. We'll be back in May with a new bunch of weird and wonderful non-stories. If you enjoyed reading these, you can try and spot some more by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. Oh, and as usual, these are all compiled from the website/app since the start, so don't bother trying to send in "weird" FMLs to try and get published here: we can tell. See you next month!

 

Bonus track: Sometimes, an FML can also tell a story of a man's triumph over the elements, over nature. Silver linings, and all that.

Small acorns

Today, I caught a cockroach without using any broom or bygone spray . YES n it’s my 1st time.

#1513 - About FMyLife - On 04/13/2015 at 5:47am by Alan - 100 comments

Top comments

  • I bet the girl from the 5th FML always sees a red door and wants to paint it black

    #1 - On 04/13/2015 at 11:54am by PeppermintPenny

    See in context

  • To be fair, the squirrel guy has a legitimate problem. Woodland creatures always band together, whether it's to knock evil queens over cliff edges or to sing a merry song. What if he's desperately trying to brick up the floor of his basement while an army of rabbits claw their way in from outside?

    "Hey ho, hey ho, a-murdering we'll go
    We'll get inside, you cannot hide
    Hey ho, hey ho hey ho hey ho."

    #2 - On 04/13/2015 at 11:56am by Baustigt

    See in context

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