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The Best of the Worst #4

Hey, it's back! Remember last time we were here? We checked out a few crazy stories from the "never posting that on FML" collection. Well, we're going to do that again, because it's been a huge success all round. It was even mentioned on TV by none other than... no, no one has mentioned it on TV. But it might be one day. So if there's any top TV people reading this, feel free to mention that you really enjoyed FML's... 

Evaluating which FMLs to post is like science: you have to wear a lab coat and plastic glasses. That's about it. That's what we wear, and nothing else. We sift through the stories to find the interesting ones, and sometimes we find some, and sometimes we do. But not in the let's-publish-that-on-FML sense. It's more in a what-is-this-person-taking sense. So we take these other stories and put them to one side, to ripen like a good cheese. And then we put them together for an article, like this one. And here you have a collection of weird and wonderful submissions from way back since FML started. Enjoy the taste of the fungus.

 

Wilderness

Today, I realized that there actually is not a U.S.S. Enterprise and that Mr. Spock isn’t actually my friend. FML

 

She's lost control

Today, I realized that it is more likely for my mom to shit on the couch than it is for my dog. FML

 

Isolation

Today, I realized today that I have a fetish for women’s armpits. I find myself fantisizing about licking them. Don’t like hairy armpits just the clean shaven ones. What do you girls think?

 

Something must break

the paster of my chuch his duter saw my dag of weed and tall the paster FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Love will tear us apart

Last Saturday me and my bestfriend maddie went to a Metro Station!!! I totally and completly LOVE TRACE he is soooo hot and I wot to marry him but anyways we got there and guess what my effin camera died so I got no pics of my future husband and we had amazing seats to it was like third row FML

 

Day of the lords

Today, as I was walking home some guy started talking to me I thought I was actually gonna get raped. But then he starts telling me about God, I got scared and listened for a while and finally told him I had to go. He gave me his number. I stood there while he talked about God for 15 mins. FML

 

A means to an end

Today, I masturbated to the thought of the naked statue in the hall. FML

 

Transmission

Today, my boyfriend called me “Flubber”. Then he told me that my vagina feels like a toothbrush. FML

 

Disorder

4 Weeks ago i was at the Doctor because i felt pain in my Dick. That Doctor says, its a rare form of Cancer, either we have to operate away your penis, or you will die in few days. So i got my dick operated away. short after I get a letter saying that i didn’t have cancer and it was a Error… FML!!

 

Atmosphere

Today, I was at the cinema. This couple behind me started making out and I felt really uncomfortable. I tried to ignore them but suddenly he whipped out his penis which smacked the back of my head. FML

 

That's it for now. We hope you enjoyed reading them as much as we did compiling them. Although some of the writing made our brains melt a bit. Next month we'll be back with some more FMLs created in confused minds all around the world. Until next time, be excellent to each other.

 

 

Bonus not-really-hidden track:

 

Incubation

Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop calling me ‘demon child’ because he thinks I’m anorexic. His reasoning? ‘Eating is natural and Jesus is natural, therefore by not eating you are the opposite of Jesus, demon child’. FML

#1444 - About FMyLife - On 04/07/2014 at 5:00am by Alan - 114 comments

Top comments

That one where everything was spelled wrong really made my brain hurt...

#4 - On 04/07/2014 at 1:29pm by LPac5295

See in context

How does one's vagina feel like a toothbrush? I must know.

#2 - On 04/07/2014 at 12:09pm by name_loading

See in context

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