The Best of the Worst #7
Oh yes, you've read right! It's back! I know, it's been too long now. You wouldn't believe the amount of e-mails, PMs, Tweets, Facebook messages and drunk strangers coming up to me in the street, all wanting to know when the next "Best of the Worst FMLs" was coming out. Well, it's here now, wahey! We've sifted through past submissions to find only the best of the weird stuff, all so you can feel just a little bit better about yourself. How? Well, you can just imagine actually being one of the people writing one of these things. What must it be like inside their heads? I don't really want to think about it. Anyway, here we go.
If you've never seen one of these articles, the idea is that we receive a lot of submissions every day, and in amongst the usual stuff, we can sometimes come across some very strange stuff. Badly written, poorly thought out, low-IQ drivel that beggars belief and makes you fear for the author's sanity. Anyway, I'll stop blathering on now, and let you check them out for yourself. Strap on your crash helmet.
Sk8 or die
Today I was figure skating with my skating partner and we fell. She skated over my dick and cut it off. FML
Today i was watching my new fish and they started humping each other. Now i have 2 sexualy in love fish.FML
Kelis be true
Today, I had a milkshake. It did not bring all the boys to the yard. FML
Man's best friend
Today i woke to my dog fucking me in the ass and now im sprouting 6 nipples by the hour.FML
OMFG these girls commeted pictures of me on myspace so i did the same then they got mad at me told all there friends now the whole motessori lower grade HATES ME!!!!!!!!!!!! Now all my so called friends have turned on me and everyone wants to jump me!!!!!!!!! FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today, I sneezed.. It smelt like dog urine… FML
today, I thought that if I dyed my pubic hair purple I could get the clown at the local circus to have sex with me:), well when I suceededly got him in my room so we could have sex, once he saw that my pubic hair was purple he refused and said he only likes girls with orange colored pubic hair, FML
Hit the gym
today, i was pumping iron in the gym and this bro took my protein powder, and put it down my shorts. obviously, i started a fight. but then this hot girl walked by and i got a rock hard boner, and the guy chopped it off. the protein powder went into the wound, and grew a new penis. YAY MY LIFFFFEEEE
Today, my friend whose name coincidentally starts with a C said “fuck” to my friend whose name starts with a K. FML. And i pee’d in the pool. FML. And i sneezed in my dogs ear and gave him herpes. FML. And when i slid down the firepole i got rugburn. Actualy firepole burn. FML
Today I was having sex with a turkey and I ripped its chode. My parents got a divorce. I have cancer. FML
That's it for this month. We'll be back next month, same time, same place, same oddball people. We hope you'll be back because you enjoyed reading these, we certainly enjoyed looking out for them. FYI: these are all compiled from the website started out, so to all of you who've tried sending in weird FMLs to try and get on this page: Don't. Until next time, be excellent to each other and have a glass of water now and then.
Bonus not-really-hidden, track:
Get down from there
Today I figured out my dead dog is on the refrigerator more than I am. FML