The Best of the Worst #11
Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due time. As Douglas Adams famously said, 'I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.' Anyway, we've got our life back together, we've straightened ourselves out, we've stopped drinking pure alcohol mixed with maple syrup and we're here. Let's dive straight into the shittiest of the shit submissions bag!
For those of you who've never had the pleasure of reading one of these, the only way to describe these articles is to say that we get sent a buttload of stories every day, very few are usable, many are mediocre. But some are just batshit insane. They seem to have been written by drunk ponys, or people who have reached the end of their tether and are about to crack. And those people who like to type things out using their pee-pees. Anyway, the stories here are those weird and wonderful stories from the very bottom of the submissions pile. And here we go for this month's selection.
Today, I just realized Bill Cosby Is hiding Ebola or Kim Jong Un Banned It Why Bill, FMLL
Today, my parents both announced they are getting sex changes. My mom will soon be my dad, and my dad will now soon be my mom. FMLL
So i was on Skype and my friend kept messaging me and she would to this thing where its like ***** *** is ___________ FML
Today, my daughter got hair dye all over the carpet. I ruin everything and am about to kill myself. FML
And they say romance is dead?
Today I walked in on my mother and father, going at it like bats from hell, on top of my dead grandmothers coffin. FML.
I'm not racist, but…
Today, after many years without a boyfriend, I desperately placed a Craigslist ad. The only replies were from black men. I’m not racist, but the thought of having a black baby is gross. FML
Norman Bates, is that you?
The woman I perceive as a psuedo-mother has a noticably growing crush on me. FML.
It's not you, it's me
The other day, I was walking around the hallway at school telling people they need Jesus. I told my one of teachers that he neede Jesus he said I dont need Jesus, Jesus needs me. He had shut down my testimony. FML
It's always the hamster
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. I could not focus because my hamster, Harry, just died. When I finally came I screamed out my hamster’s name. Unfortunately Harry is also the name of my boyfriend’s best friend. Now he thinks that I’m cheating on him. FML
That's it for this month. We'll be back in a month or so with some more of the same. If you enjoyed reading these, you can see more by using the "Moderate the FMLs" feature on our website/app. Oh, and as usual, these are all compiled from the website/app since the very beginning, so to all of you who've tried sending in odd FMLs to try and get published here: don't even begin to try, we're not idiots. Until next time, be excellent to each other and call your moms.
Bonus not-really-hidden, tracks. Yes, two for the price of one. We're guessing these were sent in by the same individual, because the style shows so many similarities throughout its moving and gritty mood swings. Check dem feels.
A day in the life, part 1
FUCK LIFE JUST FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WORD AND EVERY FUCKING TECHNOLOGY BULLSHIT
A day in the life, part 2
FML FKING GOT CHEATED I HATE GIRLS I HATE LIFE WHY DO SOME PEOPLE HAVE IT ALL. FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK