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The Best of the Worst #5

It's time! It's the beginning of the month, which means it's about time we had a look at the darkest recesses of the FML submissions page once more. This is installment number 5. Yep, we've had so many batshit submissions that we could probably keep this blog page going for another... Well, let's just say it could on for a very long time. Without further ado, let's meet this week's selection.

As we've said before, anyone can submit an FML anonymously. You can enter anything, tell your story, and no one can trace it back to you. Whatever embarrassing story has happened to you, you can get it off your chest without fear of reprisals or direct contact with laughter. Unfortunately, some people will do anything to get posted on FML, and will either make stuff up, bash the keyboard with their schlongs or just ramble incoherently about whatever is going through their heads. Here's another selection of what seems to be all three. We hope you enjoy them.

 

Ceremony

Today i was told i can give off any more spem from a incodent that happenabout a week ago for a joke my very drunk friends attached a car battery to my balls while i was passed out i woke up screaming and i went to the hospital i can’t have babies for a ver long while maybe never. FML

 

Thieves like us

Today, I stared at the clouds and they didn’t form anything. Maybe because It was just a picture.

 

Blue Monday

Today, I ate Vaseline. FML

 

Age of consent

Today, while I was in my cubical working on my Computer, THE SUPER SEXY GIRL from the accounts department came to get something. She bend over to pick up the file she dropped and farts right on my face and leaves without even a sorry. Now my face smells of her Fart, I Think! FML

 

Leave me alone

So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the vioce is “wut r u doing wit my daughter?” U tell ur girl n she say “my dad is ded”. THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

 

Bizarre love triangle

Today, I found what appeared to be cobwebs in my vagina. FML

 

Everything's gone green

One day I was in church. I thought blowing gas in church would offend god. So I waited until later and visited the conffesion booth and blew my cheeck apart in the lords face and made him pass out.

 

Confusion

Today, i went to the zoo by MYSELF. Im 28. FML.

 

Mesh

Today I discovered that my mom has 4 inch pubes. FML

 

Mr Disco

Today , we had a school field trip . I was having a great day and it was pretty fun . Finally , we came to a building with mirrors as the flooring . Im penecostal . FML

 

That's it for this month. Next month we'll be back with some more insanity and desperation. We hope you enjoyed reading them as much we liked trawling through the back catalogue looking for them. Don't try sending in your own, these are all compiled from the beginning of the website, so to all you clever people who've tried sending in stuff aimed at this page: Don't bother ! Until next time, be excellent to each other and eat your greens.

 

 

Bonus not-really-hidden, probably made-up track:

 

The perfect kiss

I was taking a hike through the woods wen i was attacked by a homosexual bear named Carlos from Mexico. He raped me for 3 hours and then made me suckk his c0ck. Then i got shot by DIck CHeney in THE FACE. He said i look like a DEAR??? WTF! UGh! FML!!!!!

#1449 - About FMyLife - On 05/05/2014 at 2:03am by Alan - 95 comments

Top comments

Carlos the Bear is actually well known. He's become something of a local celebrity from what I've heard.

Also, I always get Dears confused with deer. Maybe that's why my lovers always disappear whenever it comes time to restock the freezer.

#1 - On 05/05/2014 at 2:51pm by Welshite

See in context

"THEN WHO WAS PHONE?" That made me laugh so hard it hurts!

#12 - On 05/05/2014 at 3:11pm by Dt33345

See in context

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