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The Best of the Worst #3

Here we go again, time to delve back into the darkest recesses of the FML mailbag. Well, obviously it's not a real mailbag, don't be so literal, you out there. So, to recap: we receive thousands of FMLs every day, and a lot of them are quite odd. This is the third installment in our best of the worst submissions. We call it...

As we’ve already said at the time, looking for FMLs to put on the website is damn hard work. Harder than digging some roadworks. OK, maybe not. We're sat in comfy chairs, eating sandwiches and listening to terrible music. But sometimes our brains are blown right open (again, not literally, that would be awful) due to having set eyes on an FML that seems to have been written by someone having a huge mental breakdown. I could try saying "no offense to anyone having a huge mental breakdown right now", but people who start sentences with "no offense" usually are being offensive. Anyway, here's another selection of weird FMLs. Without further ado, here we go!

 

What she said

Today, my sister kept trying to convince me that the sun is a star. She is 18. FML

 

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

today my friend michael e went into my bathroom to take a shit. after about 4 hours in there he came out and told me he ripped his anus while taking his shit. he also said when he flushed my toilet exploded. my precious toilet!!!.FML

 

These things take time

Today, I realised that I don’t actually understand Pirates of the Caribbean. I’m 18. FML

 

Accept yourself

Yesterday me and my friend went to go see some EMO KIDS! With the dark hair and makeup like scary!!!! But anyway as we went there the two emo boys snuk up behind us and sprayed us with a water gun!!! But there wasnt water in there! We asked what is in it!! They said JIZZZ AKA LOOOOVVVEEE juice!FML

 

Unhappy birthday

Today, I was planning on getting new golf clubs and my dad really doesn’t care and thinks that people can decide for me what I NEED> Well hello, people really can determine what MY swing and MY feel is for the golf ball… Thanks alot dad for making me cry on my Birthday and making jokes about it

 

What difference does it make?

I barely had left my driveway on my bike when my stupid bike’s chain fell off and I fell of my bike! I was feeling real cool before cause I was wearing my 80s style shades and beanie; so I had to play it cool.

 

Handsome devil

Today tons of posters with fidel castro on them were distributed around the school. I was then told by 7 different people I look like him. I’m a girl!:( fml

 

Is it really so strange?

i am muslim, i can’t eat pork, and my parents are super-strict. they found a pepperoni pizza receipt in my jeans, cut off my penis, made it into little slices, put it on a slice of pizza, and asked me if i still liked pepperoni. i never ate pepperoni, the receipt was my friend’s. fml

 

Nowhere fast

Today, I was standing with two of my friends outside waiting for the bus. It was windy. FML

 

How soon is now?

My fucking parents { that don’t let me cuss } said that i have to wait another hour to eat! and i NEVER get to eat breakfast in the morning! and my class we don’t eat with people y age, no we have to eat with older students and i have not eaten anything in like 6 hours and 30minuites! FML!

 

That's your lot. We hope you enjoyed that. We did. Next month we'll be back with some more wonderful FMLs from the darkest corners of our submissions page. And don't bother sending in your own made-up ones, these date back from the website's creation! We've got tons of these things stocked away. So, until next time, be excellent to each other.

 

 

Bonus not-really-hidden track:

 

Girl afraid

Today, my friend gave me the mental image of Hugh Jackman yanking a 14-pound baby out of his ass. FML

#1436 - About FMyLife - On 02/24/2014 at 11:17am by Alan - 109 comments

Top comments

The one who hasn't eaten anything for six and a half hours should have some pepperoni pizza.

#3 - On 02/25/2014 at 11:50am by Nyx

See in context

Dat last one though, the mental image alone...Why?

I need brain bleach. Stat.

#1 - On 02/25/2014 at 10:24am by SweetheartSusie

See in context

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