"If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but this week's illustration is quite good. However, this week's artist is a bit of a loose cannon, temper-wise. Everything's going to be fine, don't worry, I'm just warning you. Put on a helmet or something.
BÉNÉDICTE'S ILLUSTRATED FML
"Anyway, when I've got some spare time, I go out to party, I drink way too much alcohol, I smoke joints and I piss off the people I meet."
Self-portrait Bénédicte by Bloutouf
I have to admit something. I know this week's artist personally. Don't accuse me of nepotism, she really does have talent. As a human being, she's awful, a real pain in the ass. To put up with her for more than a few hours I have to take medication, so to get through this article I'll focus on her drawing talent. Because she does have talent. To convince yourselves, check out her blog, the illustrated FML she made, or for those of you who want to keep in touch regularly, she has a Facebook page (in French). She's also done an illustrated FML before.
Her name is Bénédicte, her nickname is Bloutouf. She's from Lyon, but lives by the ocean in the south west of France. I won't say the name of the town, because she says I'm rude and "did I ask you if you sleep with your socks on?" See what I mean about her temper and stuff? What does she get up to? "Shit, mostly. If I have time during the day, I'll draw or do graphic-design for the shithead ecologists (of which I'm a part, I only drink organic rum) and I draw for kids, which I love." Bénédicte also works to making the planet a better place: "I first started working for a green association called Mountain Riders and its partners. That's how I got a reputation in the field, and then got to work with bigger associations like the Nicolas Hulot foundation and Corabio." She takes care of Mother Earth, which is honorable. I don't care, myself. I don't intend on having kids or leaving any trace behind on the planet, but Bénédicte has kids, which leads to an interesting anecdote when I ask her about what her current news is: "At the moment I'm working on a comic book. I got the idea the time my son took a dump in a fishing net. I thought that with all the stupid things he does, I'd have enough material to fill a book. So that's in the pipeline. I need time to finish it, and then I need a publisher." So, if there's a publisher out there...
She's an excellent cook, she makes excellent cookies. She recommends that we all make our own and, "STOP BUYING ABSOLUTE SHIT FROM THE SUPERMARKETS." Yes, she's anti-bad food and she's a bit tetchy. Can't say I didn't warn you. It is interesting to see that illustrators can work in areas that suit their political agendas, if that makes any sense.
Her passions are very much lady-like (her words), she goes for shoes, clothes, bags and "huge brightly colored things to attach to my hair". She says she loves bars. At any time of the day. "In the morning, 12 cups of coffee with my friends after having dropped my kids off at school, feeling real freedom! At the end of the afternoon for a quick drink in the last of the sun's rays. And especially at night because you get to meet weird, stupid or great people." By the way, her and I met in a bar one evening. I wonder which category she put me into... Speaking of which, her inspiration can come at any moment: "Usually, I have a small notebook on me to write down whatever thought pops into my head. I quickly realized that it was indispensable because the lifespan of an idea was pretty short. It's quickly replaced by another one. Surprisingly, I noticed that it was during drinks with friends that my ideas would come thick and fast... I wonder why." Yeah yeah, we all know why. Oiler.
Bénédicte has her own FML story to tell: "It was about 10 years ago, I was in Ghana for work and I found myself invited for dinner at the French ambassador's place. I wasn't really comfortable being around all those rich people who did nothing but talk about business and money. I was at the dinner table next to an older gentleman, who was quite kind. We started joking around, and, feeling at ease, I talked about the interior design. Mentioning a sculpture hanging on the ceiling, I said, "That for example, it's typical of people who've got too much money. Under the pretense that things cost a lot, they think they're buying something beautiful. But let's be honest, it's just a huge ugly piece of wood that a so-called artist has hung to the ceiling!" The man next to me burst out laughing, asked me my name, and then introduced himself: "Pleased to meet you, I'm the ambassador's brother." Like a slap in the face! His wife craned over his shoulder and said, "You're right though, it is ugly."
A story doesn't surprise me at all. How many times has told me off for going to McDonald's when she drinks beer by the gallon. But I have to admit that she does have talent. I would never ask her to teach me to draw, because she'd probably hit me in the head for not obeying her orders or something. I'd like to thank her for taking part this week, so don't forget to check out her illustrated FML. Next week we'll be welcoming... you'll see. Until then, listen to this song, look at this picture, and try to get along with people. Everything will be OK.
What about you? Think you've got talent and want to contribute to the illustrated FML? Send us an email to email@example.com but only send us your blog's address and a few samples of your work. No need to create an illustrated FML straight away.